DAE want other people to scream at them, insult them, make them down, threaten them, get into an argument or fight with them?
It feels like I really crave a physical or verbal fight like I feel so fucking bored and I really need someone to uncover all my lies, to punch me in the face and start shouting at me.
DAE experience this, knows where this urge comes from and how to deal with it?
Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
I recently discovered the diagnosis ODD/Oppositional Defiant Disorder and quickly discovered that it seems to be a highly controversial diagnosis.
What is your opinion on ODD and which experiences did you or do you have in regard to (the behaviour of) children, teenager, parents, relatives, acquaintances or, in general, people with ODD?
Above is a link to the ICD-11 overview of the diagnosis.
Thank you for taking your time to read this post and comment!
Guten Tag!
Vor kurzer Zeit bin ich über die Diagnose „oppositionelles Trotzverhalten / oppositionelle Trotzstörung“ gestolpert und bemerkte schnell, dass es ein sehr kontroverses Krankheitsbild zu seien scheint.
Was ist euere Einschätzung oder Meinung zu der Diagnose?
Denkt ihr z.B., dass das Krankheitsbild über-diagnostiziert wird oder die Diagnose häufig unterliegende Probleme unbehandelt lässt?
Wie steht ihr zu dem Verhalten von Personen mit OTS (Oppositioneller Trotzstörung) / ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
Welche Erfahrungen habt ihr mit Kindern, Verwandten, Bekannten, generell Personen die ein OTS-ähnliches Verhalten aufweisen oder eine OTS Diagnose besitzen?
Ich bin sehr gespannt auf eure Meinungen und Erfahrungen und bedanke mich bereits dafür, dass ihr euch die Zeit genommen habt diesem Post Beachtung zu schenken, ihn zu lesen und zu kommentieren.
Hello there!
I will just jump straight into it
What do you usually use as treatment for ODD?
What do you think of the claims that therapists diagnosing ODD miss underlying struggles such as undiagnosed neurodivergence, anxiety, mood disorders and trauma?
What is your general opinion on ODD?
Thank you for reading this post!
In the honour of socially awkward girls and as the counterpart to the “growing up as a sensitive male“ starterpack (:
I am not sharing this reaction to get attention or get labeled, I am trying to understand and interpret this reaction and I also want to know wether anyone else experiences it this way, with that contrast between their bodily reaction and the effect it has on their mind.
Caffeine feels like a blanket laying over my head after the first sips and then my brain gets less scattered and the focus sets in, it bundles my thoughts like light rays.
When using coffee it is so much better, finally clarity with a slight wave of tiredness, it helps to write an exam not being mentally all over the place, it also helps emotionally, I have noticed, I feel so much more regulated, it is great though my body reacts with an increased heart rate and shaking hands which surprises me as my mind seems to calm, yet I experience shaky hands.
Once the caffeine wears off, my heart completely starts racing, the jitters get worse and my mind begins to turn it’s volume back up to 100.
I think static noise really helps as a metaphor, it feels like there is a constant static noise in the back of my head that gets more or less prominent from time to time and disrupts my conscious thinking, it is distracting and annoying, a scatter of thoughts that overlap each other yet can‘t be really detangled, when I consume coffee, the static‘s volume reduces drastically and it makes thinking clearer, less chaotic and conscious thinking better and more determined.
Even though there is a crash when the coffee wears off with anxiety, jitters and so on, I feel more under control than normally, when the crash fully settles in it usually means that chaos and restlessness instantly snap back at me.
DAE react to coffee this way and can explain to me how the contrast between my bodily reaction and my mind‘s reaction can be understood?
Thank you for taking your time to read this post and comment! Have a great day!:D
Yeah, sure dad, yes, I know I am lazy and ungrateful for having experienced CSA by… oh wait, you dad, right, hmmm, and you were also the one physically abusing and emotionally neglecting me so yeah, I totally get it of course I am a ungrateful little bitch. 😃
And mom‘s behaviour, of course did not affect me at all, no, nothing, not her gaslighting, her psychological terror, her unpredictable violent mood swings, her blaming me for her severe chronic illnesses, having to go to the doctor and lie about the injury, her emotional neglect as well
Your divorce that was just an immense toxic legal mess you pulled me right into while parentifying me, forcing me to feel like a bitter and cynical 30 year old at age 10, no influence at all.
The SA was just like a gotta-catch-‘em-all to complete the picture.
The other countless disturbing things I experienced?
Fight-or-flight? Paralysis? Trauma? Nahhhh, never heard of.
This is obviously dripping of sarcasm, fuck this.
Edit: I know there are varying degrees of trauma and this is not meant to come off as “I have the worst life ever“, this was just meant as a rant not as invalidation or to put me above anyone.
Edit: Hope you have a lovely day! <3 (Just an addition because acts of kindness never hurt) (except if they came sarcastic from my mom) but this is meant seriously, not sarcastic and I hope and wish the best for you because you deserve it despite the wrenching guilt, I believe in you, you are strong!<3
Who doesn’t remember such a lovely core memory?
I do not know how to react about the way my gf reacted regarding my experience with CSA. I recently informed her that I think that my mom‘s accusations of CSA against my dad are true and that I thus have been sexually abused by my dad when I was 8, maybe even before.
I now asked my gf to not tell anyone about it as I need to process it first before further being able to talk about it.
I asked her on wether it seems like I am exaggerating or overly dramatically showcasing the incident(s), her answer was:“Yes, I won‘t say anything there“ (regarding the message about not telling anyone) and then:“I‘m not sure, like I don‘t like it of course but dunno how to think about it as its some time ago“ and then just “etc“ (she also completely ignored my other messages asking when she would like to meet)
And this reaction stung a bit, it felt like an invalidation, as if she is not able to understand what this truly means for me especially considering I have a psychologically, emotionally, verbally abusive, manipulating and gaslighting mom who is severely chronically ill so I now live with my dad and I am already having a hard time because of all the abuse I endured with my mom and my feelings of guilt.
It took me years of ruminating to finally understand that yes, I did experience CSA because I did not know where to differentiate between my mom‘s gaslighting and my memories.
So the revelation was huge for me and now I have the feeling that my girlfriend is pissed at me.
I experienced another sexual assault/abuse when I was 14 by the son of my mom‘s cousin (who was 23) when visiting them in a foreign country and I don‘t know, maybe after all my CSA wasn‘t that bad? Well, this is not what I was asking advice for, sorry, I just felt like adding background information in case this helps. (My gf knows about that too).
I am just so confused, can someone give me advice on how to interpret her answers and how to handle this situation and maybe tell her that it does not make it better because it was a long time ago, it might actually make it all worse because I was a child, a young child, with far less emotional capabilities than I now have, like I am genuinely really overwhelmed by everything right now.
Edit: We‘ve been together for nearly 4 months now.
TL;DR: Confusion and feelings of invalidation by my gf‘s reaction to my experience with CSA, for the exact answer of hers: look at the third paragraph.
When I was 4 and when I was 8 my mom tried to press legal charges against my dad for sexually assaulting me, the problem is that I do not know where my mom‘s gaslighting ends and my memories begin.
She still tries to use it as an argument to remove his custody over me, I was being questioned by a lawyer and the judge as well as a social worker when I was 4, no SA apparently but later on, when I was 8 and the accusations started again I was starting to wonder on wether it might be true.
I spend many days ruminating about it and came to a conclusion but I am unsure
My dad used to shower me until I was 8 and he would also clean my intimate areas very thoroughly, at 8 I was already showering myself in my mothers home (My parents divorced when I was 4/5 with insane legal lore), so I feel like it was age-inappropriate and probably SA, because my mom claims I showed distress upon the incident and told her that my dad touched my vagina again.
But this is where my confusion begins. My mom is a gaslighter and manipulative women but this seems so specific, no? And I also have the memories.
I think I was SA‘d by my dad. Many years have I spent fighting against the accusations and told my mom it is not true but then she always tells me that I went up to her to tell her in a distressing manner that my dad touched my vagina again? I do not know in which way she twists reality and I do not trust her with anything she says but I feel like she is right. My mom told me once to:„Go suck your dad’s dick“ when I started defending him.
I came to conclusion that I was SA‘d by my dad and all I feel is relieve as if I do not have to lie to myself anymore, I feel somewhat happy? I am feeling like I am turning insane.
But I think it is true, I was lying in bed with a racing heartbeat and my hands shaking but emotionally it felt like a burden, like a pressure was removed from my chest by acknowledging it.
Another weird thing is that I feel something like sexual arousal when thinking about the memories?
It does not change anything about my relationship to my dad, I trust him, I love him like you‘re supposed to love your dad, he tries his best to be a good dad, he changed so much and he tries his best.
We may not have the best father-daughter relationship but I am not angry at him for the SA if it was SA because now I start doubting on wether it was SA and I don’t know whom I should ask so I guess I ask you guys.
I did experience another SA when I was 14 by my (then) 23 years old cousin (the son of my mom‘s cousin), he touched my breast without permission and it was no accident, he repeatedly asked me where my mom was to make sure I was alone and to isolate me, he came into my room a few days later, naked, only in his underwear and hugged me form behind, I could feel his dick pressing against me, he trapped me with his arms and asked „Should we turn the lights off“ as if it was seriously meant as a question. I started beating that asshole and he left the room, as what he did was very risky, he could have gotten caught at any moment, my mom was staying at the same room as me and there were 8 people in the house and my mom‘s cousin was regularly checking on me to make sure I am okay.
I told a trusted adult (another cousin of my mom) and she made sure to protect me when we revisited the country next year.
Now I am 16(F) and I am torn, I do not know what to do, was it SA?
Can someone explain to me what exactly Ru‘s are? As far as I know they are clans, descendants from the three big Juz clans and everyone inherits their belonging to a tribe from their father?
I am 25% Kazakh, my mom‘s dad was from Kazakhstan and my relatives told me I am a member of the Nasar Ru (he is from Aqtöbe), yet I cannot really find anything about the Nasar clan or any Kazakh Ru to be exact so I figured out I would ask some Kazakhs, what is the „Tamga“ of the Nasar‘s?
How much cultural meaning do the Ru‘s today?
Also in connection to the Jeti Ata, is it truly still a tradition to know all 7 of your forefathers?
In Germany we say „Gänsefüßchen“ („geese feet“) in colloquial terms and generally „Anführungszeichen“, they are positioned as shown with two lines down and two lines up „word or quote“ with „quote ‚quote inside quote‘ quote“. In older text you might find „Guillemets(Chevrons)“ but they were used pointing inward instead of outward like this: »Old German text« instead of this: «Old German text». So what does it look like, how is it called like and how are they positioned in your country, am curious, let me know!
I am feeling so exhausted, depleted, done, lonely, depressed, I know I can get myself help but everything I do, no matter what is so endlessly draining and exhausting, suicidal thoughts, responsibility, pressure, my mom‘s severe chronical illness, her suffering and my behaviour toward her, I am so sick of her and so sick of myself, I love her but do not trust her. There is so much trauma and abuse in my past and present, I just feel like letting go, letting myself fade, I know I can get myself help but as I said, everything just feels crushing and draining, I wake up exhausted and go to bed exhausted and again and again and again, never committing to anything, parents say I am incompatible with life for not being able to commit long-term, organise myself, procrastinating, lack of time management and prioritisation, former therapist gave me an ODD diagnosis at age 11/12 and told me 2 months ago when I visited him to see my documents without my parents knowing, I cannot have ADHD because my current grades are too good, like, seriously wtf, he should have referred me to a psychiatrist who is specialised when I was 11/12, there were and are clear signs, my mom‘s ex-boyfriend called me ADHD-child, ADHD-related behaviour was frequently commented on throughout my life, I am going towards the end of high school and dreading the school year beginning soon, I will very likely not be able to keep up but I will try and try and try, always the same vicious cycle and I am so done, I do not have the energy to fight anymore but I am holding onto dear life with everything I have, as much as I can, suicidality indeed takes up space in my mind but I try to fight it, I try to swim with the current of time, I will not allow myself to drown but I do not know for how long I can keep this up, yet I will try. To everyone out there: Stay strong, keep fighting, sending you warmth, love and a ghost hug! You got this, I got this, we all got this!<3
My mom is severely chronically ill, she has ME/CFS, depression, probably burn-out, physical problems which might lead to her having to be in a wheelchair when older (doctors cannot find the causes of her pain, yet it is not psychosomatic), she is taking prescribed sedatives to get through the day.
I haven‘t properly lived with her in the last two months and moved in with my dad instead of continuing to change weekly, my mum is verbally, emotionally, psychologically and partially physically neglecting and manipulative, she e.g. blames me for being the cause of her sickness and suffering and that I am killing her.
There is a lot of legal warfare, between her and my dad, over a decade now, the situation is extremely complex, both on my mom‘s personal and legal level.
She told me she is sorry for hurting me but for goods sake while she accepts that the guilt is dependent on both me and her, she claims that she just insulted me because I gave her the behaviour to comment on.
I am being called a parasite, freak, ugly creature, asshole, swine, monster, narcissist (she wants to go to a psychiatrist with me due to my extreme sensitivity to perceived threats (even a simple look from her makes me wanna jump out of my skin) and my tendency to explode easily and impulsively act out on my emotions) she sees this behaviour as signs of narcissism).
As well as the fact that I do not help in the household, which is true, I am too exhausted, every single task takes tremendous amounts of energy from me to the point where I am crashing after school and laying in bed with fever and extreme exhaustion, I always had problems initiating tasks and organising myself, she tells me that she is far more tired (which is true, she is severely chronically ill after all) and that I am abusing her and that she is my slave.
I received a diagnosis of ODD at age 11/12. In my opinion the differential diagnosis my former therapist did was not sufficient, when I visited him in May this year without my parents knowing, he told me that I received that diagnosis, tried to hide it from me, asked for my current grades and problems and told me that I cannot have ADHD because my current grades are good, I did not even mention ADHD. (I am exhibiting many symptoms and peers with neurodivergence accept me as neurodivergent despite not having a diagnosis).
She is accusing my dad with terrible allegations, I do not know what is truth and what is gaslighting.
She is trying to guilt trip me, says I do not love her, yet when I want to hug her she tells me that I have to prove to her that I love her and does not show me warmth, I have to prove it through chores but I am too exhausted.
AITA for leaving her behind and alone? I want to meet her from time to time though, in a café for example.
I am feeling incredibly lonely and down and made the mistake to post on r/roastme today (took the post down), it made me feel worse than before, I am struggling with my appearance as I experienced body shaming from my mother and from friends and acquaintances from school before.
My current situation: I am going through a very hard time with many conflicts and situations that happened to me such as sexual assault/abuse when 14, verbal/psychological and partially physical abuse as well as emotional neglecting and manipulation by my mom.
I have low self-esteem yet I am an eccentric and extremely outward person (perceived as being drunk or „naturally high“ by friends) which leaves me wondering if I really seem crazy to people but I would not wonder if, in fact, yes, I am highly aware I am weird and it does not help that my mom calls it out over and over again, „why can‘t you be like the other kids?“, oh mom, why can‘t you be like the other mom‘s? A bit of love and warmth never hurt, except if it came from my mom, she used compliments intentionally sarcastic, intrudes my private spaces, controls me, I love her, she is my mom, but I do not trust her. I was scared she would kill me before but I am not sure if that‘s justified or just my paranoia. She is severely chronically ill after all, with long-Covid, depression, burn-out, further physical problems, she‘s taking sedatives to get through the day, she has professional help and I know I need that too so I am on my way to get help. She blames me for her sickness and I feel genuinely sad for her but I am not the one to help her.
My dad constantly pressures me and scolds me for not doing anything in the past 8 weeks, the truth is, I am completely done and exhausted, I do not have any energy left, my scatterbrainedness got way worse under all this pressure and he blames it on puberty and love, it is a vicious cycle: I procrastinate, already feel exhausted, need some days to recover from exhaustion, my dad starts pressuring me and complains about my procrastination, adds more pressure, the exhaustion gets worse and the procrastination increments and so on.
My mom asks me if I am turning into her regarding my chronic forgetfulness and probably blames it all on the ODD diagnosis I received when I was a pre-teen.
She wrote to my teacher before, regarding my forgetfulness, procrastination, crashing after school and not helping in the household(also due to forgetting tasks), lack of preparing for exams (see: procrastination) and she thinks I am addicted to reading and digital media. Her former boyfriend was convinced I have ADHD, yet we never proceeded with a diagnosis that might have brought clarity on wether it is the case or not.
I am ignoring people I love. I just feel so lonely, my interests are so different from people around me, while I am writing theories about human perception x theoretical physics x linguistics x neuroscience x philosophy, others are just being normal teenagers with normal interests and very fast I am labeled as a bossy know-it-all pretentious weird eccentric nerd when my random fact sharing and written theories are just my real expression of genuine enthusiasm and intrinsic motivation, I am not ready to go back to school soon, I am not ready for the social confrontation and the amount of schoolwork I will have to organise with my non-existent organisational skills, my dad calls it my fatal cycle of lack of commitment toward the end of a project and he told me I am a scatterbrained and not compatible with life because of my lack of time management and prioritisation.
He himself is not the one to talk about that domain though, a friend of mine who has ADHD pointed out that my dad might have ADHD and my dad himself suspected he has autism, he shows extremely clear signs of both.
My parents are stuck in legal warfare about custody and money that supposedly is not about me but they are using me as an instrument to achieve each other’s aims in order to gain advantage over the other.
There is a lot more going on but this is already long enough of a text, sorry for that, I just needed to vent, I know this is the wrong subreddit for this type of venting but I felt like context was necessary because I myself like to know a bit of context about a person’s life before toasting them to avoid generic toasting.
If you have just a few minutes for me to spare I would be extremely grateful, sending warmth and hugs to everyone!<3
Edit: Thank you so so so much for your comments and spending your time reading this post and writing a comment, it truly feels encouraging and empowering, love you guys, sending warmth and a ghost hug to everyone!
Edit: to the deleted comment regarding my age: while I will not disclose my age I will say that I am close to the end of high school.
Zwischen mir und meinen Halbgeschwistern liegt ein Unterschied von 20+ Jahren, unser Verhältnis glich eher entfernten Verwandten, ich habe sie stets bewundert und als meine Vorbilder angesehen, doch bauten wir nie so recht ein tiefes Verhältnis auf, so wie ich es mir zu mindestens gewünscht hätte.
Bei einem Familientreffen öffnete ich mich meiner Halbschwester, nachdem ich meine Tränen nicht mehr zurückhalten konnte aufgrund eines Konflikts, den ich kurz zuvor erlebte, wir gingen gemeinsam spazieren und ich erzählte ihr von meinen Problemen.
Sie war verständnisvoll und erschüttert und endlich war die Barriere durchbrochen und wir fingen an uns offen zu unterhalten wie richtige Geschwister, sie bot mir sogar an zu ihr nach Berlin zu ziehen und meinen Schulabschluss an einer anderen Schule zu erwerben, obwohl meine Schullaufbahn bereits fast vorbei ist.
Sie klärte meine anderen Geschwister über meine Situation auf und auf einmal entstand eine Bindung zwischen uns dreien, die es vorher so nicht gab, eine andere Art des Vertrauens bildete sich.
Endlich verstand ich auch, weshalb es jahrelang misslang, anscheinend dachten meine Geschwister ich hätte kein Interesse, weil ich sie als nervig empfinden würde und stets gedanklich abwesend war und bei Fragen blockte und nicht zurückfragte, doch war dies nie der Fall, ganz im Gegenteil, ich hatte mir stets eine engere Beziehung gewünscht und oftmals darüber geweint, dass es mir verwehrt blieb, ich hatte Angst, etwas falsches zu sagen in ihrer Anwesenheit.
Nun hat sich das Missverständnis geklärt und ich bin so erfreut über diesen Wandel, dass ich mir dachte, diese unbändige Freude muss ich teilen!
Ich hoffe, ihr habt einen schönen Tag!:D
