I’m a dick
It’s true. I’m a miserable dick. Internally I’m rotten, angry, bitter and full of hatred. With a lack of positive social atmosphere and solitude I suffer alone with nobody to talk to. Of course in real life I am nice to people, you wouldn’t even know I’m such a prick. But here — online, on Reddit, I’m a fucking asshole. I purposefully troll people and start arguments to waste peoples’ time with no intention of proving an actual point, view, or fact.
Maliciously I lure people into an argument, or attack something they say (sometimes they deserve it), or purposefully drop an opinion opposite of what the room is saying. Later I end up feeling bad. The solitude intensifies, the feelings of despair intensify, a new day arrives, and I’m still an asshole. It’s tantamount to harassment, though I’ve been banned a time or two (for a few days) it just makes me more adept to pushing the envelope or threshold of being an asshole but just shy of banishment.
My real life problems stem from not being so much a bad person, but my environment is extremely stressful, I literally can’t have hobbies or any positive social connections. It’s nobodies fault, maybe just bad fucking luck. Over time it’s twisted my soul and internal narrative by not having a positive release from daily stressors.
It has to be bad karma, I don’t want to be an asshole to people, I’m totally aware it’s a shitty way to be. In general I like people. I wouldn’t want someone to treat me like an asshole, I can’t stand those people! Hypocrisy, right? The anonymity of this platforms offers somewhat of a release and a social platform for interaction but I take it too far. I don’t think I’m a psycho, but issues certainly make it where I’m frustrated and lash out in unhealthy ways.
It’s not the only reason I get on here. Some positive comes of it, have friendly conversations with random internet denizens, learning new things everyday, and of course laughing at a multitude of random videos and content.
Anyway, I don’t want to be an asshole anymore. Might just delete my account and figure shit out on my own like men end up always having to do. Sorry to the people I’ve offended, purposefully annoyed, bullied and harassed. On any given day, in person, I’m usually a pleasant person to be around and could sit down and have a joyful beer with just about anyone. I want to do better and be better. This is the seed and it starts now!
Be well, folks.