u/Only_Measurement_895

My boyfriend and I are living as tenants and split all our rent and shared bills. I make more money, so sometimes I pay a little more. We are going to move out of our apartment and into his mom’s vacant house. We will pay rent to her as tenants. This will make the mortgage payments so his mom can keep funding her stay in an assisted living facility with her own income, as she needs professional care we cannot provide. When she passes away, my boyfriend will inherit the house. If we are together, we will still be paying together. If we get married, it will become a premarital asset. Either way, I will be contributing my own money to help pay off the house.

Right now I recognize that we are only tenants, but what should I be doing proactively now, and what should I look into for the future when it comes to deciding what to pay and what not to pay into when the time comes, how to track it, and what kind of agreements to look into that would cover my own butt? I’m not looking for ways to become entitled to someone else’s things, I just want to be responsible for myself in case we do not stay together forever.

The bill for this DJ read “goth, industrial, darkwave”. Based on what I thought I understood, I was expecting to hear bands like Bauhaus, SOM, Seraphim Shock, and London After Midnight but instead it mostly just sounded like electronic house music. Some of it sounded dark and spooky, but for the most part it didn’t seem much different than what the mainstream danced to in the 2010’s when I was in high school. Granted I’m still learning about different types of goth music and I’m still not sure exactly what “industrial” is, and now I’m not so sure if I know what “darkwave” is either. Like, is it considered goth or goth adjacent? I can’t seem to find a consistent consensus.

Anyway, if I wanted to go to a sultry, dark romance type of dance night with my boyfriend, what kind of keywords in the event flyer should I look for?

ETA: Thanks for all the great feedback. The club itself is actually labeled as a goth club and its whole theme is goth, so it wasn’t just a regular club doing a “goth night”. It is also the most notorious goth club in Portland, Oregon. I did go on a free weeknight which might have had something to do with the mix, but they look like they also have different kinds of events that are ticketed. I’d like to give another kind of event there a go, but I feel like I’m basically blind when it comes to figuring out what to go to and what to expect

I recently went dancing with another friend and it was a first time for both of us. I normally have social anxiety but appreciated the chance to go someplace dark where other people were weird like me and just genuinely into the music. I also got a vibe beforehand that video recording was discouraged since there weren’t many videos of this dance floor on the internet and I sort of appreciated that because I felt like it keeps a sense of safety in the experience.

My friend, who is an avid videographer, immediately pulled their phone out when we got to the dance floor and started recording the moment, which included panning the phone around the room to capture the entire scene. A third friend who was with us hinted at them that it might not be allowed and they put their phone away. I was discussing the matter with my partner later who pointed out that in all fairness, it seemed to be an “unwritten rule” that you can’t expect everyone to pick up on. What is the real attitude out there toward recording on the dance floor? Is it frowned upon?

We have been working together with honesty and transparency and it seemed like we were making breakthroughs, but then I noticed a recent download of the opera browser on the shared computer and now I’m left wondering whether it was downloaded for hiding porn use. The panic button wouldn’t be relevant because they watch it in complete privacy when they do. I also saw that you can turn off your browsing history in opera, but wouldn’t they still need to cover up visits to the browser itself?

There was a previous search for Opera gx but I’m not sure whether that was the one that was downloaded. While they do play video games, it’s not a whole lot. There is perhaps one pc game they play from time to time, but it is there.

Any groups who meet to discuss literature on topics such as science, philosophy, cultural criticism, etc? I want to get back into reading and it would be great to have someone to discuss things with. I work from home and have been feeling a rut of isolation and stagnation. Some of the authors of the books I have laying around include Greg Graffin, Carl Sagan, Steven Pinker, and Stuart Rachels, but I’d probably get into reading just about anything. I like learning new things and listening to new perspectives.

Some things I’ve seen people on this platform swear by is that there is no control with addiction and it’s all or nothing, but my boyfriend seems to think he can gradually train himself to ween off of it. There seems to have been measurable improvements in our sex life and I can see the gradual changes, but it conflicts with what I hear about the reality of porn addition from this group. If he has this much control already, does it mean he doesn’t actually have an addiction and could quit cold turkey if he wanted to, or is it possible that this is him trying his best to quit and then relapsing from time to time? I do want to understand and we do talk about it, but the conversations are difficult and I’m still not entirely feeling like we are genuinely meeting each other without shame or judgement. I don’t want to make him feel like his efforts aren’t seen or appreciated, but I do want to make sure we are doing it right

This might not go down well since this seems to be a popular brand, but this has been boggling my mind and I need to get it out. Looking at the origin of subcultures we now call “alt” (Goth, metal, punk, etc), the whole point has been to stand against corporations, wasteful consumerism, classism, and the mainstream. DIY fashion was one of the biggest and most recognizable rebellions against the status quo because it leaned on thrifting and making your own clothes and creating something unique in a world that constantly pushes people to spend, conform to, and consume what was directly fed to them. The fashion itself was a “fuck you” symbol against the establishment because it was able to exist autonomously from corporations and represent the wearer’s unique individual style. This fashion is now so dear to us to this day. So understandably, it’s brain-warping to think about this aesthetic being appropriated by corporations, let alone corporations that aren’t even devoted to ethics and even sell products at luxury brand prices. People are buying clothes in the “alternative” style to actually represent a brand name. It’s not music. It’s not a band. Just a brand name like all the others and it happens to have an edgy aesthetic. It even seems to have become a status symbol in certain circles. It just feels counter to everything that “alternative” was originally meant to be. What is this even “alternative” to at this point? What is the point of calling yourself “antiestablishment” if you’re really just supporting the same establishment but in an “antiestablishment” costume?

It’s taken me a long time to acknowledge this connection because I’ve never wanted to astral project. Things just happen to me, like sleep paralysis, OBE, and vivid dreams with consistent people and places I’d dream of several times. Over the last 4 years following a dramatic life change my dream world has become a cohesive world with enough consistent themes and places that it is starting to feel like an alternate reality. My feelings about this place are complicated to say the least, but for the most part I find it distressing. I have no control over it and honestly it is beginning to make me afraid. It’s not that the dreams are bad. I’m just tired of going there. It makes me feel a sad longing in my life sometimes, I hate that I can’t help it, no one understands when I try to explain it, and I find it confusing and disruptive. Why could this possibly happen? Could this be something really powerful if I learn what to do with it? How can I stop it if I want it to go away?

I keep seeing this debate about whether men are owed s*x in exchange for dinner. Let’s completely ignore the comicality of treating the woman you are supposedly interested in as a partner as a mere sex vending machine you can pay in food, and just look at numbers from a logical standpoint here. I’m not sure what guys are spending on dinner these days, but I think $100 would be reasonable and maybe on the generous side. Just for sh1ts and giggles, what is $100 even worth these days? Can any s*x workers help put this in perspective? Are guys absolute clown shoes for thinking they can buy s*x with this from their dinner date?

ETA: Can you guys please stop having meltdowns over my censoring? It’s a habit I picked up from other platforms to keep my posts from getting taken down. God, shoot me

I have cerave moisturizing lotion and Neutrogena Hydroboost cream. I’m using open face sandwich method for best effectiveness. Is it better to use the thicker cream (Cerave) at night and the lightweight Neutrogena in the morning since conventional wisdom says to use the heavier cream at night, or is it better to pair tretinoin with the lighter cream to minimize the cream affecting the strength of the tretinoin?

I’m also considering introducing a vitamin c serum, but I’m not sure when to use it. Should I use it in the morning to again prevent from watering down the tretinoin? Thanks in advance

Not asking for medical advice, just wondering if it happened to anyone else and if they have any clues as to what it could be. I do plan on bringing this up. The bump is just to the right of the center of my forehead, on the side where I was impacted and I’ve still been having headaches. When I press on it, I feel it in the back of my head, jaw and neck. It’s very subtle and only noticeable in the fact that it’s slightly different from the other side

My boyfriend keeps getting notices in our mail about a letter that UPS attempted to deliver, but the mail is in a locking cluster mailbox by the front gate that we have to walk to, as is typical in apartment complexes. What is confusing is that I work from home and my desk is by the front door, and we’ve been home all day on the days they said they attempted delivery. We would have heard them knock. Furthermore, I figured that if they came to the door they would have left the note on the door, not in the mailbox. There is also no way to put mail in the mailbox without a key, so the notices must have actually been mailed to us. What is are the possible explanations for this?

ETA: Please disregard. Just realized they’re from USPS, not UPS

A family I know has two adult sons. One is moved out and the other is 26 and lives with them. The mother is self-diagnosed “AUDHD”, and as an autistic person myself I can see that she has some very obvious autism symptoms when it comes to social interactions and being in overwhelming spaces. The 26-year-old son is extremely child like, as in he looks and behaves like a 14-year-old and is dependent on his parents in the way a 9 year old would be. The mom makes sure to have all his meals prepared ahead when we go on day trips, tells him when he can and can’t leave the house, etc. They are very close and seem to have few if not zero boundaries between each other. At first I assumed he had some developmental disabilities since neurodivergence is genetic and it’s not my business to ask. I thought it was good that his family was very understanding and supportive, but after having dinner at their house I’m not so sure.

At the table, the subject of his boyfriend came up, which is not abnormal for conversation in this context, but the mom made repeated jokes about sexual acts between the two of them (the son and the boyfriend), and kept making references to each other’s sexual body parts. It sounded like two teenage girls or adult women having locker room talk about each other’s dating and sex lives. The mom also kept saying phrases like “mommy loves her little gays”. It’s not the homosexuality that bothered me, but the fact that this would seem like inappropriate conversation between a mother and son regardless of sexual orientation. I became more aware of this pattern after that day and noticed it is common and normal behavior in that house. On one occasion, the son referred to his father as “daddy” in a sexually suggestive joking manner after being prompted by his mom when he “got stuck” over the kitchen counter.

Am I crazy to think this is weird, or should I let them mind their own business? The son genuinely seems happy, and he’s an adult, but if he is truly vulnerable then I’m not sure what to make of this. I am also not sure if there is enmeshment and infantilization going on that may have contributed to the way he presents, but the mom and dad have had a past of marital issues and the mom seems to struggle with establishing and maintaining adult friendships. It doesn’t seem impossible that she is putting her son in an emotional role that should be filled by other adults

This is “the post concussive syndrome specialist” my PcP referred me to and it took months to get in. Aside from vision therapy and some physical therapy, I haven’t been seeing any other specialists and I have yet to see someone with overall centralized knowledge on how to manage my care or who else I need to be referred to. I was hoping this is going to be that doctor, at least that’s the impression my pcp has given me, but I don’t know what they actually do, what that field of medicine even entails, or whether it would differ from regular physical therapy. For example, will they be knowledgeable on other areas like my automatic nervous system, at least enough to put in referrals? Will they have the broad spectrum of knowledge to actually get the ball rolling for a more multidisciplinary approach or is this another very niche and specialized fragment of the puzzle that will stay within its own scope mostly? Has anyone seen this kind of doctor for post concussive syndrome before?