u/Fearless_PineaplleOG

i slightly bumped into him trying to get to my seat i hopped and stimmed on my way to my seat and i did nothing to him but ask him too sing in his room or be quieter and i said please and since i did that he has been nonstop bullying me

im feeling like im gonna bite or hurt him i need him to be reported and more to be done then talking to him because hes just a bully

he made fun of me and bullyed me for stimming and being nonverbal and mocked me for being nonverbal and then mocked me for being severely autistic and then say " haha at least i can speak you cant"

and he mocked me for being a trans woman calling me an "it" and "a thing" and a "bitch" and then called me a he and he made fun of me for hopping skipping and stimming as if that effected him in anyway he say "it was doing weird sh*t and it wasnot doing that last night" referring too mine stimming and he was making fun of me

and others laughed with him at me

and he made fun of me for hitting mine head when i fot upset after he bullyed me

hes a big huge strong neurotypical black man and im a small skinny nonverbal severely autistic white transwoman

he has no reason to bully me how he did and i wish he would just stop because hes toxic cancerous mean bully

i cannot speak the few words i coud and when i try too speak its jibberish babbling nothing

i canot form words or speak

im am completely nonverbal again like when i was 15 and younger

this sucks hugely and makes me very upset but im am used too it at least

at least i have aac and mine tiktok follower mom got me a tablet and downloaded weavechat with Australian girl voice and set the settings with a case and they shipped it too mine freinds howse

such kindness it make me have more faith in the world

so i will have better way of using aac now when it comes and mine freind gives me the package

people irl make fun of me they say there sorry and then they immediately make fun of me again and then when i have a meltdown because of there bullying they immediately make fun of me again and both laugh about it literaly behind mine back

people irl just lie and lie

i wish i was dead and i know thats why im inpatient

but i wish i was dead because i have no one and nobody cares it feels like alot not even mine family when im struggling with suicidality

everyone bullys me irl

they say they are safe that theyll help advocate for me because im minimally speaking or that they be kind or be a freind and then they laugh at me and bully me quite literally behind mine back

it makes me feel like complete and total crap

mine head hurts despite headbanging with a helmet on and getting restrained

i feel hurt very badly

i just feel like crying

im am trying too hug mine stuffys like frederick as hard as possible

thanks you guys and others online for always being kind as possible

didnot have a cold or anything but this has happened before through ear and nose but not as much as this morning

i had multiple hard impacts with steel heavy object and heavy ceramic mug shattered over mine head last week

didnot have a cold or anything but this has happened before through ear and nose but not as much as this morning

i had multiple hard impacts with steel heavy object and heavy ceramic mug shattered over mine head last week

if i can do this on mine own without any support im gonna go too new jersey or new york from Boston

if im gonna die because of lack of support (i was diagnosed level 2/3 but aba therapist and doctor says im am level 3 autistic and i have multiple brain injury and dyspraxia) and homelessness i may at least try too get somewhere i wanna be if its even possible

i have a backpack with mine aac device and letterboard mine a few of mine stuffys (two bunnys one doggy) mine laptop and chargers no id

im am in the psych ward currently but dds sayes they wonot help find place too live and no one helping with the acquired brain injury waiver

am homeless today kick out for be suicide and high support needs autism too much for there

scared so bad

scared hospital will take way stuffys and aac and letterboard and helmet

scared of homeless

scared of life

scared so bad

bad bad bad day bad

i struggle with autistic headbanging and yesterday morning mine nose started dripping clear watery fluid and ears leaking and headwound leaking it too but it stopped after a little bit

i have had quite alot of brain injurys the last few months because of autistic headbangings during meltdowns and i very not help that i get one hour max of sleep per night because of mine terrible loud and mean roommate

im am terrifyed of go too hospital because medical trauma because they took way mine AAC device and stuffy before which left me unable too communicate or feel safe and putted me in restraints

everyone has been telling me i need hospital but im am terryfyed either way

i thought since it stopped that i shoud had been ok?

is there any safe way too avoid go hospital?

sorry if stupud post

i had two meltdowns today and the second one happen this afternoon it was very very very bad

i screamed loud until i physically coudent make a sound

i just wanted sleep cause mine roomate makes so much noise in her sleep and she sleeps all night and day so i rarely get sleep

i cryed and cryed and cryed and cryed and nonstop crying

i headbanged until mine entire hand was stained dark red and started too gush out mine head down mine face

earlyer this morning clear fluid leaked out mine ears and nose and head

i feel very exhausted

i just want sleep

i wish mine roomate never moved in shes terrible and mean

i wish everything would stop

life is terrible and i hate where i live

most recint incident of headbanging i ended up going unconscious for an entire hour and then when i woke up i was unable too move for a good bit of time everthjng felt heavy

i had a subdural hematoma and 3 documented concussions at some point in this year recently but i canot remeber at all when it was because mine memoryy is so so so bad now

like every day before the current days it feels very foggy and hard too remeber and i canot remeber at all a month ago anything that happen or even a week ago its completly blank

i keep forgeting what day year month it is as well as i keep forgeting where i live

i have forgoten some skill such as basic addition and basic subtraction i canot do any other math either

i have a log of these discovery i have had help logging down as well as another log for things i have typed out on AAC or spelt on letterboard and such as well as messeges sended on other platforms and reddit

i worry things are gonna get even worse if i canot stop headbaging...

the last two times before most recent time i headbanged mine brain went completely blank i coudent think at all i was just there an mine hole head wented numb completely and i was told i had a seizure as well as mine hands and head were soaked in blood

im am in ABA therapy too help try stop headbanging but i worry i wonot make much progress because i keep forgetting things because of the memory issues

i was re evaled with level 2/3 autism but mine ABA therapist and doctor says they think im am level 3

im am getting 3 new and hopefully better support workers soon i was told

i need too wear mine autism helmet 247 but its hard

im am upset at ableism i expereince from low support needs people and people with out lower iq or learning disabiltys or hsn autism judging me for using ai as a tool too better understand things by turning things into easyread

they are saying im am bad for using it and they are saying that using it hurts people

but how does using something as a disability aid hurt another person

it just feels like ableism from people who do not expereince life in the same way a person with lower iq, learning disabiltys and high support needs autism does

it also helps make mine words and sentenses more clear and put togethur when i use it for that sometimes

it genuinnely helps me

i use it as a tool

im am not stealing from other peopla by turning text into easyread so i can understand it better im am not destroying or stealing peoples houses by using it as a disability aid

and im am not destroying the earth either

im am just one person

im am sick of the ableusm i expereince from low support needs people not ever thinking or considereing the expereinces of people with higher support needs than them

i not eated much in like 3 days mahbey a few bites of food like 3 bites

i been constantly on the edge of sensory overload

and meltdown so its been torture

and im am relly strugglin with arfid

i feel relly relly terrible

mine stomach is so empty i can actully feel it a little bit for once

and i usully canot feel mine tummy

i remeber i had like 3 bites of meat i think 4 days

ago maybe like 2 bites of pineapple today

and i no think i eated anything since

cause mine arfid is just so bad

i feel like i canot put anything in mine mouth or swallow

i barely drank any liquids either