Pimping and BPD, Career Suggestions
I'm a 25 year old adult who finished med school around 2 years ago despite battling severe, debilitating Borderline personality disorder (BPD). Just for the sake of clarity, "pimping" refers to doctors asking med students/interns questions while on rounds.
I am currently on several prescribed psychiatric meds for trearment resistant depression and anxiety which, so far, aren't working. The only thing that helped was Electroconvulsive Therapy, but I lost a lot of memories. Therapy session, specifically CBT, surprisingly did not help. I have had multiple attempts and then some. I don't wish to go into much detail so as not to detract from the main question.
I can't regulate myself well when doctors ask questions. I really try to, I really do. But it triggers trauma responses that hurt more than the kidney stone I passed, and I genuinely mean this. I was an outstandingly bright student and even had a Arab Gulf-wide scholarship, was in the news for it and all that, but that's besides the point. Every time I can't answer, I remember my father and the melted wax he'd pour on me at age 6. It genuinely makes me wish to kill myself and I couldn't do that for 8 hours a day during my internship. I made it only 6 month, or halfway. The memory loss after multiple rounds of ECT also means I can't recall much I've learnt in med school.
Yes, you can call me overly sensitive and you'd be correct. I don't think I'm made for this line of work. I don't know what I'm made for, I ask myself every night.
I'm genuinely sorry for the rant parts of this text, I tried my best to keep it to a minimum. I'm in active treatment but like I said, none of the countless meds work well so far (adhd meds, bipolar meds, depression meds in every class, so. many. antipsychotics etc.) But I know my anxiety will not cease until I find a career path. It's all I can think of. It's all I truly want. Please, any suggestions with my degree would help.
I'm very nervous even just posting this here, please for my sake, show empathy in your responses (constructive criticism is very much welcome).