u/AdeptnessThese1663

I was at the wedding of my mom's cousin . He is a doctor , practicing in UK and the woman that he married is a journalist , also working in UK . Their's is a love marriage , they met in Delhi when he was at AIIMS and she was there researching for an article . They met , dated , fell in love , moved to UK and now got married . They both come from educated , upper middle-class families , so there is no financial dearth on either side , plus they both earn really well .

Traditionally in my family , I have not heard of anyone giving or receiving dowry , not my mom , not even my grandmothers , no one . It's not common in our community to give dowry in the name of " gifts " , the gifts are only for the bride ( jewellery , clothes , etc. ) and she receives it from her parents as well as in-laws . But the woman here that I am talking about , she comes from a state in Central India , where garish dowry is common .

But since she is so highly educated and has even published her work about the plight of women in India , I was taken aback to hear that her parents gifted the guy a car ( very expensive one ) . The groom was shocked , as were his parents , he had no idea about it and refused to take it . But the bride began saying things like , " it's for the both of us , don't make a scene , etc. etc. " They had a small fight kinda , but he eventually gave in . I don't even know how they'll take it to where they live or what they'll do with it . But I am utterly dismayed that someone with such good education and such a brilliant work profile would be okay with this in 2026 :/

I was at the wedding of my mom's cousin . He is a doctor , practicing in UK and the woman that he married is a journalist , also working in UK . Their's is a love marriage , they met in Delhi when he was at AIIMS and she was there researching for an article . They met , dated , fell in love , moved to UK and now got married . They both come from educated , upper middle-class families , so there is no financial dearth on either side , plus they both earn really well .

Traditionally in my family , I have not heard of anyone giving or receiving dowry , not my mom , not even my grandmothers , no one . It's not common in our community to give dowry in the name of " gifts " , the gifts are only for the bride ( jewellery , clothes , etc. ) and she receives it from her parents as well as in-laws . But the woman here that I am talking about , she comes from a state in Central India , where garish dowry is common .

But since she is so highly educated and has even published her work about the plight of women in India , I was taken aback to hear that her parents gifted the guy a car ( very expensive one ) . The groom was shocked , as were his parents , he had no idea about it and refused to take it . But the bride began saying things like , " it's for the both of us , don't make a scene , etc. etc. " They had a small fight kinda , but he eventually gave in . I don't even know how they'll take it to where they live or what they'll do with it . But I am utterly dismayed that someone with such good education and such a brilliant work profile would be okay with this in 2026 :/

TL;DR : A mutual friend admitted his feelings after almost 25 days of awkward drunken situation . I told him I am not ready for a relationship and he took it well or atleast did so during our one on one conversation . But I am worried that I might have hurt his feelings because of my avoidant bitch ass personality . What do I do ?

Original :

I ( 23F ) was at a houseparty at my roommate's bf's place , there were a few people from Uni and I went there with my roommate . I don't drink so I was sitting on the sofa in the hall , scrolling as usual , while most of the people there had passed out inside the rooms . In the meanwhile , this guy - not from our Uni , but is a good friend of my roommate's bf - came over and sat next to me . Now , for context , I have met this guy socially a few times and he is good on paper , didn't seem weird or creepy at all . But last night , he was drunk , like I could seriously smell it on him . I kind of had a hint from before , that he may have had a liking for me , but since it wasn't anything serious nor did he ever say anything like that , I didn't think anything of it . He began yapping , but he wasn't making sense , he was kind of fumbling his words and he mentioned that he finds me nerdy and pretty . But I felt he was just too drunk and mumbling shit and he would obviously not remember later . So I told him to stop talking in kind of an irritated tone , assuming that he would . But he took my hand and put it on his lips/mouth and he kept looking at me with these puppy brown stupid eyes and for a moment , I was worried that maybe he would cross the line ( I have PTSD from my history of being SAed as a kid and teen ) , but he didn't do anything and I could feel his breath and then I panicked and got up and bolted to get my roommate and left , and he had passed out on the sofa . It has been like close to 24 hours since then , and he hasn't texted or anything yet , so I am assuming that he doesn't remember .

Update :

So he reached out for the first time since that day , not via text - which would've been more comfortable imo - but in person . He came alongwith his friend ( my roommate's boyfriend ) and we were all talking , etc. Roommate and her boyfriend went to her room for some gulugulu and as I was about to go to my room , he lightly called out my name and asked me if I remembered what had happened that night . I thought that maybe he didn't remember cause he was shitfaced drunk , so I pretended that I didn't know what he was talking about . But then he proceeded to recall the whole event in detail and I turned red like an ambulance siren . Then I just said that it didn't mean anything , these things happen when drunk , blah blah , but he looked me in the eye and said that he has feelings for me .

I couldn't even form words in my brain and he was like , " sorry if I made you uncomfortable , I just didn't know how to tell you otherwise and after drinking I couldn't stop myself ". I just somehow gathered the courage to tell him that I don't feel the same and I am not into dating or relationships . He seemed a bit sad like a puppy with beady brown eyes , he is so pretty and gorgeous and so softie , like a giant teddy bear , especially after that incident .

But I don't think I can sustain being in a relationship rn , I have trouble as an avoidant and idk if it's going to work out . I don't want to give him any false hope , I will just keep my distance from him . My post grad is about to end and then I'll probably move cities , so problem solved ig . I don't know why I have tears in my eyes while writing this , intimacy and abandonment issues suck big time :/

For context , we are 23 rn . She forgot my bday and I had to remind her a few days later . She doesn't post a story for my bday but does it for everybody else and claims that she doesn't want evil eye on our friendship . She drunkenly said that she hung out with me because I wasn't pretty and that made her confident , while with her other conventionally attractive friend ( bsf herself is very conventionally attractive too , literally looks like a model and is a micro influencer ) she felt insecure . She has also a couple of times told me to wear casuals for our outing while she dresses up without letting me know . She asked me to hangout for a festival in our hometown and when I told her that I don't have my fancy clothes on me ( as I was only there for a short trip ) , she said that she would call me later to get ready , but then went out with the pretty friend . She called me a spoiled brat after picking me up from the bus stand , where she made me wait approx 2 hours , because she had to go on a date the same time , even though she had made the prior commitment to pick me up herself . She told me that I am innocent like a cow and even if I get into a relationship , I would end up getting cheated on . When I tried to tell her about my family situation multiple times ( parents' shitty marriage ) , she still struggles to understand and tells me that the conversation is too dark and heavy . Through all of this , she still tells me that I am her only friend , she hasn't found anyone like me and how she always tells everyone she meets about me being her bestfriend .

Edit : But I feel like I am the problem , because I am insecure of the way I look ( I have been bullied from my childhood for being medium skin tone in a community that worships fair skin ) , but I never felt it before . It was only when she said it that it made me realize that my only bestfriend in the whole wide world also views me as an ugly duckling , just like the rest of them .

For context , we are 23F . She forgot my bday and I had to remind her a few days later . She doesn't post a story for my bday but does it for everybody else and claims that she doesn't want evil eye on our friendship . She drunkenly said that she hung out with me because I wasn't pretty and that made her confident , while with her other conventionally attractive friend she felt insecure . She has also a couple of times told me to wear casuals for our outing while she dresses up without letting me know . She asked me to hangout for a festival in our hometown and when I told her that I don't have my fancy clothes on me ( as I was only there for a short trip ) , she said that she would call me later to get ready , but then went out with the pretty friend . She called me a spoiled brat after picking me up from the bus stand , where she made me wait approx 2 hours , because she had to go on a date the same time , even though she had made the prior commitment to pick me up herself . She told me that I am innocent like a cow and even if I get into a relationship , I would end up getting cheated on . When I tried to tell her about my family situation multiple times ( parents' shitty marriage ) , she still struggles to understand and tells me that the conversation is too dark and heavy . Through all of this , she still tells me that I am her only friend , she hasn't found anyone like me and how she always tells everyone she meets about me being her bestfriend .

Edit : But I feel like I am the problem , because I am insecure of the way I look ( I have been bullied from my childhood for being medium skin tone in a community that worships fair skin ) , but I never felt it before . It was only when she said it that it made me realize that my only bestfriend in the whole wide world also views me as an ugly duckling , just like the rest of them .

AIO by wanting to let go of a 15 year old friendship ? For context , we are 23F . She forgot my bday and I had to remind her a few days later . She doesn't post a story for my bday but does it for everybody else and claims that she doesn't want evil eye on our friendship . She drunkenly said that she hung out with me because I wasn't pretty and that made her confident , while with her other conventionally attractive friend ( bsf is pretty as hell too , literally looks like a model ) she felt insecure . She has also a couple of times told me to wear casuals for our outing while she dresses up without letting me know . She asked me to hangout for a festival in our hometown and when I told her that I don't have my fancy clothes on me ( as I was only there for a short trip ) , she said that she would call me later to get ready , but then went out with the pretty friend . She called me a spoiled brat after picking me up from the bus stand , where she made me wait approx 2 hours , because she had to go on a date the same time , even though she had made the prior commitment to pick me up herself . She told me that I am innocent like a cow and even if I get into a relationship , I would end up getting cheated on . When I tried to tell her about my family situation multiple times ( parents' shitty marriage ) , she still struggles to understand and tells me that the conversation is too dark and heavy . Through all of this , she still tells me that I am her only friend , she hasn't found anyone like me and how she always tells everyone she meets about me being her bestfriend .

Edit : But I feel like I am the problem , because I am insecure of the way I look ( I have been bullied from my childhood for being medium skin tone in a community that worships fair skin ) , but I never felt it before . It was only when she said it that it made me realize that my only bestfriend in the whole wide world also views me as an ugly duckling , just like the rest of them .