u/mystikaN2005

​

\\\*I am grateful, it is just a vent of what it feels like inside, not anger or not having rida\\\*

More than anything, I've always wanted to find my signif.icant other. I've been praying for him for years and years. And while I've worked hard on myself and learned not to \\\*need\\\* a relatio.nship to be happy, I still \\\*want\\\* it. I think those are two different things.

Ever since this desire first settled in my heart, I've been surrounded by examples of the kind of l.ove I long for. At first, it was mostly in fiction. Beautiful, pure, devoted lo.ve stories. The kind that makes you think, "I hope Allah writes something like that for me."

Then, over the years, people started entering my life.

Every time, I would wonder if maybe this was finally him.

Every time, I would get my hopes up.

And every time, I would end up disappointed.

Usually, they never saw me the way I saw them.

This happened multiple times over the past three years. What made it harder was that each person seemed like a better fit than the last. More compatible. More believable. More likely to be the answer to all those prayers.

I wanted them to be him so badly.

But somehow, they always pulled away. And every disappointment hit harder than the one before it.

Each time, the knife went a little deeper.

The last one was different, though.

I was so sure.

I became deeply attached and genuinely believed there was a strong possibility that he would eventually propose. But he was avoidant, gave mixed signals, and never gave me the closure I needed.

That experience didn't just feel like another knife twisting in the wound.

It felt like the knife dug deeper and deeper until it mutilated my heart completely.

Two years of agony. Two years of hoping. Two years of waiting.

And in the end, nothing.

When I finally had to let go and move on, I felt exhausted. Like a hollowed-out version of myself. Like all the light had gone out.

And ever since then, during the process of healing from the limerence and even now, I keep watching other people find the very thing I've been asking Allah for.

My cousin got enga.ged.

A girl I follow online mar.ried her fia.ncé, and they have the exact kind of chemis.try, friendsh.ip, and life I used to imagine having with my future husb.and.

Another person I know got engaged.

I transferred to a new university, and even there, a friend much younger than me ended up in a situation.ship that somehow turned into a beautiful lo.ve story with our mutual friend. She tells me every detail.

Another friend tells me stories about his own relation.ship.

And I won't lie—it hurts.

I'm happy for them. I genuinely am.

But it still hurts.

Sometimes I can't help but feel like Allah is testing me through the thing I desire most. It's as if He keeps placing examples of it around me—people living the very life I once imagined for myself—to see whether I will continue trusting Him, continue being patient, and continue believing that what is written for me will come at the right time.

I know this life is a test.

I know Allah's timing is better than mine.

And I know, in shaa Allah, my turn may come one day too.

But some days the test feels harder than others.

And lately, it feels like it keeps getting harder.

​

\\\*I am grateful, it is just a vent of what it feels like inside, not anger or not having rida\\\*

More than anything, I've always wanted to find my signif.icant other. I've been praying for him for years and years. And while I've worked hard on myself and learned not to \\\*need\\\* a relatio.nship to be happy, I still \\\*want\\\* it. I think those are two different things.

Ever since this desire first settled in my heart, I've been surrounded by examples of the kind of l.ove I long for. At first, it was mostly in fiction. Beautiful, pure, devoted lo.ve stories. The kind that makes you think, "I hope Allah writes something like that for me."

Then, over the years, people started entering my life.

Every time, I would wonder if maybe this was finally him.

Every time, I would get my hopes up.

And every time, I would end up disappointed.

Usually, they never saw me the way I saw them.

This happened multiple times over the past three years. What made it harder was that each person seemed like a better fit than the last. More compatible. More believable. More likely to be the answer to all those prayers.

I wanted them to be him so badly.

But somehow, they always pulled away. And every disappointment hit harder than the one before it.

Each time, the knife went a little deeper.

The last one was different, though.

I was so sure.

I became deeply attached and genuinely believed there was a strong possibility that he would eventually propose. But he was avoidant, gave mixed signals, and never gave me the closure I needed.

That experience didn't just feel like another knife twisting in the wound.

It felt like the knife dug deeper and deeper until it mutilated my heart completely.

Two years of agony. Two years of hoping. Two years of waiting.

And in the end, nothing.

When I finally had to let go and move on, I felt exhausted. Like a hollowed-out version of myself. Like all the light had gone out.

And ever since then, during the process of healing from the limerence and even now, I keep watching other people find the very thing I've been asking Allah for.

My cousin got enga.ged.

A girl I follow online mar.ried her fia.ncé, and they have the exact kind of chemis.try, friendsh.ip, and life I used to imagine having with my future husb.and.

Another person I know got engaged.

I transferred to a new university, and even there, a friend much younger than me ended up in a situation.ship that somehow turned into a beautiful lo.ve story with our mutual friend. She tells me every detail.

Another friend tells me stories about his own relation.ship.

And I won't lie—it hurts.

I'm happy for them. I genuinely am.

But it still hurts.

Sometimes I can't help but feel like Allah is testing me through the thing I desire most. It's as if He keeps placing examples of it around me—people living the very life I once imagined for myself—to see whether I will continue trusting Him, continue being patient, and continue believing that what is written for me will come at the right time.

I know this life is a test.

I know Allah's timing is better than mine.

And I know, in shaa Allah, my turn may come one day too.

But some days the test feels harder than others.

And lately, it feels like it keeps getting harder.

​

\*I am grateful, it is just a vent of what it feels like inside, not anger or not having rida\*

More than anything, I've always wanted to find my signif.icant other. I've been praying for him for years and years. And while I've worked hard on myself and learned not to \*need\* a relatio.nship to be happy, I still \*want\* it. I think those are two different things.

Ever since this desire first settled in my heart, I've been surrounded by examples of the kind of l.ove I long for. At first, it was mostly in fiction. Beautiful, pure, devoted lo.ve stories. The kind that makes you think, "I hope Allah writes something like that for me."

Then, over the years, people started entering my life.

Every time, I would wonder if maybe this was finally him.

Every time, I would get my hopes up.

And every time, I would end up disappointed.

Usually, they never saw me the way I saw them.

This happened multiple times over the past three years. What made it harder was that each person seemed like a better fit than the last. More compatible. More believable. More likely to be the answer to all those prayers.

I wanted them to be him so badly.

But somehow, they always pulled away. And every disappointment hit harder than the one before it.

Each time, the knife went a little deeper.

The last one was different, though.

I was so sure.

I became deeply attached and genuinely believed there was a strong possibility that he would eventually propose. But he was avoidant, gave mixed signals, and never gave me the closure I needed.

That experience didn't just feel like another knife twisting in the wound.

It felt like the knife dug deeper and deeper until it mutilated my heart completely.

Two years of agony. Two years of hoping. Two years of waiting.

And in the end, nothing.

When I finally had to let go and move on, I felt exhausted. Like a hollowed-out version of myself. Like all the light had gone out.

And ever since then, during the process of healing from the limerence and even now, I keep watching other people find the very thing I've been asking Allah for.

My cousin got enga.ged.

A girl I follow online mar.ried her fia.ncé, and they have the exact kind of chemis.try, friendsh.ip, and life I used to imagine having with my future husb.and.

Another person I know got engaged.

I transferred to a new university, and even there, a friend much younger than me ended up in a situation.ship that somehow turned into a beautiful lo.ve story with our mutual friend. She tells me every detail.

Another friend tells me stories about his own relation.ship.

And I won't lie—it hurts.

I'm happy for them. I genuinely am.

But it still hurts.

Sometimes I can't help but feel like Allah is testing me through the thing I desire most. It's as if He keeps placing examples of it around me—people living the very life I once imagined for myself—to see whether I will continue trusting Him, continue being patient, and continue believing that what is written for me will come at the right time.

I know this life is a test.

I know Allah's timing is better than mine.

And I know, in shaa Allah, my turn may come one day too.

But some days the test feels harder than others.

And lately, it feels like it keeps getting harder.

​

\*I am grateful, it is just a vent of what it feels like inside, not anger or not having rida\*

More than anything, I've always wanted to find my significant other. I've been praying for him for years and years. And while I've worked hard on myself and learned not to \*need\* a relationship to be happy, I still \*want\* it. I think those are two different things.

Ever since this desire first settled in my heart, I've been surrounded by examples of the kind of love I long for. At first, it was mostly in fiction. Beautiful, pure, devoted love stories. The kind that makes you think, "I hope Allah writes something like that for me."

Then, over the years, people started entering my life.

Every time, I would wonder if maybe this was finally him.

Every time, I would get my hopes up.

And every time, I would end up disappointed.

Usually, they never saw me the way I saw them.

This happened multiple times over the past three years. What made it harder was that each person seemed like a better fit than the last. More compatible. More believable. More likely to be the answer to all those prayers.

I wanted them to be him so badly.

But somehow, they always pulled away. And every disappointment hit harder than the one before it.

Each time, the knife went a little deeper.

The last one was different, though.

I was so sure.

I became deeply attached and genuinely believed there was a strong possibility that he would eventually propose. But he was avoidant, gave mixed signals, and never gave me the closure I needed.

That experience didn't just feel like another knife twisting in the wound.

It felt like the knife dug deeper and deeper until it mutilated my heart completely.

Two years of agony. Two years of hoping. Two years of waiting.

And in the end, nothing.

When I finally had to let go and move on, I felt exhausted. Like a hollowed-out version of myself. Like all the light had gone out.

And ever since then, during the process of healing from the limerence and even now, I keep watching other people find the very thing I've been asking Allah for.

My cousin got engaged.

A girl I follow online married her fiancé, and they have the exact kind of chemistry, friendship, and life I used to imagine having with my future husband.

Another person I know got engaged.

I transferred to a new university, and even there, a friend much younger than me ended up in a situationship that somehow turned into a beautiful love story with our mutual friend. She tells me every detail.

Another friend tells me stories about his own relationship.

And I won't lie—it hurts.

I'm happy for them. I genuinely am.

But it still hurts.

Sometimes I can't help but feel like Allah is testing me through the thing I desire most. It's as if He keeps placing examples of it around me—people living the very life I once imagined for myself—to see whether I will continue trusting Him, continue being patient, and continue believing that what is written for me will come at the right time.

I know this life is a test.

I know Allah's timing is better than mine.

And I know, in shaa Allah, my turn may come one day too.

But some days the test feels harder than others.

And lately, it feels like it keeps getting harder.

*I am grateful, it is just a vent of what it feels like inside, not anger or not having rida*

More than anything, I've always wanted to find my significant other. I've been praying for him for years and years. And while I've worked hard on myself and learned not to *need* a relationship to be happy, I still *want* it. I think those are two different things.

Ever since this desire first settled in my heart, I've been surrounded by examples of the kind of love I long for. At first, it was mostly in fiction. Beautiful, pure, devoted love stories. The kind that makes you think, "I hope Allah writes something like that for me."

Then, over the years, people started entering my life.

Every time, I would wonder if maybe this was finally him.

Every time, I would get my hopes up.

And every time, I would end up disappointed.

Usually, they never saw me the way I saw them.

This happened multiple times over the past three years. What made it harder was that each person seemed like a better fit than the last. More compatible. More believable. More likely to be the answer to all those prayers.

I wanted them to be him so badly.

But somehow, they always pulled away. And every disappointment hit harder than the one before it.

Each time, the knife went a little deeper.

The last one was different, though.

I was so sure.

I became deeply attached and genuinely believed there was a strong possibility that he would eventually propose. But he was avoidant, gave mixed signals, and never gave me the closure I needed.

That experience didn't just feel like another knife twisting in the wound.

It felt like the knife dug deeper and deeper until it mutilated my heart completely.

Two years of agony. Two years of hoping. Two years of waiting.

And in the end, nothing.

When I finally had to let go and move on, I felt exhausted. Like a hollowed-out version of myself. Like all the light had gone out.

And ever since then, during the process of healing from the limerence and even now, I keep watching other people find the very thing I've been asking Allah for.

My cousin got engaged.

A girl I follow online married her fiancé, and they have the exact kind of chemistry, friendship, and life I used to imagine having with my future husband.

Another person I know got engaged.

I transferred to a new university, and even there, a friend much younger than me ended up in a situationship that somehow turned into a beautiful love story with our mutual friend. She tells me every detail.

Another friend tells me stories about his own relationship.

And I won't lie—it hurts.

I'm happy for them. I genuinely am.

But it still hurts.

Sometimes I can't help but feel like Allah is testing me through the thing I desire most. It's as if He keeps placing examples of it around me—people living the very life I once imagined for myself—to see whether I will continue trusting Him, continue being patient, and continue believing that what is written for me will come at the right time.

I know this life is a test.

I know Allah's timing is better than mine.

And I know, in shaa Allah, my turn may come one day too.

But some days the test feels harder than others.

And lately, it feels like it keeps getting harder.

​

قول حاجة حلوة. نصيحة، كلمة حلوة، تذكير، اي حاجة انت شايفها ممكن تساعد او تبقى حاجة ايجابية في يوم اللي يقراها

نكسر قاعدة ان ريديت مكان قد يكون مظلم معظم الوقت

Please send no hate to my family. I love and respect them and always will. This is just a vent of what I wish I could say to them. Compared to the world and many things, it is still a minor issue

I am a 21 (F) who has always been the weird one in the family. I have a different mind. Not only am I neurodivergent (diagnosed, OCD), but I’m a writer and poet. I love art, books, knowledge of all kinds, sciences, history, anime’s, cultures, games, ancient stuff, nature and flowers and flower language, and all sorts of imagination and tales and artistic self expression. I have an extremely vivid imagination and extreme hunger for knowledge and learning and seeing and being as creative as I can. I also have so much experience in different cultures and online discourses and just general understanding and experience that makes my ideas and arguments strong and unheard of in society or just a different way of seeing things or a more critical/mature way than most people my age. I am very strict with my values and morals too and refuse to bend to societal expectations and norms and do not care how people think so long as I hurt no one or do nothing wrong. I am bubbly, loud, cheerful and love enjoying life and sharing what interests me (a lot) with who I love

ps Im an ENFP btw

Anyway. In a very traditional community, I was this close to being insane to them lol. My relatives are one thing, seeing me as weird, unattractive, peculiar and a feminist and religious to a point where they think I am uptight or too weird to find someone that is willing to tolerate and marry me or be my friend (unless they are as weird or crazy)

and my immediate family, the ones I live with, is another. Right now, as we sit in the club, in a matter of 15 minutes of the outing, I am an embarrassment, loud, rude, overreacting, boring, and would bore out my future fiancé if we are out together.

Boring because I pointed out Agapenthus flower told them it means love flower and it’s beautiful. The rest is because they wanted me to go check if our order is up literally 30 seconds after my sister came back from checking, and I had the audacity to say no I will wait a bit.

once my entire family, relatives and all, on a vacation, suddenly scolded me for my loud voice and told me how no one will listen or want to even talk to me. All of them old and young. I was having a fun banter with my cousin, I was joking and got a bit too excited so yea I might have gotten a bit loud. Suddenly everyone including my cousins btw lectured me in an angry and kind of rude manner. I felt ganged up on, cried and refused to sit with them. got scolded for that too because they are just my family and giving me advice

and so it goes. Yes I am a bit of an angry head and tend to get a bit loud when excited, happy or if someone frustrates me. But, every single time we have an argument, even if I was wronged, or was joking, or was expressing valid frustration, the entire thing suddenly became about my loud voice and how I’m now the bad guy.

my 13 year old sister says very very annoying stuff or genuinely insults me or my interests or treats me disrespectfully but if my voice rises a little bit now I’m embarrassing her and I’m embarrassed to have you as a sister and this is why nobody loves you. This of course happens a lot especially when I am being myself, wanting to do something creative like cosplay, face art or do something ME + how weird I am and how people will be abhorred by my weirdness why aren’t u normal

and a common theme is: no one will marry you if ur like this. Ur too weird. No one will befriend you if ur like this

Now being myself, opening my mouth, enjoying myself or getting excited, expressing myself, getting angry, any of these things equals I’m an annoying embarrassment or a weird boring person. I may be a bit loud but i try to control it genuinely, but even when I catch myself in the moment and lower my voice they still not validate me or listen to me and/or continue on and on about my voice

Am I never going to be able to be myself? Why is being weird such a crime. Why does everyone assume I have no boundaries and everyone gets to lecture me on how I live or speak just because. Why is it that apparently I won’t be loved because of my weirdness. Why is everyone always agitating and angering me? Why do they anger me? Am I actually always overreacting or are they truly not respecting my boundaries?

مش عارفة عايزة افضفض😂 تعبت اوي. كنت عندي طاقة و عايزة اعمل كل حاجة فالدنيا. دخلت طب بغد تخرجي من IG و برغم المرض النفسي اللي جالي من ساعة اولى IG حاربت لمدة ٣ سنين ولكن فالاخر منفعش اكمل فطب مقدرتش اكمل و حولت لمجال تاني. بس دلوقتي..... طلع ان اللي انا كان نفسي فيه طول عمري مش مناسب ليا، و المفروض اني اعمل مجهود بنفس الطاقة اللي كانت عندي اول ما اتخرجت من ثانوي في حاجة انا مبحبهاش. بحاول بس انا تعبت اوي...اوي.

لو حصلت خناقات همسحه عشان احنا فايام جميلة

مبحبش اتكلم فالدين عشان انا مش مؤهلة بس هقولك من معرفتي و تجربتي انه

ربنا مبيعملش حاجة وحشة

الجملة قد تبان كليشيه بس... دا بجد الوضع

يعني دلوقتي انت بتقول ان فيه دعوة عمال تدعي بيها و مفيش فايدة و بتتقفل في وشك كمان

مش يمكن دا مش رفض من ربنا دا استجابة؟

مش يمكن هو فعلا كدا، الحاجة دي لو ربنا اداهالك هتبقى شر ابن لذينة و هتتمنى لو مكنتش طلبته بس هو بعده عنك

بص. خالق الكون وجوده لازم، لان كل العالم المبير المنظم دا لازم ليه اصل او core

الاصل دا هو ربنا، ربنا اللي اكبر من اللانهائية اللي هي اوسع حاجة العقل البشري ممكن يستوعبها

فا هو شايف الصورة الكبيرة، الكبيرة اوي اوي اوي، شايف الماضي و الحلضر، شايف اللي بيحصل قدامك و وراك و جواك شايف كل ذرة حرفيا بتتحرك فين و ازاي.

فا في حاجات بنعوزها مووت، زي مثلا اني كنت عاوزة شخص معين ج

دا.

الحاجات دي بالتفاصيل اللي ربنا عارفها عننا و عن الدنيا حوالينا و الناس، هتبقى مصيبة لو حصلت

وفعلا كل اللي كنت عايزاه و محصلش قدام اكتشفت انه الحمد لله انه مجاش

مش هيديهالك. بس هترضى ولا هتبقى مش راضي و تقعد تدبدب برجلك زي الطفل اللي امه اخدت منه المصاصة عشان سنانه مسوسة؟ هنا بيفرق انت تستحق اللي احسن من الحاجة دي ولا لا

و مع ذلك برضو هيجبلك الخير

طب الناس المبسوطة و هي زبالة؟ انت فاكرهم في نعيم؟ تبقى غلبااااان

الموضوع بسيط، ربنا حطنا فالدنيا هنا و قالنا المكان دا مكان مؤقت، اسمه جاي من الدني يعني اقل حاجة موجودة، من الاخر قعر الحلة يعني، كل اللي عليكو في الفترة دي انكم تامنو

بيا و تعبدوني و تبقو ناس كويسة

بعديها هتروحو فين؟ اعلى حاجة خالص

طب اللي هيختار انه يستمتع بقعر الحلة؟ و طظ فاللي بعديه؟

ماشي، هيديه قعر الحلة

ياكل و يشرب و يتبسط و يبقى من اسعد الناس

بس هيفضل يبعد يبعد يبعد عن الاصل، اللي خلقه. هيبقى فارغ، و هيبقى مش راضي و دايما ناقصه حاجة

و المصيبة الاكبر ان قعر الحلة دا كام يوم و هيخلصو

لما يخلصو بقى؟ هتبدأ الحياة اللي بجد،

يقول ياليتني قدمت لحياتي

اللي بيتكلم هنا بيتكلم على الحياة اللي جاية مش اللي راحت دي. دا معناه ان الدنيا دي يا معلم فشنك ولا تسوى جناح دبانة

. اللي اتبسط دا هيفصل الي اللا ما لا نهاية له مفشوخ بشكل انت مش ممكن تتخيله، في درجات للعقاب اه بسفي ناس بالذات المشركين بالله ولا هيقدروا حتى يستنجدوا بربنا

فا هما جالهم اللي اختاروه، بس كان اختيار غير موفق.

اللي حارب و استحمل و صبر ووثق في ربه في كل وقت و مع كل قدر و كل ابتلاء وكان عارف ان مفيش فالوجود اهم من ربنا و ان اللي هيضيع اللي خلقه ممكن يعوضه بمليون منه،

هو دا اللي يستاهل انه يعيش

هو اللي يستاهل نعمة الوجود، و مش وجود عادي، وجود مخلد مفيش فيه مستحيل

فا يا معلم الدنيا دي ولا حاجة، و حب ربنل وثقتك فيه العمياء هي الحل. ايه يعني مجالكش اللي بتدعي بيه؟ غير الطريق يمكن الطريق دا مسدود لسبب، احمد ربنا انه بيحميك من حاجة انت مش شايفها و اكيد مش هتكون عاوزها. هو عارفك و عارف ايه اللي بجد هيبقى هير و سعادة ليك و ايه اللي هيبقى قرار اهوج

حاجة اهيرة، هدهد سليمان امن بالله عشان بس بص لقى المطر بينزل يسقي الزرع فا الزرع ينمو قال اكيد في رب هو اللي عمل كدا عشان الزرع ينمو و ناكل

هنبقى اغبى من الحيوان؟

﴿أَلَّا يَسْجُدُوا لِلَّهِ الَّذِي يُخْرِجُ الْخَبْءَ فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَيَعْلَمُ مَا تُخْفُونَ وَمَا تُعْلِنُونَ ۝ اللَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا هُوَ رَبُّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ﴾ [النمل: 25-26].

لو بصيت عالسما و الارض و اصغر حاجة لاكبر حاجة مستحيل مستحيل لو عاقل تقول ان كله صدفة ملهاش تدبير

نصيحة كمان

روح اقرا عن معجزات العلمية في القران. النجم الطارق اللي اكتشفه العلماء من قريب

pulsar star

الجوار الكنس اللي يقال انها الثقوب السوداء

و كتير كتيير من المعلومات العلمية الدقيقة التي لا يمكن لواحد امي يتيم راعي غنم في صحراء البدو يكون واعي بيها

وان شكرتم لازيدنكم

انا عند ظن عبدي بي

يريد الله ليخفف عنكم وخلق الانسان ضعيفا

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للابد. بدعي ربنا اني هناك اروح عالم ون بيس و كل عوالم الانميات و الكتب و الحكايات و الميثولوجيات و اكثر و اكثر و يكون عندي كل السوبر باورز. الحياة في الجنة هي الحياة اللي بجد. "يقول ياليتني قدمت لحياتي" يقصد الحياة اللي جاية مش اللي راحت دي خلاص. الدنيا دي مش الحياة الحقيقية، مجرد فترة اختبار عبثية بتقرر امدى استحقاقيتك للحياة و الوجود و الخلود في نعيم الله الابدي. يا رب لنا جميعا يا رب

عايزة اعمل محتوى و بجرب كذا حاجة و اشوف ايه اللي هرتاح فيه و هينجح، فا باخد رأيكو عشان فالغالب بفكر اني اعمل انميشن + ميمز عشان احكي مواقف او اتكلم على مواضيع فالعموم معظم الوقت و ممكن بس لو عملت gaming اظهر، ايه رأيكو؟

(ان شاء الله محتوى الكتب اللي بكتبها و الشعر و الحكايات دا هعمله في قناة تانية يكون بالانجليزي عشان بصراحة ملقيتش ناس مهتمة اوي من العرب. لكن ال fun, chaos randoms, gaming هخليه للموصريين و العرب عادي)