u/Zestyclose-Whole-396

50f in Southern California

50f in Southern California

[supprimé]

I believe I’ve been subjected to telepathic unwanted intrusions at night and day for many years. I do not know to stop it.

Ever since I can remember, I've always felt like the person chosen last—or not chosen at all.

Throughout school, I was often excluded, bullied, or betrayed by people I considered friends. Every time a new chapter began, I convinced myself things would be different.

Elementary school will be better.

High school will be different.

College will be where I finally belong.

But somehow, the story always seemed to repeat itself.

The year would start out fine. I'd do my best to blend in, adapt to other people's personalities, and make myself someone they would want around. I would put in extra effort to comfort others, support them, and show up whenever they needed someone.

Yet somehow, I always ended up being the one left out.

No matter how much I gave to the people I cared about, I rarely felt that same effort returned. Looking back, I'm beginning to understand the difference between genuinely caring for someone and caring for someone because you're afraid of being excluded.

After graduating college, I made a promise to myself: stop giving so much of yourself away.

Then came my first job.

I broke that promise almost immediately.

I thought my judgment of people had improved. I thought I had learned from my experiences. But before long, I found myself pouring my energy into relationships that barely seemed to notice. I gave so much of myself to others that I had very little left for myself.

Now, in my second job, I find myself facing the same pattern.

I'm more reserved than I used to be, but I still share more of myself than I probably should. And today, as I sit alone at my desk typing this, the rest of my colleagues are gathered together in the conference room.

No invitation.

Just like there was no invitation to the lunches, restaurant trips, and conversations that seem to happen without me.

Maybe that's why this hurts more than it should.

Because it doesn't feel like one moment.

It feels like every moment.

Every lunch table I wasn't invited to.

Every friendship circle I never quite fit into.

Every time I convinced myself that this group would be different.

After a while, you start asking difficult questions.

Is it me?

If the same thing keeps happening throughout your life, isn't it natural to wonder if you're the common denominator?

For years, I blamed other people. I blamed the bullies, the backstabbers, the cliques, and the people who made me feel invisible.

But lately, I've started wondering if perhaps I've been wrong.

Maybe the problem has been me all along.

I don't have an answer to that question.

What I do know is that feeling left out for long enough can make you question your worth. It can make you wonder whether you're too much, not enough, or somehow different in ways that everyone else can see but you can't.

Maybe someone reading this has felt the same way.

Maybe you've sat in a room full of people and still felt alone.

Maybe you've watched friendships happen around you while wondering what everyone else seems to understand about belonging.

And maybe you're asking yourself the same question I am.

Is it me?

I don't know the answer yet.

But if you've ever felt like the odd one out, at least know this:

You're not the only one asking.

I do personal readings based on energy work. I’m able to feel your “vibe”.

If you want a reading, just send me one sentence of whatever it is you’re questioning or thinking about, and I will respond.

This is just designed to prompt your thinking and imagination.

Note: it is free there will be no charge.