u/bigbear474

I'm born and raised Canadian and my parents immigrated from punjab in the 90's. My dad is super traditional, and my mom is too, but more understanding of the fact that my siblings and I aren't super traditional, especially being born and raised here (we are still traditional, just not as much as my parents).

I am dating a white guy, we're both 28 and been together for 4 years now. My dad does not know about us yet but my mom does. My mom is scared to tell my dad and wanted to wait until my bf and I were 100% sure about getting married. That being said, I want to get married next year but due to financial and other familial hardships currently, we wouldnt be able to get married for another 2 years likely. And that is only because my parents are insisting on the whole wedding week, and inviting everyone we know. I already don't want any of that, I want the traditional wedding of sorts, but just like one day for the sagaan/jaggo, wedding (2 ceremonies) and reception. but anyway this is where i think I'm overreacting and being a bad child of my parents.

They obviously are not ok with me sleeping over at his house, even though my mom knows we went on a trip together last year, she is against me sleeping at his house (he lives with just his brother). I am so over my parents trying to control me and what i can and cannot do. I want to sleep over there and not lie about it (bc i do sleep over like every 2 weeks but just say its my friends or something). They'll be upset, but I almost don't care anymore. He is planning on buying a house within the next year, and since i will be finishing my phd and getting a job soon, i am planning on buying it with him so it is our home. We won't be able to get married before this, especially since owning property is more important to us than a $150,000 wedding. I also plan on just doing that and moving out of my parents house as soon as i can do that, but i would be the first person ever in the whole extended family./friends in our community to do that.

Am I overreacting by being fed up and just doing these things soon that will likely give my parents a heart-attack and possibly cause them to fight with each other? I hate that my life is on hold. Yes my parents have given me EVERYTHING - my education, my stuff, a car when i got my license, private school as a kid, played a bunch of sports, they pay for my food still etc. They have given me the entire world and still give me gas money and buy me things and take us on trip, but at some point, we have to live our lives don't we? I am growing so resentful of them, but at the same time i feel ungrateful and i feel bad for feeling this.

Advice pls...

Ok so my wedding isn’t official yet but hopefully next summer. I should add, born and raised Canadian but parents came from punjab in the mid 90’s. I’m not marrying a Punjabi person and my parents are only half on board rn. But we want to get married next summer but I really don’t want a huge wedding. My parents want to take out a loan for my wedding and want to invite everyone. I just want a small wedding with only 3 days of events so that my partner and I can put money towards buying a house.

Has anyone been able or tried to convince their parents to let them have a smaller wedding? To be clear, small for me would mean like 150-200 people at the reception from my side. My husband to be or whatever, would have like 40 people probably. I don’t want all those extra people there that families think should be invited. But we were invited to all their weddings and my parents say that means we have to invite them. There’s no point in my parents being in debt for the rest of their lives. Also I have two more siblings …. Not worth the debt imo. Any advice?

With my bf my main love language is definitely physical touch. And for some reason unless we’re touching, I don’t feel that close to him. Like unless we’re holding hands or even legs touching when we’re on the couch etc.

But the thing is that we actually are very close. We have a strong relationship, we’re open with each other, great communication, have sex regularly etc. why do I feel like this and how I stop feeling like this? It’s like no matter how much I tell myself that we’re close and have a good relationship and almost no matter how much reassurance he gives me, I feel so empty. I love him a lot and when we’re together everything is great. But if we don’t kiss for a few hours when we’re together bc we’re out doing errands or out w friends or something, I feel withdrawn. We’ve been together 5 years, we don’t live together but plan to within this next year.

Has anyone experienced this?? I feel so lonely but he does everything to help me not feel like this. I’ve talked to him about this so so much and I think it’s making him feel bad so I’m trying not to talk to him about it.

It's been a long journey. I don't really know how I got here but I have been trying for a long time. I think I am also finally confident in myself. Unfortunately, it did take some external validation such as my friends vocalizing that they think i'm a great friend, getting closer to my friends in general, having random people compliment me etc. It's not only those things but they helped. I have been eating in a way that doesn't make me feel bad anymore because i discovered some mild intolerances i had from food that i was eating regularly. I stopped wearing make up as often and somehow that helped a lot. I changed the way i exercise - i no longer exercise to look a certain way, but instead i exercise to feel a certain way and I have rediscovered my love for sports and found a community in those sports. It took me a while to get over this mental block too though because now my body has changed so much that I am doing activities i love rather than how i look and it took me a year or so to finally be ok with looking differently (i was working out like a body builder before, now i workout in a more athletic way)

I have always been happy being alone, but somehow, I have found more peace with that than i realized before, and I am also reaching out and nourishing my friendships and relationship more but also without putting too much weight on them. I still have bad days of my own self image, but for the first time, more often than not, I feel pretty inside and outside. I have felt pretty on the inside for much longer than the outside, but I finally feel physically pretty too. I just wanted to share because I feel weird saying this to people in my life bc it feels so narcissistic and self-absorbed because I know everyone is on their own journey.

It's been a long journey. I don't really know how I got here but I have been trying for a long time. I think I am also finally confident in myself. Unfortunately, it did take some external validation such as my friends vocalizing that they think i'm a great friend, getting closer to my friends in general, having random people compliment me etc. It's not only those things but they helped. I have been eating in a way that doesn't make me feel bad anymore because i discovered some mild intolerances i had from food that i was eating regularly. I stopped wearing make up as often and somehow that helped a lot. I changed the way i exercise - i no longer exercise to look a certain way, but instead i exercise to feel a certain way and I have rediscovered my love for sports and found a community in those sports. It took me a while to get over this mental block too though because now my body has changed so much that I am doing activities i love rather than how i look and it took me a year or so to finally be ok with looking differently (i was working out like a body builder before, not i workout in a more athletic way)

I have always been happy being alone, but somehow, I have found more peace with that than i realized before, and I am also reaching out and nourishing my friendships and relationship more but also without putting too much weight on them. I still have bad days of my own self image, but for the first time, more often than not, I feel pretty inside and outside. I have felt pretty on the inside for much longer than the outside, but I finally feel physically pretty too. I just wanted to share because I feel weird saying this to people in my life bc it feels so narcissistic and self-absorbed because I know everyone is on their own journey.

I am not pregnant or have kids yet. But i want kids, and likely within a couple years. However, I am pissed off. I hate the idea of my body changing. I love my body, I am fit, strong, fast, great agility, great flexibility etc. and I work really hard to get to this point. I have some big fitness goals, competing in a few sports and also i want to compete in an ironman triathalon - however those things take time and training, and money. I won't be able to do any of those things for a few years, which happens to be right around when I want to start having kids. I know having kids will be what I end up choosing, and I know i can reach my goals before and/or after kids, but having kids is clearly in the way. And I know i want them, and theyll be more special to me than a medal for completing an iron man, but it makes me sad. I will have to work so hard to get back to where I am now. Or I will have to work super hard to get there before pregnancy. Either way, i have this big speed bump eventually.

I'm just angry. My husband will continue to train, and even though he will likely slow down his training when we have a baby, he will be able to bounce bad into it so quick. I'm just so so angry that this is the way it is. I want my own biological kids and I want to carry them. I don't want solutions, I'm just angry. It feels so unfair.

I’m nearly 28 and I’d love to have my first kid by 31 (I have a partner who is also on board for this). The problem is that while I’ve always been fit, I’ve just gotten way more into it lately. I have pretty much my dream body, not just looks wise but strength, speed, agility etc. I just got into boxing and would love to start competing. I recently also got into running and biking and am planning on doing a triathlon next summer. Where I realized that it’s going to have to come to a halt is when I was telling my bf that in about 3-4 years I want to do an iron man triathlon. For those that don’t know what this is, it’s just a super long triathlon and very physically demanding.

He responded super encouraging and started helping me figure out what training would look like but then as a side comment he kinda asked about kids…… and now I’m devastated and feel like there’s not even a point in continuing to get my dream body or training for fights (boxing) and an iron man.

Any tips from moms or moms to be in similar situations? I want kids for sure but damn I’m also so devastated. We want 2-3 depending on how I handle pregnancy and everything around it. That would mean from like 31-36 I’m just basically popping them out, barely recovering and popping another one out. And my body will never be the same ….. I would regret not having kids and so would my bf but I’m so sad I may not be able to reach my goals

I want to start training towards doing an ironman in the next 3 years or so. I have an athletic background and just started running alongside my boxing training. I have to learn how to swim long distances and get a bike and everything. It'll be a challenge but that's why I am saying 3 or so years. I am a 27 years old female. I'm in Canada.

I have started looking at stuff, but I won't be investing in anything for at least a year or so as I need to get the basics down. I will likely start with the 70.3 because going into a full ironman sounds insane.

Maybe I'm naive but my biggest worry is the cost. I don't make a lot of money, I am just about to graduate from grad school and I am still looking for a job. My starting salary will likely be $70k CAD. But i also currently have about $30k in student debt. Is there a cost efficient way to get stuff and train? I don't even own a bike anymore, I gave it away to a friend years ago.

Where to start? I am running and training towards a marathon right now, and over the winter when I can't run outside anymore, I'm going to focus on swimming and biking, but also still running on the treadmill when it makes sense. I also box about 3x a week, so I already have great cardio. My limiting factor when i'm running is just pain in my legs since they are not used to be running.

I have never had back acne before in my life. I’ve barely ever even had acne. I’m 27 now, nothing about my routine in terms of showering, products, soaps, etc has changed and suddenly I have horrible bacne. And it started scarring immediately. I have light brown skin so now my whole upper back is covered in dark brown scars.

I recently came across the mederma scar gel and started using it on my back and a couple random acne scars on my face. All these scars are from within this year. It’s too soon to tell if it’s working. But has anyone had any experience?

Or any advice on ways to clear bacne and get rid of the scars?

I’m doing the exercise boxing classes at my gym about 3x a week and one sparring class. These classes we mix bag work, conditioning and sometimes weights. So that’s 4 times a week at my boxing gym. The other two days I want to be in my regular commercial gym. I don’t want to lose my muscles and I also want to get better at boxing such as endurance, strength, balance and agility.

What should I be doing? Should I do 2 classes and then 1 sparring and then 2-3 days in the regular gym?

What do I do in the regular gym?

Before boxing I just did regular push pull legs and I have quite a bit of muscle but since boxing I’ve lost a lot of it and kind of want to get some of it back. I haven’t decided how far I’m going to go with boxing but I’m thinking about joining our team to start competing as a lot of coaches keep telling me they think I have great potential as a fighter.

Edit: I’m a woman and I’m 27. Just started boxing about 7 months ago but I have a little background from boxing at 19-20 in just an exercise style not competing.

I’m 27f and she’s 29f. We’ve been close pretty much our whole lives until the past 5 or so years. Lately, it feels like we have to do what she wants to else we want we each other.

The following is examples from the past few months but a similar pattern has been happening for the past few years.

Honestly we both have pretty different lifestyles, my lifestyle is very active, I don’t spend money on really anything but my active hobbies and coffee, as in I don’t really drink or like ordering food. I don’t like going out for movies and stuff like that. If I go on a trip, I want to go backpacking in the mountains and not sit and an all inclusive resort. She is the opposite. Loved movies, gaming, not active at all, eats out multiple times a week, hates cooking. Which I’m 10000% ok with because we either compromise or have other friends to do the things we enjoy if we want to do it with someone.

But lately she’s been upset because we haven’t been hanging out as much because I got crazy busy with school (doing a PhD rn), and I work on top of it, I’ve also decided to start competitively boxing so I train for like about 5 times a week and also am training with my bf for long distance races.

So I made time for her and asked what she wanted to do, she wanted to go watch a movie and I didn’t want to but I said sure. Then I reach out again to hang out and she asks if I want to come over and game and order sushi. I don’t game, I hate sushi. So I asked if she wanted to join me at the gym or go for a walk instead, or cook some food together or I could cook her food. She said sure and then the day came for me to make us food and go for a walk. She said she can’t come anymore because she’s too tired and wants to take a nap. Which sure whatever, annoying but everyone gets tired. Except she doesn’t work, not in college/uni, doesn’t have any hobbies other than gaming and still lives with her parents where her mom cooks all her meals or she eats out or frozen meals. So idk why she’s tired but hey whatever. But then we plan to hang out another time and she again suggests coming over to just chill and watch tv, I asked if she wanted to go on a walk instead bc it was my rest day and I had been sitting all day writing my thesis. She said she’s too tired for a walk and that I should go on a walk without her and then we can go get Taco Bell after. I said no because I don’t like Taco Bell and I’d rather have homemade tacos so I could make us food after my walk (which was only a 30-40min walk). Again she cancelled.

So I stopped reaching out and asking to hang out. And she’s upset again that I won’t make time for her. I told her to reach out to me whenever she’s got energy and we can do something together that’s not sitting around and I will try to make it work around my training since my work and school is flexible. I know that I’m being very picky about what we do but for YEARS we do only what she wants to do, and I thought it was time that I finally ask to do things I enjoy too that she could also do. I’m not going to ask her to go on a run or something because that would be mean since she hates it and has never ran. Anyway, She told me that I have to reach out to her since I’m the busy one. But now whenever I reach out to her she says she’s busy but also claims I don’t try hard enough??????
What am I supposed to do? I stopped reaching out and tried to stop feeling guilty and it’s been months and we haven’t spoken aside from running into each other at events and gatherings, and we’re normal when we see each other. I’m not even upset at her even a little but just kind of annoyed?

We're all 29, I know I am too old to be dealing with this but I have no choice currently. My bf's best friend is having a grad dinner thing at a restaurant/bar tonight. His best friends are single, but his other friends are all dating girls that don't like me. For context, every single person invited here, including these gf's etc all know each other from middle school and high school even if someone of them didnt start dating until the last few years. My bf and I have been together 5 years.

The first time I met them all they were nice but I got weird vibes. My bf hates these girls and said theyre super rude and immature but I tried to still befriend them since I knew I would be stuck seeing them at least like 5 times a year. They were nice the first time but after that they were super condescending towards me, constantly telling me that my bf looks really good etc but I look like I dont work out (I do and I am in very good shape, play multiple sports and do body building on and off). They ask invasive questions like how much money I make or my bf makes. Another girl came into the "group" because she started dating another guy and they invited her to come pregame with them before a party once (I was not invited thank god) and then last minute stopped replying to her and told her she can come but she can't get ready with them anymore because they want to get ready together without her and that she needs to take a separate uber to the party. The girl ended up not coming at all. Last time i went to an event, they ignored me the whole time even though I tried to be nice.

There's more but I don't want this to be too long, so if you need more context, I can reply in the comments. Anyway, I have to see them tonight, I will just be hanging out with my bf and his friends rather than them tonight, but do i even bother trying to say hi? They're also super weird, like whenever they all do dinners like this together, they completely separate from the boys instead of mixing the group together. Maybe that's normal, but since the age of 15, I have never been at a dinner where it's separate like that so it feels immature.

I want to ignore them, but last time I ignored them they all complained to their bf's and then their bf's told my bf that i keep starting drama. My bf basically told them to shut up because we were all at the places together and they literally stand in such a small circle talking and giggling that it looks like their foreheads are touching. They don't speak to anyone else. I have to keep seeing them at these events, there's also 2 weddings I have to go to this summer and they will all be there and i really really really don't want to be the root of drama but i am so lost on what to do!!

Maybe I’m naive and dumb. I don’t really understand how homelessness and drugs have gotten SOOO bad in our city. I’m starting to see some of this in the wealthier parts of the city too. Is anything being done? How can we push our leaders to work on this?

Hikes

Food, drinks

Coffee

Things to do other than hiking (I cant think of anything else to do)

budget friendly if possible!

Best/most affordable grocery store there?

I will have a car, but I don't really want to go into Banff because I know it will be really busy.

Thanks!

I can't stand it. I eat "healthy", I eat whole food most of the time, I don't like to eat crazy fake things like when someone offers me a pop tart or something, I always say no. I never say why unless they insist and then I just say I don't like it or I don't eat poptarts because I don't enjoy them.

I get called out at work everyday because my lunch is like half vegetables and I don't have many snacks unless its a granola bar (which feels like a treat to me), or nuts, fruit etc. I am in shape and exercise regularly, but I don't go around telling people that but I am honest when they ask.

I feel like I have to hide my habits. But why the hell are people always commenting on how i'm "so lucky" that i am "thin" (i'm not thin, but i'm not overweight). And these people are saying this as they pull out a frozen microwavable dinner to eat for lunch. They say I'm privileged and I can only do it because I have no kids. I got so mad that i actually made one of them a make shift meal plan that gave them 2300 calories a day, healthy, and significantly cheaper than what they normally eat. I will say - I am privileged. I grew up in a home where my parents fed me healthy food so I learned how to do it. but STILL WHY IS MY DIET LABELLED WEIRD AND HARD AND STRICT but eating 1300 calorie lunches from wendy's deemed normal?

I told someone the other day I never had wendy's or burger king or taco bell and everyone looked at me like i was insane. I hate it. I get how much privilege comes in what I am about to say but I am angry --- not eating fast food regularly should be normal, eating healthy should be normal, and instead of calling out people who are trying hard to eat healthy, we should be calling out those who eat like shit and get unhealthy and struggle with life.

NOTE: i am not saying anything about weight, i don't care what weight someone is, someone thin could eat fast food everyday, and someone "overweight" could be eating a pound of veggies every meal - this has to do with just calling out eating habits

I always see trends of kids in their early 20's talking about going to bed early so they can go to the gym in the morning instead of partying. I see a lot of fitness content. I don't know more than 2 people personally that don't work out or are active in some type of way - either walking regularly, playing sports etc. I am considered "fit" and "healthy" but i hate using that word because in my brain that's just normal and how it should be.

I'm here to ask - are people finally getting back into fitness and health? or am I so skewed in my algorithm and just personal circle?

I shared some of these with my friends lately and for some reason thought it was common knowledge but they were so happy that I shared so thought I'd share here and would LOVE other tips too!!!!

I stopped using deodorant about two years ago and now instead I use glycolic acid from the ordinary 3x a week at night and then the witch hazel Thayers toner every morning on my underarms, under boob and back. I also use hydrochlorous acid throughout the day. I sweat but it doesnt smell!! (I asked my friends and family regularly). Also this helped my back acne go away.

I use foot cream or baby bum cream on my face in the winter to keep it hydrated and sometimes at night in the summer - my face transformed. SO much healthier, softer, and glowier.

I have a small chest and frame so I get XL girls sports bras and bralettes and they work perfect, comfy and half the price!

All my winter gear is large-xlarge boys - cheaper and it looks the same as what i'd get from the womens section anyway (the girls doesnt fit me) - i guess this depends more on the style you like though.

vaseline under my eyes every night after a hydrating oil and face cream instead of expensive eye cream

What are some random hacks you have?!

Recently I have started to get really grossed out by sharing things with people and other people's possible germs or spit on things and I thought it was normal until it's all I could think about.

I have a hard time with the following as of the last few months:

- going to a restaurant due to using dishes someone else used and because a strangers hands touched the food I am about to eat

- using any dishes even at my own house because i live with my family, even if they are washed or put through the dishwasher. i try to only use specific dishes but i saw my mom use one of my mugs last night and i never want to even touch it again

- sharing drinks with anyone except my boyfriend but even with him the thoughts are creeping up even though we obviously exchange saliva and stuff when kissing etc (that is no problem)

- eating food anyone but me or my bf made (i don't live with him) - this includes my parents and siblings (who i live with)

- having someone else put the disposable lid on my coffee at a coffee shop

- if someone touches my skin

- i don't want anyone borrowing my clothes

- having my toothbrush in a shared space and sharing a shower

- using toilet paper someone else put up or has possibly touched

but i do not have a hard time with going to the gym and then scratching my face or touching elevator buttons or high fives or handshakes.

Even the things I have a hard time with, I am pushing through it. I still continue to do everything, even sharing drinks, but my heart beat climbs when doing any of those things. I refuse some drinks now if someone asks if i want to try it, i try to eat the food that is made for me at home, and i try to use the dishes.

this has gotten stronger in the past few months, it started about a year ago.

I don't know if this is contamination OCD or if I should do an assessment, even if i want one, i need to see my family doc for a referral and she is booked for 3 months. But I don't think I need one since even if it is contamination OCD, i am living fine with it so i dont know what anyone could do for me. But maybe it's nothing and i am just over thinking!!??!?!

Recently I have started to get really grossed out by sharing things with people and other people's possible germs or spit on things and I thought it was normal until it's all I could think about.

I have a hard time with the following as of the last few months:

- going to a restaurant due to using dishes someone else used and because a strangers hands touched the food I am about to eat

- using any dishes even at my own house because i live with my family, even if they are washed or put through the dishwasher. i try to only use specific dishes but i saw my mom use one of my mugs last night and i never want to even touch it again

- sharing drinks with anyone except my boyfriend but even with him the thoughts are creeping up even though we obviously exchange saliva and stuff when kissing etc (that is no problem)

- eating food anyone but me or my bf made (i don't live with him) - this includes my parents and siblings (who i live with)

- having someone else put the disposable lid on my coffee at a coffee shop

- if someone touches my skin

- i don't want anyone borrowing my clothes

- having my toothbrush in a shared space and sharing a shower

- using toilet paper someone else put up or has possibly touched

but i do not have a hard time with going to the gym and then scratching my face or touching elevator buttons or high fives or handshakes.

Even the things I have a hard time with, I am pushing through it. I still continue to do everything, even sharing drinks, but my heart beat climbs when doing any of those things. I refuse some drinks now if someone asks if i want to try it, i try to eat the food that is made for me at home, and i try to use the dishes.

this has gotten stronger in the past few months, it started about a year ago.

I don't know if this is contamination OCD or if I should do an assessment, even if i want one, i need to see my family doc for a referral and she is booked for 3 months. But I don't think I need one since even if it is contamination OCD, i am living fine with it so i dont know what anyone could do for me. But maybe it's nothing and i am just over thinking!!??!?!

I always get a full Brazilian wax/sugar and I can’t figure out why some women don’t just take off all the hair. I don’t see the point and then do you trim that hair? Just seems like more work. I just want to understand!