u/Fearless_PineaplleOG

i make noises and semi frequently make babbling noises and i often hop up and down and flap mine hands or move mine arms alot i also tend too spin in circles alot.i not able too make eye contact and stuff i am unable too mask mine autism and im am not sure how i would try too do that.

i also get very overstimulated very easily

plus i not able too communicate easily i have too use aac asl letterboard and i was semispeaking but now since i been in burnout with catatonic episodes i have been have been practically nonverbal again like when i was 15 and younger i not able too say even mine name or names use for parents(mommy and daddy)

it is very knowing that i have autism and am disabled. people know when they see me the first time. and they usually make remarks about it to other people i hear them.

i wish that i was not like this that it was not this noticable but thats not possible in the real world for me i not think is it? can i change too look more normal is that possible?

anyways what about you guys? how visible is your autism? are you guys like me?

and whenever you say anything about self diagnosis that these people dont like they will just straight up attack you

How do you stim?

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how do i not be embarrassed for wearing a diaper? please

me aac almost dead me not have letterboard.

me no able speek

me aac almost dead me not have letterboard

edit they let me have mine aac

im am currently wearing the livdry overnights and have rhe the northshore gosupremes for later

im am heading back into autistic burnout and probably will have autistic catatonia episodes again this time again i just can feel it.

im am not getting proper support with DDS and im am so screwed and theres limited services in mine state so im am even more screwed

also today when i hunged out with freind i got overstimulated by light noise and mine tummy ache and she had too throw all her wait on me so i didnot run into the street or more like hop and skip into the street and get hit by a car.

anyways this everything is making me feel really unsafe and i feel like i canot keep mine self safe and i canot take care of mine self in even the littlest ways with visual aids and prompts

i donot feel like i can do this... i just not know...

i really not know if im am gonna last this year and thats not even really just depression its because im am not being properly cared for and neglected yet again and mine home is not good for me and its just is all bad

i just not know if im am gonna make it and im am being truthful

edit

im am scared of lose mine ability too communicate and forget how type use aac and letterboard and alphabet i not wanna be cut off from world again

i canot understand or read anything higher than a kindergarten or first grade or preschool level picture book though at least when i try mine hardest and when i try harder stuff like this book ritten by a nonverbal autistic author naoki higashida thats like 130 pages its taken me two years too get halfway or less through it

does anyone else relate too me?

i feel really stupid compared too other people mine age

mine best freind just told me she canot be mine freind anymore cause off the suicide attempt she was mine only freind irl i feel crushed and dead inside i never have freinds for long they always leave

he said that "its nice too here from people who are actually speaking and not just text on a screen " it really hurt mine feelings cause i rely on aac and text too speak :(

am i stupid and what does this mean if mine stanford binet iq test from when i was 14 says I have an verbal iq off 54 and a nonverbal iq off 49?

can it change alot since then im am 25 now?

would it be by alot if it changed?

im am also autistic level 2/3 and i have learning disabilitys and am semispeaking