u/ACE_Wrap

Popcorn

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Brooklyn Bridge.

Another lump of thoughts that has been clogging up my brain and needs to get flushed out so things can start flowing again.

Disclaimer, I don't mean this as a justification or encouragement to SI, but as a sober description, and a factor that makes it harder to motivate yourself to quit. It's an unhealthy behavior, fair enough, yet out of all the unhealthy habits people can pick for themselves, I can't help but think SI is one of the least destructive ones. It doesn't make you fat, doesn't make you stupid, doesn't harm your lungs or liver or cause heart disease or cancer. There's no equivalent of passive smoking or drunk driving, your home doesn't smell of it, the financial burden also is much more manageable, and I'd probably find more if I keep looking. It does leave traces on the skin of course, but that damage really is just cosmetic when it comes down to it. People tend to be ashamed of their own scars, or concerned when they see them on others, which I don't really get. Smokers and drinkers don't hate themselves for what they do, and I don't see SI in any different light. If skin alteration is considered harm, can we also talk about people covered in tattoos all over please? Or, since SI is considered a problem even in its smallest forms: About people having any tattoos at all, even the most minuscule little speck of ink.

There's a caveat to all that of course: Severity. I'm writing this with only superficial cuts and burns in mind, the kind I've been doing for over 20 years now. For people who frequently injure themselves in more severe ways, cut to the muscle or break bones or whatever they might choose to do, this comparison doesn't hold true so much. The injuries themselves are more serious, risk of infection skyrockets, professional treatment is almost certainly needed, lasting damage that's not only visual... you get the point. That kind of SI would have more in common with heavy alcoholism or hard drugs that can destroy lives in no time at all. Personally I'd strongly advise those cases to seek help, but then again, it's not my prerogative either. I'm just too much of a you do you person. Just don't come complaining if it goes sour for you.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is... it doesn't help having fingers pointed at you, being judged and punished for things where to the rational, logical mind, there just isn't much of a problem if at all, but instead a double or triple standard going on and it's not in your favor. In some ways, this seems to run especially deep in communities that claim to be there for help and support, online or in therapy settings. You almost have to hate and feel ashamed of yourself for the scars and all that, in order to belong there, even if you don't seek support so much as just a few people who don't see you as a crazy freak or whatever. I know there's Reddit's and other ToS and all that, and that's a valid reason to speak carefully I guess, but I still doubt it's helpful in a practical sense. I never hated myself for doing this. For other things, maybe, and I work on fixing those as a result, but not this. Never. Am I supposed to learn hating myself first, so a therapist can talk that out of me again? Sounds rather paradoxical, and not like something that could actually work.