I see having a boyfriend as an embarrassment and feel he’s only in my way with my
I have such a toxic mindset that’s literally all or nothing. It can range from isolate myself and solely just revise, get rid of my boyfriend so I don’t have an extra thing to worry about and laser focus on what matters. It’s toxic, I know it is and I’m relapsing the same ruthless mentality I had in GCSEs where I shattered my exes heart, cut everyone of my friends off near exams and literally disapeared from bane existence, in my toxic self improvement and ‘lock in, ghost everyone and then come back best version of yourself”.
Ironically, Fue to the flop I realised I wasn’t being who I was and my spark after the consultation with my sociokogy teacher ‘if this was (my name) from the start she would’ve wanted that A. I don’t know what happened to that spark”. My work ethic has been thrown out the window and I was questioning if it was burn out or me just being lazy. I feel my old mentality just bubbling up into the surface but at that version of me was also the one that crashed down the most.
I need this change, after today I was ghosting my boyfriend because I just didn’t want to see him whoch was for 5 days. I can’t just do that, my friend said that and he was deeply concerned (he’s an abosukte sweetheart too). Im so shit at balancing that in my mind, it’s ethier be al cuddly and settle down or get out a relationship and let that ambition consume me so I can thrive and push forward.