u/netflist

Before I start, please keep in mind that this is all speculation and I’m not stating anything as a fact - also please keep in mind that I am writing this as a queer nonbinary woman.

I made a post the other day on TSS’s creepy parasocial vitriol towards Adam, and since I made it I’ve been ruminating on some red flags they give me that hints that they could be a radical feminist (people who believe that all assigned-male-at-birth/AMAB people are inherently evil) or even a TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminist, people who go out of their way to exclude and oppress trans women - think JK Rowling).

First of all, their “no cis men/AMAB people” Discord server seemingly created with the express purpose of gender/sexuality discussions is extremely telling to me. I completely understand the importance of female-only support spaces, but creating an exclusive “no boys allowed” club with the intent of excluding AMAB people and treating them as an evil monolith is basically an inevitable pipeline to a toxic “all men are ontologically evil with no exceptions and AFAB people are beautiful flawless creatures who can do no wrong” echo chamber. This is a hallmark of radfem sentiments, which very quickly can lead to TERF mentalities - “all AMAB people are evil, so clearly MTF trans people are just predatory men trying to invade women’s spaces” and other such transphobic nonsense. Again, think JK Rowling.

Secondly, their anger and hostility towards Adam is a huge red flag to me, particularly with the drama they were so riled up about. Adam, a cisgender man, was rightfully speaking out about the wrongdoing of a queer woman. In my opinion, TSS viewed this situation through the radfem lens - all men are inherently evil, all women are inherently their victims - and saw red. The way they spoke about Jen as though she was a helpless victim of Adam’s was extremely troubling, as if Jen didn’t start all this and make increasingly vile ableist and hateful comments across social media, immediately set off my radfem alarm bells. In my opinion, TSS saw Jen as Adam’s victim not because of anything Jen experienced (don’t get wrong - Jen is a victim but of Alyssa Parasocial and Gabrielle Hanna Kroner Christ, not of Adam), but because of Jen’s identity as a queer woman and because of Adam’s identity as a man. They seemed utterly enraged that Adam felt that he even COULD be angry at a queer woman, that he had the AUDACITY to make negative statements about Jen as a man. Radfem mentality is an incredibly harmful mindset to approach anything with, much less a situation as complex as this, and I feel that coupled with their astounding racism and complete inability to perceive nuance that TSS is a very socially immature person and that they are probably way too online (and were probably involved in wayyyyy too much toxic LGBTQIA+ discourse on Tumblr circa 2017, IYKYK).

Lessons to take away from this: don’t treat an entire demographic of people (not even cisgender men) as a monolith, and use the harm of some of its members to demonize all of them. All men are not inherently evil and all women are not inherently victims. Treat all situations with nuance and be open to criticism. Don’t be racist and don’t be a TERF.

Please let me know your thoughts on this! I am open to corrections/clarifications/discussion - I know this is an incredibly complex topic that I haven’t even scratched the surface of. Most of my experience with radfems/TERFs has been fighting with them online (and unfortunately dating one at one point 🤮) and I’m certainly no gender studies expert, but I do feel very strongly about this topic and wanted to get my thoughts off my chest.

After watching the most recent apology posted by TSS posted on their Substack, with the context of them having a ”no men” discord server I think I finally understand their strange parasocial vitriol towards Adam.

TSS discusses how their discord server was initially created as a way to eschew toxicity created by cis men - while I understand the idea behind this (and don’t want to minimize the harm that many men cause in society), creating an inherently exclusive environment only fosters a segregative mindset and unfounded hatred towards all members of the excluded group, regardless of their actions or intentions. This is an issue that is extremely prevalent in today’s society and could be the subject of infinite research papers, but put simply: when we demonize an entire demographic of people (even that of a class that has historically been oppressive, such as cisgender men) one’s capacity for nuance and productive, inclusive discussion diminishes.

I say this as a queer nonbinary woman - the act of entirely excluding cis/het men from discussions about female/queer/trans people reduces both sides’ understanding of the other, and only increases gender division. Should cishet men get to determine our rights and lead discussions about our identities? Of course not, but they shouldn’t be inherently shut out from conversations about what it means to identify as female/queer/trans, like the environment of a “no men” discord server dedicated to discussing these issues inherently creates (this is also a big part of TERF rhetoric, but I don’t even have time to scratch the surface of that right now). It’s a very childish “boys vs. girls” mindset, and it’s a hallmark of a lack of social intelligence - men and women have to coexist, and when we exclude each other from discourse spaces, nothing good comes of it.

Anyways, TSS’s attitude towards Adam‘s discussions of Jen are, in my opinion, an extreme endpoint of creating such an environment - because Adam is a cisgender man, they are completely unwilling to listen to his opinions and takes on the harmful and negative actions of a queer woman. They are enraged that Adam would even feel like he CAN have these opinions because of his identity as a man, and coupled with the fact that they are allegedly a former fan, their intense parasocial vitriol towards him makes a lot of sense to me. They feel intensely personally offended that Adam would speak about a queer woman, because they feel that cisgender men should not be speaking about these issues in the first place. This is unfortunately something I see a lot in queer (especially queer and predominantly white) communities, and it’s incredibly frustrating every time.

My final thoughts are this: Spence, please get off the internet. No one needs or wants to hear the hypocritical, self-important, pseudo-intellectual ramblings of someone so immature and fundamentally incapable of understanding nuance. Your 2017 Tumblr attitudes towards gender and feminism serve no one, and neither does your racism. Please go away.