u/Evening_Gazelle_5848

Assalam o alaikum everyone, there's vacations going on and im at my home but i don't feel enjoyment at all. i don't have any friends at all not a single one. I have siblings but they all live out of city and are always busy. My parents are always also busy with work so i just feel so depressed lately that i keep spiraling. I have tried making friends online but it's not the same and i don't want it because i want the real life comnection of seeing someone face to face and laughing with also since im someone whos love language is physical touch. Even my physical health is deteriorating because of this. It's to the point that i don't even have the energy to get myself to go up and pray anymore,, summer always makes me depressed and its just so hot where i live like 45-46 degree everyday and there's lots of other problems of my future and education that im facing aswell which is just making me soo miserable.

So i have a friend who i got somewhat close to just recently. A few days ago she (we're both girls) showed me her songs playlist on her phone and asked me to choose a song. I saw it and there were soo many wlw songs like good luck babe and girl in red songs and she said to me that i would play this song (sailor song by gigi pirez widely known as wlw) but the lyrics are a bit inappropriate (since we were on a school trip with male teacher as a supervisor). We were showing each other our pics and she was showing her pics with her other friends too and was constantly calling me and her friends baddies and complimenting which ik dosent matter but still. Another time one of our friends in a very judgemental tone was talking about someone she saw say jokingly that theyre a lesbian bc they saw a super pretty woman and she was saying like it's understandable like i get it in a hear me out sense in a sort of joking tone. She also listens and likes kpop a lot and has a sort of personality where she isn't very judgemental and usually chill/cool with stuff people find "weird" so it's quite possible of her to not be homophobic even tho other girls around us are. I feel like i must be looking too deep into it but i think she suspects that i'm like that (there are situations i can think of that make sense why she would think that)and is testing me or something because im CERTAIN that she knows all the meaning behind those songs that they are hevaily wlw AHH IM HEAVILY WLW FRIEND DEPRIVED I SWEAR TO GODDDD

It was a video of a dad playing with his toddler daughter when his teenager son came in the room and sat on the couch watching them. Seeing his son, the dad picked him up too and happily cuddled them both. I don't know whether it's my hormones or not, but i can't stop crying. It must be such a blessing for people to have that. People think teenagers should be dealt with strictly when it's really the opposite. Love is even more needed. I really wish i could've had that. I just don't understand why i don't. I thought it never mattered to me much since it was the same way since i was born so it wasn't like i'd seen the brighter side or my expectations high to be hurt after them being destroyed but it still sucks. It still hurts.

Like recently ive been seeing that a lot of dramas have been more open to and exploring feminist and women empowerment themes, its so refreshing every single time to see a drama like this because it gives me hope. Dramas like kafeel, doctor bahu, just saw another teaser of an upocming drama aswell and some other mentions of dramas here and there, im forgetting the names but quite a lot

bro that 0625 paper v2 everyone said it was so easy so amazing and that grade boundaries gonna be so high im cooked asf bcs i did shitty in that exam like i prob got 35-40 max, which its ok cus ik i can get good marks 35+ in p2 and p6 but my dream of getting an A star is literally crushed and plus it wasnt even my fault there was a mental health related reason why i literally couldnt study last night, if i was able to i would prob get 55+ but im just devastated now..