u/Ancient_Stranger3210

I've been thinking I have bpd for a long while now, I've done my research and all, but I don't wanna self diagnose bc of all the bad stereotypes of ppl who self diagnose and also bc im a minor and even thi I've experienced these things for years consistently ik I wouldn't be taken srsly

my problem is that if im right, we'll having this favourite person is ruining my life

I'm so codependent on her and I try to spend as much time with her as I can and I also act really clingy which isn't that bad but she has other friends too

also I've hated every single one of her other friends at first and had to hide it to not seem like a bish bc im scared they're gonna take her away from me, before actually getting to know them

if someone makes friendly banter w her i will perceive it as an attack to her and get really mad at that person and crash out at them which is weird I just cant stop

I have had horrible mental breakdowns bc of being paranoid she doesn't care about me and read into everything she says and convince myself that she doesn't like me which will make me want to confront her but then ik that'll make her feel guilty and then I'd feel like a horrible person so I kinda just let the paranoia eat at me

if she is sad I could be having the greatest day ever and it would all be ruined bc my mood and stability depends on her and if she's not happy then I start panicking which only makes things worse bc I don't want to make her feel like she has to hide her emotions from me bc i wanna be a good friend she feels comfortable at the same time but at the same time i hate her for making me feel thus way even if it isnt her fault

I will constantly idolise her which gets weird real fast even she says it makes her uncomfortable

one time I couldn't see her for one week and i was going so insane that I started sending her drawings as "offerings" (yes I literally called them that) and on the one day I didn't have time to make one i felt really guilty and was like im sorry which made her really confused (and she also found the fact that I called them offerings super weird even tho i didn't realise that while I was doing it)

then I was lowkey rly disheartened bc i felt like she didn't appreciate them

anyways I keep on getting really mad bc ik she doesn't care about me the same way I care about her but then I also feel like im not worthy of being cared for to this extreme and then I also keep on conving myself that being this obsessed is good bc she deserves it but I hate it at the same time and I cant say anything bc i would feel too guilty

if her tone is slightly off with me but then not off when talking about someone else I will agonise over that the entire day

I think about her 24/7 and dream about her almost every night and have nightmares about her hating me

once I got mad at her bc of stuff she told me in a nightmare bc i felt like she stopped caring and that was awkward

I keep feeling like she doesn't care so then I either make her a drawing (one time I drew her as a goddess and that drawing took me hourss) so that she'll notice me and then she'll say she likes the drawing which will make me feel reassured or I subconsciously amp up the clinginess which doesn't end as well

and I never realised how obsessive I've been acting until the entire friend group started calling me out for it (they also called me a crazy yandere </3)

oh yeah forgot to mention that when I hated all of her other friends i woukd fantasise about getting them out of the picture just so me and her can spend all our time together like we used to and even now I sometimes do

I wish I could just spend every second if every day with her without worrying abt all of this

oh and I also try to be excessively nice abd helpful bc i feel like if she truly knew how i felt she'd hate me (she already says the idolising makes her uncomfortable and if she knew the rest then she would leave me for sure)

its annoying bc she used to find it sweet but now she's concerned and i hate that like stop being concerned bc how else am I supposed to show my care for you ughhh

the problem is that she lowkey is going through stuff and bc of the codependency I feel that despair too and im scared of making it all about myself and I get that she needs space but how do I giver her space and what if she'll forget how much I care if I do and then she wont like me anymore

and ik its selfish bc she's going through stuff and all im worried about is how that impacts me but I try to be empathetic and remind her that she can talk to me even tho ik i cant handle that but I need to seem like a nice person who she can talk to so that im a good friend but she's not talking to me so then I cant do anything to help and I lowkey fear that im pushing her away by being so close im loosing my mind hahaha I could talk more but im tired of typing this is so much-

I've been thinking I have bpd for a long while now, I've done my research and all, but I don't wanna self diagnose bc of all the bad stereotypes of ppl who self diagnose and also bc im a minor and even thi I've experienced these things for years consistently ik I wouldn't be taken srsly

my problem is that if im right, we'll having this favourite person is ruining my life

I'm so codependent on her and I try to spend as much time with her as I can and I also act really clingy which isn't that bad but she has other friends too

also I've hated every single one of her other friends at first and had to hide it to not seem like a bish bc im scared they're gonna take her away from me, before actually getting to know them

if someone makes friendly banter w her i will perceive it as an attack to her and get really mad at that person and crash out at them which is weird I just cant stop

I have had horrible mental breakdowns bc of being paranoid she doesn't care about me and read into everything she says and convince myself that she doesn't like me which will make me want to confront her but then ik that'll make her feel guilty and then I'd feel like a horrible person so I kinda just let the paranoia eat at me

if she is sad I could be having the greatest day ever and it would all be ruined bc my mood and stability depends on her and if she's not happy then I start panicking which only makes things worse bc I don't want to make her feel like she has to hide her emotions from me bc i wanna be a good friend she feels comfortable at the same time but at the same time i hate her for making me feel thus way even if it isnt her fault

I will constantly idolise her which gets weird real fast even she says it makes her uncomfortable

one time I couldn't see her for one week and i was going so insane that I started sending her drawings as "offerings" (yes I literally called them that) and on the one day I didn't have time to make one i felt really guilty and was like im sorry which made her really confused (and she also found the fact that I called them offerings super weird even tho i didn't realise that while I was doing it)

then I was lowkey rly disheartened bc i felt like she didn't appreciate them

anyways I keep on getting really mad bc ik she doesn't care about me the same way I care about her but then I also feel like im not worthy of being cared for to this extreme and then I also keep on conving myself that being this obsessed is good bc she deserves it but I hate it at the same time and I cant say anything bc i would feel too guilty

if her tone is slightly off with me but then not off when talking about someone else I will agonise over that the entire day

I think about her 24/7 and dream about her almost every night and have nightmares about her hating me

once I got mad at her bc of stuff she told me in a nightmare bc i felt like she stopped caring and that was awkward

I keep feeling like she doesn't care so then I either make her a drawing (one time I drew her as a goddess and that drawing took me hourss) so that she'll notice me and then she'll say she likes the drawing which will make me feel reassured or I subconsciously amp up the clinginess which doesn't end as well

and I never realised how obsessive I've been acting until the entire friend group started calling me out for it (they also called me a crazy yandere </3)

oh yeah forgot to mention that when I hated all of her other friends i woukd fantasise about getting them out of the picture just so me and her can spend all our time together like we used to and even now I sometimes do

I wish I could just spend every second if every day with her without worrying abt all of this

oh and I also try to be excessively nice abd helpful bc i feel like if she truly knew how i felt she'd hate me (she already says the idolising makes her uncomfortable and if she knew the rest then she would leave me for sure)

its annoying bc she used to find it sweet but now she's concerned and i hate that like stop being concerned bc how else am I supposed to show my care for you ughhh

the problem is that she lowkey is going through stuff and bc of the codependency I feel that despair too and im scared of making it all about myself and I get that she needs space but how do I giver her space and what if she'll forget how much I care if I do and then she wont like me anymore

and ik its selfish bc she's going through stuff and all im worried about is how that impacts me but I try to be empathetic and remind her that she can talk to me even tho ik i cant handle that but I need to seem like a nice person who she can talk to so that im a good friend but she's not talking to me so then I cant do anything to help and I lowkey fear that im pushing her away by being so close im loosing my mind hahaha I could talk more but im tired of typing this is so much-

Mum keeps being so clingy and its so suffocating

Like for the past weeks she has been nagging me and asking me in that sweet but untrustworthy tone "oH aRe yOu oKaY iS aNyThInG hApPeNiNg aT sChOoL yOu kNoW yOu cAn tElL mE aNyThInG"

No i freaking cant stop freaking lying to me like that

Not after calling my sister sick in the head for saying she's bi I don't wanna find out your reaction to learning that i am actually psychologically sick in the head

It makes me so angry luke stop trying to paint yourself the hero / victim all the time because you don't actually want to know what's wrong with me and if you did then where is my F*CKING DIAGNOSIS

like whenever she asks me that i get so much anger and she's overdoing it sm its so annoying like SHUT UP SHUT UP-

this makes me realise how much resentment I have for her being the main reason I developed a second mental illness and for not giving me any independence whatsoever

Bc why the flip am I fantasising about being able to do the most mundane things like shopping for food when im a groun up just bc I'll be able to be on my own

And not to mention this woman does not know what boundaries are

Like she keeps on trying to hug me and stuff and I have to or else she'll hit me with the "i have taught you that when i hug you you have to wrap your hands around me too" in that tone that makes her seem like she's speaking to a brainless 5 yo

And I'm not allowed to not hug her

She literally gets annoyed when I flinch when she gets too close

But who gives a frack abt my boundaries

So don't even try yapping about how we're the most important things in the world for you and how you'd do anything for us and how we're so lucky to have you

JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID LIES

like, you have no right to hit me with that

I have so much anger in me and I'm scared that I'll just snap on her bc that would just ruin everything

I'm literally crying rn I just want freedom, is that too much to ask

WE WANT FREEDOM I JUST WANT SOMEONE INDEPENDENCE STOP FREAKING INFANTALISING ME I FEEL SO PATRONISED ALL THE TIME NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY AND I CANT EVEN PROVE THAT I AM WORTH BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY BECAUSE WHEN I TRIED THROUGH MY CHANNEL I JUST PROVED THAT I NEVER WILL BE

Anyone ship pearl from her movie w possessed nikki from obsession

Because I see potential for toxic yuri and I feel like this is a solid crossover ship (in this au only the pearl movie is cannon and nothing pearl did after happens here okayy-)

Soo this was a loveeee spell! I'm gonna narrative what happened. So, I first put a protection spell (normal white small candle + salt + runes) and then started setting up the actual love spell. I made a circle of salt with rose and lavander petals + cloves, then my normal white candle with red wax at the top bc i dont have a red candle with their nane carved in it. The flame was pretty small so I decided to write my intentions on a small piece of paper, folded it towards me and placed it in the flame. This ignited it and it became really big, really palpitating, after a bit I had to spill water on it cus the canle was tiny and I was getting scared. I put everything away. Then dud digital tarot where I drew the death card 3 times. So I think things are looking good, I hope I did good.

Soo this was a loveeee spell! I'm gonna narrative what happened. So, I first put a protection spell (normal white small candle + salt + runes) and then started setting up the actual love spell. I made a circle of salt with rose and lavander petals + cloves, then my normal white candle with red wax at the top bc i dont have a red candle with their nane carved in it. The flame was pretty small so I decided to write my intentions on a small piece of paper, folded it towards me and placed it in the flame. This ignited it and it became really big, really palpitating, after a bit I had to spill water on it cus the canle was tiny and I was getting scared. I put everything away. Then dud digital tarot where I drew the death card 3 times. So I think things are looking good, I hope I did good.

If you do a spell, what do you do with the materials/salt left from it? Does keeping them in a jar or smth do anything, will disposing of then ruin the spell. Same with ashes from spells.

I'm not sure which flair would apply to me as I relate to multiple of the titles so I was wondering if anyone knew a quiz or smth with a more detailed definition of each.

I want to summon the raven man so I was wondering if anyone has any experience with this ritual. Or if you have any experience with simular rituals. This infirnation will all be useful and appreciated.

Not rly anything related but happy pride

Be prideful !

I'm aroacemaxing

Um yeah

- Marcy