u/Adorable-Ad-2129

Food has been an emotional crutch for me in my entire life, but I actually started binging all the way back in 2022. In 2024 I reached 226 pounds.

It was my freshman year of college and I was struggling with everyone else getting romantic and platonic attention while I wasn’t. I got my heartbroken and I finally decided to lose the weight. I was sick of being fat and miserable. I got all the way down to 160 pounds and my joints were messed up and I was nauseous all the time and doors were heavy for me, but I was just happy to be beautiful.

Fast forward summer break hits I get really depressed and start binging again now I’m back up to 198 pounds. I am devastated. It’s a really weird thing to gain pretty privilege and then lose it again. I can’t seem to stick to a fitness plan and I always gain the weight back. My whole life I’ve been severely overweight and ugly, and it’s so miserable. Not saying that being overweight makes you ugly, i’m just saying that I do not carry weight well and it does not go to the places that are acceptable. I honestly just wanna die at this point because it seems that I’ll never escape this. It feels like I’m doomed to be ugly and out of control forever

this summer, I spent so much money on DoorDash and probably ate 2-3 boxes of pop tarts in two days across the course of a couple weeks. I haven’t been active. I haven’t been seeing friends. I haven’t really been outside much. I haven’t found a job.. I’m just a blob at this point I don’t even feel like a woman. I can’t even look down without my double chin getting in the way.

I f20 weighed 160 when summer began. I am now 190 with only 30 days until school starts. I’m so mad at myself. I was finally being treated like I was beautiful and ofc I went and fucked it up. Does anyone else struggle with not being able to stop eating? If so how did you stop. Also getting fat makes me feel like a kid failing at a task. I can’t wait for boys to do that “my freind thinks you’re cute” prank on me again. College boys still do that (crazy right?)

I feel doomed. I ALWAYS gain the weight back. I was down 60 and now I’m just down 30. It feels hopeless I swear people are nicer to me when I’m smaller

Im not sure w whether I have autism or something. The people around me think I do. But I’ve grown up super sheltered I’m super socially awkward and don’t know how to interact with people. So I don’t know if that’s what they’re seeing?

I’m just wondering what signs you guys saw of autism you saw before got diagnosed.

I’m trying to decide if in evaluation a good place to spend my money. I’m unemployed and pretty much inadequate in every aspect and I’m wondering if it’s because of my mental health. I’ve been depressed for literally a decade and it’s only gotten worse. And now my mom (who didn’t used to believe in mental illness), I have ADHD and autism because of Facebook reels.

The pressure is really on because I’m 20 years old and I haven’t started adulting yet and my mom says that I need to start and that the way I’m living now is not good and that no 20-year-old lives the way that I do. I don’t go outside. I don’t have a job. I don’t want to go outside and I don’t want to hang out with people. I don’t have any close friends and I’m scared of trying anything new. I also struggle in school. I can’t even keep my room clean. I’m just fucked up on every front and I want to be better

I’m on summer break from college and I have not left the house in months. It feels safe to stay in my room all day. I eat the same five foods. I do the same five activities. I take the same routes and I don’t deviate. I’m very depressed about how I’m not living at age 20. But I’m also scared to do anything.

I’m scared of sex because pregnancy is my worst fear. Contraceptives are not 100%. I’m also scared that the person I choose will just be using me for my body. I’m scared that if I date a man or a woman, I will get abused. I’m scared of eating certain foods. I’m scared of being in a relationship. I’m scared of dying alone. I’m scared of being fat. I hate being touched. I’m scared of being sick. I’m scared of the doctor. I’m scared of being seen. I’m scared of being stupid. I’m scared of being worthless. I’m scared of making the wrong choices in life and ending up somewhere bad.

All of my friends drink and smoke and have sex and go to parties. I’m scared to do any of that. I’m going into my third year of college and I have no adult experience.

It’s very exhausting and I’m getting nowhere in life, but also every little thing stresses me out so much that I don’t know what to do. I really don’t know what to do with myself, and I feel like the only option for me to have a line is just to die young. I’ve had anxiety for years and it has not gotten better.

It’s basically the title. I dated a girl and I think I accidentally loved bombed her, my friends say I didn’t and she also didn’t say I did. But I feel like I did and I wasn’t a very good partner and it was my first relationship ever so I didn’t know what I was doing or what I was supposed to be feeling, but ultimately, I wasted her time and probably traumatized her because I kind of just broke up with her on a random day. And it wasn’t random to me because I have been thinking about it, but it was probably Random to her, and I feel really bad about it and then I blocked her because she responded to my Internet activity and if pissed me off. I had her number unblocked for a while in case there was further conversation to be had but then she was r rude to me while I was trying to get her her things so then I ended up, blocking her there too because she upset me.

And I just feel really bad because I really could’ve gone about that differently because she’s not a bad person. And we’ve been broken up for about five months and the guilt has been eating me alive since then. I’ve gained weight from stress eating and I just feel miserable. Which is insane because I’m not the one that got broken up with. And the craziest part is she probably doesn’t care and I’m just worrying for nothing.

I also can’t talk to my friends about it anymore because I’m sure they’re sick of me

After hitting my high highest weight freshman year of college, I finally made Myself lose around 60 pounds. I had a lot of personal things happen and stress happens and I’ve been on a sugar binge for three months now and I’ve gained around 20 pounds. And I hadn’t really binged before that for a very long time and the reason why I got so big in the first place because I was binge eating and eating my feelings. The thing that made me stop was hating myself the way I was so much that I changed it. But it’s not working now. I don’t know how to stop. And I’m back to being fat and I’m not looking forward to the way. I’m going to be treated by people.

If anyone has any advice or similar experiences that would be nice

To sum up what happened. This woman named Paris on one of the socials basically said that she sexually attracted to men and would date men, but would never marry a woman, but she stated that she’s sexually attracted to women as well. There were definitely misogynistic tones in the way she spoke about it however she did say she had attraction to women. But then (ofc this happened during pride month) a huge wave of biphobia and bisexual versus lesbians interrupted on social media. They’re saying that if you would not marry a woman as a bisexual then you’re actually just straight.

I’m just really confused because I thought the definition of being bisexual is being sexually attracted to two genders. It’s biSEXUAL.

Here comes the question. I’m bi and people see me as bi, but I’ve never been with a man and I don’t see myself being with a man romantically. But I have dated women and I’ve only ever been with women. A few people say that I’m just a lesbian (implying I’m confused), but I am bi. So why am I considered bisexual and Paris is not?

Please be kind I’m genuinely confused

I don’t know where to ask this because if I ask this in a sex forum I feel like they’ll tell me not to be ashamed and not answer the question.

I have other traumas such as parental issues and physical abuse, but I’ve never had any sexual abuse. I’m 20 now but my whole life I’ve had this fantasy of someone taking advantage of me. I don’t know why and I don’t want it. It feels gross and irresponsible, especially since I haven’t had any sexual trauma. I’ve never heard of it stemming from other kinds of trauma? I would just like input if anyone has any. I’d also like to get rid of this because i feel disgusting.

I have come to realize that I’m deeply anxious and avoidant. I had my first relationship ever, and I ended it in a very avoidant way, telling her that she did nothing wrong (she did but I didn’t want to tell her that) and that I just didn’t view her romantically anymore. I am insanely guilty and I’ve resigned from dating or allowing myself to have a crush on anyone. And I get other attachments that aren’t secure are also harmful but the consensus that I’m getting is that avoidant attachment is the most harmful. I do crave love and belonging, and I do want a girlfriend, but I know that it would only end with me, well, avoiding her. So I’ve come here to ask other avoidants, who are still trying to date why they haven’t removed themselves from the dating pool. If you know you’re just going to act the same way why would you keep traumatizing people? I also say this is someone who’s dealt with avoidants before.

I’m home for the summer from college and I’m really just realizing how stupid I actually am. And I really look up to my professors and how knowledgeable they are. I aspire to be like them.

As far as critical thinking, I think I’m pretty average. I’ve been fooled by a couple Internet things that I didn’t even stop to question. It’s very embarrassing, but it just makes me feel really dumb.

I am very good at following explicit directions, but I fail at the implicit. I was asked to help lift a box with a bunch of parts in it. There were multiple adults (30+) present And I was told to make sure the parts don’t fall out so I grabbed the bottom where the parts were but then someone else told me not to do that so I was really confused on what to do and they kept saying my name instead of instructing me I want to do. I ended up just standing back and not doing anything because I was really confused on what they were trying to get me do to.

Academically I am also average. Maybe even below. I have a horrible memory, so I do not do well in classes that are based on memorization (which is a lot of of them). And I do ask for help, but sometimes I leave even more confused. And I know part of being human is being confused sometimes, but I feel like it happens for me a lot more than it does for other people?

Interpersonally, I struggle with navigating situations. I’m very gullible and when someone puts up a nice front, I believe that they are a nice person. For example, with men, I believe them when they act like they care about what I have to say when in reality, they were actually just trying to sleep with me. Or when people act like they like you, and want to be your friend and then ghost. And sometimes I just feel really dense for not understanding certain social structures. I think some of them are ridiculous. I’m gullible but at the same time though I feel like I’m not trusting enough to form bonds? I know it sounds very contradictory, but I don’t know how to fully explain it. And don’t even get me started on dating.

Artistically (I believe that’s a kind of intelligence) I feel like that is the only aspect that I exceed in. I understand composition. I understand color theory I have great craftsmanship, I can sell myself. Unfortunately, though art will not pay the bills so I need to get better at other things as well.

I feel like all these different kinds of intelligences come together to aid in traversing through life in a capitalistic evil society. I just feel like I’m not intelligent in the ways that matter. And if any of you have any tips on this or if you feel this way and have some advice that would be nice to hear.

A professor, I had really motivated me to apply myself. He was very encouraging and very friendly. He has a very convincing nice act that makes him stand out from other professors, but I recently just found out that he has allegations of SA. I stayed with him for a lot of extra time outside of class during the school year and now I’m really freaked out. And I know I’m going to run into him when I go back to college next year so I’m not really sure how to navigate seeing him again because he loves to engage people in conversation.

And I also don’t know if this other person I’m friends with that was in the same class as aware of the allegations because they are old and I don’t know if I should go around telling people? I don’t really know what to do. I’ve never had this happen. And if you’re wondering how I know, I looked him up to get to his rating so that I could write him one and then a few scrolls down was a case where he was accused of SA. Curiosity did get the better of me. I’m also not saying that every accused man is a guilty man, but it is always better to be safe than sorry so I will try my best to not run into him.

I’m 20, I still live with my narc mother, and I don’t have a job. And I honestly feel worthless. Because I’m not a contributing member of society. I feel like I don’t deserve an opinion or love and I’m horribly depressed along with some undiagnosed other things. I really dread life and I have since the age of 10. My attitude has not changed mostly. I’m not sure what to do, but I don’t have a therapist anymore and I can’t talk to my family or anything.

I do not have the financial means to get out. And I’ve been going through this since I’ve been born. I feel very trapped and suffocated and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

I don’t know if she’s a narcissist and I don’t feel comfortable calling her that but her behavior lines up with narcissism a lot. For example, taking everything as a personal attack and not seeing anyone else’s point of view.

I gave my mom the silent treatment for like a month because she called me a narcissist (again). She believes it was for an entirely different reason that had nothing to do with it. She had given me the silent treatment all of my childhood and wonders where I get it from. And when she calls me a narcissist, she is by extension, she’s comparing me to my father who has NPD. She would compare me to him even as a child because she was so angry at him. And she was with him on and off for years and the last time she was with him was three years ago. She also calls everyone a narcissist. And she told me today that I’m not “adult” enough to talk about it with her. The issue is whenever I tell her anything she weaponizes it against me which is why I haven’t talked to her about my feelings for at least 10 years. So anyway, I gave her the silent treatment (I was also in the trenches of college finals) when she had done to me all of my childhood and she keeps bringing it up and talking about how she raised me and how I “mistreat her”. And I will admit I do have a tone with her sometimes and I do avoid her when we’re in the house at the same time. And that often sets her off. And I do need to get better with that and control my anger. But then she uses that against me and hold it over my head that she’s raised me for 20 years. and I just feel trapped because I can’t tell her the reasoning behind anything or talk about my feelings because she will use it against me later, and then because I don’t talk to her about my feelings she also uses that against me.

Another thing she does is view me like I’m still my 10,13,18 year old self. It’s really weird that she holds me to that standard even though I’m 20 years old. But at the same time, I haven’t given her much to base anything else on because I can’t tell her anything because she will try to micromanage it. I’m sorry this is such a mess. There’s just so much that I’ve taken from her for 20 years. And it’s hard for me to categorize her straight up as a narcissist because she is a mother. And she has sacrificed a lot to raise me and I’m also a bit of a difficult person because of how she raised me, but also because we have a lot of mental illness in the family. But it is just so exhausting to constantly have to watch myself and even then I’m still accused of being a narcissist or mistreating her. And then she’s telling other people and they’re like why are you mean your mom? Having a rude or angry tone, sometimes is not even close to the mistreatment that I received from her. Not saying that it doesn’t matter, but it’s just crazy that she doesn’t see anything she did (physical and emotional abuse) as wrong or damaging but when I do something, it’s the worst thing in the world.

She believes that I am just an entitled, narcissistic piece of shit essentially. And before anyone comments for me to move out, I don’t have the financial means for that at 20 years old. I’m just venting here because I don’t wanna put this on my friends and they also don’t have parents like this so I don’t think they’d understand. They do say that they hate my mom and I always end up defending my mom because it’s not a black-and-white thing, but her behavior definitely has a negative effect on me. And I do genuinely worry and check in with my friends and ask if I could be a narcissist and they say I’m the opposite but also they’re my friends so why would they call me a narcissist?

I don’t know if she’s a narcissist and I don’t feel comfortable calling her that but her behavior lines up with narcissism a lot. For example, taking everything as a personal attack and not seeing anyone else’s point of view.

I gave my mom the silent treatment for like a month because she called me a narcissist (again). She believes it was for an entirely different reason that had nothing to do with it. And when she calls me a narcissist by extension, she’s comparing me to my father who has NPD. She would compare me to him even as a child because she was so angry at him. And she was with him on and off for years and the last time she was with him was three years ago. She also calls everyone a narcissist. And she told me today that I’m not “adult” enough to talk about it with her. The issue is whenever I tell her anything she weaponizes it against me which is why I haven’t talked to her about my feelings for at least 10 years. So anyway, I gave her the silent treatment when she had done to me all of my childhood and she keeps bringing it up and talking about how she raised me and how I “mistreat her”. And I will admit I do have a tone with her sometimes and I do avoid her when we’re in the house at the same time. And that often sets her off. And I do need to get better with that and control my anger. But then she uses that against me and hold it over my head that she’s raised me for 20 years. and I just feel trapped because I can’t tell her the reasoning behind anything or talk about my feelings because she will use it against me later, and then because I don’t talk to her about my feelings she also uses that against me.

Another thing she does is view me like I’m still my 10,13,18 year old self. It’s really weird that she holds me to that standard even though I’m 20 years old. But at the same time, I haven’t given her much to base anything else on because I can’t tell her anything because she will try to micromanage it. I’m sorry this is such a mess. There’s just so much that I’ve taken from her for 20 years. And it’s hard for me to categorize her straight up as a narcissist because she is a mother. And she has sacrificed a lot to raise me and I’m also a bit of a difficult person because of how she raised me, but also because we have a lot of mental illness in the family. But it is just so exhausting to constantly have to watch myself and even then I’m still accused of being a narcissist or mistreating her. And then she’s telling other people and they’re like why are you mean your mom? Having a rude or angry tone, sometimes is not even close to the mistreatment that I received from her. Not saying that it doesn’t matter, but it’s just crazy that she doesn’t see anything she did (physical and emotional abuse) as wrong or damaging but when I do something, it’s the worst thing in the world.

She believes that I am just an entitled, narcissistic piece of shit essentially. And before anyone comments for me to move out, I don’t have the financial means for that at 20 years old. I’m just venting here because I don’t wanna put this on my friends and they also don’t have parents like this so I don’t think they’d understand. They do say that they hate my mom and I always end up defending my mom because it’s not a black-and-white thing, but her behavior definitely has a negative effect on me. And I do genuinely worry and check in with my friends and ask if I could be a narcissist and they say I’m the opposite but also they’re my friends so why would they call me a narcissist?