u/1remember2remember

planning a trip from around oct 27th into the 4th of november. im essentially asking the commenters to decide my fate lol, this trip is very important to me as im attending a sobriety ceremony happening only once a year, and i really want to see the people who saved my life. however the dubai incident makes me very scared.

i will most likely be flying in on a connecting flight from somewhere in europe. ive already flown in and out during some crazy periods, march 23 in jan 24 out, then sept 24 in and sept 25 out. not at all scared of being in the country itself.

title

ive been doing the full time 9-6, bullshit some after work then go to bed for 2 months now for 800 a week and its becoming grueling. i stack an overnight job on top of that to make 1200 a week but technically biweekly.

i need to get overseas for a celebration ive been awaiting for years, 2k round trip ticket, i cant pull that money out of my ass.

ive been trying to "level up", less hours, more money, im finding the search difficult.

i live in south florida and know a lot of people who "thrive" (materialistically) off commision based sales work and i always kick myself for not being able to sell well. i used to do SW for $400/hr but have been on a moral streak and dont want to return. im trying to return to school but again, with my current schedule juggling both would be impossible.

how do people usually "level up".

i am trying to find an admissions job for a rehab center. currently working with CRM and CXM tech 9-5 elsewhere, stacking that with a rehab job. got the skills and such just need the connection.

my roommate situation fell through as there was no communication on their end. is anyone interested in finding a 2b2b with me?

i am a 23 year old girl working at an office and the treatment industry. i am very calm, quiet, focused on my career goals. have an ESA cat with a letter.

my ex sees himself as the victim of our entire relationship. there’s no acknowledgment of the constant breakups, the death threats, how much his hot-and-cold behavior affected me, or how much of my own life i put on hold trying to make him feel secure.

to him, i’m a cheater, a w word, even though i never cheated on him or tried to pursue anyone else. i genuinely loved him and wanted to help him because he was so convinced he’d always end up alone. i stayed through the mood swings, the threats, the breakups, and gave him chance after chance, even after being sexually pressured and manipulated.

he’s even admitted to me that when he drops the gangster act, he “gets no play.” i’ve shown pictures of him to people i trust, and pretty much everyone has told me they’d stay away from him. honestly, i think his appearance probably scares a lot of people off too. between the face tattoos, grills, and constantly posting about money, designer stuff, and how badly everyone treats him, i could see him attracting someone who likes what he has more than who he is—which is ironic considering how often he accused me of using him.

what’s frustrating is that i don’t know if he’ll ever have the realization i’ve been hoping for. he blames other people for almost everything, seems very focused on money and status, and whenever he feels rejected, he seems to push people away and then use their leaving as proof that everyone eventually abandons him.

part of me would genuinely like him to understand what he did to me one day. but another part of me knows that his anger toward me probably helps keep him away, and maybe that’s for the best. as long as he believes i was the horrible person in the relationship, he’s probably less likely to come back and repeat the cycle.

has anyone ever had an ex who saw themselves entirely as the victim eventually come back and understand the ways they had hurt you?

i did a lot of soul searching 2 years back and realized i was the perpetrator in many past relationships. using drugs, completely hopeless towards any future. i did the work and 180d my mindset and got 100% clean but the mentality of always being the problem followed me. but this shit that ive endured in the last year is like nothing else.

even in active use, being completely burdensome to anyone in my circle, actively doing SW, no one had ever treated me like my recent ex did and used the words he did for me. from the beginning he was gushing about me, not letting me go a few minutes in between texts, obsessing about my body, joking of marriage. one of the first things he let me know was that all of his exes were evil and cheated on him. that being cheated on was more traumatic than having a gun pointed at his head. any inkling of suspicion that i am leaving him or cheating on him (this was mostly associated with male friends and reaching out to other men when he would threaten housing) was met with threats to kick me out, horrible push pulls where i wouldnt be spoken to for days, withdrawal of affection "youre not allowed to kiss me", and constant break ups. id be told i wanna go back to exes thousands of miles away. was told i would not be loved or accepted by anyone else due to my past. when i wasnt in the mood for sex daily he would pity himself which made me cave. he'd tell me head was a good apology for my mistakes and i complied thinking it was silly. ironically despite my past i was given my only STD from him.

what kept me hooked was the "positive" obsession, where hed get soft and tell me how precious i was to him, he took care of every bill for me, proposed an enthralling image of me in his mind, was crazy for me physically. in the beginning i seemed to understand that his behavior was odd but with every push and subsequent dopamine rushed pull i lowered my standing more and more. i would ask him if i was so horrible, why he didnt leave. "because this is what love is", hed say. and i believed i had to learn how to adopt this mindset. the whole relationship revolved around me atoning for my mistakes and trying to convince this guy i wanted him. by the end of it i got rid of all of my friends, stopped interacting with my recovery community, was out of work, was having urges to use constantly. our last fight was about notifications from realtors on my phone, i was searching for a place for us, and i did not reassure him correctly. he told me to GTFO for three days straight, ignoring pleas and concrete my "i dont want to go". after receiving absolutely no warmth from him when i was begging to be reassured i left, no job, going through our second abortion.

after leaving i was able to get in contact through emails and *67ed phone calls. i sent him videos of me crying trying to explain what the last few days made me feel. he ended up getting resentful and would tell me to die, that he'd kill me, that im only allowed near him if he paid me to come over if i gave him a quick nut. after all hes said to me he wanted me to be his prostitute. invited me over once telling me we had been together the entire time and after cumming in me told me the invite was a lapse in judgment and he needed to "heal". to him i was a cheater and a liar despite being devoted to him through all of his mishaps. some texts i received from him during this time still haunt me; "used diaper of a human being" "you will never be wife material" "i wish i could kill you so no poor boy will have to deal with you". i continued pressing believing this was all stemming from a fear of abandonment and pain.

on to my part, i ended up doing grey area work for rent money that i regret. he had told me he'd help me financially and when i asked for rent help he assumed it was for a date and refused profusely. it was never understood to him why that work made up my past despite him being a drug addict having engaged in sex work as well. three months into "NC" (it felt like a break up to me) he softened and came clean about being miserable and wanting to be with me. i came back and rushed into moving in with him. after 6 weeks of guilt i caved and confessed to what i had done, and he began the process of eviction. not before moving all of my things before the cops arrived to make it seem like i was never there and claiming i was a one night stand. it hurt horribly. during the process of me finding another place to go he would get soft and told me he understands why i did it, that he was cruel, that he doesnt want to get rid of me. and then would switch up and invite me back into his bedroom solely for sex and discard me when i tried to speak about the situation. "i wish i didnt have to do this" hed say. i told him he didnt have to.

i regret what i did. one of my interviews was a success in the same week and ive never looked back. but i cant stand the hypocrisy. this is a man who told me he accidentally killed someone in active addiction, and i never brought it up to upset him. this is a man i forgave for acting cruelly continuously. when i told him, somewhere in the back of my mind id thought we could work through it. he would always tell me i "made" him this way. why wouldnt the same logic apply to me, that his constant pushing, and the condition he left me in, "made" me do what i did? why couldnt understanding and mercy be applied to me, just as i had done with his abusive behavior from the start?

since the breakup hes contacted my mother spewing sensitive and vulnerable information. i saw his ex post a video of her in his car to which i broke the no contact and spewed at him for hypocrisy to which he told me he was "helping her". holy shit where was my help. got a new car and over 20 tattoos, including one that says "know mercy" on his back.. two new face tattoos. posts nothing but stacks of cash in his bare living room, himself at the gun range, 8k designer purchases. reposts about being slighted, signs of a female manipulator, all this toxic masculinity stuff and such. during a situation where i had to house my cat elsewhere i reached out for help he told me he'd only help me if i came with, because he couldnt "leave me out to die". oh.

since then my life has improved in some regard, friends without feeling guilty, work, knowing my housing cant be threatened, i can breathe again, but with improvement comes a lot of stress. i work two honest jobs and some mistakes ive made at one of them has me feeling very uncertain of my capabilities lately. and when i get uncertain of myself, i crave for the times he told me he was proud of me (despite not having any motion during the whole relationship), where the sex felt out of this world thanks to the coldness that came before it, where we'd cuddle and agree that we never felt a connection like this with anyone else. and i agree, the highs will never be replaced by any normal relationship due to how addicting this one became. similar to fentanyl, the withdrawals are hell fire, but once that fix was in my hand i felt more relief than i did under the previous dose.

my social stalkings continue and i cannot let him go, despite me telling this story constantly and getting the same answer. with time i get less confused and understand patterns, yet i cannot let go of the fact that i will never experience such a powerful soul tied connection like that again. i failed. i mourn and grieve him, entering the relationship and hearing of his past traumas i believed i could convince him that he could be loved, that he could be cared for, but i ended up on his list of "evil whres". i wish i could help him understand how much he means to me as a human being, and that i would always be there to help him if he was in crisis. recently ive understood that if i ever want him to come to the conclusions i wish he did with me, i cant be with him. he will have to face the music or run through more girls to understand how his behavior affects others. its been 22 days since ive contacted him last, and i wish i could say its been easy. i ask the universe daily to show me signs of whether we are meant to be or not, and i continuously receive the same answer. i wish i could control that answer.

i am moreso trying to understand if what i have done has warranted this amount of pain, and how to detach knowing logically that this relationship was not for me. i do not want to adopt his victim /rageful "you afflicted me" mindset. i would also like to theorize that if i stay away for a period of time if he will understand the damage caused.

hello! does anyone happen to drive toward east boca to work around 8:30am from delray/north?

currently carless and the ubers are really cutting into my car savings, so i figured i’d ask if anyone already heads that way and wouldn’t mind an extra passenger. i live near the hertz in delray and work on congress ave & clint moore. i get out at 6pm. i do not expect a ride back as usually people are leaving their offices at 5.

i’d obviously be happy to throw in $10 for gas and your trouble. i’m not expecting anyone to go out of their way for me, just hoping someone already making the drive might be willing to let me ride along part of the way.

if so, please message me! thank you kindly :)

my friend and i are looking into 2b2b in delray/boca/boynton. our budget is 1.4k with utilities individually. is this feasible, and what route should we take? apartment condo etc?

my friend and i are looking into 2b2b in delray/boca/boynton. our budget is 1.4k with utilities individually (2.8 collectively). is this feasible, and what route should we take? apartment condo etc?

my budget is 10k. i really like scion frs, tcs, 86s, low stance aggressive looking and masculine (im a girl) but they are of course above my budget. i really would like to have my ride look unique on the road, not sure what to look for.

i really like the damn look of these cars, I’m a 5'4 girl with an ego that wont let me not drive something people wouldn’t expect me to step out of. right now im hitching rides in ubers and its really damn embarrassing. im coming up on 10k in cash and am wondering if that would be enough to fund one of these cats, even if its a downpayment or id have to cover it monthly. this would be my first car. so should i stick to looking for scions/86s/brz/etc or should i move on and buy something cheap for now.

i really need suggestions and experiences with this topic as i am afraid when i get to it it will be too late.

i am 23 and two years in and other than my mother havent established frequent relations with any other family members. i am most concerned about my father, and my lack of communication with him. growing up, my father was very avoidant and would yell/hit. he is of russian decent and culturally alcoholism is not uncommon. i grew up mostly hearing affectionate words while he was drunk. i was also very sensitive to his disposition and would dread his presence, as his lack of social connections, work to home to drink lifestyle, the relationship between him and my mother, made me question if i even wanted to grow up into an adult. the happy moments i had with him as a child pain me as i understand he is also human and could love me. but i do think he sees me as mostly a failure, he does not like that i am more masculine of a girl, that i have sh scars all over my arms, etc. in the past before her own program when i would do something wrong my mother would say i am just like him, as if it was bad to be compared to him. she has developed a lot of resentment and rightfully so as she has had to deal with the social and financial effects of his addiction.

my mother speaks about him currently in a way that makes me very sad. it seems like at the next chance she gets she will be throwing him out of the house. it makes me feel physically sick and existentially panicked. i developed a lot of empathy for the man when making out to the other side of addiction. from the tidbits hes shared with me from father to daughter he is very interesting and i would have loved/ would love to get to know him better. she has let it slip (as she doesnt like discussing things that may "trigger" me) that while he was drunk recently he had fallen into the tub and hurt his head to the point of bleeding. she did not bring him to the hospital due to his expired green card. i have begun to ruminate on what id do if he died, or was sent out into the streets. i dont want to imagine him in that state, i am very scared.

i feel so fucking bad for him. his father had abandoned him as a child, he has had no friends or access to the joy the human experience can bring. i dont fault myself but the grief is immense, and im not sure whether establishing a connection is even possible at this point. i was thinking a text message or such, not that it would help the course of his addiction, but i really want to do something in case something happens to him. i am very blessed to have made it into the program at a younger age when i still have the option to choose to stay away or interact. i am very scared and it all brings a lot of pain.

i really need suggestions and experiences with this topic as i am afraid when i get to it it will be too late.

i am 23 and two years in and other than my mother havent established frequent relations with any other family members. i am most concerned about my father, and my lack of communication with him. growing up, my father was very avoidant and would yell/hit. he is of russian decent and culturally alcoholism is not uncommon. i grew up mostly hearing affectionate words while he was drunk. i was also very sensitive to his disposition and would dread his presence, as his lack of social connections, work to home to drink lifestyle, the relationship between him and my mother, made me question if i even wanted to grow up into an adult. the happy moments i had with him as a child pain me as i understand he is also human and could love me. but i do think he sees me as mostly a failure, he does not like that i am more masculine of a girl, that i have sh scars all over my arms, etc. in the past before her own program when i would do something wrong my mother would say i am just like him, as if it was bad to be compared to him. she has developed a lot of resentment and rightfully so as she has had to deal with the social and financial effects of his addiction.

my mother speaks about him currently in a way that makes me very sad. it seems like at the next chance she gets she will be throwing him out of the house. it makes me feel physically sick and existentially panicked. i developed a lot of empathy for the man when making out to the other side of addiction. from the tidbits hes shared with me from father to daughter he is very interesting and i would have loved/ would love to get to know him better. she has let it slip (as she doesnt like discussing things that may "trigger" me) that while he was drunk recently he had fallen into the tub and hurt his head to the point of bleeding. she did not bring him to the hospital due to his expired green card. i have begun to ruminate on what id do if he died, or was sent out into the streets. i dont want to imagine him in that state, i am very scared.

i feel so fucking bad for him. his father had abandoned him as a child, he has had no friends or access to the joy the human experience can bring. i dont fault myself but the grief is immense, and im not sure whether establishing a connection is even possible at this point. i was thinking a text message or such, not that it would help the course of his addiction, but i really want to do something in case something happens to him. i am very blessed to have made it into the program at a younger age when i still have the option to choose to stay away or interact. i am very scared and it all brings a lot of pain.

https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/1586964989464421/?ref=marketplace_profile&referral_code=undefined

very interested in purchasing this car tomorrow after speaking to the owner for a week or so, but ive realized i may not be asking the right questions. id have to learn manual driving but id like opinions on if there are any other discrepancies i should think about. thank you :)

https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/1586964989464421/?ref=marketplace_profile&referral_code=undefined

very interested in purchasing this car tomorrow after speaking to the owner for a week or so, but ive realized i may not be asking the right questions. id have to learn manual driving but id like opinions on if there are any other discrepancies i should think about. thank you :)

he used to constantly berate me believing i would go back to exes 1000s of miles away, he would threaten my housing, call me names and such most likely out of hurt and fear of being replaced. 3 weeks after he discarded his ex is seen riding around in his passenger seat. "i was only helping her" he told me when i confronted him out of a panic, when i was left to scramble for housing due to his urgency for me to exit his life and ended up in another dangerous situation. when i left for a period of time in feburary i was never asked if i needed help, and i left without a job and in mental shamble. i see. her posting pictures in his clothing these days. we all know how that usually happens.

i said goodbye to him last week, its been a tumultuous few months since he forced me out, job and housing losses due to saying no to sexual advances. these men acted the same way as he did, they hung power over my head and when it became clear to them i was not to be controlled they ripped it away from me. im being told by a higher power that no one will save me, that any fish i am given is not mine and i must learn to fish on my own.

im told to block him. he doesnt reach out, he genuinely despises me for something i did for money when he ditched me to fend for myself. he is adamant that his abusive behaviors were due to my actions, my behavior, that i made him construct all of those harmful sentences and place me into survival mode constantly.

my ego is touched anytime i feel as though he is doing okay. my ideal closure would come in the form of him understanding his abuse with or without me. i was unable to put the mirror up to his face and the only way that could be done is on his own, or rampaging through other women and seeing how the pattern repeats. since i wrote the goodbye i swore to not contact again, until i got a job that involves a house on his street and saw a different car on his driveway. i spammed his email, my only form of unblocked contact with him at this point, he responded with an explanation i believe but this icky feeling i get when i think about him doing exactly what he degraded me for and prophesied about wont go away.

my obsession is constant, i wish i was able to help him. i understood his narrative from the get go, hiding behind the designer purchase flash is a scared kid who believes everyone will leave him at some point. i wanted to help qualm him and be the exception, but i ended up on the same list as the exes he'd wish death upon. i still see him as purely hurt and scared, and see through the gangster fuck you anger. but he wants nothing to do with me. i keep thinking if i press, i could get through to him, despite answering "no" when asked if id take him back in his state now. what is wrong with me.