u/Idontknowhonestlyidk

So, I've been watching a lot of films recently, and I've seen interviews the directors give about their thought process and motivations behind their films. And it always seems to include, the community they had around them as a child.

They say things like "when I was a kid, my mother/father/etc. used to do x and y for me and that made me do a and b and stuck with me to this day" and I just can't relate. There was never a strong community around me and my family - I was ignored both at home and school and in any extracurricular I did. I literally didn't get attention from anyone.

Anyway, I thought that maybe that could have affected my lack of ambition or motivation later in life. I remember as a kid I wanted to do/be something, but as I got older that feeling kinda disappeared, and I just don't. I don't want to do or be anything (or even exist honestly) and I can't help but feel like this wouldn't be the case If things were different - especially cause neither of my siblings have this problem and they both managed to make friends at school.

Anyway, has anyone felt anything similar?

Hey, I wanna wear more booty shorts and things like that, but I'm not really sure how to go about it without having my ass hanging out, especially when I sit. Ive tried but i dont really go out in public cause i feel majorly self conscious, so i just hang around my house. Anyone have any tips?

So, this is pretty specific, but its as the title says.

A bit of a backstory, I wasn't exactly the most socially acceptable child -> enough that I basically dissociated through the entirety of my teenage years and know nothing about it. I didn't have the best home life, and being rejected by basically all of my peers didn't make that easier, and I kinda just retreated into myself to make living ok.

Which is fine, I guess, but being socially isolated means that I didn't really have much of a "girlhood". I missed out on a lot of social things as a teen, and that really upsets me. And taking it a step further, I never felt like a "woman" or a "girl". Like, yeah I'm a girl, because that's what others call me, but I - it never felt like it meant anything. Like, the words "stupid" or "pretty" or "passionate" all mean something, but "girl" sounds so, meaningless.

And like, my sisters a girl, so is my mum, but im not really a girl? Im not really anything.

But its a matter of, "Do I feel like this because Im not a girl? Or I am a girl but I don't feel girl enough, cause I was never taught how to be one? Or cause Im genuinely disconnected from both my body and my emotions and dont feel human at all?" I hope you can get why this is confusing.

Anyway, yeah, I dont really understand my gender, its like some faint glowing thing, idk. But its not really there but kinda is and i just want it to be one or the other. Not really feeling it is confusing.

Hi! My brother's birthday is coming up soon and he's into photography, so I wanted to buy him something related to that. The only issue is that I know nothing about photography, so I'm pretty stumped. Eventually I decided to buy him some lens filters because they're something he doesn't have (but please let me know if something else would be a better gift), but I really do mean it when I said I know nothing.

So please recommend me some lens filters and places to get them! He's using an Olympus OM-1n if that helps!

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Basically, my mum doesnt listen to anyone about anything unless its related to religion (specifically christianity,). Ive tried to talk to her about climate change, she said it doesnt matter (not that it doesnt exist, she believes its real, but doesnt really care). Im planning to show her a life on our planet, but id like some more religion based arguments for fighting climate changd because i have some doubts as to whether she'd take it seriously otherwise.

All my life ive been trying my best to NOT be here. I dont understand how people care about what happens to them, caring about others i get kinda, but i just dont. Care about what happens to me. At all.

How do they know what to do? And yeah, no one really knows what to do, i get enough of that from my therapist, but what i mean is. They all seem to have a sense of purpose. They know what they want, even if they dont actively pursue it. They can exist like its nothing, like it doesnt hurt all the time. Im so jealous.

How? How are they able to be here?? It doesnt make any sense to me, i dont get it.

I personally dont really care about how my life goes - no matter what ive accomplished ive always felt miserable. Ive never not been sad or upset. But they do. Care at least. They care for some reason. And i just dont get that. Why? Why do they care?

The best thing that happened to me was dissociating.

Was thinking back to a conversation me and my friend had about having kids. For context, we are both pretty depressed (if that wasnt obvious), but she thought that having children at all was highly immoral because the world is extremely fucked and people cant consent to being born and being put through all the fuckery life brings.

I thought that having children by itself wasnt immoral (nor was it morally good btw), but bringing children into this world and not doing your best to care for them is the most immoral option.

Would like to hear your thoughts?

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So, i am currently seeing a therapist, and i have for a while. Overtime ive been slowly, unravelling i guess, things i wasnt aware of that have fucked me up severly. This has led to me independantly realising somethings, and ive noticed that i have my own conclusions about why im like this and that ive inadvertently been trying to "lead" my therapist to the same conclusions by saying certain things (things like "everything seems really blurry" and "im not entirely there"). Im not lying to them, this is how it feels, its just the way i phrase these things is done in a specific way.

Im worried that makes me a "bad client" ig? Theoretically i should be able to just outright say these thinga but i dont think im able to. Should i just tell them what i think? I want their opinion but feel like actually being truthful isnt allowed.

Adsitionally, im moving back in with my mom soon, so i may have to get a differenf therapist.

If i were to tell them about both the conclusions ive come to by myself and the ones ive discussed with my past therapist, would they take me seriously?

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/bQ8S9K4Npa

So, I did it... kinda.

We were talking, and i gave her some unpleasant news, and she asked why I didnt tell her sooner, and why I dont talk to her.

And I told her the truth.

And... I dont think it changed anything.

I told her that i feel upset when I talk to her because she used to shout at us all the time - like 90% of our interactions with her. I told her that whenever i had talked to her in the past, she either dismissed me or made me feel like shit. I told her my chest feels tense when i talk to her, that I was crying right now because I was talking to her (which was true).

I reminded her about some incidents in the past and what happened, and i explained what i was feeling then.

And she said that she always gets blamed for other people life choices, and that this wasnt her fault.

I clarified that I wasnt blaming her for how things turned out, but when someone tells you you hurt them, you apologise, and... she doubles down.

Then I asked her if she wanted to actually talk and have a discussion with us (her children), or if she just wanted us to obey her. Guess what her answer was.

Anyway, I called her (up until then it had been text) and we talked, I guess. I cant really remember what was said, but yeah, it happened.

I wanna point out, I never ever call people, its always texting, because i have trouble with speaking. So, for me to call you, its a big deal.

Anyway, yeah nothing changed. I dont know what I expected to happen, I guess id hoped shed actually listen to me, instead of going all woe-is-me, but that didnt happen. Im so tired of this.

She asked me to come home at least, so we'll see how that goes.

What I mean is, currently, tasks like bathing, brushing my teeth, taking out the trash, making my bed, yunno, is all associated with "going outside". So ill only end up doing them if i have to go outside that day.

The issue is, all of these things require consistent maintanence, so im kinda fucked, cause if i dont have something scheduled outside for, say, a week, i wont bathe that whole week. Which, obvs, gets smelly quite quickly.

I need my brain to associate these tasks with "waking up" rather than "going outside". Does anyone have any tips for me?