u/Equivalent-Piano2146

I experienced institutional racism at a college (last two years of high school equivalent in America) in the uk in a predominantly white area and I was basically mobbed out of the place.

I won’t go into detail because I don’t want to traumatise anyone else but the news has been so heavy for me lately.

I also have a full psychotic break because of what had occurred. It happened when I was 17 years old. I am now 22 and I still live with the scars.

I don’t know how to engage in self care and how to feel better about myself after experiencing mobbing in white institutions. I won’t go into detail but I’m so tired of what I’ve seen.

I have been bullied out an institution before as a woman and I have experienced workplace mobbing and I feel depressed reading and listening to the news. And I don’t know how to feel better about myself. I live in a predominantly white area and I do not feel safe leaving the house.

The news is so negative these days. I feel so sad. I feel sad.

I went into so much debt trying to please a man and I couldn’t do that. If I’m being honest I went into £2000 of debt for a man. He knew and he didn’t care. I didn’t listen to my friends even though they told me he was bad for me. I won’t doxx myself but we were doing a long distance relationship and I went into so much debt and he didn’t care. I understand that love can blind us sometimes.

Some of his friends were racist but I didn’t even feel safe enough to go to him and tell him that his friends were racist.

I didn’t feel emotionally safe with him. He would admit that he wasn’t sure how he would defend me if men came up to speak to me.

The news is so negative these days. I feel so sad. I feel sad.

I went into so much debt trying to please a man and I couldn’t do that. If I’m being honest I went into £2000 of debt for a man. He knew and he didn’t care. I didn’t listen to my friends even though they told me he was bad for me. I won’t doxx myself but we were doing a long distance relationship and I went into so much debt and he didn’t care. I understand that love can blind us sometimes.

Some of his friends were racist but I didn’t even feel safe enough to go to him and tell him that his friends were racist.

I didn’t feel emotionally safe with him. He would admit that he wasn’t sure how he would defend me if men came up to speak to me.

Recommendations on how to face my fears. I was reached out to by someone online who was provided to me on my platform by an individual who works for a big brand. I have this habit of pulling out of opportunities. It's been 22 days since I declined, and I have gone back to ask for the position again. Will they take me back? I have also signed up and reached out to agencies to help represent me, because in the past, I have also declined opportunities because I was scared/thought it was a scam. I have had major trust issues lately, and people who I thought were acting in my best interests were actively blocking me from having opportunities. I applied for other jobs and had four other interviews at other big companies, but the jobs kept falling through. I have a big audience online, but I don't think I realise that digital footprint matters and some employers see this and run a mile.

When I was 15, I was also approached by a big magazine to feature my art with no payment, just exposure, and I blocked the account because I thought it was a scam, then deleted the message.
How do I cope with the uncertainty and decide to accept job opportunities in the future? The closest person I have to me is my father, who is encouraging me to hope. I have no friends, just him.

I was reached out to on my Instagram by an individual who works for a big brand. I have this habit of pulling out of opportunities. It's been 22 days since I declined, and I have gone back to ask for the position again. Will they take me back? I have also signed up and reched out to agencies to help represent me, because in the past i have also declined opportunites because I was scared/thought it was a scam.

I’m 22 born in England but ethically African. A man that is paying to live here under the landlords permission asked me out on a date. He said that I’m quiet and I don’t go out and I’m not like the other women in Africa. He said he tried to date other women in Africa but they drain him of his resources and ask just for money from him. He’s not got citizenship here and he is like 58 years old and he’s got a son just as old as me if not older. I told my dad immediately and my father confronted him but I’m scared of the backlash especially being left at home at night with him.

I know that some men use women for citizenship. It’s a very common thing so I always ask where are they born ect
I even go as far as asking to see a copy of their passport.

I’m supposed to be going back to uni in September so I’ll be out of the house in a few weeks time. Just to let you know I have been SAed in my sleep before so I’m worried about that.

Edit: my dad does night shifts as a healthcare worker and I moved back in with my dad to save money for uni after completing first year.

I’m having bad memories of when I was under the child mental health services CAMHS in the UK and I was in psychosis and things around me were overwhelming me and I was left alone with a nurse and she kept talking to me but my brain couldn’t handle her pushing and talking so I asked her to stop talking because I couldn’t handle it and she kept talking and talking and until it pushed me until I fainted and collapsed on the chair

I was seventeen at the time. That was wrong wasn’t it? I have never told anyone this. I didn’t even tell my mother because I just blocked that memory from my brain.

I don’t know how to tell my father that I was taken advantage of by a 55 year old man? He had told me in the past to stop speaking to this man. And it will wreck him as a father if he knew what happened to me. I am scared to tell him.

He will shame me for it. And he will be so sad if he knew the truth. I met this man when I was 18 and I was taken advantage of at 22

I left when I was 17. Undiagnosed autism. I made friends at uni and in my life and they all started pulling out last minute. I walk alone now.

At 18F She discouraged me I lost confidence and all my siblings after me learned how to drive except me. It’s affecting my ability to get jobs. To get to the gym. I brought a bike, it was stolen. I got tired from walking back and forth to work. It’s not excuses. I was abused and I didn’t even realise it. I’m 22F and I feel embarrassed I went to a food bank and they asked me if I had a car. I said no. They looked surprised. I walked for 30 minutes carrying bags. I was afraid someone who went to my school would recognise me.

What did I do to deserve this? My mind is totally broken. I have pushed everyone away from me. I have started struggling mentally. I ran away to another country across the world to escape. I’m now back in the environment where it all happened and I can’t cope. I don’t trust anyone. I started pushing absolutely everyone away. Blocked everyone’s emails and deleted my instagram. I don’t want people watching me. I have a deep insecurity inside me. I just want to get sterilised. I don’t want men near me. I hate them. A 55 year old groomed me and gave me something to make me sleep through my food and I woke up to him inside me. He said he was dreaming. I only went to his house because I had known him the longest and I used to brag about the fact he was my friend and stuck through it all. He was my friend for 4 years. I’ve never had a friendship last that long. Undiagnosed autism and my mother’s someone in the field of psychiatry and knew what to say and intercepted letters to make sure I didn’t get help because of her pride.

I called a crisis survivor and they told me it’s not my fault, and the story of the perpetrator changes.
I met him when I was 18. I had no one. It’s under investigation. I was very isolated. I keep thinking all the time what would have happened to me if I didn’t get out of the house. What if I didn’t leave? What if I had stayed? During when the police were collecting statements I gave out seven names from my circle. They all said they didn’t want to get involved. Only my mother and my boyfriend gave a statement. I’m 22 now. Both people aren’t in my life anymore. Only my father and I haven’t even told him about what has happened.

I had a therapy appointment and I needed to offload and my therapist cancelled one hour before the appointment. That was three days ago. Since then I began to absolutely spiral. I started to lash out at people that love me and I’ve blocked everyone now. I’m a very damaged person. I’m 22. I broke up with my LDR boyfriend. I don’t know what boundaries are and I have started to push absolutely everyone away.

Edit;

Thank you for the help. Sorry if it sounds like I’m not appreciating all the help. I love music and art. I have stopped listening to music because I’m scared of listening to songs that remind me of my ex. He loved music and I loved art. I started playing music to try and uplift myself. I will take it step by step. I love art too but I no longer feel safe to explore my talents.

Edit 2: I will try and go out for a walk. I live in a poorer neighbourhood and people bully me because I try and go out for a run and now I’m scared to go out and run. I would go to the gym but I can’t afford it and my mother discouraged me from driving she wanted my employment benefit money. All of my siblings can drive except me.

I was in a one year relationship and we broke up. I don’t really have any family that I can lean on. It was an LDR from Australia to the uk.

I went to see my ex in a panic since someone betrayed my trust. I had no one. I was unfortunately SAed by someone I trusted.

It was one month ago since we broke up and I was still talking to my ex but we’ve gone no contact now and I can’t cope. I’ve been stuck in bed for one week, not eating or sleeping. I needed to have a therapy appointment but my therapist (Betterhelp) cancelled on me one hour before the appointment. I really had to offload. I’m having nightmares everything and my dad is so worried. I had my first bout of sleep paralysis in 10 years. I went into debt to see him. And I have to tackle that debt asap. I deleted my personal social media because the people that I thought were my friends were just extracting information out of me and wanted something from me.

I started cleaning my room. Baby steps. I had a drink started eating and looking after myself. I was kind of re traumatised being with his family and I’m tapering off my psychiatric medication and I started annoying people and saying things I knew would annoy them. I apologised and blocked everyone.

I started saying really extreme things that I knew would get him away from me. It’s a defence mechanism. I have blocked him everywhere. I feel so damaged.

Buckle up this is a long one. When I was eight years old I had my first phone and started watching porn. It was soft core porn. As I got older it shifted to hard core porn. I would then start asking partners to do degrading things to me and they would be so confused. I would ask them to make me feel small during sex and ask them to exert a level of dominance.

When I was younger I would be so excited looking at porn I’d miss appointments or be 30 minutes late.

This changed when I met my second long term boyfriend. He was very loving and I actually stopped watching porn altogether. He showed me a different kind of love. And if I watched porn it was porn that reminded me of the sweet loving type of love we had. Just holding each other and you know loving porn.

I noticed every time I engaged in self pleasure he would leave. I thought he was gay at some point. He wouldn’t touch me. I didn’t mind. He didn’t care about my pleasure.

But during the time together, my urges started getting worse. So so much worse. It was like I repressed everything and then suddenly it all started coming out. I would post pictures of myself on sites. Seek validation. Engage in thrill seeking and risk taking behaviour. I asked him if I could keep posting. He said no because he felt uncomfortable with other men seeing me.

I started writing a book talking about my childhood and the dots started connecting. My mother used to physically abuse me and father. And make me feel small.

I was on the sexual sites and I said can people start saying nice things to me. After I had said really awful and triggering things like take advantage of me.

Edit: my mother would walk around the house naked. Even when as children we’d ask her to put her clothes on.

I was in a one year relationship and we broke up. I don’t really have any family that I can lean on. It was an LDR from Australia to the uk.

I went to see my ex in a panic since someone betrayed my trust. I had no one. I was unfortunately SAed by someone I trusted.

It was one month ago since we broke up and I was still talking to my ex but we’ve gone no contact now and I can’t cope. I’ve been stuck in bed for one week, not eating or sleeping. I needed to have a therapy appointment but my therapist (Betterhelp) cancelled on me one hour before the appointment. I really had to offload. I’m having nightmares everything and my dad is so worried. I had my first bout of sleep paralysis in 10 years. I went into debt to see him. And I have to tackle that debt asap. I deleted my personal social media because the people that I thought were my friends were just extracting information out of me and wanted something from me.

I started cleaning my room. Baby steps. I had a drink started eating and looking after myself. I was kind of re traumatised being with his family and I’m tapering off my psychiatric medication and I started annoying people and saying things I knew would annoy them. I apologised and blocked everyone.

I started saying really extreme things that I knew would get him away from me. It’s a defence mechanism. I have blocked him everywhere. I feel so damaged.

I’m relapsing I need help. I’m saying things to people that I know will piss them off

I had my first night terror for the first time since I was 11. I’m 22. I’m very worried and I don’t understand what’s happening. I am tapering off antipsychotics and my mind is racing. I felt like my legs were tied up and I couldn’t move. I’m very tired at the moment and I haven’t been eating properly for days. I haven’t been able to afford food, I’ve been going to food banks. I have been on antipsychotics for five years.