u/mutt_with_a_beer

Asking for a friend of mine.
They have struggles with their mental health, and their parents are really not safe people about it.
They clicked on a quizz about that on pinterest, which took them to google (hence showing in their search history), and are now afraid that their parents may see it in their history, as that would put them in a tricky situation.
They deleted said history and their Google account is set to not stock the history.

Please don't judge them, their fears or their situation, that's not the kind of answer they, or I need.

Là où le sujet de physique du jour 1 m'a donné envie de sauter par la fenêtre (Les 3 sujets que je voulais pas avoir : méchanique des fluides, thermodynamique, et SURTOUT pas d'équations différencielles... J'ai lâché ma larme en ouvrant le sujet), le sujet de SVT du jour 2 était étrangement facile. J'ai eu besoin de seulement 2 h 45 et pas du tout des 3 h 30. J'ai regardé sur l'étudiant, j'ai pas l'air d'avoir fait de faux pas...

I have seen that game before being 5 year old, so it might not be accurate. It might not even have existed, but my memories (for the things I was able to identify as a child, so for example not the console model) are crystal clear and have stuck in my head for a while so, I think it was a real thing.

Platform(s): Likely console, I didn't have access to gaming PCs or newgen consoles. However, I did not play it myself and watched an older cousin play it, who hung around in early 2010s flash games forums and websites, so that's still an hypothesis to keep in mind.

Genre: Children/Calm game. Simple and quite storyless.

Estimated year of release: Has to be before 2014, but the style makes me think it was in the 90s-00s

Graphics/art style: Pixelated, 8 bit type I think.

Notable characters: One girl character, wearing a pink dress, and having blond hair and pink cheeks.

Notable gameplay mechanics: You had to dig through the ground to find objects. The digging mechanic looked almost terraria like, with the 2d view of the world from the side, so you could see inside the ground. There was a clamp thing at the end of your digging tool that would grab objects (like these mining flash games if y'all remember, good times), and pull the tool back like when you take water from a well, with a pulley/chain mechanism. One of the objetcs was a red/pink flower, and bringing it to the girl would trigger an ending, which I think was the "good" ending. However there was something scary about it which I can't quite remember, maybe a bad ending or game over.

Other details: The "outside" was sunny, blue sky, green grass and all. The ground you dug through was black. I think the girl had a slight moving/walming in place animation. Something about it made me scared of chains for like, 10 years. I frequently dreamed of these chains, pulley and clamps thingies.

Did I hallucinate this ? Does anyone has even a vague idea like a similar memory ? Anything welcome

No point in gentle bs. No point in trying to deter me anyways I'm not doing it today.

Legitimately, would my family be happier with me dead by suicide or me being trans.

Genuinely. I'm at a dead end. One would avoid talking and insults and bullshit, but is there one where they will finally be happy with me ?

I have a moderately good arm strength, as in, I can do a couple of pushups, maybe like 20 ish. But quads shift the center of gravity too close to my arms and I can't move comfortably. Am I doing something wrong ?

-> Drawings "non binary people don't owe you androgyny", non binary people who are hyperfem are put in, but non binary people who are hypermasc, or for example just have a beard are never put in. At most, slim, androgynous, hairless white people are put in.

-> Speaking of which... The general fatphobia and racism. Now I am neither fat or POC so I can't say much, but I feel like fat people, ESPECIALLY fat trans people and even more fat trans fem are super underrepresented, and while you might see the occasional brown woman (who HAS to be Arab, Muslim and veiled) is represented, we have very little indigenous, Asian (especially south Asian), brown and black people representation.

-> Disability. Yeah, you draw a guy with headphones and a sunflower lanyard, and a guy in a wheelchair, cool, but so so so often, any kind of pride centered event is not accessible.

And now for the trans specific things, and oh god are there a lot.

-> "Trans women/men have it worse than trans men/women" okay, but so much plays here. Intersectionality, passing, area and communities you live in... And globally: we don't give a fuck. Oppression is not a competition, we're meant to hold on to each other in the face of adversity. And I hate the transitioning talk on that point "Oh but trans women have it worse than trans men on that point" "yeah and trans men have it worse there", cool, but transitioning, especially medical, is not an easy process. For anyone.

-> Femininity and gender conformity as beauty. I've noticed people are okay with masc people (esp women)... Until they have a beard, receding hairline, wide shoulders.... The same way everybody talks about "t boy swag" until you just look like your average Joe. Masc yes, but you have to keep a foot in femininity.

-> "Boy" and "girl". This might be the language barrier, but I'm not a boy, I'm a grown dude.

-> Fear mongering surgery esp SRS. No, a phallo scar isn't purulent and scabbed all life long, like any other surgery scar. No, phallo isn't a limp shapeless sausage, that's the first stage, as any graft, the final result is achieved later. No, vagino isn't an open wound : it's as much as an open wound as any medically created hole in your body, like a piercing : it is a wound after, then it heals. No, vagino doens't stink for life, like after any surgery, you might have trouble washing yourself or the area, that is covered in hospital stuff which yeah, smells weird. And for god's sake, you don't start rotting alive after the surgery. While necrosis happens, it is handled before that stage. In the end, it's not much more scary than any surgery of a similar complexity.

-> Cis men vs trans men. If you start saying "Trans men are more feminine than cis men", everybody will call you transphobic, while if you say "Trans men are kinder than cis men", while you're still separating trans men and cis men, it's seen as okay. I'm tired of being separated from cis men. I live my life as a cis man. I've lived as a man long enough to have little idea of what it is like to be a woman in her teens or adulthood (which I'm only at the beginning of, and will never live as a woman). Overall, the idea that you could, by just seeing me, knowing I have a "woman's experience" and that I am not just interested in sexist biases and how they work, is repackaged "I can always tell".

-> Emasculation. I'm tired, seriously. I'm not a twink, I'm a skinny dude. I'm not a "femboy", either, I'm just a dude. I'm not soft, in general that's not my personality. I'm not more empathetic because I'm a trans man, I'm empathetic because I'm not a dick. And considering me as "less risky to rape you" is both dangerous, because how the fuck would you know, rapists don't walk around with "I RAPE PEOPLE" on their forehead, and seriously degrading, I'm not a crime statistic, I'm a person who does not commit acts going against my morals, as I have been educated to have morals, just like the cis men in my family were. The soft boy shit only comes up when I'm openly trans online, people in real life just see a random man.

Long af I know, I've been bottling that shit for a while.

Why do all of my struggle with disabilities have to be about THEM ? Why can't people hear about my struggles without pitying my family ? Why can't people just see my disabilities and stop complaining about having to take me to my appointments ? I'm so fucking tired, I didn't ask for this either