u/Ancient_Stranger3210

Chapter 4 of my marcy centric angst fic is out

https://archiveofourown.org/works/88241106/chapters/233985546

I keep getting rly annoyed when I see ppl say they're "number 1 marcy kinnie" and I keep seeing such ppl and it rly bothers me like no ur not. Even "number 1 marcy fan" kinda bothers me. Its annoying bc i get how i an a really relateable character but also ik that the people who say that most of the time only relate to my more surface level traits and not the everything so like stop saying ur the number 1 kinnie- like ik you wouldn't actually have >!trapped your friebds in another dimension bc ur attachment issues are that bad!< so stop acting like it

How come the pnly person i feel this way towards is a freaking normal person who realises its unhealthy to be the centre of someone else's entire exsistence. Like, you don't want a platonic yandere best friend who will constantly draw you and make you stuff and who also will do anything for you. Like, you don't want someone to worship you and center such a huge part of themselves around you-? Like i can't stop im in too deep. Its been 2.5 years of me obsessing. You just were too nice to say anything about it. I see all these posts about people wanting this which is like, ig the grass is only greener on the pther side. If only she has that mentality lol-

Okay there's like a few things here so let me break it all up

My attachment:

So i have this apparently super unhealthy attachment to this one friend and i never knew this until my entire friend group called me out and I was like whaa-

So I've never been good w friendship n stuff and i made this friend after a person i used to be friends w distanced themself from me. I was worried I wouldn't have friends in here so when this person showed up and we had a few common interests i clinged to her for dear life. To me, she is the best person in all exsistence ever, but apperantly thats me idolising her and weird. Also id get really mad if anyone said anything bad about her even if it was obviously as a joke. Everyone single time she is a little sad I contemplate and worry about that all day and think its my fault and start thinking that she hates me abd sometimes even have whole meltdowns about it. If she is sad I start contemplating if living is even worth it. If this person stopped being friends w me I would off myself. But she's nice and wouldn't do that. Once I got so paranoid about her hating me and for like ages I would cry myself to sleep thinking that so then I confronted her about it which was rly awkward and made her feel rly guilty which only made me feel worse so uhh never again-! I hated all of her other friends bc i thought she liked them over me until I actually got to know em and now were chill but I still sometimes feel she prefers their company over mine which makes me rly jealous. Especially her gf, like, she woukd talk to me abt this person before they started dating and I was jealous bc she liked her more than me and then that came true cus they're dating. Which, im happy for her but I also wish I cohkd be your only friend forever and ever. Im aroace btw i dont have a crush on her i just want us to be friends forever. Heavy emphasis on forever. I would want to spend every second of every moment w this person but she straight up told me that would drive her insane which hurt me. I would also do anything for her. Yes, I have been called a yandere, which was annoying at first bit now im lowkey owning being the most popular deretype. Tok bad the one person i act like that for is normal and doesn't like it. She called me out multiple times on how I centre my entire life around her and how its weird but I literally cant stop. It has been this way for 2.5 years and ive never been this obsessive about a friendship ever. Oh and I also make a lot of stuff abd crafts for her to show my appreciation cus yes friendship stuff but apperantly the fact that i was calling the offerings is weird- i put a lot of effort into thise things btw once I spent 6h drawing this digital painting for her!

Okay i rambled about that for too long uhhh time to explain this belief ive had ever since I was little which my entire friendgroup calls me delusional for-!

So ever since I was little I felt likr I was being watched abd recorded. And that my life was broadcast somewhere. I believe that my life is a tv show and that everyone is the main character of their life story and all these shows intertwine. Also media are other universes which are real and parallel to our one whenever somrone comes up w a story its actually them connecting to a different universe and making it connects said universes. There's a lot to this theory bc i genuinely feel my life is structured like a story. I see so many parallels and symbolism and the writers were genuinely cooking w this. Like I hear fandom discourse about everything in my head and I hear how people interact with my life as a piece of media. I feel like im a fictional character and that we all are. Sometimes I forget that ppl around me are supposedly real bc i think if them all as fictional characters and i analyse them as such. Apperantly nobody else has realised this yet.

Okay there's more stuff

I have always wanted to be an animator. And I have these ocs and a story for an animated show. I've been working on developing this animated show for a while, dates back 5 years. And I view creating this show as my sole life's purpose. Seeing it flop so miserably over these past 5 years has been heartbreaking and even thinking too much abt it makes me wanna cry. I need to make this show, not working on it makes me feel guilty. Everything else is a side quest, a distraction, stuff to make my story longer when the core plot is making this show. I overwork myself a lot for it abd have destroyed my eyesight but who cares I only need it to last long enough to finish this. I get crazy jealous whenever I see someone more famous than me. I know they dont see their content as their lives purpose so why do they get to live my dream? I have contemplated offing myself in a super performative way to get on the news for free advertisement bc all advertisement is good advertisement. I have fantasised about ppl discovering my work after my death and feeling bad for not supporting it while I was alive. I kinda wanna do that just for the fame but also dying without finishing my show feels pointless like I have one job in this life. Leaving this earth without leaving my show behind feels like such a waste. I need to make it so I can become immortalised through it and live forever! Which is why im going to kill myself after finishing it and become remembered as a tragic artist and be romanticised. Its gonna take me a decade to get there but it'll make one heck of a good story. Both the show im making and the show of my life. Also I refuse to cuss bc i believe that will break the rating and I'm a cartoon character so I cant break the rating. Im literally 2d im literally a cartoon character. So yea peak life goals heh.

Oh and one more thing which ive never told anyone

I never experienced that bad of trauma, other than emotionally immature parents and being bullied as a child bc i was the only person of colour in that school. But I sometimes fantasise about bad things happening to me and it makes me oddly happy. I've done this ever since I was a child and ive always felt disgusted at it. I only do it at night bc otherwise I feel like ppl around me can hear my thoughts. The audience surely can. I like the fact that they can fully understand me bc they can view my inner abd outer monologue, but they dont watch the show at night cus watching me sleep is boring so thats my chance. These fantasies are really odd and when i wake up I feel super embarrassed and ashamed for the fact that i was enjoying these thoughts. I cant say too much about what they contain bc I'd feel so embarrassed but this has been smth ive been doing for pretty much my whole life. Ik id most likely hate most of those scenarios if they actually played out so idk why I enjoy em.

Okay wow I got that all off my chest ooph.

This was a lot

Thank you for reading through all of this hope u dont think im to crazy

But at this point I just accept my fate as the crazy and eccentric gal!

Have a good day and I hope you can pinpoint a thing or two about a thing or two-

Does anyone else think about the guilt marcy must've felt after realising how much she was enjoying the company of the fake versions of her friends in the core because they actually listened to her. Like, before realising it was all fake she was genuinely enjoying it. Imagine her having to face the real them knowing she couldn't even tell that the fake versions weren't the real them.

So i (F, 15) am going to disneyland Paris next week and I'm so excited! And i really want to wear my marcy wu cosplay because dhe is my favourite character in all media ever. Marcy wu is from amphibia which is a disney tva show. I know there's rules around costume because of the impersonator but tva shows dont have any. Would I be allowed to wear it with no issue-?

This is the plot of my show from the second episode to the pre finale episode. I have been working on this story for 3 years I would appreciate it if someone looked over the concept and shared their opinions. Ep 1 is out already and it took me 7 months.

Synopsis - Nidhiflix finds herself in a world where all of her OCs are alive. At first glance seeming like the perfect escape, she tags along. Expecting amazing adventures and friendships that will last for forever in this ideal world. However, she doesn't know this world or even her characters as well as she originally thought.

Show name- "Nidhiflix and the Digital Realm" on yt Nidhiflix

"do i creep you out"

but i genuinely believe life is a tv show

yes i am actually a 2d cartoon character

yes i sometimes forget that me and others are supposedly real people and not fictional characters

yes every time i take any action i hear all of the typical fandom discourse about it

i see the fandom

I see the fandom, I hear people love me hate me kin me misunderstand me, I see people with no media literacy ruin the depth of my character but st least there are those who analyse me and truly understand me

I hear a voice narrate over all my actions as if it is reacting to a new episode

I see to many connections through everything and the symbolism of life is so well crafted and i am si well written my ark is so well paced if not a bit slow

the parallels between everything are a bit hard to ignore I see what you did there writers and I applaud you

couldn't have created something better myself

a show about someone who's life purpose is creating a show

what a classic

though I would appreciate it if you let me go viral for once

but that would ruin the tragedy of my inspirational and moving story so fine ill fail to give you hope

I've felt like cameras and an audience has been watching me ever since I was little

I constantly talk about how stuff that happens foreshadows stuff

I even predict it correctly at times

I see you writers I can catch the hints too just like the theorists

it just is the perfect explanation for everything

we were all created and written and watched by the audience for endless entertainment

life is an animated TV show

I know the truth