Everything is more less the same with some added details. The fourth slide I'm starting to get used to how I draw after so long of feeling not feeling comfortable with it. The fifth slide is something I always wanted to add. It was originally going to more like a short story but these bullets help better in breaking what I wanted to say in my head. Everything is still in progress but I'm happy with what I'm making so far
I'm remember hearing about how Daron Nefcy was inspired to create Marco's arc about his rebel princess persona, Princess Turdina from her real life childhood friendship with a boy. He was interested in wearing make up and Nefcy helped him with a makeover but he got in trouble for it. This really upset Nefcy so when creating SvTFOE, Nefcy wanted to include this arc as a way to show that Marco was comfortable enough with his masculinity that he didn't mind being a princess. It was a show audiences and younger viewers that people breaking gender expectations is okay and can even be inspirational which I admire.
I wanted to share this with a community I'm in but I also want to confirm if this is true because I remember hearing it but I don't remember where it came from
Granted the first one did more than the later but you get the idea
This week an idea that I've been cooking in the back of my mind is what if Charlie became a magical girl? I haven't thought of a lot of details but I think either the prize itself or in addition to the prize would be to become a magical guardian or protege to Willy Wonka and his respective business.
The story would play out as after winning the competition, Wonka would give Charlie a special candy that grants him magical powers for periods of a time. Unbeknownst to both of them, Charlie would have some kind of effect where he either swaps gender when transformed or just gets dressed femininely (I haven't decided on which yet). This would only be Charlie specifically because he has some kind of "allergic reaction" to the magic. Like if the four bratty kids ate the candy, the magic would reflect the same gender they were born as.
Speaking of the Four Bratty Kids, I would either have them form like some kind of rouge gallery by joining rival candy companies or begrudgingly help Charlie as some kind of karmic way they atone for their mistakes. While they would probably make fun or hold a little resentment for Charlie in the beginning, it would be set up for an arc where they grow into true friends. I like to imagine Veruca and Violet helping Charlie adjust to presenting as a girl as a nice way for them to bond. While I am okay with people interpreting Charlie as a trans egg throguh this narrative, my intentions are that I just like the idea of Charlie being a gender-bending magical girl either through actually changing their gender or just cross-dressing.
As for the adventures, it would be things from helping around the factory with the Oompa Loompas to traveling the world with Wonka to fighting threats like spies or just Charlie being helpful in his hometown. I could even new things like Wonka's rivals trying to recreate his candy only to create problems like monsters.
I don't know how committed I'll be to this idea as I do have my hands full with working on other things but it's something nice that I like to explore.
I was rereading 'so you want to write a magical girl series' on TV Tropes and I remember it talking about this concept called "the power of the feminine" or I guess feminine power to keep things simple? According to the page:
"One overall theme around Magical Girls is the Power of the Feminine, who is not necessarily "Girl Power". In a way, a Magical Girl is a celebration of the way girls do things, and the power to overcome everything and find the strength inside herself, all while looking fabulous."
I always like this concept and it appealed to why I fell in love with magical girls in the first place but I was wondering if this is something that is agreed upon throughout the genre in a media?
So today I was thinking again about Pretty Pretty Please and why I feel the way I feel about it. In the beginning, it was mainly because I felt it was going to be another cynical deconstruction of the magical girl genre. Like I'm familiar with Kiana's work so I knew logically it wouldn't be solely that but the fear was still there. But it's not entirely that anymore.
Now I think it's because of two things: it's relatable to me in a way I don't like and I feel left out of the hype. Like I actually really relate to Aika because I'm alot like her. There were things and people I loved with passion but years later, I can't help but feel burnt out and sometimes jaded about what those meant and how it affected my own life and how I see the world. I hate that as I don't like being angry or being reminded about it so I want to move on to something I do feel passion and hope for. For me ironically enough, it's making my own magical girl passion project but where being magical girl in the ultimate good in her own life. I'm not making because Pretty Pretty Please, I just came up with the idea around the same Kiana started working hers.
As for feeling left out of the hype, I guess it just comes down having different preferences. Like I get logically why it's good and I'm happy to see it getting popular but sometimes I feel left out which makes me angry. But I know it's not anyone's fault and I'm entitled to my own opinion. I guess the reason why I always feel I need to speak my mind about it is that I do feel passionate about this topic and sharing helps me let it out.
I picked this comic because I feel it kind of embodies what I'm going through: like Aika maybe done with magical girl stuff but she's still kind and respectful about it (at least to people who don't box her in that role). It's not that she hates magical girls on principle, she hates being burdened from the job which virtually everyone goes through
Side notes: there was a time when writing my OC that I considered her to be a foil to Aika funny enough which I shared here when writing notes. Granted this is old and outdated so take it with a grain of salt.
And I didn't mention this in the first post, I personally prefer the first art style because it felt cuter and I don't like name of the cartoon as I feel it's too long for the sake of joke
I have been waiting patiently for stories based around the new HHN houses we're getting this year and so far, it's been nothing but silence. I'm getting worried because what it could mean. When I saw the trailer for HHHN 35, it felt kind of cheap so I'm wondering if it was an omen that they were also not going to do the stories. It's what I've been talking about with how 2000's HHN was the best because it felt like they more committed creatively to not just the attractions themselves but hyping them up through commercials and giving stuff for fans to interact with. I hope I'm wrong because I really wanted to hear the stories how the cannibal zoo house, the robot apocalypse house and the Dr Oddfellow Vs Jack the Clown house
I admit that in the beginning, I was very on the fence about Pretty Pretty Please I Don't Want To Be A Magical Girl. Like I saw and knew how good it was and I was happy with it gaining popularity but it wasn't something I vibed with. I consider PPPIDWTBAMG to be "guilty displeasure" where I can technically understand why it was good but didn't emotionally click with it.
I felt guilty for not falling in love with the cartoon because I was worried what others would think of me. Like if I were to give any criticisms or grievances, I was come off as an obnoxious no-nothing know it all who's bashing on something popular to make up for what little success I made on my own projects, especially since I too am also developing a magical girl project with a POC main character.
PPPIDWTBAMG also spoke to a mundane yet dreaded fear I had and still kind of do: that being becoming disinterested/disillusioned in something I was passionate about. Magical girls fill a special place in my heart where I view as them as ideals despite not fully immersing myself in the genre. With that, I got the impression that the cartoon would be bashing what makes them special, even though I knew it wasn't fully going to that route.
On top of all that, I felt like there wasn't enough for me to know about the cartoon that would really convince me otherwise. Like with how Aika no longer wanting to be a magical girl. There was also the characters which didn't land for me at time. Aside from not vibing with Aika, both in and out of her magical girl persona, none of the other characters really interested me aside from Miss and Lady DeVoid and that's mainly because I love the ship between the two.
With all this being said, I did take the time to watch for myself when PPPIDWTBAMG first came out, rewatched on occasion and saw the second episode to gain an honest, well-informed opinion. My feelings were the same but now after some life stuff that I've been going through, I also gained a newfound appreciation and relatability with Aika. Namely with how she's tired of always expecting to be the hero when she wants something new. I might talk about this further if I come up with more to say. But for now I'm tired, I said most of what I wanted to say and I have more to post
Last week, I had an epiphany about where I'm going and who I am as an artist. I realized that for years, I have been chasing being an artist and being actually one. I say chasing because I always had this mindset that the ideal artist I wanted to be was something external and beyond me. It's been particularly rocky since some life changes I've been dealing with for about two years now.
One of my driving forces as an artist was envy, even if I didn't fully know it at the time. When I was younger, I was inspired by the cartoons I grew up watching and wanted to be a part of that magical feeling of embracing creativity. As I got older, I can look at other people's art and see the passion they put it in.
But, I always felt like I was never good enough whether I did things my own way and tried to follow what everyone else is doing. My greatest weakness is how I overly attach myself to things that holds me back and rarely venturing out of my comfort zone. I made so many projects thinking they'll be my destiny and got heart broken whenever they didn't turn what I wanted them to be or when they weren't finished at all.
So now I'm changing mindsets. I don't want to "want" being an artist. I want to accept that I always have been one. I'm learning to accept the inner artist inside of me rather molding it into something I think it ought to be. I'm recreating my inner world and rediscovering that inner child that I've been neglecting. I always liked Charles Bukowski's quote "Don't Try" and thought it applied to me but now it taken on a whole new meaning as I want to make art because I love of making art rather than trying to prove something to myself.
I even came up with this affirmation for myself: "I Am The Best Artist I Will Ever Know". I like how it keeps me grounded while also being about self-love. I tend to drift and think about what alternate versions of me would be doing in the multiverse even though I have no way of proving it. So this affirmation helps me recognize that I will never truly know any artist on a more thorough level as I know myself, whether that's an alternate version of me or any artist on this Earth. It also helps counter my negative self-talk as I'm prone to doing to myself despite never doing that to virtually anyone else. Anyways, that's pretty much what I wanted to share. Thanks for reading
TLDR: This is more/less an open diary entry for what I've been going through creatively and figuring where to go from here after an epiphany I had about myself as an artist. This may feel rambly
About 13 days ago, I made a post about why I love magical girls. I talked about how I felt connected with the genre as a form of feminine escapism because as a transwoman who cracked in high school, I feel I missed out on pursuing and embracing more traditionally girly interests and pursuits. It would have been complicated with how I grew up but I didn't give myself a proper chance. But I admit, that post also felt kind of superficial. Not fake or a lie but overly simplified. I even picked the art with all those magical girls because I knew it would it would better attract attention.
I'm revisiting the topic again because I've actually been contemplating with how I could just be loving the "idea" of magical girls over actual magical girls so the speak. Like I put them on this pedestal but didn't fully watch or engage with the media as much I think I should and I worry about what that says about me. I'm worried that I'm not doing enough and how it reflects on my own passion project, Househaunter Emmie. If they were two things central about her is that she is both a trans woman and a magical girl but I always debated what that truly meant for her. For how much I've written and re-written her, it always felt like something was off. It wasn't until last week I come realized just how much I was projecting my own issues on to her.
I can't go fully into them but I've been struggling in life and it manifests into my art. Unconsciously, I wanted to "transcend my own reality" through the narrative I was forming for Emmie and while it's not bad on its own, it's not what I wanted when I started this project. I realized I wasn't being the artist I wanted to be. I felt like the kind of mother was trying to live out a new life through their child and how it was hurting both me and her. I want Emmie to be "better" than me, to create this world where she was free to be who ever she wanted to be. But for how much I created and detailed, it felt hollow. Like she rarely faced conflicts or had any other characters to help her develop or how I felt uncomfortable grounding her in both some kind of reality or fantasy. I don't even feel like I can talk about the stuff I have been developing for her without spiraling into a bunch of "What-Ifs?" Emmie may have been an my idealized trans magical girl but she was also alone and would never truly become anything if I attached so much of myself on to her.
None of this is to say I don't want Emmie to be trans and a magical girl or that creating her and my project to be a mistake or that I regret making her for two years. But I know now I need a better direction if I want to keep going onward. I want to be able to share more about her because I've always saw something special in Emmie. I really need to watch and read more magical girl stuff so she can the best, most authentic version of herself she can be.
I remember a long time ago in the past, I said that I didn't really vibe with pretty pretty please I don't want to be a magical girl and I still wanted to go over my reasons why to get them off my chest. But after some recent events I'm starting to feel more okay with seeing myself in Aika
The power went out in my house since Tuesday night and we've been out of the internet ever since. We got a new box but it's ot lighting up despite the following all the instructions. We think the box we got at the psychical store was a dead box and we can't wait for an appointment because the closest one a available is weeks away.
What should we do?
Weird fiction is one of the newer genres I learned about in adulthood and I was wondering if whether the narrative I'm writing fits that description?
I'm going through an epiphany and I really questioning what does being an artist mean for me? Ever since middle school when I dreamed of being an animator, I always been creating cartoon ideas I wanted to make one day. And as I got older, I felt passionate from all the art I seen online and wanted to be a part of those communities. But it feels like no matter what do or think, it's not correct and it's never good enough. And to make things more complicated, I do enjoy the creation process like with character building my OC. I get to go through all these hypotheticals of who she could be and learn along the process. But this like with virtually every other art project I made with the intentional purpose of solidifying myself as a true artist, I do things that sabotage me. I don't learn from others like I could, I don't try new things because I'm struggle with dealing and accepting mistakes and failure. I do all this mostly alone with rarely anyone to bounce off of. And to make things existentially confusing, with my current OC, it feels like projecting my problems onto them so I constantly seeing myself in a cracked mirror. All this leads me to always questioning if I'm enjoying being an artist? I constantly question whether I'm doing this right and if I'm okay with where it's taking me. I said earlier about how I was constantly criticizing myself for wanting my OC to be chubby and some people questioned why don't I let myself do it. And that's a problem I know I have. I feel by trying to maintain a work-mindset, I lost sight about doing art because of sheer love and not having to justify everything. From this point on, I want to get back to my inner child so the speak. I want to break out of the gilded cage I made for myself
They are both sweethearts who try so hard to with caring for their friends despite not always getting the same reciprocation. I think it would be cute if the bonded and gradually fell in love with each other.
What I love most about magical girls is that for me, they are one of my favorite forms of escapism in femininity. When I was a kid I hated anything girly with a passion. But stuff like crossdressing and gender-bending cartoon episodes made me curious enough to wear later down the line I discovered I was trans in high school. I wish I could live what I missed out in childhood if I knew myself sooner. So I look to magical girls for their aesthetic, their friendships, and how they embrace traditionally girly things like dresses and princesses to recapture that spirit. It also what motivates me to making my own magical girl project where being trans is central to my magical girl Emmie.
I really wish I could go deeper into my issues here but it's too much too say in one go. So for the time being, I'm going to mention how I've been struggling with my sense of motivation.
About a week ago, I talked about how I was criticizing myself for wanting to design my magical girl OC to be chubby. Some people questioned why I was like this and I felt where they were coming from. I'm doing art for the love of it and nothing is stopping for making whatever I want with my OC. For me, I have tendency where the more I love and want to do something, the more self-conscious I am of doing it as I want to be prefect. It leads me self-sabotage where I get tunnel vision and stress myself to the point where it becomes too frustrating to do. Recently, I've been feeling the more I push forward, the more I lose sight about creating for the enjoyment of it. It's like I always need to justify why I do everything I do and I can't help but fixate on analyzing and preparing for creating art over actually just doing it. I don't want to give up because it's one of the few things I genuinely look forward to in life while knowing I'm digging a deeper hole for myself the more avoid all the other unpleasant things that's been hurting my well-being.
I'm only really talking about Mac's arc about trying to prove Santa is real when discovers most Santas are imaginary friends created by other kids. Maybe I need to rewatch the special but from what I remembered, what Mac specifically wanted Santa to be a magical human the same way most kids do in the real world? But that begs the question, in the world like Fosters where kids can create literally anything with their imagination, wouldn't it make more sense for his Santa to be just a really powerful imaginary friend. We have beings like Coco and World so it's not out of the room of possibility.
Also spoilers, Mac was proven right or at least it shows imply he is when on the night before christmas, he basically prays to get socks and he gets socks along with Bloo getting nothing but coal. But that begs the question, how is that from the real Santa and not an imaginary one? And if Santa truly is real why would there be a mystery at all, like wouldn't everyone just know he is from all the gifts they get
And going on a tangent, why would anyone in The Fosters universe believe in the Supernatural when it could be argued that virtually every Supernatural thing we're simply kids creating Imaginary Friends of those Supernatural things. Like if you can prove the chicken has always come first before the egg, why have the question of what came first? Like I know Fosters isn't the best when it comes to world-building but still.
Like throughout the entire series of Phineas and Ferb, virtually everyone in Danville was perfectly okay with Phineas and Ferb's doing whatever they want, but when their mom has a problem with it, everyone starts questioning it enough to ban creativity and lock every kid into adulthood? Like as a kid, I accepted it and I could brush it off as just how the show works but still.
The last two episodes really had me annoyed with Jon for being so angsty and vindictive to Clark. Like when I thought a preview I thought to myself if I was Clark Kent in this scenario, I would be so over this attitude because it's like "I'm sorry why are you so mad at me?" Like if I lost my powers, got shot protecting kids and had to deal two reality-warping imps who were using me and my group as tools, I would have a lot less patience with it being blamed for apparently dying. His arrogance really takes me out of the story and grates on me. I know he's dealing with alot but MAWS doesn't really show enough of Jon to make me feel sympathetic towards him.
Side note: when he went back in time, I thought Jon was really dumb for not explaining to Clark and Lois about why he was there sooner with how bad the first bad future was