u/angel_user3

I've talked with my friends and family and they all said that I did the right thing by breaking up with him. But sometimes it hurts sm. In case anyone can't leave, here's a list of the stuff my bpd ex (male, 27) did to me (female, 23). enjoy ig?

1. Urgency abuse

At my work place, there's an iPad that we use to clock in and that tracks the time that we've worked. Since I'm always running late, I've been trying to be more reliable and on time so my working hours can get tracked correctly. When my ex lived with me and my parents (because he got kicked out of his home) he used to bring me to work and pick me up. I always made sure that we'd catch an earlier train because I already expected him to slow me down. We were always on time and right BEFORE we walked to the building, he made sure to smoke at least 3 cigarettes (which he couldn't smoke on the way ofc 🫩🙃) and made me late.

Whenever HE was having something important or somewhere to go, I used to JUMP out of bed, do his breakfast and coffee and when he didn't get up and I realized that he would run late, I was always so scared to wake him up. He would always wake up in a bad mood and when he was running late, he'd yell at me, physically shove or push me or blame me.

2. Didn't accept my boundaries

I like to have a boyfriend, yet I appreciate my alone time as well. For example, right after work I like to take a nap, wake up, eat in front of the TV, text with my potential bf and go to bed.

My ex was different. I used to get off work by 3:30, grab my stuff, go home and be home around 4:30. He got off work at 5 and would IMMEDIATELY call me and the call would last until midnight. No matter how often I'd tell him that I'd like to eat in front of the tv or take a nap, he'd only let me have 30 minutes to myself and then he'd call me. Eventually, I felt so stressed out by only having 30 minutes of my free time, that I broke down in tears or had a racing heart before he called. Often I just yelled at him out of pure desperation and despair because he would INSIST on a 5 - 7 hour call, even though I did not had the energy for that. When I wanted to end the call, I had to gentle parent him or else he'd completely loose his shit and we'd have a huge fight. It was suffocating. And no matter what I did, he always got his way. Oh, and he drank beer while being on the phone with me. Even when the calls shortened to 1 - 2 hours, I'd be in such a panic or flight mode the whole call and would have such a messed up nervous system during and after.

3. Take everything personally

Unfortunately, he is a burnt child: emotionally cold mother and physically abusive dad. So whenever I criticized him, he'd get SO offended. For example: I didn't like the way he spoke with me and when I mentioned it, he bawled or screamed that he can't never do anything right. When I slept on his new mattress and accidentally knocked over a glass in my sleep and make the mattress wet, he'd throw a tantrum, throw his phone next to me (while I was still sleeping), yelled at me to clean up and tell me that I'm such a bitch for making his new mattress moldy on purpose. Which I didn't do ofc.

4. Tell me I'm his everything, yet treat me like garbage

He called me his angel, his saint, claimed I'm all he ever needed and he doesn't understand how he got me. But when he got angry over little things (like the wet mattress) he said stuff like "fuck you" "I give a shit about you" "fucking leave already" "cunt" and stuff like that and when I told him, that I don't like how he calls me a girl (I'm 23, I'm a grown ass woman) he made sure to call me that and explained why I'm not a real grown.

5. Kept me in his apartment for 5 hours after I broke up with him

I made the decision to break up with him, but decided to push the break up since his birthday was coming up. But we got into such a huge fight because I didn't do the dishes, I started crying and begged him to stop yelling and then left. He was angry because I wanted to go on a walk and demanded the keys. I saw my chance to finally break up with him, turned cold, gave him his keys, he was confused and said if I do this, that's it - we're over. Internally, I was HAPPY. so I nodded and began to pack my stuff. He flipped out, threw all of my stuff into the hallway, bawled, screamed, smoked, cried, begged. For 5 hours I tried to leave but he switched between begging and crying and screaming and throwing stuff. I didn't want to leave, because I was afraid he might hurt himself out of pettiness, so he could say: look what YOU'VE done.

When I left, he ran after me and showed me old messages I sent to him in which I was obviously optimistic and he claimed I never loved him, never cared and bla, bla, bla.

I think I'll never be able to love again. Because what if my next bf will make me feel like this? Or worse: I can't break up with the next one as well because I'll be afraid he might khs?

I'm ruined. I used to be such a lover's girl.

Please leave your toxic partners.

I've talked with my friends and family and they all said that I did the right thing by breaking up with him. But sometimes it hurts sm. In case anyone can't leave, here's a list of the stuff my bpd ex (male, 27) did to me (female, 23). enjoy ig?

1. Urgency abuse

At my work place, there's an iPad that we use to clock in and that tracks the time that we've worked. Since I'm always running late, I've been trying to be more reliable and on time so my working hours can get tracked correctly. When my ex lived with me and my parents (because he got kicked out of his home) he used to bring me to work and pick me up. I always made sure that we'd catch an earlier train because I already expected him to slow me down. We were always on time and right BEFORE we walked to the building, he made sure to smoke at least 3 cigarettes (which he couldn't smoke on the way ofc 🫩🙃) and made me late.

Whenever HE was having something important or somewhere to go, I used to JUMP out of bed, do his breakfast and coffee and when he didn't get up and I realized that he would run late, I was always so scared to wake him up. He would always wake up in a bad mood and when he was running late, he'd yell at me, physically shove or push me or blame me.

2. Didn't accept my boundaries

I like to have a boyfriend, yet I appreciate my alone time as well. For example, right after work I like to take a nap, wake up, eat in front of the TV, text with my potential bf and go to bed.

My ex was different. I used to get off work by 3:30, grab my stuff, go home and be home around 4:30. He got off work at 5 and would IMMEDIATELY call me and the call would last until midnight. No matter how often I'd tell him that I'd like to eat in front of the tv or take a nap, he'd only let me have 30 minutes to myself and then he'd call me. Eventually, I felt so stressed out by only having 30 minutes of my free time, that I broke down in tears or had a racing heart before he called. Often I just yelled at him out of pure desperation and despair because he would INSIST on a 5 - 7 hour call, even though I did not had the energy for that. When I wanted to end the call, I had to gentle parent him or else he'd completely loose his shit and we'd have a huge fight. It was suffocating. And no matter what I did, he always got his way. Oh, and he drank beer while being on the phone with me. Even when the calls shortened to 1 - 2 hours, I'd be in such a panic or flight mode the whole call and would have such a messed up nervous system during and after.

3. Take everything personally

Unfortunately, he is a burnt child: emotionally cold mother and physically abusive dad. So whenever I criticized him, he'd get SO offended. For example: I didn't like the way he spoke with me and when I mentioned it, he bawled or screamed that he can't never do anything right. When I slept on his new mattress and accidentally knocked over a glass in my sleep and make the mattress wet, he'd throw a tantrum, throw his phone next to me (while I was still sleeping), yelled at me to clean up and tell me that I'm such a bitch for making his new mattress moldy on purpose. Which I didn't do ofc.

4. Tell me I'm his everything, yet treat me like garbage

He called me his angel, his saint, claimed I'm all he ever needed and he doesn't understand how he got me. But when he got angry over little things (like the wet mattress) he said stuff like "fuck you" "I give a shit about you" "fucking leave already" "cunt" and stuff like that and when I told him, that I don't like how he calls me a girl (I'm 23, I'm a grown ass woman) he made sure to call me that and explained why I'm not a real grown.

5. Kept me in his apartment for 5 hours after I broke up with him

I made the decision to break up with him, but decided to push the break up since his birthday was coming up. But we got into such a huge fight because I didn't do the dishes, I started crying and begged him to stop yelling and then left. He was angry because I wanted to go on a walk and demanded the keys. I saw my chance to finally break up with him, turned cold, gave him his keys, he was confused and said if I do this, that's it - we're over. Internally, I was HAPPY. so I nodded and began to pack my stuff. He flipped out, threw all of my stuff into the hallway, bawled, screamed, smoked, cried, begged. For 5 hours I tried to leave but he switched between begging and crying and screaming and throwing stuff. I didn't want to leave, because I was afraid he might hurt himself out of pettiness, so he could say: look what YOU'VE done.

When I left, he ran after me and showed me old messages I sent to him in which I was obviously optimistic and he claimed I never loved him, never cared and bla, bla, bla.

I think I'll never be able to love again. Because what if my next bf will make me feel like this? Or worse: I can't break up with the next one as well because I'll be afraid he might khs?

I'm ruined. I used to be such a lover's girl.

Please leave your toxic partners.

I've talked with my friends and family and they all said that I did the right thing by breaking up with him. But sometimes it hurts sm. In case anyone can't leave, here's a list of the stuff my bpd ex (male, 27) did to me (female, 23). enjoy ig?

1. Urgency abuse

At my work place, there's an iPad that we use to clock in and that tracks the time that we've worked. Since I'm always running late, I've been trying to be more reliable and on time so my working hours can get tracked correctly. When my ex lived with me and my parents (because he got kicked out of his home) he used to bring me to work and pick me up. I always made sure that we'd catch an earlier train because I already expected him to slow me down. We were always on time and right BEFORE we walked to the building, he made sure to smoke at least 3 cigarettes (which he couldn't smoke on the way ofc 🫩🙃) and made me late.

Whenever HE was having something important or somewhere to go, I used to JUMP out of bed, do his breakfast and coffee and when he didn't get up and I realized that he would run late, I was always so scared to wake him up. He would always wake up in a bad mood and when he was running late, he'd yell at me, physically shove or push me or blame me.

2. Didn't accept my boundaries

I like to have a boyfriend, yet I appreciate my alone time as well. For example, right after work I like to take a nap, wake up, eat in front of the TV, text with my potential bf and go to bed.

My ex was different. I used to get off work by 3:30, grab my stuff, go home and be home around 4:30. He got off work at 5 and would IMMEDIATELY call me and the call would last until midnight. No matter how often I'd tell him that I'd like to eat in front of the tv or take a nap, he'd only let me have 30 minutes to myself and then he'd call me. Eventually, I felt so stressed out by only having 30 minutes of my free time, that I broke down in tears or had a racing heart before he called. Often I just yelled at him out of pure desperation and despair because he would INSIST on a 5 - 7 hour call, even though I did not had the energy for that. When I wanted to end the call, I had to gentle parent him or else he'd completely loose his shit and we'd have a huge fight. It was suffocating. And no matter what I did, he always got his way. Oh, and he drank beer while being on the phone with me. Even when the calls shortened to 1 - 2 hours, I'd be in such a panic or flight mode the whole call and would have such a messed up nervous system during and after.

3. Take everything personally

Unfortunately, he is a burnt child: emotionally cold mother and physically abusive dad. So whenever I criticized him, he'd get SO offended. For example: I didn't like the way he spoke with me and when I mentioned it, he bawled or screamed that he can't never do anything right. When I slept on his new mattress and accidentally knocked over a glass in my sleep and make the mattress wet, he'd throw a tantrum, throw his phone next to me (while I was still sleeping), yelled at me to clean up and tell me that I'm such a bitch for making his new mattress moldy on purpose. Which I didn't do ofc.

4. Tell me I'm his everything, yet treat me like garbage

He called me his angel, his saint, claimed I'm all he ever needed and he doesn't understand how he got me. But when he got angry over little things (like the wet mattress) he said stuff like "fuck you" "I give a shit about you" "fucking leave already" "cunt" and stuff like that and when I told him, that I don't like how he calls me a girl (I'm 23, I'm a grown ass woman) he made sure to call me that and explained why I'm not a real grown.

5. Kept me in his apartment for 5 hours after I broke up with him

I made the decision to break up with him, but decided to push the break up since his birthday was coming up. But we got into such a huge fight because I didn't do the dishes, I started crying and begged him to stop yelling and then left. He was angry because I wanted to go on a walk and demanded the keys. I saw my chance to finally break up with him, turned cold, gave him his keys, he was confused and said if I do this, that's it - we're over. Internally, I was HAPPY. so I nodded and began to pack my stuff. He flipped out, threw all of my stuff into the hallway, bawled, screamed, smoked, cried, begged. For 5 hours I tried to leave but he switched between begging and crying and screaming and throwing stuff. I didn't want to leave, because I was afraid he might hurt himself out of pettiness, so he could say: look what YOU'VE done.

When I left, he ran after me and showed me old messages I sent to him in which I was obviously optimistic and he claimed I never loved him, never cared and bla, bla, bla.

I think I'll never be able to love again. Because what if my next bf will make me feel like this? Or worse: I can't break up with the next one as well because I'll be afraid he might khs?

I'm ruined. I used to be such a lover's girl.

Please leave your toxic partners.

I (f, 23) feel so responsible for my bf (m, 27).

I feel responsible for his emotions.

For his well being.

I am so burnt out.

I feel like I can't show weakness, having needs isn't in for ME or else the whole relationship including his mental health especially collapses.

I am 23. I feel so insanely responsible. I can't break. I can't cry. Or else everything collapses. Sometimes I wish I would've never met him, I'm so miserable now. That's what a partner with BPD does to you.

I wish he would say things like "my angel, I see that you're putting me above everything else again. Please, don't do that, your needs matter."

But in a way where he stands up for ME, you know?

I'm in debt every month because of my boyfriend and it negatively influences how I view him.

​

Let me start off by saying: I know better times will come and he means well, I don't wanna break up with him. I want real advice.

​

I (F23) am a college student and earn 300$ on the side with a mini job. I live with my parents, so all my money is actually MY money.

​

My boyfriend (M27) works as a construction worker and also lives with his parents, he earns 1500$ a month, pays rent to his father, pays the grocery shopping (for a family of four or else he'll get kicked out) and we're looking for an apartment. Since he gets emotionally pressured into paying for everything, he doesn't have money to pay for his food, his water battles, his stuff. I end up paying everything for him. Every month. I'm in debt every month.

​

I love him but I struggle to see him as a real man with these issues. Any advice please?

Me: 23, him: 27

​

I'm in debt every month because of my boyfriend and it negatively influences how I view him.

​

Let me start off by saying: I know better times will come and he means well, I don't wanna break up with him. I want real advice.

​

I (F23) am a college student and earn 300$ on the side with a mini job. I live with my parents, so all my money is actually MY money.

​

My boyfriend (M27) works as a construction worker and also lives with his parents, he earns 1500$ a month, pays rent to his father, pays the grocery shopping (for a family of four or else he'll get kicked out) and we're looking for an apartment. Since he gets emotionally pressured into paying for everything, he doesn't have money to pay for his food, his water battles, his stuff. I end up paying everything for him. Every month. I'm in debt every month.

​

I love him but I struggle to see him as a real man with these issues. Any advice please?

First off: I am a huge procrastinator.

Yes, I do feel ashamed.

My bachelor thesis is due in 14 days and I'm trying my hardest to catch up and put something good or okay together.

My bf is currently looking for apartments with us and he'll have to go to a town where his ex lived/might still be living. So he wants me to come along and later go to my place WITH me. I told him yesterday, I'll work a lot on my bachelor thesis, so I'll have time for him today.

He thought I'm making time, so I'll come along with him to look at apartments for only "3 hours". Yeah, but every hour counts, right?

Unfortunately, he has an awful family, isn't used to any support, love, appreciation or care and I'm letting him down. Therefore, I'm triggering him BADLY and now he's fed up with me and scared he'll run into his ex alone.

I understand him.

On the other hand: he is almost 30. He had a toxic relationship with his ex and it was both of their fault. I'm not his mom or therapist and it's not my job to regulate him or put him above anything else. I really wanna be with him, but boyfriends come and go, right? And my bachelor's degree is LITERALLY forever.

What do you guys think?

Since I'm pretty angry rn, he's a man child crybaby in my eyes who can't handle rejection. I'm thinking of leaving him bc of this. I want a secure man, not an effing toddler.

First off: I am a huge procrastinator.

Yes, I do feel ashamed.

My bachelor thesis is due in 14 days and I'm trying my hardest to catch up and put something good or okay together.

My bf is currently looking for apartments with us and he'll have to go to a town where his ex lived/might still be living. So he wants me to come along and later go to my place WITH me. I told him yesterday, I'll work a lot on my bachelor thesis, so I'll have time for him today.

He thought I'm making time, so I'll come along with him to look at apartments for only "3 hours". Yeah, but every hour counts, right?

Unfortunately, he has an awful family, isn't used to any support, love, appreciation or care and I'm letting him down. Therefore, I'm triggering him BADLY and now he's fed up with me and scared he'll run into his ex alone.

I understand him.

On the other hand: he is almost 30. He had a toxic relationship with his ex and it was both of their fault. I'm not his mom or therapist and it's not my job to regulate him or put him above anything else. I really wanna be with him, but boyfriends come and go, right? And my bachelor's degree is LITERALLY forever.

What do you guys think?

Since I'm pretty angry rn, he's a man child crybaby in my eyes who can't handle rejection. I'm thinking of leaving him bc of this. I want a secure man, not an effing toddler.

First off: I am a huge procrastinator.

Yes, I do feel ashamed.

My bachelor thesis is due in 14 days and I'm trying my hardest to catch up and put something good or okay together.

My bf is currently looking for apartments with us and he'll have to go to a town where his ex lived/might still be living. So he wants me to come along and later go to my place WITH me. I told him yesterday, I'll work a lot on my bachelor thesis, so I'll have time for him today.

He thought I'm making time, so I'll come along with him to look at apartments for only "3 hours". Yeah, but every hour counts, right?

Unfortunately, he has an awful family, isn't used to any support, love, appreciation or care and I'm letting him down. Therefore, I'm triggering him BADLY and now he's fed up with me and scared he'll run into his ex alone.

I understand him.

On the other hand: he is almost 30. He had a toxic relationship with his ex and it was both of their fault. I'm not his mom or therapist and it's not my job to regulate him or put him above anything else. I really wanna be with him, but boyfriends come and go, right? And my bachelor's degree is LITERALLY forever.

What do you guys think?

Since I'm pretty angry rn, he's a man child crybaby in my eyes who can't handle rejection. I'm thinking of leaving him bc of this. I want a secure man, not an effing toddler.

- I only want answers from ppl with BPD

- no "just leave him already"

I really want you guys to tell me if he's doing better

Him and I started dating because I felt pity for him. His parents hate him, barely friends, his sister avoids him. I thought: maybe he's misunderstood.

But he used to yell at me daily. He always got into trouble. Drank v0dka after work and yelled at me through the phone, picked phy$ical fights with others and had ZERO impulse control whatsoever. My breaking point was, when I accidentally spilled rice and he threw the rice through the kitchen and I started bawling, hecticly apologizing and picking up the rice. Afraid, he'll get more angry.

I was ready to leave.

He quiet the dr/nking but was still impulsive and aggressive, especially during fights. Insults and screaming. It got better, he got less emotionally abüsive, like forcing me to apologize or he'll leave or twisting my words. Instead, he became a bawling toddler. I don't like that either.

I used to run on 2 hours of sleep every day, balancing him, college, friends and family and never telling him of my burn out because he'd feel excluded and abandoned and I just couldn't handle another fight. When I DID have to cancel on him and I knew days before, I had MASSIVE diarrh€a and panic attacks, knowing he's gonna feel abandoned and flip out.

Lately, I've been honest with him, even though that's the worse you can do to someone with BPD.

I said everything you're not supposed to say, but I FELT it, so it had to get off my chest. That I

- am walking on eggshells

- think every mimic and word and tone of mine thoughtfully through before looking at him, scared I'll trigger him

- read his every mimic and word, afraid he'll split any second if I stop reading him

- am burned out because he is bargaining me

- feel like he's too much

- feel emotionally abüsed

And you know what? He even said "I understand, I suck the life out of you and I emotionally abüse you, I want to do better".

He started researching about his needs, better ways to communicate, how to meet my needs and boundaries.

Yesterday, I had anxious diarrh€a again, because I knew I had to cancel on him this weekend to write my bachelor's thesis and he said "it's okay, I understand, take time, I love you"

What do we think?

And he's not in therapy yet.

Guys.

I am so FED UP. They never take accountability.

They [our romantic partners with BPD] ignore our feelings, our boundaries, our wishes and fears.

From my experience, they even use it against us to trigger a response.

They snap at the smallest things and us partners who have to endure it have to walk on eggshells (ik that people with BPD hate it when we say that I honestly don't care anymore). We constantly check our mimics, our voice, search for minutes or hours or days for the right non-triggering words and yet, they still snap at us.

Being with someone with BPD is a constant feeling of failure, of never being enough, of thinking every word through with stomach pain and knowing, they'll still flip out on you, even though you've prepared your speech (like wanting to meet your friends and communicating it nicely towards your partner with BPD) days before.

And you feel sick and miserable, knowing they'll snap at you again, push you away again, use you again for validation and love, emotionally abüsive and güilt trip and mänipulat€ you again. Even though you really, really, really took everything into consideration this time. But it's not enough. It's never enough.

But we aren't allowed to complain or criticize them, even though we suffer from the abûse they put us through and it hurts sm. We wanna be heard too.

ANYWAYS HERE IS WHAT I POSTED UNDER SOMEONE'S POST. HE IS A BOY WITH BPD AND HIS VIDEO WAS ABOUT HIS PARTNER BEING HIS TRIGGER:

and now here is a FACT for EVERYONE with B‼️P‼️D you guys experience - IN MANY CASES - memory loss after a splitting episode and THAT is why you all feed if the narrative "if they just respect my triggers, I'll be nice 🤗 I just need respect, love and appreciation and that's my partners job, they have to cater that" like DUDE you MOST LIKELY abüs€d your partner while you were splitting but now your brain creates a false reality or you can't even remember HOW abüsive you TRULY were. CAN. WE. FINALLY. STOP. SILENCING. PARTNERS. WHO. EXPERIENCE. EMOTIONAL. ABÜS€. FROM. THEIR. BPD. PARTNERS. JUST. BECAUSE. ITS. UNCOMFORTABLE. FOR. PEOPLE. WITH. BPD. TO. ACCEPT. THAT. THEY. ARE. THEIR. PARTNERS. ABÜSERS.

Pls don't let this flop 🙏 hope this ends up on tiktok in some Minecraft talking video

You probably read the title and first of all: tysm ❤️‍🩹

BASICS:

I am 23, female, probably suffer from ADHD and am anxiously attached. Which means, my whole nervous system is always kinda anxious, I have a fear of being abandoned, LOVE LOVE LOVE avoiding attached men, bc it gets me going to be ignored; I hate and love the thrill and it causes me to shower them with love, attention, money and gifts - and they push me away further because I'm suffocating them.

I am so forgetful, chaotic, have constant time blindness, love POSITIVE attention, confident men, nonchalant compliments and am chased by my anxious fears (like a truck driving into my house at night ... Just because. Even though I live on the second story)

My bf has an narki$$istic dad, a cold, heartless mom, never heard ily or I'm so proud of you, feels worthless, struggled with sulcida/ thoughts in the past, is bc of that desorganized attached and needs constant validation, attention and me to GIVE him feelings of self worth, self esteem or self love. But it's tiring. I mean, I have no problem with reassuring him, but he needs to build self esteem by HIMSELF. He also believes I could do better than him and that I'll leave him if someone better appears and he expects me to cheer him up. Like ... Dude, could you blame me? I don't wanna leave you. I just deserve better than you and I want YOU to get better.

But at least he is very reflective, openly admits his bpd abüse towards me and works on himself to make it better. He'll get into therapy soon. He actually actively researches his triggers and feels deep feelings of shame or guilt and tries to un-learn patterns and actively works on solutions.

So you could say it's bad ... But not THAT bad, yk what I mean?

Because most people with BPD don't take any accountability and often experience memory loss after splitting. At least he remembers, wants to change, goes into action, already changed a little bit, researches and feels guilt and shame.

And I'm not easy, too.

I'm obviously effing hard to deal with my anxious attachment and I'm prettyyyyyyyy sure that's why my ex boyfriends (avoidant partners) R A N from me. But dude, I can't help it. I love and hate getting ignored, it's kinda ma$ochistic.

PLEASE: real advices. No "leave him" "get into therapy you sikko", Id like some real, neutral responses 🫂

THE ISSUE

Now to my problem:

I have poor time management -> he needs my exact time management to feel reassured

I need the reassurance he won't hürt himself -> he feels like I treat him like a toddler and refuses to give it to me

He needs me to give him purpose -> I feel uncomfortable and ashamed with that

I want instant harmony after a fight -> he's not done verbally abüslng me yet

And basically... Everything else I mentioned.

Any real advice?

You probably read the title and first of all: tysm ❤️‍🩹

BASICS:

I am 23, female, probably suffer from ADHD and am anxiously attached. Which means, my whole nervous system is always kinda anxious, I have a fear of being abandoned, LOVE LOVE LOVE avoiding attached men, bc it gets me going to be ignored; I hate and love the thrill and it causes me to shower them with love, attention, money and gifts - and they push me away further because I'm suffocating them.

I am so forgetful, chaotic, have constant time blindness, love POSITIVE attention, confident men, nonchalant compliments and am chased by my anxious fears (like a truck driving into my house at night ... Just because. Even though I live on the second story)

My bf has an narki$$istic dad, a cold, heartless mom, never heard ily or I'm so proud of you, feels worthless, struggled with sulcida/ thoughts in the past, is bc of that desorganized attached and needs constant validation, attention and me to GIVE him feelings of self worth, self esteem or self love. But it's tiring. I mean, I have no problem with reassuring him, but he needs to build self esteem by HIMSELF. He also believes I could do better than him and that I'll leave him if someone better appears and he expects me to cheer him up. Like ... Dude, could you blame me? I don't wanna leave you. I just deserve better than you and I want YOU to get better.

But at least he is very reflective, openly admits his bpd abüse towards me and works on himself to make it better. He'll get into therapy soon. He actually actively researches his triggers and feels deep feelings of shame or guilt and tries to un-learn patterns and actively works on solutions.

So you could say it's bad ... But not THAT bad, yk what I mean?

Because most people with BPD don't take any accountability and often experience memory loss after splitting. At least he remembers, wants to change, goes into action, already changed a little bit, researches and feels guilt and shame.

And I'm not easy, too.

I'm obviously effing hard to deal with my anxious attachment and I'm prettyyyyyyyy sure that's why my ex boyfriends (avoidant partners) R A N from me. But dude, I can't help it. I love and hate getting ignored, it's kinda ma$ochistic.

PLEASE: real advices. No "leave him" "get into therapy you sikko", Id like some real, neutral responses 🫂

THE ISSUE

Now to my problem:

I have poor time management -> he needs my exact time management to feel reassured

I need the reassurance he won't hürt himself -> he feels like I treat him like a toddler and refuses to give it to me

He needs me to give him purpose -> I feel uncomfortable and ashamed with that

I want instant harmony after a fight -> he's not done verbally abüslng me yet

And basically... Everything else I mentioned.

Any real advice?

You probably read the title and first of all: tysm ❤️‍🩹

BASICS:

I am 23, female, probably suffer from ADHD and am anxiously attached. Which means, my whole nervous system is always kinda anxious, I have a fear of being abandoned, LOVE LOVE LOVE avoiding attached men, bc it gets me going to be ignored; I hate and love the thrill and it causes me to shower them with love, attention, money and gifts - and they push me away further because I'm suffocating them.

I am so forgetful, chaotic, have constant time blindness, love POSITIVE attention, confident men, nonchalant compliments and am chased by my anxious fears (like a truck driving into my house at night ... Just because. Even though I live on the second story)

My bf has an narki$$istic dad, a cold, heartless mom, never heard ily or I'm so proud of you, feels worthless, struggled with sulcida/ thoughts in the past, is bc of that desorganized attached and needs constant validation, attention and me to GIVE him feelings of self worth, self esteem or self love. But it's tiring. I mean, I have no problem with reassuring him, but he needs to build self esteem by HIMSELF.

He is very reflective, openly admits his bpd abüse towards me and works on himself to make it better. He'll get into therapy soon.

THE ISSUE

Now to my problem:

I have poor time management -> he needs my exact time management to feel reassured

I need the reassurance he won't hürt himself -> he feels like I treat him like a toddler and refuses to give it to me

He needs me to give him purpose -> I feel uncomfortable and ashamed with that

I want instant harmony after a fight -> he's not done verbally abüslng me yet

Any real advice?

You probably read the title and first of all: tysm ❤️‍🩹

BASICS:

I am 23, female, probably suffer from ADHD and am anxiously attached. Which means, my whole nervous system is always kinda anxious, I have a fear of being abandoned, LOVE LOVE LOVE avoiding attached men, bc it gets me going to be ignored; I hate and love the thrill and it causes me to shower them with love, attention, money and gifts - and they push me away further because I'm suffocating them.

I am so forgetful, chaotic, have constant time blindness, love POSITIVE attention, confident men, nonchalant compliments and am chased by my anxious fears (like a truck driving into my house at night ... Just because. Even though I live on the second story)

My bf has an narki$$istic dad, a cold, heartless mom, never heard ily or I'm so proud of you, feels worthless, struggled with sulcida/ thoughts in the past, is bc of that desorganized attached and needs constant validation, attention and me to GIVE him feelings of self worth, self esteem or self love. But it's tiring. I mean, I have no problem with reassuring him, but he needs to build self esteem by HIMSELF.

He is very reflective, openly admits his bpd abüse towards me and works on himself to make it better. He'll get into therapy soon.

THE ISSUE

Now to my problem:

I have poor time management -> he needs my exact time management to feel reassured

I need the reassurance he won't hürt himself -> he feels like I treat him like a toddler and refuses to give it to me

He needs me to give him purpose -> I feel uncomfortable and ashamed with that

I want instant harmony after a fight -> he's not done verbally abüslng me yet

Any real advice?

[supprimé]

M26 and F23, together for 13 months

Please bear with me for a sec, it's my first post <3

Imagine my bf. 26. Grew up in the ghetto. Narki$$istic father who would b€at him up daily. Cold and detached mother. Was suicida/. Thinks he doesn't deserve love. Thinks he doesn't deserve appreciation. His first words to me were "show me how to love, teach me how to love 🥺".

I am 23. We've been together for 14 months now. I'm Anxiously attached, which means I like reassurance, clarity, harmony and suffer from anxious fears ... Like him off-ing himself after a fight.

He really wants to change. He doesn't want to act like a vulnerable toddler anymore, he doesn't want to mom-ification me anymore. He doesn't want me to be put into a savior role anymore. He doesn't want me to walk on eggshells anymore. He deeply regrets his outbursts and when he's calm after, he researches what happened with him, tells me and apologizes deeply and comes up with future solutions. He stopped pulling my hair when angry, he stopped throwing stuff and he regrets that he yelled at me during our last fight. He acknowledges that I'm scared of his outbursts and steps away and immediately softens his voice when he sees me flinching at his screaming. We're currently trying to establish rules. He tries to be less insecure if I'm not available. He'll get into therapy soon.

What do y'all think?

Please bear with me for a sec, it's my first post <3

Imagine my bf. 26. Grew up in the ghetto. Narki$$istic father who would b€at him up daily. Cold and detached mother. Was suicida/. Thinks he doesn't deserve love. Thinks he doesn't deserve appreciation. His first words to me were "show me how to love, teach me how to love 🥺".

I am 23. Anxiously attached, which means I like reassurance, clarity, harmony and suffer from anxious fears ... Like him off-ing himself after a fight.

He really wants to change. He doesn't want to act like a vulnerable toddler anymore, he doesn't want to mom-ification me anymore. He doesn't want me to be put into a savior role anymore. He doesn't want me to walk on eggshells anymore. He deeply regrets his outbursts and when he's calm after, he researches what happened with him, tells me and apologizes deeply and comes up with future solutions. He stopped pulling my hair when angry, he stopped throwing stuff and he regrets that he yelled at me during our last fight. He acknowledges that I'm scared of his outbursts and steps away and immediately softens his voice when he sees me flinching at his screaming. We're currently trying to establish rules. He tries to be less insecure if I'm not available. He'll get into therapy soon.

What do y'all think?

You probably read the title and first of all: tysm ❤️‍🩹

BASICS:

I am 23, female, probably suffer from ADHD and am anxiously attached. Which means, my whole nervous system is always kinda anxious, I have a fear of being abandoned, LOVE LOVE LOVE avoiding attached men, bc it gets me going to be ignored; I hate and love the thrill and it causes me to shower them with love, attention, money and gifts - and they push me away further because I'm suffocating them.

I am so forgetful, chaotic, have constant time blindness, love POSITIVE attention, confident men, nonchalant compliments and am chased by my anxious fears (like a truck driving into my house at night ... Just because. Even though I live on the second story)

My bf has an narki$$istic dad, a cold, heartless mom, never heard ily or I'm so proud of you, feels worthless, struggled with sulcida/ thoughts in the past, is bc of that desorganized attached and needs constant validation, attention and me to GIVE him feelings of self worth, self esteem or self love. But it's tiring. I mean, I have no problem with reassuring him, but he needs to build self esteem by HIMSELF.

He is very reflective, openly admits his bpd abüse towards me and works on himself to make it better. He'll get into therapy soon.

THE ISSUE

Now to my problem:

I have poor time management -> he needs my exact time management to feel reassured

I need the reassurance he won't hürt himself -> he feels like I treat him like a toddler and refuses to give it to me

He needs me to give him purpose -> I feel uncomfortable and ashamed with that

I want instant harmony after a fight -> he's not done verbally abüslng me yet

Any real advice?

Please bear with me for a sec, it's my first post <3

Imagine my bf. 26. Grew up in the ghetto. Narki$$istic father who would b€at him up daily. Cold and detached mother. Was suicida/. Thinks he doesn't deserve love. Thinks he doesn't deserve appreciation. His first words to me were "show me how to love, teach me how to love 🥺".

I am 23. Anxiously attached, which means I like reassurance, clarity, harmony and suffer from anxious fears ... Like him off-ing himself after a fight.

He really wants to change. He doesn't want to act like a vulnerable toddler anymore, he doesn't want to mom-ification me anymore. He doesn't want me to be put into a savior role anymore. He doesn't want me to walk on eggshells anymore. He deeply regrets his outbursts and when he's calm after, he researches what happened with him, tells me and apologizes deeply and comes up with future solutions. He stopped pulling my hair when angry, he stopped throwing stuff and he regrets that he yelled at me during our last fight. He acknowledges that I'm scared of his outbursts and steps away and immediately softens his voice when he sees me flinching at his screaming. We're currently trying to establish rules. He tries to be less insecure if I'm not available. He'll get into therapy soon.

What do y'all think?