u/AnUnknownCreature

To me,I have this anxiousness, I have a sudden feeling like there is something working in the background. I become spacy. I have gotten to know this feeling more consciously because not long after I begin to feel not so alone, and start to somewhat get a grasp about an alters presence through sudden changes I thoughts, preferences, purpose and even image of appearance. I have a moment of dread and a frustrated stance on not knowing who I am. I thought for a long time it was just some form of BPD but the switches and some amnesia exist, I think recently I am becoming more terrified of my own condition despite the work I have done to get to understand it. Sometimes I wonder if I was less anxious when I was ignorant. I am tired of creating more alters, especially since I am the host and trauma holder

Is this because the white-gold tower and cyrodiil was taken from the elves?

Would love to know more music. (I am aware of the vampire movie Gackt featured ln)

I'm becoming more aware of how awkward I probably seem looking like I'm thinking of what my name is or looking like I forgot what my name is lately. I had my usual public outing today, now I am a trans person who is trying to help my internal parts agree to a shared name, so we go back and forth between a couple names, but every damn time somebody asks I pause and am so obviously thinking about it. I must look silly to people. I'm a little embarrassed but we are intimidated about using one of our choices. Of course with a bit of time or amnesia I'm sure we will forget which name we used at the time with certain people 😖

I am an avid reader particularly books written about music genre histories and musician biographies/autobiographies. Can anybody suggest what some of the best books may be walking through the beginnings of Goth up into the present? Articles are also welcome 😁

What was that like?

Unfortunately, even though I moved from a heavily conservative area to an area/state that is more accepting blue, I still can't apply for jobs without just using my birthname. Even if there is a place to enter "preferred name", I avoid it because unless a business is heavily queer ran (something I don't exactly seek out) I figure my transness brought up at all weighs negatively on the minds of those hiring. I have previously had prejudice in workplaces due to being trans. Post 30 yrs old and being out since a teenager, this is getting exhausting but I feel like pretending to be Cisgender gets me hired faster, I am also a person of color and have been judged and rejected based on this (indirectly)