u/flippincoolm8

Hi all!

My boyfriend is a hotshot and I am starting christmas shopping...

Would a leatherman be a good gift?

If yes, what model would be most useful? I was thinking the Wave Alpha but would like input from people who actually live the life and would have a better idea.

Edit: I was also considering the Signal. Any reason that would be a bad choice?

I (28F) know this is going to sound dramatic because the relationship only lasted about five months, but it was one of those relationships where you meet someone and just know. I know nobody can actually predict the future, but this was the first relationship where I genuinely believed I had found someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

It's been three days since we broke up, and I can't stop crying. I've cried at work multiple times, in public, in my car, at home... pretty much everywhere. I hadn't been in a serious relationship in five years because I tend to keep my walls up. I finally let someone in, told him (28M) I loved him (although he wasn't ready to say it back, he said he felt all the same things and just wasn't ready to use the word yet), and now I feel like my heart got ripped out.

The breakup wasn't because we were constantly fighting, cheating, or because one of us stopped caring.

He actually told me he still likes me.

He told me he wishes things could continue.

He told me he wouldn't trade our relationship for anything.

He said he's "mostly doing this to protect himself."

That's honestly what makes this so hard.

The reason he ended things is because he's trying to change careers, and that career path might eventually require him to relocate.

Early on, he told me that if he got a certain job, he'd probably have to move. I had always been pretty firm that I didn't want to relocate because I have family here and a life I've built here. Looking back, I realize I misunderstood the situation.

What I didn't fully understand until after the breakup was that the move wasn't nearly as certain as I had made it in my head. It depended on a long chain of "ifs." If he got the specific job. If there wasn't a local opening. If he completed his probationary period and a position eventually opened closer to home. If all of those things happened, he never wrote off moving back, even though he doesn't love the area we live in. He thinks he had made that clear, but it came off to me as, "If I get this job, there is no shot of me ever coming back."

For whatever reason, I had mentally skipped all of those "ifs" and treated it like moving away permanently was inevitable, and he thought I was on the same page as him the entire time, but I wasn't.

We had discussed not being interested in long distance, but I was under the impression he meant forever/long-term. He apparently meant short-term, too, so he thought I was vehemently against any long distance. During our breakup, he would make it seem like he was open to short-term long distance and then double down, saying he could never do that.

By the time I finally understood that, I had also realized something else: my priority wasn't actually staying in one place. My priority was building a life with the person I loved. If those hypothetical situations ever became real years from now, then we could have faced them together instead of ending a relationship over possibilities that might never happen. Granted, moving for a relationship is at the bottom of my list of priorities, but I wouldn't entirely write it off if it made sense years from now, with a solid relationship.

Unfortunately, I reached that realization after he'd already decided to end things.

I tried explaining that I'd misunderstood the situation and that my perspective had changed, but he also said he'd realized we'd been sweeping other differences under the rug. When I asked what those differences were, he never really elaborated beyond saying he didn't think staying together was what was best for either of us. The conversation honestly felt confusing and kept bouncing around, giving the impression of hope one minute and then shutting it right down the next, like he was fighting internally with himself.

What makes it confusing is that throughout the breakup, he kept saying things like:

"It's not like I don't like you anymore."
"I'm mostly doing this to protect myself."
"I wish this could continue."

He even swore he has zero intention of dating anyone until he has a different job because otherwise he'd just end up in the exact same situation again.

So it doesn't feel like I lost someone who stopped loving or caring about me. It feels like I lost someone who decided the safest choice was to walk away before life forced harder decisions later.

Maybe he's right.

Maybe he's wrong.

I honestly don't know anymore.

By the end of our conversation, I told him I had to stop reaching out because I'd never heal otherwise. I also told him that if six months, a year, or even longer from now he ever felt called to reach back out, the door wasn't locked forever. I wasn't promising I'd still be available or willing to try again, but I wanted him to know that if life ended up looking different than either of us expected, he could try.

Now I'm trying to actually let go.

The problem is... I don't know how.

I keep crying at work. I've cried in grocery stores, in my car, and in public. Love songs make me physically nauseous. I feel embarrassed that I opened myself up after spending five years protecting myself from exactly this.

Has anyone else gone through a breakup where neither person really wanted to stop loving each other, but one person still believed ending it was the right decision? Did they ever come back? More importantly, how did you survive the uncertainty of not knowing whether you just lost the right person at the wrong time?

Best sushi spots in town? Bonus points if they have deep fried gyoza

I'm having a hard time finding anything that beats Big Tuna in Chico, but I don't always want to drive that far

Hi all!

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a little over 4 months. We've been exclusive since our first date and officially boyfriend/girlfriend for about a month and a half.

He's always been a bit more emotionally reserved than I am, but he's consistently shown interest and investment in the relationship. We spend time together multiple times a week, work through conflict well, he's affectionate, and he's made it clear he sees this as a long-term relationship.

I realized a while ago that I love him. Instead of saying it in person, I wrote him a short handwritten letter because I didn't want him to feel put on the spot. The letter basically said that I loved him, that I didn't expect him to say it back, and that there wasn't a timeline attached to it—I just wanted him to know. I even included a joking checkbox section ("I love you too," "HELL YEAH BROTHER I LOVE YOU," etc.) to keep it light.

He texted me before we were supposed to see each other that day because he didn't want me to spend the whole day wondering how he felt.

He told me he really likes me a lot, but that he's very reluctant to use the word "love." He said he generally doesn't say it until around the one-year mark because he thinks it's an overused phrase and wants it to have a lot of meaning. He also clarified that the one-year thing isn't a hard rule, just generally how he approaches relationships.

One thing that confused me was that when I asked him what love actually means to him, he said he thinks it's essentially the same definition that I gave. For me, love is when someone naturally becomes part of your future, you care about their happiness as much as your own, and you continue choosing them over and over. He agreed with that definition but said he thinks people should spend the first year expressing those individual things directly rather than using "I love you" as a shortcut that represents all of them.

He also said that he thinks he can feel all of those things without using the term "love" yet. I interpreted that to mean that he believes our underlying feelings may be similar, but that he doesn't think the word "love" is appropriate yet.

The thing that upset me wasn't that he didn't say it back—I knew there was a decent chance he wouldn't. What hurt was hearing the one-year timeline because my brain immediately interpreted it as, "We're nowhere near the same place emotionally," and I started wondering if I had completely misread the relationship.

After thinking about it more, I realized we may just have fundamentally different philosophies.

For me, saying "I love you" acknowledges the larger concept first, and then all of the little actions underneath it reinforce that meaning.

For him, it seems like the little actions come first, and only after they've accumulated enough history does the larger label feel appropriate.

I eventually told him that I realized our disagreement might be more about language than feelings, and he seemed to agree.

So my question is:

Has anyone else been in a relationship where you and your partner had fundamentally different philosophies about saying "I love you"? If so, did it end up being just a difference in how you used the words, or did it reflect a genuine difference in feelings?

Hi all!

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a little over 4 months. We've been exclusive since our first date and officially boyfriend/girlfriend for about a month and a half.

He's always been a bit more emotionally reserved than I am, but he's consistently shown interest and investment in the relationship. We spend time together multiple times a week, work through conflict well, he's affectionate, and he's made it clear he sees this as a long-term relationship.

I realized a while ago that I love him. Instead of saying it in person, I wrote him a short handwritten letter because I didn't want him to feel put on the spot. The letter basically said that I loved him, that I didn't expect him to say it back, and that there wasn't a timeline attached to it—I just wanted him to know. I even included a joking checkbox section ("I love you too," "HELL YEAH BROTHER I LOVE YOU," etc.) to keep it light.

He texted me before we were supposed to see each other that day because he didn't want me to spend the whole day wondering how he felt.

He told me he really likes me a lot, but that he's very reluctant to use the word "love." He said he generally doesn't say it until around the one-year mark because he thinks it's an overused phrase and wants it to have a lot of meaning. He also clarified that the one-year thing isn't a hard rule, just generally how he approaches relationships.

One thing that confused me was that when I asked him what love actually means to him, he said he thinks it's essentially the same definition that I gave. For me, love is when someone naturally becomes part of your future, you care about their happiness as much as your own, and you continue choosing them over and over. He agreed with that definition but said he thinks people should spend the first year expressing those individual things directly rather than using "I love you" as a shortcut that represents all of them.

He also said that he thinks he can feel all of those things without using the term "love" yet. I interpreted that to mean that he believes our underlying feelings may be similar, but that he doesn't think the word "love" is appropriate yet.

The thing that upset me wasn't that he didn't say it back—I knew there was a decent chance he wouldn't. What hurt was hearing the one-year timeline because my brain immediately interpreted it as, "We're nowhere near the same place emotionally," and I started wondering if I had completely misread the relationship.

After thinking about it more, I realized we may just have fundamentally different philosophies.

For me, saying "I love you" acknowledges the larger concept first, and then all of the little actions underneath it reinforce that meaning.

For him, it seems like the little actions come first, and only after they've accumulated enough history does the larger label feel appropriate.

I eventually told him that I realized our disagreement might be more about language than feelings, and he seemed to agree.

So my question is:

Has anyone else been in a relationship where you and your partner had fundamentally different philosophies about saying "I love you"? If so, did it end up being just a difference in how you used the words, or did it reflect a genuine difference in feelings?

EDIT: I am not asking how I should say I love you. I want to know how you told your partner that you love them. TYIA

For context, I haven't said "I love you" to a partner in 6 years so I feel like I am in uncharted territory. Pretty much this entire relationship has been me navigating a whole new world because I was intentionally single for about 5 years straight.

My bf is super shy -- had I not asked him to be official, I think we would have gone over a year without a label. We haven't been dating long (we met 4 months ago), so I am a little afraid it is too soon to say I love you. But I do love him and I want him to know (maybe that's a mistake? I don't want to scare him off lol).

But to tell him, I need to hype myself up and I think the only way I will be able to do that is if I hear other people's stories.

How did you tell your partner you loved them for the first time and how did it go? (And how long into dating did you do it?)

Hi all!

I (28F) am in a new relationship, and while I'm not looking for advice, I love hearing other people's love stories.

When did you know your partner was the one? Tell me your love story!

hi all!
i am a die hard baggu girl (mostly because all of my leather bags are too small for daily use).
i am obsessed with the free people emerson baby tote but the dye transfer is making me hesitant to purchase as i only carry black leather bags.
anyone know of something of a similar size/silhouette that doesn’t have dye transfer problems?
tyia!

hi all!
i am a die hard baggu girl (mostly because all of my leather bags are too small for daily use).
i am obsessed with the free people emerson baby tote but the dye transfer is making me hesitant to purchase as i only carry black leather bags.
anyone know of something of a similar size/silhouette that doesn’t have dye transfer problems?
tyia!

Not sure if this is the best sub for this question so please advise if you know of a better one!

My neighbors take in stray cats -- get them fixed, feed them, give them shelter. Unfortunately, that means these cats hang out in my garden and often use the bark mulch as a litterbox.

I had motion activated sprinklers for awhile but they were over saturating the garden (LOTS of cats). The ultrasonic light things didn't work either. What are other options that work?

I plan to try coffee grounds, lemon rinds and a citronella plant. I am open to all tips and tricks.

Hi!

EDIT FOR CLARITY: I have all of the basics - pfd, decent paddles, etc. I am looking for fun accessories that are definitely not a necessity

I have 2 Wilderness Systems Tarpon 100s. I am slowly but surely upgrading my gear with cuter stuff (priorities lol).

I just got the Meraki 10L dry bag in the Paloma print and I already have Frost Buddy Koozies.

What is your favorite kayak/lake day accessory?

Hello!

Please remove if not allowed -- I read the rules and I think this is fine but maybe not.

Does anyone have any experience with alternative treatments?

I have tried ERP, antidepressants/psychotics, talk therapy, etc. with absolutely 0 results.

I am now onto alternative treatments.

Is Joyous (or similar companies) worth it/legit? or traveling to Oregon for mushroom treatment (that is expensive though and way out of my budget)?

Any real life experiences with alternative treatments would be helpful!

I am looking for any level of relief to make my symptoms more manageable so that I can focus on improving and not succumbing

Hello!

Please remove if not allowed -- I read the rules and I think this is fine but maybe not.

Does anyone have any experience with alternative treatments?

I have tried ERP, antidepressants/psychotics, talk therapy, etc. with absolutely 0 results.

I am now onto alternative treatments.

Is Joyous worth it/legit? or traveling to Oregon for mushroom treatment (that is expensive though and way out of my budget)?

Any real life experiences with alternative treatments would be helpful!

Hello!

Please remove if not allowed -- I read the rules and I think this is fine but maybe not.

Does anyone have any experience with alternative treatments?

I have tried ERP, antidepressants/psychotics, talk therapy, etc. with absolutely 0 results.

I am now onto alternative treatments.

Is Joyous worth it/legit? or traveling to Oregon for mushroom treatment (that is expensive though and way out of my budget)?

Any real life experiences with alternative treatments would be helpful!

Hello!

I recently did DVP with a dildo and my partner and it was great, but the toy kept wanting to slip out making my partner have to reach around and hold it which wasn't very comfortable for him. Are there any toys or accessories that could make this easier?

TYIA!