u/Ancient_Stranger3210

Implications of suicide

So I have this friend who is pretty much the only person I vent to and feel truly safe around. I'm literally too attached to this person, like I would die if they didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I think about her all the time she even haunts me in my dreams sometimes she is the best person Everything was fine until she started relapsing and I'm scared. I'm scared that she might be gone and idk what to do. Every time she vents on the gc I get so scared bc if she goes I go and I just want security and I can't find it anymore. Back when we first became friends she would hang out with me every day all the time and it was just us against the world and I was happy. Now she became friends with some other people which I, after a long period of hating them due to feeling like she liked them more than me and ruining our beautiful time soent together, became friends with too. Despite that at times I still hate them and wish it was just us. I would give them up for her. And its so annoying because ever since then it has started to feel like she cares less and less even though she says she doesn't. Like every conversation every word used to be meaningful but now it feels like nothing happens now woth all these people. She also seems likes she's more distant now and I cant handle this. Seeing her sad makes me sad. I miss her all the time I miss her ever when she's there. But it is clear she doesn't care as much about me as I do for her and thinking about that fact makes me hate her. She doesn't seem like its such a big deal when we cant see each other. Whenever I'm sick I'm sad that I don't see her but she says its no big deal but it is it feels like we barely see each other anyways so we can't see each other even less. Lately she seems less interested in the friendship. We barely text and we don't even text for hours like we used too and it makes me angry but also I cant be angry at her she's too perfect. Sometimes I think such selfish things and I get so mad for no reason bc she's going through stuff or bc she's having fun with others and I hide it but its killing me on the inside. I feel so selfish for these thoughts but I just want us to be together forever (in a very platonic manner). I cry over these thoughts and she probably doesn't care. She doesn't care about me like she used to. I used to be the most important, or so I think I was, but now I'm not but she still is mine and that hurts. She knows how i get paranoid but she sometimes does things that trigger that and i cant tell her in fear it'll drive her away and she's the only person I vent to and I cant vent to anyone abt this but she does know that my attachment is unhealthy but doesn't really do anything about it and just treats me like a normal person despite everything. Once I confronted her bc I was in deep delusions that she hated me and it seemed to rly upset her so I cant do that again bc if she's sad im sad and I just feel guilty and selfish for these emotions.

So the trueman delusion is believing that everyone in ur life are actors playing a role and that you are in a reality TV show without being aware of it.

I have always felt like my life was a show (more specifically a cartoon) and that i was watched and that this was broadcasted somewhere in some other dimension. This has gotten really worse lately and I keep on justifying suffering bc its for the plot and I feel like bad things happen to me only to keep the audience hooked and its really messing w my mind. I feel like everyone is in a tv show and I'm the main character and the only one aware of it. It really feels like this whole world is fake and written and I'm just realising this and can't break the cycle I can't influence the plot. What do I do?

So I was sorta complaining to one of my friends about how our other friend (who, keep in mind is my only source of emotional regulation, im rly dependant on her to an unhealthy degree she is my only support) seems kind of distant lately. I talk about how I'm being really paranoid about her hating me or not enjoying spending time with me anymore (I tend to overanalyse everything ppl say when I depend on them so much and its so distressing finding so many things that point to the pther person not caring back) and about how the fact that she doesn't care about me as much as I care for her is distressing. I get paranoid really badly like this at times but I feel like I cant confront my friend in fear of pushing her away like I did one other time when I got like this. The friend who I'm talking to who also is concerned due to this distance is hearing my rambles and more concerned for the both of us while the friend who I'm talking to's friend (I have said the word friend too many times idk how to word this) who was NOT in the conversation called me selfish for being so self centered about the friend who we're talking about. This person barely knows me. Also being called selfish is a trigger for me due to trauma from my past so I started crying but then both ppl had to go due to other stuff and I had such a painful breakdown and i feel so angry and so guilty and I've wasted so much time and ugh fvrlydkgdmgd-

Here is my life analysed as a show cus i believe it is one, like Im literally a cartoon

Tw, suicide implication

Tv show life analogy

So the show starts when I turn 5

Because that is when I get inspired to become an animator. And that sets off the plot of the story. With an interesting mc and a real goal. Become an animator before driving yourself insane. Pretty clear character motivation. Simple yet straight to the point writing! Anyways, as the story goes on and the animation plotline kind of gets sidelined because flix is still a child and can't do much to fulfill her dream (other than flix being a silly child and using paper cutouts and string to "animate???". She's a child let her be). Anyways, the animation plot get brought up again after flix discoveres Netflix and decides that she want to learn how to animate. The show was picking up as the character motivation that was established SEASONS ago is finally addressed. Flix finds flipaclip, accidentally starts her own yt channel (called flix bs (i didn't mean bs as the swear but as lastname SuperFataCuAripi (its a long story which i don't feel like talking about))) where she uploads her badly animated, 10sec long, animations. It's all really cute because flix gets a much needed self esteem boost (after years of bulling and being the new kid in a foreign country it was necessary) because she thinks that being an "animator" is so cool and amazing and simply having a yt channel was good enough (oh how times have changed)! About a little over a season later, we get the mid season episode... and this episode changed things FOREVER. Flix manages to accidentally delete her yt channel. Which is kind of poetic considering how the channel being created was an accident, and it now being terminated was also an accident. And the viewers are left on a cliffhanger as we watch flix cry herself to sleep and the scene fading out to a black screen. Everyone was on the edge of their seats, as this episode broke the fandom just like it broke flix. And people wondered how will the story continue. And what flix will do next. Will her motivation falter? Questions will be answered soon as literally the next episode the plot picks up exactly where it left off. Flix get flashbacks to the night before and decides what to do next. She remembers the fact that she has the 4 original try me episodes saved and stubbornly uploads them on a new account, creating her new channel (drumroll please) called Try me official channel. We're not quite in the Nidhiflix era. Anyways, instead of letting go of this happy accident and being happy because she got to experience a taste of the yt life, she doubles down and forcefully creates it again. However the beneficial experience that flix bs offered will not be replicated as flix will take a turn for the worse. With this new channel, she slowly started getting more obsessed with views. Lowering the quality of her content for a higher quantity. And with creating all that mid content, flix got burnet out and silently stopped posting. Not that anyone cared tho. And it was weird for her to let go but she did. This truly signifies a shift in character as instead of enjoying her passion, her wish now was for others to enjoy it too with her. Watching MANY animated shows which impacted her and many others and wishing she could do the same. Make people feel seen and inspired through her work. And while this was not a selfish wish, her fixation on the channel's performance and wanting all that fame sorta was. Now secondary school started and flix entered it with only thinking of grades over passion. It seemed as if the show betrayed itself, I mean flix still wanted to be an animator but with her passion shelved and thus story shift from "autistic girl hyperfixates on her dream" to "kind of narcissist teachers pet acing school and failing to make friends". Even tho it took a while for the show to get back on its track, the wait was finally over! As next season, flix remembers her real passion for animation by taking part in warrior cats maps. Getting back into her habit and vowing that quality will be her priority once more! And flix keeps on nurturing her passion, rebounding her channel and changing the name to Nidhiflix (finally!!!). Flix gets better and decides she will do what she truly want. Taking her ideas for an animated show (heavily inspired by toh and amphibia with the stuff that would happen later on in the story). She drew more digital art as well. Animating her pilot while creating the 50 day character challenge in hope to get more eyes on her work. And flix was totally overworking herself but she was more motivated than she'd even been!!! And with the rise of idie animation, flix truly believed that once her pilot was out that it'll be treated with the same respect that stuff like murder drones and lackadaisy were. After all those were projects fueled by passion, and Nidhiflix pilot was filled to the brim with passion. And whenever flix would for a second stop burning with passion, she would dream about all the fanart and edits and theorising that her future fandom would create. And the thought of others falling in love with her work was all that sge needed to keep going. After all it would all be worth it. Flix would prove that she had potential to fulfill this dream, proving to everyone that she was capable of this. The show was more hype than ever. With flix slowly but surely getting closer to creating her episode. More people were tuning in to watch her story unfold, and those who previously dropped it for previously forgetting the animation narrative were back to being fans. After all, flix's story of hard work and dedication was truly inspiring for those witnessing it unfold. And with the way the show was going everyone was excited to see flix finally achieved what she wanted from the beginning. And this was a simple cartoon after all. Characters can beat any obstacles and achieve anything when they truly believed in themselves. That's what cartoons taught flix in the first place. So progress was being made and premier day was nearing. And Nidhiflix pilot was FINALLY launched!!! Flix decides to take a much needed and deserved break as she can now sit and wait. And wait. And wait she did. And it seemed like a few people liked it. But its fine, we all know it takes a while for things to kick off. So more waiting. And months passed. And flix's dream didn't come true. Once again, this story betrays its narrative and breaks flix. Even after ALL OF THAT BUILDUP and suspense and whimsically believing in yourself. All that hype was for nothing. And the show starts getting stale for a bit. Flix starts animating episode 2, more like an obligation to continue the story. And even though her delusion of fame was less effective in getting her motivated, episode 2 seemed like it was going to be BIG! It was something that flix worked so hard on for 8 months. And she did it without letting exams, school, and even her house flooding stop her! Once again hype was building up for this episode. It clearly showed how flix was improving in her skills. The narrative was back, as flix created something so good that nobody would have seen coming a season or two ago. And the it released. With flix being as burnt out as ever but still hopeful. And even less people cared. Narrative betrayed AGAIN. Flix broken AGAIN. Hype leading to nothing AGAIN. Then flix, once again, started loosing her passion. She still animated. But her heart wasn't fully in it because it was ripped apart into two and stabbed with the analytics arrow going down as her views were going down and comments ceased. Leaving her internally bleeding (metaphorically). This depression impacted her school life as well as she got lower grades than ever. But episode 4 was in the making (yes, episode 3 isn't worth mentioning as everyone already saw that flopping from a mile away). And episode 4 was really good. Flix's animation skills really improved! But when she started reaching the end of the script, something happened. Her motivation faltered. And she only finished the episode out of obligation since she was so close to finishing it. Those last few seconds of screentime were hard to animate, not because what she had to animate was that difficult but because motivating herself was. But it was done and it was surprisingly good and it... unsurprisingly flopped. This show is so lame. Seeing a character do everything in their power to achieve something and seeing them constantly failing was lame. And pathetic. Flix had this channel for years yet she barely scraped 400 subs. Real boring. Why would anyone watch this story. So much great buildup leading to nothing. The algorithm is simply unfair on flix and if people could see her work, they'd know she got skills. And now flix was loosing motivation again. Harder than ever. The thought of animating made her angry. She was done. But then, sometimes happens. Something that might truly lead to something. A competition where her skills could be judged fairly. I mean, the algorithm is mean but real people would appreciate flix's work if they got to see it. And this was her chance! Winning this competition could give flix the eyes on her work which she needed. Plus, it was a country only comp, and flix already had a whole ark about feeling disconnected because people didn't share her interests seasons ago so how many animators aged 11 to 14 could there be in this country. Plus, flix's dedication is unrivalled as her hopes lift up again an she is truly dedicated to do this thing. The thought of animating nidhiflix still made her angry but this animation would be something new! Featuring her childhood ocs naila (previously known as super fara cu aripi, which was what the s in flix bs stood for) and jesiu. A tribute to the characters which flix originally held so dear in her heart many, many seasons ago. So for the first time in months, she opens flipaclip on her brand new phone, seeing the empty gallery, and starting a new project. Maybe the break from animation was needed as the quality this competition entry had was so good!!! After the plot seeming bkeak for so long, flix might actually have a chance to prove herself to herself once and for all. The entry she submitted was "her best work" (you see, the "" are foreshadowing, since her best work wouldn't have lost.) Anyways, hope seemed to be on the horizon as flix kept on dreaming about her work being shown at the animation festival and everyone loving her. Not only that, but flix rewatched amphibia (one of her original show's inspiration) which somehow managed to remind her that making a cartoon isn't about fame but instead creating a beautiful and personal story. Flix got some of the best character "development" here because she stopped thinking about fame (okay. She still thought about it but to a lesser extent) and instead focused on creating a personal story and made the decision to remake her show. Rebranding it as "Nidhiflix and the digital realm" - NatDR for short. I guess that "of the things we let go, you'll be surprised what makes its way back to you" as flix's motivation, desire to make a cartoon and amphibia hyperfixation all made their way back to her. And for the first time in so long, we witness flix simply being happy because the fact that she can animate is so cool. But was it real happiness and whimsy or a coping mechanism. Where flix said she believed in herself in hope to convince herself that it is true. But let's not think about that and instead admire how happy and whimsical the silli flix is (we miss those times). Hype was being built up again. And this time it didn't seem that it would disappoint. And everyone was so ready to see her win. It seemed so clear that that is the direction the narrative was going in. It would be so rewarding to see flix succeed after everything. Plus everyone (including flix) was taking this win for granted. And then her excitement leading up to her win being announced was so sweet. The opportunity to fix this mess of a life story was right there. And seeing flix get set backed so many times was tiring so this win would be massive. Plus it would lead the plot of becoming an animator further since this win could be used on her application to uni plus meeting people who also like animation and people in the industry who might be there could bring this dream closer to being achieved. And then flix is so happy and excited, thinking of her winning as if it was a fact. As if it was set in stone. So FRACKING STUPID THIS FRACKING IDIOT IS SO ANNOYING AND STUPID WITH ALL HER DREAMS AND EMOTIONS AND- we know what happens here. The way flix's smile vanishes from her face as realisation dawns on her. So this was what the plot was building up to huh. Another failure. Narrative betrayed AGAIN. There isn't anything to say that hasn't been said. This show keeps on building momentum and then breaks it. Breaking flix in the process. As her now fixed heart started bleeding again. Revealing the fact that she never got over anything and wished to believe that she was getting better but she's still the same idiot who thought Nidhiflix pilot would be the next big thing in 2023. Such an uninspiring story. Teaching us that you can try as hard as possible and still fail. Because flix's motivation, whimsy, passion and belief in herself was her downfall. The reason these failures hurt so much was because of how hard she believed in herself. And seeing flix get proven wrong time and time again is painful to watch. This is where the "going insane" part of the character motivation kicks in. Because with all of this, sanity is at an all time low. As my belivingness in myself cracks.

But there was in fact one last hope, before the competition, flix started animating episode 1 of the reboot for her show. Despite being hit by a wave of depression after the competition which crippled her, making her unable to animate for a month, she found some passion. After 7 months, many all nighters and a lot of hope, Nidhiflix and the Digital Realm (aka NatDR) episode 1 was made. This was literally the best thing she ever created in her life ever. But we all knew what was going to happen this time. It flopped. And that wasn't shocking. Not even a little bit. Everyone was used to this by now. For some reason it still hurt. This world rejected my show but I am my show so it therefore rejected ME. NatDR is the only thing I live for but there is no point in creating it when it is so unwanted. NatDR was my last hope and it failed me. I'm sorry for ever dreaming and hoping and believing I could ever be an animator. (Okay we kinda wrote that last paragraph while going through the worst crisis of our lives, we're still gonna do everything we can to make this show, we've basically sold our soul to this passion, this story has to be told ofc, we have to live long enough to see this through! After that nothing matters, but thats like in over a decade so who cares). (Update. I'm not sure if this is worth it. Me living and the show going viral are 2 statements that can't be logically true at the same time. And maybe the real show is the life we lived alomg the way.)

I am making one of those hour long show analysis vids abt amphibia and its my first time doing smth like this. Until now I've written 14 pages and I've just finished my 6 page long glaze of s1 ep10 toad tax / prison break and the whole thing is like 5000 words. So yea i have a lot to say abt amphibia I have consumed so much content, all the books, the show, livestreams and interviews. I know so much more about amphibia than any normal sane person should. Also random but I'm rewatching the episodes at 2x speed while writing ant them and amphibia at 2x speed is so funny to me for absolutely no reason I cant take it srsly.

How do you feel about crossover theories between these shows (eg toh and amphibia)? Bc I do think these sources are linked or could be possibly linked through lore and whenever I see like a toh kin or gf kin I feel like we have the same source even though we technically don't but just the connection stuff makes sense. Also what do yall think abt chibiverse? I'm panmediakin (kin character from all official media) so yes I'm chibi marcy. But what do yall think abt or sources being connected through that?

- Marcy

What is a place where I could anonymously reach out for help and vent and have a professional help me. I'm a minor abd due to my current situation i cant get proper therapy so could anyone share smth they know?

So, I am still young but I am way weaker than others ny age and younger. I can barely carry my backpack while others can carry so much more. And I'm not malnourished or anything. I eat enough and healthy food, sleep (i have a really strict sleep schedule) and stay hydrated. I even do some sport, like swimming. But I feel like even walking and carrying myself is heavy. I feel like my bones are so weak. I easily get lightheaded and I always need to sit down or lean against a wall. I also have terrible stamina. And when I do yoga I am so stiff and constantly am off balance. Anyone know what this could be?

Please read!! I added a members list is the rules section so anyone who is uncomfortable with doubles can check before joining! Or if anyone wants to see if a potential sourcemate lurks on this sub. Also I feel like having a list of everyone here is just very neat (i love categoring stuff and organisation !!). Soo I wrote all the names of folks who made official intros but if I managed to miss you out/you aren't on the list then just tell me who you are on this post. Btw this isn't like kin hideout where you claim a kin, if ur kin is there but ur chill with doubles then there isn't a need to let me know as that name is already written down.

- Marcy

Being a fictionkin is so weird cus wdym Marcy is pulling an all nighters eating pancakes while drawing a free commission for a friend's bf while wearing her cape (luv wearing the cape from my cosplay, like just the cape itself bribgs me euphoria). Ok that actually isn't too out of character just funny. - Marcy

For me its when I posted my cosplay in the amphibia sub and everyone wad commenting on how my vibes and energy were so perfect and how I'm literally marcy irl - which is all true! And then I got recognised in some random lidil while wearing said cosplay.

- Marcy