u/mjobby

I have been receiving a mix of somatic parts work, mostly somatic touch as i have preverbal trauma.

Its shifting my lifelong disassociation, and one of the things that i have known but its becoming clearer as time passes, is i have part/s that sing or repeat lyrics in my head

i have at times wondered why, and still dont know

i suspect, and its a guess, that with many many times sitting as a baby in a crib with no one coming, just me in crib and my mother suffering in her bed unable to tend to me (she has schizophrenia), i had very long periods of neglect, and just on my own, so any sound was relief....its like a self soothing mechanism for the babies in me, that they arent alone in the void of silence

of course, i am purely speculating, although i have had "memories" come up showing long periods as above, so there is some alignment to that

anyway, sharing seeing what resonates with others,

I have been receiving a mix of somatic parts work, mostly somatic touch as i have preverbal trauma.

Its shifting my lifelong disassociation, and one of the things that i have known but its becoming clearer as time passes, is i have part/s that sing or repeat lyrics in my head

i have at times wondered why, and still dont know

i suspect, and its a guess, that with many many times sitting as a baby in a crib with no one coming, just me in crib and my mother suffering in her bed unable to tend to me (she has schizophrenia), i had very long periods of neglect, and just on my own, so any sound was relief....its like a self soothing mechanism for the babies in me, that they arent alone in the void of silence

of course, i am purely speculating, although i have had "memories" come up showing long periods as above, so there is some alignment to that

anyway, sharing seeing what resonates with otherslk

I have been receiving a mix of somatic parts work, mostly somatic touch as i have preverbal trauma.

Its shifting my lifelong disassociation, and one of the things that i have known but its becoming clearer as time passes, is i have part/s that sing or repeat lyrics in my head

i have at times wondered why, and still dont know

i suspect, and its a guess, that with many many times sitting as a baby in a crib with no one coming, just me in crib and my mother suffering in her bed unable to tend to me (she has schizophrenia), i had very long periods of neglect, and just on my own, so any sound was relief....its like a self soothing mechanism for the babies in me, that they arent alone in the void of silence

of course, i am purely speculating, although i have had "memories" come up showing long periods as above, so there is some alignment to that

anyway, sharing seeing what resonates with others,.

I have been receiving a mix of somatic parts work, mostly somatic touch as i have preverbal trauma.

Its shifting my lifelong disassociation, and one of the things that i have known but its becoming clearer as time passes, is i have part/s that sing or repeat lyrics in my head

i have at times wondered why, and still dont know

i suspect, and its a guess, that with many many times sitting as a baby in a crib with no one coming, just me in crib and my mother suffering in her bed unable to tend to me (she has schizophrenia), i had very long periods of neglect, and just on my own, so any sound was relief....its like a self soothing mechanism for the babies in me, that they arent alone in the void of silence

of course, i am purely speculating, although i have had "memories" come up showing long periods as above, so there is some alignment to that

anyway, sharing seeing what resonates with others

Because my most impacting trauma's / neglect happened in womb and pre the age of 2, my system has been very very guarded, its taken a lot of work and now slow and steady somatic work (with a flavour of parts work) to help get to this stage - i am finally healing (taken many (over 10) years with bad therapies to find what works)

anyway, i keep finding nowadays, that if i just bring up the youngest baby version of me in mind, just thinking positively about him, or just visualising being there, it makes them cry, just these small acts of being held and loved, even just shifting to now being more mindful of their energetic needs and safety needs within me, just makes me / them cry

its such a small act and thought, but it breaks me now, just thinking of these littlest ones just sitting waiting in pain (now crying more), my system just pushing me away for years and years, so much dissociation, so much self abandonment to survive, and now, just saying hello to them, its like a miracle (tears again)

how much were they suffering inside me, how much have they been holding back....how much have i not known how they felt (i have been in some shape of freeze/collapse since infancy)

anyway, this lost the shape i was hoping to articulate, so sharing like this now (with my tears down my face),,

.Because my most impacting trauma's / neglect happened in womb and pre the age of 2, my system has been very very guarded, its taken a lot of work and now slow and steady somatic work (with a flavour of parts work) to help get to this stage - i am finally healing (taken many (over 10) years with bad therapies to find what works)

anyway, i keep finding nowadays, that if i just bring up the youngest baby version of me in mind, just thinking positively about him, or just visualising being there, it makes them cry, just these small acts of being held and loved, even just shifting to now being more mindful of their energetic needs and safety needs within me, just makes me / them cry

its such a small act and thought, but it breaks me now, just thinking of these littlest ones just sitting waiting in pain (now crying more), my system just pushing me away for years and years, so much dissociation, so much self abandonment to survive, and now, just saying hello to them, its like a miracle (tears again)

how much were they suffering inside me, how much have they been holding back....how much have i not known how they felt (i have been in some shape of freeze/collapse since infancy)

anyway, this lost the shape i was hoping to articulate, so sharing like this now (with my tears down my face)

Because my most impacting trauma's / neglect happened in womb and pre the age of 2, my system has been very very guarded, its taken a lot of work and now slow and steady somatic work (with a flavour of parts work) to help get to this stage - i am finally healing (taken many (over 10) years with bad therapies to find what works)

anyway, i keep finding nowadays, that if i just bring up the youngest baby version of me in mind, just thinking positively about him, or just visualising being there, it makes them cry, just these small acts of being held and loved, even just shifting to now being more mindful of their energetic needs and safety needs within me, just makes me / them cry

its such a small act and thought, but it breaks me now, just thinking of these littlest ones just sitting waiting in pain (now crying more), my system just pushing me away for years and years, so much dissociation, so much self abandonment to survive, and now, just saying hello to them, its like a miracle (tears again)

how much were they suffering inside me, how much have they been holding back....how much have i not known how they felt (i have been in some shape of freeze/collapse since infancy)

anyway, this lost the shape i was hoping to articulate, so sharing like this now (with my tears down my face).

Because my most impacting trauma's / neglect happened in womb and pre the age of 2, my system has been very very guarded, its taken a lot of work and now slow and steady somatic work (with a flavour of parts work) to help get to this stage - i am finally healing (taken many (over 10) years with bad therapies to find what works)

anyway, i keep finding nowadays, that if i just bring up the youngest baby version of me in mind, just thinking positively about him, or just visualising being there, it makes them cry, just these small acts of being held and loved, even just shifting to now being more mindful of their energetic needs and safety needs within me, just makes me / them cry

its such a small act and thought, but it breaks me now, just thinking of these littlest ones just sitting waiting in pain (now crying more), my system just pushing me away for years and years, so much dissociation, so much self abandonment to survive, and now, just saying hello to them, its like a miracle (tears again)

how much were they suffering inside me, how much have they been holding back....how much have i not known how they felt (i have been in some shape of freeze/collapse since infancy)

anyway, this lost the shape i was hoping to articulate, so sharing like this now (with my tears down my face)

,.Been posting here for years, but paused for a bit. My system is genuinely finally opening up, and its taken many failed failed attempts and therapies that also set me back years also.

Anyway, my question/s, somewhere along the line, while still heavily in my mix of no emotions, "functional" freeze, and some dpdr (which i didnt know i have/had), i learnt i had blocked so much but in particular i had in womb and preverbal trauma, unsurprising given my mum is schizophrenic and was being heavily abused during my birth and early years.

with that, i have some sense of what i went through but its a light sense (have a lot of protectors), and know it was both in womb and in the cot....only now, that my system is trusting enough to open a bit, and just writing that makes parts of me cry, it connects....

just the sense of this deep isolation, this deep terrifying experience in womb which the theory would go, is meant to be your first safe space......

i have also come to know i came close to death or maybe died briefly as an infant.....

i get scared thinking about it, just sensing the baby in me.....again tears.....

anyway i lost my thread, sharing to see how others resonate to sensing the experience of your littlest ones

.Been posting here for years, but paused for a bit. My system is genuinely finally opening up, and its taken many failed failed attempts and therapies that also set me back years also.

Anyway, my question/s, somewhere along the line, while still heavily in my mix of no emotions, "functional" freeze, and some dpdr (which i didnt know i have/had), i learnt i had blocked so much but in particular i had in womb and preverbal trauma, unsurprising given my mum is schizophrenic and was being heavily abused during my birth and early years.

with that, i have some sense of what i went through but its a light sense (have a lot of protectors), and know it was both in womb and in the cot....only now, that my system is trusting enough to open a bit, and just writing that makes parts of me cry, it connects....

just the sense of this deep isolation, this deep terrifying experience in womb which the theory would go, is meant to be your first safe space......

i have also come to know i came close to death or maybe died briefly as an infant.....

i get scared thinking about it, just sensing the baby in me.....again tears.....

anyway i lost my thread, sharing to see how others resonate to sensing the experience of your littlest ones

Been posting here for years, but paused for a bit. My system is genuinely finally opening up, and its taken many failed failed attempts and therapies that also set me back years also.

Anyway, my question/s, somewhere along the line, while still heavily in my mix of no emotions, "functional" freeze, and some dpdr (which i didnt know i have/had), i learnt i had blocked so much but in particular i had in womb and preverbal trauma, unsurprising given my mum is schizophrenic and was being heavily abused during my birth and early years.

with that, i have some sense of what i went through but its a light sense (have a lot of protectors), and know it was both in womb and in the cot....only now, that my system is trusting enough to open a bit, and just writing that makes parts of me cry, it connects....

just the sense of this deep isolation, this deep terrifying experience in womb which the theory would go, is meant to be your first safe space......

i have also come to know i came close to death or maybe died briefly as an infant.....

i get scared thinking about it, just sensing the baby in me.....again tears.....

anyway i lost my thread, sharing to see how others resonate to sensing the experience of your littlest ones..

Been posting here for years, but paused for a bit. My system is genuinely finally opening up, and its taken many failed failed attempts and therapies that also set me back years also.

Anyway, my question/s, somewhere along the line, while still heavily in my mix of no emotions, "functional" freeze, and some dpdr (which i didnt know i have/had), i learnt i had blocked so much but in particular i had in womb and preverbal trauma, unsurprising given my mum is schizophrenic and was being heavily abused during my birth and early years.

with that, i have some sense of what i went through but its a light sense (have a lot of protectors), and know it was both in womb and in the cot....only now, that my system is trusting enough to open a bit, and just writing that makes parts of me cry, it connects....

just the sense of this deep isolation, this deep terrifying experience in womb which the theory would go, is meant to be your first safe space......

i have also come to know i came close to death or maybe died briefly as an infant.....

i get scared thinking about it, just sensing the baby in me.....again tears.....

anyway i lost my thread, sharing to see how others resonate to sensing the experience of your littlest ones

Basically asking the subject line. I mostly cycle on concrete via pay as you go bikes, but have recently bought a foldable bike, and want to get it out more, but wary although i have a cover over it inside, it still likely brings a bit of outside.

Wanting something easy to clean the bike with that i can carry to use just before i bring it into the flat - something simple. Thoughts appreciated

thanks,.

Basically asking the subject line. I mostly cycle on concrete via pay as you go bikes, but have recently bought a foldable bike, and want to get it out more, but wary although i have a cover over it inside, it still likely brings a bit of outside.

Wanting something easy to clean the bike with that i can carry to use just before i bring it into the flat - something simple. Thoughts appreciated

thanks

I have a ticket to see Bodycount as i have been a big Ice T fan as a kid (the rap music), i dont listen to rap, havent done in years, but my metal has stayed with me to now (40s), and i have liked a few bodycount tracks but never got into them (not that i have tried) - but my metal / Rock interest is wide ranging - SOAD, Metallica, Disturbed, Nirvana, Sabaton, Pantera, Linkin Park, Apocalptica, Rammstein, Lindemann etc

I just went to SOAD last night who were insanely good live, and been to a few other metal gigs this year, but just wary of making the trip (its overseas) for one day

I think i just need to deep dive the music, and see if it pulls me in but asking anyway, if others have had good experiences?

Basically asking the subject line. I bought a tern (Link d7) a few months back, and didnt get to really use it until recently.

Thinking about potential issues etc, so wanted to check if others used standard alley keys etc, or just bought the Tern specific alley keys, as they are quite expensive, and not sure if i would need it anyway with an issue

(Description of tool - "The Tern Tool ensures you stay on your bike, and don’t get stuck roadside. Specially designed for Tern bikes, the multi-tool boasts 19 must-have tools, including a 15mm wrench for tightening axle nuts and pedals and a 6mm wrench for adjusting Tern joint levers.")

.,thanks

Basically asking the subject line. I bought a tern (Link d7) a few months back, and didnt get to really use it until recently.

Thinking about potential issues etc, so wanted to check if others used standard alley keys etc, or just bought the Tern specific alley keys, as they are quite expensive, and not sure if i would need it anyway with an issue

(Description of tool - "The Tern Tool ensures you stay on your bike, and don’t get stuck roadside. Specially designed for Tern bikes, the multi-tool boasts 19 must-have tools, including a 15mm wrench for tightening axle nuts and pedals and a 6mm wrench for adjusting Tern joint levers.")

thanks

Basically asking the subject line. I bought a tern (Link d7) a few months back, and didnt get to really use it until recently.

Thinking about potential issues etc, so wanted to check if others used standard alley keys etc, or just bought the Tern specific alley keys, as they are quite expensive, and not sure if i would need it anyway with an issue

(Description of tool - "The Tern Tool ensures you stay on your bike, and don’t get stuck roadside. Specially designed for Tern bikes, the multi-tool boasts 19 must-have tools, including a 15mm wrench for tightening axle nuts and pedals and a 6mm wrench for adjusting Tern joint levers.")

thanks

,.

,..I think my list is like a youtubers list and its actually mostly Shenzhen, so seeking what else others may suggest

I am keen to try some or all of the following for now, but asking for other ideas:

- Driverless bus

- Driverless taxi (although i might not get a physical sim, so think that blocks me)

- the drone food delivery

- Shenzhen science and technology museum

- Visit Robot s6 store

- see the buildings light show at night

thank you

,.I think my list is like a youtubers list and its actually mostly Shenzhen, so seeking what else others may suggest

I am keen to try some or all of the following for now, but asking for other ideas:

- Driverless bus

- Driverless taxi (although i might not get a physical sim, so think that blocks me)

- the drone food delivery

- Shenzhen science and technology museum

- Visit Robot s6 store

- see the buildings light show at night

thank you