u/barfprincess96

i just got here

I got stood up on a date and to make matters worse, I showed up to this bar anyways even though he wouldn't answer my texts all day.

This rando started talking to me. I remember what he looks like. While leaving his place, I was in a haze, I even accused him then and there that the drink tasted funny and how I'd never felt like that before. He took me for even more of a fool by taking the juice out of his fridge and having me smell it. As if The drink in my cup and the carton didn't smell wildly different. All of it makes me so mad. I even sat through his fancy Project Manager meeting over zoom. I had just lost my job.

Please help me get him. I'm sure he will be at that place again. I can hunt him down. But once I do.. what's the set up? Or do I tell the security of the bar/casino ? (MGM in Maryland)

This happened 2 years ago. Should I go to the police?

I want to study light. But also the body. I like tech.

Right now, I am in marketing. If you need more details, ask away. I be oversharing lol.

depression and other mental illnesses aside...

people catastrophize way too much

i feel like they really underestimate the power of research and heuristics

the research can be overwhelming at first, but it's the best time saver.

someone reached out to ME to schedule a zoom meeting when i asked a simple question about a field that was similar to one i got work in in the past.

the meeting gave me so much insight, and in an hour i changed course of my life bc now ik i don't wanna go back into tech since AI use is far from optional ATP

people who feel like a loser cuz they "wasted their 20's"

people who even murder (forgot his name, but guesss he always looked troubled in the eyes) - the one w the rich film industry parents.

taking their insecurities out on others.

people at dead end jobs

yeah im lumping ppl together, but not out of morality.

it's just like... is it really necessary to be super hard on oneself if ultimately that makes things worse? theirs' and the people around them's lives miserable?

i feared networking for a long time. i wanted it to be natural. but nothing happened from that. i had shallow friendships w ppl in high places. i always had trouble w that next step. because i thought i had to get up there by sheer talent alone. bc i didn't want them feeling used. bc i thought i could just reach out to them when im "ready" .. by then, opportunities lost.

direct communication is what ACTUALLY gets you places. not implied speech or being nonchalant. but, by spilling your guts

it's not always easy to be vulnerable, put yourself out there. it doesn't have to be shameful. it doesn't have to mean one's life is over. especially not with who's sitting at the top.

e.g., Ashton Kutcher got so far and he's a total creep. not just to his wife he kissed and started dating when she was 14, he 20. not to mention the weird video of him and diddy all over the little "The Ring" girl (rip)

Like, those are the real fucking losers... look how far THEY got. Sure, it might be a cautionary tale- people who got used to getting what they want and went too far. But i highly doubt most people would end up like that if they have a solid purpose.

Now more than ever, true character really matters. There's no hiding in this age of social media and mass surveillance, we may as well just find our fucking people and let our freaks flag fly (no diddy)

Maybe to answer my own question, these people are meek... scared of unleashing their full potential.

Perhaps because deep down, they fear success as much as failure.

i meet people who complain about various things like an industry when they can always pivot. i have a friend who complains about the film industry and i sent her 2 free service streaming services from the library for indie shorts and other indie productions, as well as film festivals and unions in the area. i even told her id work for free as an actress and offered to read her scripts. i sent her a short on youtube made by people our age group

maybe this is why im in marketing communications, lol. i want people to connect and pay attention to opportunities around them. shout out to the library patrons who utilize resources!

Idk the science (maybe dopamine rushes) but maybe, we are wired to crave "distractions". that's why video slot machines are highly addictive and our phones are built w them in mind.

i think once certain people realize they can just habitually distract themselves with useful information that aligns to their true nature, they can stay focused and realize they were *looking for distractions* because they weren't *SEARCHING hard enough for their respective truth*

status quo stops people

familial expectations and filial piety

so many people lose their spark or don't believe in themselves.

i don't think it's imposter syndrome- i think many people are in the wrong field. bc doing what u want, u should be hungryyy. springing up in the morning for it. because it's soo competitive out there. and all we have time for is to LIVE. not if you're lucky, but because you're simply ALIVE.

It may look different from one person to the next. of course it will.

i remember hearing when i was a teen- choosing what to do with your life isn't just about doing what you love, it's accepting the challenges you're willing to face by going down said path.

obviously, how that plays out versus expectations, varies. or YMMV as y'all say.

people's emotions take over. life happens.

it's so much better to run through goals rather than complain and get nowhere. make the shitty movie w $0 budget. learn from feedback and see things end up better than expected bc the execution is the ONLY way to find out. and most likely, that WILL mean sharing your crazy ideas to have help making it happen

talk to as many people as possible who do said thing before AND while getting into it. who cares about advice, ask them their experience and let that speak for itself

have mentors. stop doing things alone. ask for help.

don't rawdog life and then wonder why you're lost

don't reinvent the wheel if you're overwhelemed, try paying homage or working in a team on something you originally were set out to do from scratch or alone

protect your ideas if you're scared

copyright.org

Virginia patent office

there's even pro bono lawyers who will help you with an invention/service

people sit on opportunities, ideas that would truly make the world a better place.

we need more perspectives. more women and poc dominating fields not bc of inclusivity, but bc why not ?

nepotism is getting old (literally)

we need new voices at the forefront

i always have everything on my mind at once. I think about true crime, the news, people at war, disabled people, abused children, etc., often and on the daily.

I think about workers who suffer in foreign countries and sweatshops for very little pay. I think about the people suffering in my country- the US.

Sometimes, I think it's distracting, but I wouldn't feel like a person if I didn't have a depthful perspective.

However, it comes to a point where it's very detrimental to me to always be this way. Especially when often times it's very little that I can do about said things.

I just end up reading about so much injustice. I've really tapped back into reading over the past year and dystopian novels seem to be that great middle ground of combining the fictional world with reality.

I've also been thinking about going into politics. I'm already very involved with a plant based volunteer group. I am just all over the place and honestly, with politics, it makes sense to be that way- concerned about everything and taking action, rather than if I had to focus on one thing. And rather than doing nothing but some volunteering/reposting, educating myself.

I just don't know if I could ever not think about everyone all the time. Of course the downside is on my mental health, but also on my personal life. My relationships are often in the gutter. Because I'm always thinking about ways that the world could be better instead of focusing on my life.

It honestly is so sad that it has gotten this way, it makes me feel like a hypocrite, or creepy, even. because i know so much about the world and other people's business. I could argue that it's good to know the world that i'm in and that i am well informed, but shouldn't I mind my business, too?

I also care a lot about artists and the art world. I do make art, but only monetize on the side. I just want to go deeper with my life and block out the world and I find it very difficult to do that.

I need help just focusing on myself and not feeling guilty or bad about myself for being disconnected from others.

Seriously, i know way too many artists, celebrities, issues going on, true crime stories, wikipedia rabbit holes of esoteric scientists and theories. I'm super into film, i've read around 400 books. I want my brain to slow down. I don't think i have ADHD. I just need to be more mindful of my time here on earth and accept what I don't know. and focus on a career path.

My mom doesn't appreciate how I clean and make the house better. I can't even begin to express how much cleaning and organizing it has taken.
Time and energy.
The least I want is to not have history repeat itself and have a better system.
It has gotten better, but now I am focused on moving back out bc it isn't my house.

I want to get her to exercise, then she says that I'm not helping and that no one ever helps her with her disability.

She has foot drop.

When will she learn that she has to help herself? She talks about her pain more than she does things to subside it.

She's also in her late 60's and very stubborn and insults me. then, she says i insult her when all i do is defend myself.

She said when my brothers
and I were little to take care of her and my dad when they get older. But they don't accept help.

They also don't respect boundaries or consent, but that's another conversation...

I buy her Epsom salt and peppermint and she barely takes baths and soaks her sore muscles. I got her a footsoak too. and a foot massager. remind her to stretch. I remind her to lift weights and be stronger. i make her protein shakes smoothies, and fresh pressed juice everyday. But she often sits and lies down watching the news. She gets mad when I tell her it's bad for her mental health to watch the news and 5min+ ad breaks in between all day or when she gets off work.

She thinks I am telling her what to do to be some type of "boss" or insult her, when all I want is what's best for her.

she doesn't have anything wrong with her insides. She just has some trouble walking. I understand I could be more empathetic about the pain, but I just feel like she could do a lot more when she's sitting she could do more ab exercises that I have showed her.
She can have a better core and back to try to help her stabilization. She focuses way too much on her foot.

She's back in physical therapy, I gave her a list of podiatrists to call. I told her that she has to do more bc it's the truth. The PT's go easier on her so they don't get sued, im sure of it. But ik she needs to lose weight.
She also uses ice more often now, and sometimes pain killers.
I just can't take someone complaining that much when they're gonna roll over and die anyway. I just can't take it

how do i let it go? how do i jsut let her give up and accept it?

idk if it's big enough for him.. it's more like a large pond in my neighborhood. I presume it is freshwater cuz it's not part of the ocean. But I can't care for him much anymore. I wonder if a) he won't f up the ecosystem and b) if it will be the right fit for him.

edit: i mean it is a big body of water but big as in if it will accumulate enough algae and coexist with the ducks and other fish/ecology

edit2: unfortunately, no one responded when i asked on IG for any takers, so i will take the pet store/fb group advice ! thank youuu

when I first started, I thought that people who left a mess at my food service jobs maybe just weren't raised right and gave them the benefit of the doubt.

later on, I realized many people, if not most who leave a mess- do it on purpose because they simply know that the worker will clean it up.
They even believe we are scum.

in my family, We always clean up after ourselves unless it's a waiter/waitress situation. even then, we don't make an utter mess.

one time in new york, i confronted a man when i was sitting at a restaurant. He and these other jocks were eatibg with their mouth full, table disgusting, and he had just slammed his tray w trash on the ground, then put his FOOT on it. The hispanic guy who cleans there just casually takes the tray from beneath his foot and keeps cleaning. I had to say something, and i recorded it w my phone in my pocket, w the angle- i didnt get their faces but got the audio. He just stared blankly at me and had no explanation. It made me so furious.

the ugly side of America.

This era of philosophical art surrounding the singularity and the dawn of the new millennia>>

couldn't even finish the film without them arguing that it was stupid. this was a year ago and they're in their late 60's. xD.

has anyone tried to show the film to someone stubborn ?

also, i've met Carrie-anne Moss and she is dope. She manifested the role pretty much. she would go to the park early each morning and practice Tei Chi/martial arts.

ok TBH been this way for years, but I am getting even better at boundaries.

albeit, some trauma dumps and rants I was happy to give advice, be an ear, help, or simply entertained.

however, that person then expects more from you like intimacy, insight, and attention- and im done being the healer/Chiron, the wounded healer.

i've been healing myself in ways that make me realize it's not too late to properly heal the way that you must.

Realizing how valuable my time, advice, love, and care really is now..

when someone is in need and i just can't pour from an empty cup...

to that i say:

Damn that's crazy.

hello. im interested in photonics and also genetics. im finishing my BA next year, may work in marketing like 2 years before going back to school again. has anyone gone back to school under a different major? how did it go with credits? before marketing, i went from an AA in theatre to a year towards a psychology BA before switching.

i'm also interested in law lol. so basically wanna keep my options open. get some thoughts from people in these fields or similar switches.

gun to your head.. what would you NEED to let the world know ? im just curious haha i really like the wave that's been on youtube the past year of just random ppl going in on a philosophical topic, talking about something on their mind, or just crying out for help lmao. i mean, it is another thing to have a system and build a niche, but i like that really humanistic approach. it was more common when youtube started, even though youtube has always been somewhat like the talent show of the internet. just people naturally being themselves. i guess you could call it vlogging, but it's usually just "monologue" style, i guess. or a conversation w a friend. i actually posted a vid of me talking i can't believe 4 years ago now and it only got 100s of views, but a lot of comments for the amount of views, like 50, and they were all positive minus 1. and ppl saying i should post more. but im kind of a perfectionist and i don't want to post if im not gonna be consistent. which ironically stopped me from being consistent. lol. what are your thoughts of showing up with a burning topic on your mind, a few notes, and pressing record ? it's getting more popular bc the barrier to entry is low and it has an authenticity about it (think Hamza or thewizardliz) but also i watch tons of educational content like that, too of just some nerd rambling without all the editing. editing is an art and i do love that too. i guess what stops me is i wanna show off skills, but ironically i think it's just my words that really matter. maybe i should keep doing the old type of vids a little more scripted w minimal editing to stay consistent. thoughts?

basically, do you prefer to watch movies that represent your identity or something you've gone through in your personal life? or do you prefer films that maybe aren't in your native language or where characters that are nothing like you, i.e., neurotic if you're chill or vice versa, etc. ? maybe "larger than life" films or characters? Additionally, more generally, what is it that draws you into sitting down with a film for 1hr+ when you could be watching doing anything else? Something with an interesting inciting incident or plot reversal? If a certain genre draws you in, can you relate how it links to your identity? do you think movie watching is inherently escapism or a tool for growth, or depends?

note: i use to work in hollywood as an actress (only a few years) in theatre, film, tv, and a game, so I see movies from a lot of different perspectives, both closely personal and generally as someone who analyzes character motives, breaking down choices in relation to genre, tone, other characters, all the things. I am also an avid reader of english lit, fiction, nonfiction.

i don’t play guitar, but i’ve been picking it up along with electric.

Could someone please give me some free chord progressions? and some beginner chord theory tips? it’s a short 2min song. an acoustic version i’m trying to compose for my electronic song, “Bonnie” https://on.soundcloud.com/gIw9zkWzHF7jaoqi3q

tysmmmmm