u/ylylychee

I bought screen myself off eBay and need it installed in broken phone

I know what to expect during every phase but every time the "bad" phases hit me like a pile of bricks. even if I know in my head what the symptoms will be, and what my mood will become, the physical feeling I get isn't any different. does this mean I should just ignore the physical feeling and keep going anyways-not call off?

no matter how bad luteal phase has gotten it hasn't k

put me in the hospital. coworkers do notice when I'm not feeling good tho, they will ask what's wrong.

im not even sure if the physical feelings are real, because like I said no bad luteal phase had made me go to the hospital. yet I call off work like I'm actually sick.

all this extra work and extra thinking and extra time off used just because im a woman, this sucks.

I work 2nd shift and there is a manager who half on first shift and half on second. usually when she is working there is supervisor working who is fully on 2nd shift who I default to communicating with and we also have a full time 2nd shift manager who I also default to communicating with before with her.

my relationship with her is kind of dicey, honestly I think I avoid talking to her at all if I can. previous interactions with her painted her as unfair, dramatic, and not bright.

well since this is work, still got to talk to her and my feelings can't get in the way.

on the days she working, and it's only one day that our schedules overlap, it feel contentious from the second I clock in. it always feels like there is something she wants to say but she holds back. usually she just pauses and looks at me and then says "Hiiiiiii ylylycheeeee" paired with an attitude towards me that can only be described as "what are you doing here".

naturally these interactions make me not want to talk to her at all, so I admit when I see her I just don't say anything. which I know is wrong! so the other day she was with a supervisor and I just said nothing and she is over the top again and is like "Hiiiiii ylylycheeeeee!!!!!" and I just return her energy and say hi back, and then she's like "Byeeee Ylylycheeeee!!!!" and waving at me.

maybe im neurodivergent but these types of interactions are so exhausting and confusing to me.

im sitting down and thinking about how to remedy this dicey relationship I have with her and I'm thinking I need communicate more effectively. so in a situation like what I described would it help if when the second I see her, I immediately communicate "Hey manager, just heading off to break." so I speak first. me being overly quiet around her was just influenced by her annoying behavior but I feel like it's a negative loop where the quietness is just making her act more in the way i don't like. so I'm thinking of practical solutions.

after all she the manager whether any body thinks she has any business being one or not, so perhaps I need to put my feels aside and just communicate with her in the appropriate way by letting her know what I'm doing, or letting her know where I'm going or at least greeting her even if I feel uncomfortable around her? is that good?

Working in luteal is so hard. working at any other phase is like cake walk. it's just not fair, to be a woman at work

just got my period so my mood lightened up and when I was at work on my period yesterday I got a very positive reaction from my boss. he was positive towards me and work just felt easier. and funny thing is I wasn't even trying. I just had the energy. well I did take a 3 day weekend. I was just able to show up and be myself.

whereas when I'm on luteal (which is like 50% of the cycle) I feel like I'm at WAR and I'm TRYING, hard, to just show up, put my game face on and face the day. yet I still get comments all day long but wishing me to "have a good day, ylylychee" from my boss, "have you thought about changing your job?" from coworkers, and just an inability for me to have pleasant interactions at work.

it's so unfair to me because like I said, when Im NoT in luteal, my positive mood and positive interactions at work are effortless. when I'm in luteal, I'm trying hard to keep it all together, and still failing. it all feels out of my control in retrospect. im jealous of men who relive the same day, hormone wise, every single day of their lives.

I feel like my male boss who I mentioned here has no idea how hard it is to live in a female body that just isn't compatible with the demands of a typical workweek.

the worst part is that even at my luteal phase, I still get all my work done, just as I do during any other time, it's my demeanor or presence that is not welcome at work. it's so exhausting because if I could be positive and chill all of the time, I would, but I can't and it's so hard.

he is an Uber driver whose family I already knew and I met him late last year and he gave me free rides home from work. it felt to good to be true and I learned thru his dad then him that he's married. I agreed to continue seeing him as a side, but tried to break it up a couple times. in mid may I finally found the strength but I'm still struggling with this outcome and need support with my fears that he may actually divorce her, which i worry about, and also need help processing my sadness, anger, and overall i feel like this has changed me as a person, perhaps for the worst and i dont feel like I am the same person I was before i met him.

it's always expected to have a game face on. and most of the time I deliver with a cando spirit and willingness to do work. then 1/10 I'm just tired and unable to be upbeat. yesterday I was just exhausted but I didn't call off and showed up to work. a morning shift coworker asked how I am and i said I'm exhausted.

she asks i tried looking for another job.

then later in the day when I was relieving a coworker from their break, I was also asked if I was okay by that person. this person who just started in our department a month ago. I said not really, I'm exhausted. and she asked if I tried switching departments.

it feels like a slap in the face to share my feelings on a bad day and to be met with advice to change my job.

my attitude may have been a downer yesterday, and I still got the work done. im human, I can't always perform consistently and be at my best.

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don't got a photo but It is very tasty and got me out of craving the honey chipotle chicken from chipotle 💯