u/Interesting-Month786

Today I finally studied three pages after being stuck in a loop for years.

Today I also went out with a random girlie at movies and nobody died. I was still shy and didn't know things but eventually everything worked out . A few years ago depressed, barely eating, lazy, alone and sad. I would have never thought I would accomplish any if these. I brush my teeth almost every day and I shower at least once a week . I don't overthink as much ... i am still terrified of exams my future etc etc but I keep going . Me from 3 or 4 years ago would be proud.

If I did it you can too:)

She recently gave birth and I have stayed with her for the longest in 8 months than in 5 whole years of their marriage. Usually I am the kind of person who doesn't go uninvited anywhere and at my sister's too I dont really like staying too much . There's her husband too so it doesn't sit right with me .

When she gave birth I stayed for like 3 to 4 weeks after birth then I came home and went again because she needed help . They were shifting homes in the middle of all and she could barely take care of my niece. I didn't mind . Now that she's grown I would give everything to spend time with my niece . Last month we stayed for around 8 days at theirs house...with my parents too . I hated it for the same reason . I used to think it's weird , but I guess if my sixth sense tells me to not stay it must be right. As much as love our baby hahaha . Ya she's mine too . Now my other sister is visiting and seeing the baby after a whole 7 months ( she was a newborn when she last saw her ). She's coming from abroad and told us to get there so we can meet... she doesn't have time to.come to our house (we lice like 4 hours apart). And I decided I won't be going ...

My parents don't take this well. I would love to stay there or with my niece forever she's my everything but I feel uncomfortable every time . And every time we visit (with my parents too) , I am forced to stay longer because of them . Booking a ticket and leaving , I tried . They made me feel like a ruthless person hahah

And my brother in law is really nice and kind. But he's our cousin and before the marriage he didn't even bother to say hi or meet(living in the same country abroad ) . I feel it might be because of him . He feels clearly overwhelmed after a whole.day at work . And then getting back we are there "disturbing " his peace . That's what I sensed. I get him because If I worked so hard I would feel the same too. I feel guilty about staying there, eating too much and disturbing them .

Giuro che sono seria .

Io ho lavorato e risparmiato anni per permettermi l'università. E onestamente risparmio il più possibile . Che sia un aperitivo o una colazione fuori. Da una poi diventano 10 ed é un loop infinito . É imbarazzante non prendere mai niente.

Evitando uscite per questo esatto motivo finisce che non riesci a legare 🫩

É davvero pesante !

Okay so hear me out . I live in the west and like 4/5 years ago I started hating handshake with opposite gender. Any touch honestly lol. I thought once I made the decision to not do it it would be much easier ... I was wrong.

Here in the west refusing a handshake is 90% disrespectful. I try my best with eye contact and putting my hand on my chest and kinda doing a little bow lol.

Half of the time I still struggle . It happened with a university teacher and he was clearly confused and flabbergasted I still remember his face. He probably didn't mind but was shocked. I hope he understood because I cant stop thinking about that memory.

Sometimes they catch me off guard and I can't even think or process it ( there's no warning before a handshake right haha) and I end up just shaking and then instantly feeling horrible . So basically handshake or no handshake I feel horrible either way

Help!

I did start a law degree and i was very caught up between working (job) and studying . The reality is I never had time and when I had I just couldn't. I quit mostly because of my mental health and partly because I didn't think it was my path

Now I am starting again with psychology full time this time and everything scares me . Making friends ( I will.be probably the oldest) , not being productive enough or wasting time (trying to work online to get at least some money), not being able to keep up or study ( I learned to finish the last 2 years our of 5 good grades are compulsory, to get in my city . I have no option to move. If I had I would have chosen something else).

I'm so scared for the first time in my life . Mostly scared of exams . In italy it's all oral after studying like 500 pages and they can ask you anything. I am underconfident/anxious/scared.

Any advice would be helpful

I did start a law degree and i was very caught up between working (job) and studying . The reality is I never had time and when I had I just couldn't. I quit mostly because of my mental health and partly because I didn't think it was my path.

Now I am starting again with psychology full time this time and everything scares me . Making friends ( I will.be probably the oldest) , not being productive enough or wasting time (trying to work online to get at least some money), not being able to keep up or study ( I learned to finish the last 2 years our of 5 good grades are compulsory, to get in my city . I have no option to move. If I had I would have chosen something else).

I'm so scared for the first time in my life . Mostly scared of exams . In italy it's all oral after studying like 500 pages and they can ask you anything. I am underconfident/anxious/scared.

Any advice would be helpful

It's a short Japanese drama available on an app . But living abroad I can't even download it .

I am shocked or maybe disgusted by the statement . By people's mentality . I will only add that if a man thinks this way he should not be a father and not even a husband .

I want to know your opinion

Ever since I was 19( now23F) life has felt overwhelming. While I’m deeply grateful to Allah for his blessings, rizq, and patience, I’ve struggled to find genuine happiness. For five years, I worked hard labour jobs continuously to help my parents with their debts, putting my dream of university on hold until now. Honestly totally neglecting myself .

​Lately, basic daily functions have become a battle. I’ve struggled with severe lack of appetite whicj lead to being underweight and weak + severe exhaustion, making simple things like personal hygiene, routines, and household chores feel almost impossible. After discovering through a rheumatologist that poor nutrition was weakening my bones, I’ve been trying hard to rebuild my health— celebrating small wins like just eating a meal.

​My biggest burden is feeling like I’m failing my aging mother. I do what I can—like washing dishes or making tea—but I don’t have the physical or mental capacity to do more right now. It hurts knowing she doesn’t fully understand what I’m going through, and I carry a lot of guilt and self-loathing because of it. I’m just trying to figure out how to heal while carrying all this weight.

If you come from a cultural family you must know that females are expected to help and do everything at home . Also she's getting older and older and Ibhave done nothung for her. Not even helping her out. I am such a disappointment honestly even in my own eyes. I quit the job because I ended at the hospital with a disease. I am focusing on my own health ( eating well which is already overwhelming) and starting finally my university degree. Feels selfish especially being thw youngest one and the only sibling left with them .

Please give advice according to Islam and be kind .

I have a long-standing pattern of brushing off mistreatment, lack of effort, and disrespect while I’m in a situation, only to look back later and realize how much I over-tolerated.

Looking back, this started with my family dynamics. For a long time, I tried to be nice, giving, and forgiving no matter how I was treated. The good news is that I’m actively changing this: I'm learning to give back what I receive, and I’ve already started standing up for myself much more with my family. But it's still an ongoing process

The Workplace Situation

\>At my previous job, a clique of coworkers hated me from day one. Their initial hostility was pure prejudice—they disliked me simply because I am non-white and visibly Muslim. At the time, I was already so exhausted and dealing with so much outside of work that I just wanted peace and wanted things to keep running smoothly without extra conflict. So, I ignored it. Eventually, things softened, and we became somewhat friendly (having lunch occasionally).

I quit after three years, and now that I’m out of that environment, the memories haunt me. For instance, at a group dinner, a coworker casually bragged about the horrible names she used to call me before we became "friends." I brushed it off then just to survive the workday, but now I ask myself: if she truly considered me a friend, why say that? ( after I quit never heard from them again nothing surprising...)

Patterns in My Friendships

I’m noticing the same pattern in my friendships:

\> \* Friend 1: We catch up maybe 3 times a year and have amazing, deep conversations, but she takes an absurdly long time to reply to my messages. I spent so long being "understanding" (since I take my time too, though never to her extreme), but now I regret giving her so many free passes.

\> \* Friend 2: We’ve been friends for 11 years since school, but I realized I couldn't share anything personal or painful with her. Whenever I tried, I felt judged. The friendship started feeling completely one-sided, like a routine formality rather than genuine support.

Moving Forward

\>At the time, I made excuses or stayed passive because I was overwhelmed and just trying to keep the peace. Now that I’m out of these dynamics, I see how little effort or respect I was receiving in return.

I’m fully committed to standing up for myself more in the future (and as I mentioned, I’m already practicing this with family). But how do I stop making excuses for people in the moment? How do I catch these red flags early instead of waiting until the friendship or job is over to realize I was being taken for granted?

Ps: maybe deep down I know and I want to just avoid the drama and be at peace?

My older sister 32 left in her 20s to get a job and freedom from family . Her initial goal was to help our financial situation but she never did. Not even once. She got married and divorced in the meantime .

My brother is now 28 and finally got a stable job and is earning good . He's leaving home (he single) to live in the same city because he wants freedom too.

My other sister is married so let's not count that.

They both didn't ask for permission and just left leaving my parents extremely sad and heartbroken . They leave with no contact , leaving no respect and bond that I am so disgusted. I am sure Islam doesn't say this about parents .

I am the youngest now 24F and I have seen all their phases and all the mess and mistakes they created. Yet our parents always supported them and stood by their side .

It could be that we live in the west and this is what's up here ?

I will try my best to stay as long as I can with them before I eventually marry. But will never be "no contact".

Some people die to have parents like ours or even have parents . Why are they so selfish . I am so heartbroken

My parents are old and almost 70 . They have only one son and 3 daughters. I am the only one whose left . .me and my brother .

My brother was raised by our mother in a very typical Pakistani way . He's actually pretty westernized ( we live in the west) but apart from that he doesn't do anything . From helping cleaning , cooking or even carrying groceries or even anything for us literally hahah.

He's 29 yrs old and he has decided to move out . He's been working for 2 years and got a bonus at work so. Before that he did small jobs or didn't do any . That's why my parents were so worried for him ! They wanted to arrange a marriage in hope that he changes lol.

As his sister I am glad he took the decision because he must learn basic things that he says he Will learnonly that way . It's been yeats I told mom to let.him learn and do but she never understood . Mom does everything at home even his laundry . He also says he needs space.

How do you explain something like this to my mom anddad who always thought about him living with them forever. Even after marriage! About that he also said that he probably won't marry in the same culture, as long as shes muslim . For older generations that's like a huge thing . They are so into castes and this is like out of the world.

How do I get her to understand that this is for the best?

With time they will.be forced to understand I guess.

But it's sad . I wish i was a son . I wouldn't leave them :(

Whoever reading this parents need us when they get old . Idc about what western people say that we dont owe them nothing . They raised him with sooo much lvoe and made him who is is today . 29 years is a lot i dont care about anything else

I hate this thinking and I just wish I could do everything for them 😪

I recently discovered a really close male friend did commit zina. I honestly never thought about it . I mean for me it was like Muslim= no zina automatically lol. I was shocked!!! I found condoms

I mean minor sins like being in a relationship within islamic rulings ( with the thought of marriage in mind) I would be cool but not sure about zina. For me but for any muslim I feel thats the highest level it's too much.

But again who am I to judge that's Allah's job .

I dont think I would ...

Am I being too judgemental?

They always knew it was haram and still did it . Even if they repented it still means they have no self control! Would you accept someone even in a relationship?

I'm scared...

Next month I'm starting a Bachelor’s in Psychology. Do I finally feel like I made the right choice? I hope so. Because for years I’ve been searching for a passion—the kind of passions society expects you to have figured out at 18 or 19, fresh out of high school.

I took a gap year (which back then felt useless) to figure things out, because going to university had always been a dream of mine. I chose Law, but by the very first lecture, I realized it wasn't for me. I pushed through for 3 years mostly due to the expectations of others and, above all, my own, and also because quitting meant having no backup plan. I spent 3 horrible years having to pay my own tuition and work at the same time—and anyone who knows anything knows that working in Italy, especially in a faculty as demanding as Law, is difficult if not impossible. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it work and decided to drop out rather than waste money and fall years behind.

The Real Study Block

My fear actually started halfway through high school, when I realized I was just memorizing everything. Something inside me snapped after a really bad oral exam, right after years of being a straight-A student. I hadn’t prepared well and had to face the consequences. From that day on, I was never able to study the same way again.

That sparked a constant anxiety and fear of exams, a fear of not being able to focus or memorize, a fear that always paralyzed me at the very first pages and chapters of a study book. It’s been 5 years since that episode and I still feel the exact same way. High school was also a terrible time back then due to family stress and financial troubles... maybe that had something to do with it too?

The New Anxieties

I initially decided: screw it, I'm just going to enjoy my years and do the best I can in Psychology. Without a single doubt, my intention was always to go on to a Master's degree anyway. But a few days ago, I talked to a girl who is currently trying to get into a Master's program, and she completely freaked me out.

She explained that a Bachelor's in Psychology is practically useless on its own without a Master's, and that the competition is brutal. You need to keep a super high GPA (at least 28/30 out of 30) because your graduation grade heavily impacts the admission criteria. I just wanted to finally live differently, slow down, and do things at my own pace, but now that constant anxiety is right back on my shoulders.

Has anyone else been through this? How did you manage to unblock your relationship with studying while still having such ambitious goals?

Ho paura...

​Il mese prossimo inizierò la triennale in psicologia. Sembra che finalmente abbia fatto la scelta giusta? Lo spero. Perché è da anni che cerco una passione, passioni che pretendono tu abbia già a 18 o 19 anni, appena uscita fresca di scuola. ​Io mi presi un anno sabbatico (che allora mi sembrava inutile) per scegliere, perché l'università era un mio desiderio da sempre. Scelsi Giurisprudenza, ma già alla prima lezione mi resi conto che non faceva per me. Ho tenuto duro per 3 anni solo per le aspettative degli altri e, soprattutto, mie, anche perché lasciando non sapevo neanche che fare. Ho passato tre anni da incubo perché dovevo pagare le tasse e lavorare, e chi sa qualcosa sa che in Italia, lavorando e soprattutto in facoltà come Giurisprudenza, è difficile se non impossibile. Io purtroppo non ce l'ho fatta e ho deciso di abbandonare, invece di buttare soldi e finire fuori corso.

​Il vero blocco

La mia paura in realtà è nata a metà delle superiori, quando mi resi conto che studiavo tutto a memoria. Qualcosa si spense dopo un'interrogazione andata molto male, dopo anni in cui ero stata bravissima. Non mi ero preparata bene e ne ho visto le conseguenze. Da quel giorno non sono mai più riuscita a studiare come una volta. ​Da lì è nata un'ansia costante e la paura degli esami, la paura di non riuscire a studiare o a memorizzare, una paura che mi ha sempre fermata alle prime pagine e ai primi capitoli, bloccandomi totalmente. Ho sempre avuto un pò di ansia ma mai a questi livelli. Sono passati ormai 5 anni da quell'episodio e mi sento ancora uguale. Alle superiori fu un periodo schifoso anche per problemi familiari... forse è stato anche quello?

​Le nuove ansie

Alla fine ho deciso che non m'importa: mi godrò i miei anni e farò quello che riesco a Psicologia. Senza alcun dubbio, la mia intenzione è sempre stata quella di proseguire con la magistrale. Solo che qualche giorno fa ho parlato con una ragazza che sta cercando di entrarci e mi ha spaventato. ​Mi ha spiegato che una triennale in psicologia è praticamente inutile senza magistrale e che c'è tantissima competizione: bisogna avere una media altissima (almeno 28/30), perché il voto di laurea incide tantissimo sui criteri di accesso. Io che volevo finalmente vivere diversamente, rallentare e fare le cose col mio ritmo, mi ritrovo di nuovo con quell'ansia addosso, costante.

Ci tengo molto s questo post perché non ho mai visto o sentito nessuno avere questo problema ?! E purtroppo non posso permettermi aiuto professionale quindi spero in risposte utili!

Any cringe stupid thing as long as it works. I AM DESPERATE LOL

I was stuck and felt awful for a full week . But kept forcing myself to eat . And guess what ? Now I got my appetite back and it's much better. I am so glad .

How long does it take you guys ?

For ref I was born and raised in Italy. Ever since I remember I encountered all kinds of people . But among them I really appreciated people who didn't straight up judge but came with questions . They're much much better trust me( some are my friends too). I used to really take my time and explain whatever I could but at the end of the day ... I mean 25 years in this country I am so done . I am visibly Muslim (hijabi) ... people would never come to me if I was a man or a non hijabi. Or people would never ask these questions to any other person . Even a minority they wouldn't . It's as if they just want to prove their point , hoping I say something wrong . Even a word ! So they can finally confirm what the news says about us .

I still do appreciate people who ask and are curious but honestly give me a break . Sometimes (being an introverted), lemme enjoy my quiet time and myself . Just let me be !!!

The irony is when I ask back some questions they can barely answer one tiny thing and expect me to narrate the whole Quran right there and then . And they come back with I am atheist .

I once at work responded in a funny way that I wear the hijab because I want to . The woman ( she was in her 40s) got so offended that she told me "you cant answer like that " 😂. But people Why not ? Hahahaha

For ref I was born and raised in Italy. Ever since I remember I encountered all kinds of people . But among them I really appreciated people who didn't straight up judge but came with questions . They're much much better trust me( some are my friends too). I used to really take my time and explain whatever I could but at the end of the day ... I mean 25 years in this country I am so done . I am visibly Muslim (hijabi) ... people would never come to me if I was a man or a non hijabi. Or people would never ask these questions to any other person . Even a minority they wouldn't . It's as if they just want to prove their point , hoping I say something wrong . Even a word ! So they can finally confirm what the news says about us .

I still do appreciate people who ask and are curious but honestly give me a break . Sometimes (being an introverted), lemme enjoy my quiet time and myself . Just let me be !!!

The irony is when I ask back some questions they can barely answer one tiny thing and expect me to narrate the whole Quran right there and then . And they come back with I am atheist .

I once at work responded in a funny way that I wear the hijab because I want to . The woman ( she was in her 40s) got so offended that she told me "you cant answer like that " 😂. But people Why not ? Hahahaha

I’ve been underweight my whole life, hovering around 48 to 49 kilograms (23F), and I finally decided to make a change. I started exercising and focusing on my nutrition, and I’ve successfully reached the 53 to 54 kilogram range. I feel so much stronger and healthier now.

My initial goal was 58 kilograms, but lately, I’ve been feeling really tired and fed up. I feel bloated all the time, and I constantly have to force myself to eat just to maintain my weight, which led to me dropping back to 53.

I’m at a crossroads now and I’m not sure what to do—should I take a break and maintain for a while, or push through and keep gaining? Any advice would be appreciated.