u/Sufficient-Mouse7684

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It is written like a children’s book so very easy to read. Such a therapeutic read for adults in fact!

If you found the title offputting well that is the point..😬
The book illustrates that pain is a biological reality, but suffering is the "optional interest" we pay when we fight that reality.
The cockroach represents any unpleasant circumstance or emotion. The problem isn't the discomfort itself, but our frantic, fearful refusal to hold it.

I highly recommend this if you’re obsessed with identifying with negative experiences and to unwire your anxious brain. It’s a lighter read if you’re not into something heavy and is less instructive as it is philosophical

One of my favourite books from this year

Example of a guided EMDR session —> https://youtu.be/Ljss_Ut5pxY?si=WJXs9xFVbDT0Af3v

More info about it (I am still learning) :
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a structured psychotherapy that helps people heal from trauma and distressing life events. It operates on the principle that unprocessed traumatic memories become "stuck" in the brain, and it uses guided eye movements to help reprocess these memories so they lose their emotional charge.

How It Works
Bilateral Stimulation: While recalling a distressing memory, the patient follows the therapist's finger (or another stimulus, like a light bar or audio tones) with their eyes, going back and forth. Alternate methods include physical tapping or buzzers.
Memory Reprocessing: This left-right sensory input mimics the brain's natural processing during REM sleep. It is believed to "unstick" the memory, allowing the brain to integrate it properly and reducing the accompanying emotional distress.
Cognitive Shift: Patients are guided to replace negative, trauma-induced beliefs (e.g., "I am unsafe," "It was my fault") with positive, adaptive beliefs.

Is there any advice for someone who wants to venture more into becoming sociable after having self isolated for quite a long time….
I used to be more extroverted in high school but unfortunately moved countries faced various life stresses and ventured to self isolate for 9-10 years as a coping mechanism. Lost touch and a lot of friendships on the way. Now find it hard to reacquaint with people

I realised that sharing life with other people makes life so much more meaningful and enriching. Staring at a wall I cannot do anymore. Feeling like I’m the only one with my problems etc. life is too short to go at it alone!

Learnt selflessness from my mum…and now need to unlearn it so I don’t ruin my life

My mum was selfless throughout her toxic relationship and marriage with her father, as having no self or ego was the only reason that marriage would survive with a narcissist. She literally became a doormat for him and revolved her life round his moods and demands. She actually was a kind person before marriage as well but that completely turned into a corrosive type of lack of self respect and identity.

Anyway, I find that I have learnt this trait from my mum. As a result I too am labelled selfless and always putting others first. I never used to think about this but It really frustrates me now (that I am doing the self development work) that I have given so much and gotten so little out of return.

Being the nice girl is actually quite toxic. People use and trample all over you.

My sister has literally bullied and belittled me so much that affected my self esteem in my teenage years and I literally just forgave her. She is now in the stage of literally wanting to be closer to her but because of my trauma growing up I am wanting to stay distant from her . I feel like she genuinely has no actual remorse (although she has apologised multiple times- it felt quite superficial ) and it was only me who felt deeply hurt. My dad literally has been highly abusive to me for decades and now that he sees I won’t take his shit anymore ( and now that his narcissistic self view is collapsing due to old age and life regrets) he craves my attention and validation I used to give him - mainly because I felt I needed to otherwise he would be moody.

When the nice girl finally grows up and develops boundaries everyone gets surprised and confused . I will no longer be the nice and selfless girl anymore

Has being nice gotten you somewhere or where does the boundary lie with you - where you stop being too nice?

My mum was selfless throughout her toxic relationship and marriage with her father, as having no self or ego was the only reason that marriage would survive with a narcissist. She literally became a doormat for him and revolved her life round his moods and demands. She actually was a kind person before marriage as well but that completely turned into a corrosive type of lack of self respect and identity.

Anyway, I find that I have learnt this trait from my mum. As a result I too am labelled selfless and always putting others first. I never used to think about this but It really frustrates me now (that I am doing the self development work) that I have given so much and gotten so little out of return.

Being the nice girl is actually quite toxic. People use and trample all over you.

My sister has literally bullied and belittled me so much that affected my self esteem in my teenage years and I literally just forgave her. She is now in the stage of literally wanting to be closer to her but because of my trauma growing up I am wanting to stay distant from her . I feel like she genuinely has no actual remorse (although she has apologised multiple times ) and it was only me who felt deeply hurt. My dad literally has been highly abusive to me for decades and now that he sees I won’t take his shit anymore ( and now that his narcissistic self view is collapsing due to old age and life regrets) he craves my attention and validation I used to give him - mainly because I felt I needed to otherwise he would be moody.

When the nice girl finally grows up and develops boundaries everyone gets surprised and confused . I will no longer be the nice and selfless girl anymore

Has being nice gotten you somewhere or where does the boundary lie with you - where you stop being too nice?