u/Interesting-Month786

My older sister 32 left in her 20s to get a job and freedom from family . Her initial goal was to help our financial situation but she never did. Not even once. She got married and divorced in the meantime .

My brother is now 28 and finally got a stable job and is earning good . He's leaving home (he single) to live in the same city because he wants freedom too.

My other sister is married so let's not count that.

They both didn't ask for permission and just left leaving my parents extremely sad and heartbroken . They leave with no contact , leaving no respect and bond that I am so disgusted. I am sure Islam doesn't say this about parents .

I am the youngest now 24F and I have seen all their phases and all the mess and mistakes they created. Yet our parents always supported them and stood by their side .

It could be that we live in the west and this is what's up here ?

I will try my best to stay as long as I can with them before I eventually marry. But will never be "no contact".

Some people die to have parents like ours or even have parents . Why are they so selfish . I am so heartbroken

My parents are old and almost 70 . They have only one son and 3 daughters. I am the only one whose left . .me and my brother .

My brother was raised by our mother in a very typical Pakistani way . He's actually pretty westernized ( we live in the west) but apart from that he doesn't do anything . From helping cleaning , cooking or even carrying groceries or even anything for us literally hahah.

He's 29 yrs old and he has decided to move out . He's been working for 2 years and got a bonus at work so. Before that he did small jobs or didn't do any . That's why my parents were so worried for him ! They wanted to arrange a marriage in hope that he changes lol.

As his sister I am glad he took the decision because he must learn basic things that he says he Will learnonly that way . It's been yeats I told mom to let.him learn and do but she never understood . Mom does everything at home even his laundry . He also says he needs space.

How do you explain something like this to my mom anddad who always thought about him living with them forever. Even after marriage! About that he also said that he probably won't marry in the same culture, as long as shes muslim . For older generations that's like a huge thing . They are so into castes and this is like out of the world.

How do I get her to understand that this is for the best?

With time they will.be forced to understand I guess.

But it's sad . I wish i was a son . I wouldn't leave them :(

Whoever reading this parents need us when they get old . Idc about what western people say that we dont owe them nothing . They raised him with sooo much lvoe and made him who is is today . 29 years is a lot i dont care about anything else

I hate this thinking and I just wish I could do everything for them 😪

I recently discovered a really close male friend did commit zina. I honestly never thought about it . I mean for me it was like Muslim= no zina automatically lol. I was shocked!!! I found condoms

I mean minor sins like being in a relationship within islamic rulings ( with the thought of marriage in mind) I would be cool but not sure about zina. For me but for any muslim I feel thats the highest level it's too much.

But again who am I to judge that's Allah's job .

I dont think I would ...

Am I being too judgemental?

They always knew it was haram and still did it . Even if they repented it still means they have no self control! Would you accept someone even in a relationship?

I'm scared...

Next month I'm starting a Bachelor’s in Psychology. Do I finally feel like I made the right choice? I hope so. Because for years I’ve been searching for a passion—the kind of passions society expects you to have figured out at 18 or 19, fresh out of high school.

I took a gap year (which back then felt useless) to figure things out, because going to university had always been a dream of mine. I chose Law, but by the very first lecture, I realized it wasn't for me. I pushed through for 3 years mostly due to the expectations of others and, above all, my own, and also because quitting meant having no backup plan. I spent 3 horrible years having to pay my own tuition and work at the same time—and anyone who knows anything knows that working in Italy, especially in a faculty as demanding as Law, is difficult if not impossible. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it work and decided to drop out rather than waste money and fall years behind.

The Real Study Block

My fear actually started halfway through high school, when I realized I was just memorizing everything. Something inside me snapped after a really bad oral exam, right after years of being a straight-A student. I hadn’t prepared well and had to face the consequences. From that day on, I was never able to study the same way again.

That sparked a constant anxiety and fear of exams, a fear of not being able to focus or memorize, a fear that always paralyzed me at the very first pages and chapters of a study book. It’s been 5 years since that episode and I still feel the exact same way. High school was also a terrible time back then due to family stress and financial troubles... maybe that had something to do with it too?

The New Anxieties

I initially decided: screw it, I'm just going to enjoy my years and do the best I can in Psychology. Without a single doubt, my intention was always to go on to a Master's degree anyway. But a few days ago, I talked to a girl who is currently trying to get into a Master's program, and she completely freaked me out.

She explained that a Bachelor's in Psychology is practically useless on its own without a Master's, and that the competition is brutal. You need to keep a super high GPA (at least 28/30 out of 30) because your graduation grade heavily impacts the admission criteria. I just wanted to finally live differently, slow down, and do things at my own pace, but now that constant anxiety is right back on my shoulders.

Has anyone else been through this? How did you manage to unblock your relationship with studying while still having such ambitious goals?

Ho paura...

​Il mese prossimo inizierò la triennale in psicologia. Sembra che finalmente abbia fatto la scelta giusta? Lo spero. Perché è da anni che cerco una passione, passioni che pretendono tu abbia già a 18 o 19 anni, appena uscita fresca di scuola. ​Io mi presi un anno sabbatico (che allora mi sembrava inutile) per scegliere, perché l'università era un mio desiderio da sempre. Scelsi Giurisprudenza, ma già alla prima lezione mi resi conto che non faceva per me. Ho tenuto duro per 3 anni solo per le aspettative degli altri e, soprattutto, mie, anche perché lasciando non sapevo neanche che fare. Ho passato tre anni da incubo perché dovevo pagare le tasse e lavorare, e chi sa qualcosa sa che in Italia, lavorando e soprattutto in facoltà come Giurisprudenza, è difficile se non impossibile. Io purtroppo non ce l'ho fatta e ho deciso di abbandonare, invece di buttare soldi e finire fuori corso.

​Il vero blocco

La mia paura in realtà è nata a metà delle superiori, quando mi resi conto che studiavo tutto a memoria. Qualcosa si spense dopo un'interrogazione andata molto male, dopo anni in cui ero stata bravissima. Non mi ero preparata bene e ne ho visto le conseguenze. Da quel giorno non sono mai più riuscita a studiare come una volta. ​Da lì è nata un'ansia costante e la paura degli esami, la paura di non riuscire a studiare o a memorizzare, una paura che mi ha sempre fermata alle prime pagine e ai primi capitoli, bloccandomi totalmente. Ho sempre avuto un pò di ansia ma mai a questi livelli. Sono passati ormai 5 anni da quell'episodio e mi sento ancora uguale. Alle superiori fu un periodo schifoso anche per problemi familiari... forse è stato anche quello?

​Le nuove ansie

Alla fine ho deciso che non m'importa: mi godrò i miei anni e farò quello che riesco a Psicologia. Senza alcun dubbio, la mia intenzione è sempre stata quella di proseguire con la magistrale. Solo che qualche giorno fa ho parlato con una ragazza che sta cercando di entrarci e mi ha spaventato. ​Mi ha spiegato che una triennale in psicologia è praticamente inutile senza magistrale e che c'è tantissima competizione: bisogna avere una media altissima (almeno 28/30), perché il voto di laurea incide tantissimo sui criteri di accesso. Io che volevo finalmente vivere diversamente, rallentare e fare le cose col mio ritmo, mi ritrovo di nuovo con quell'ansia addosso, costante.

Ci tengo molto s questo post perché non ho mai visto o sentito nessuno avere questo problema ?! E purtroppo non posso permettermi aiuto professionale quindi spero in risposte utili!

Any cringe stupid thing as long as it works. I AM DESPERATE LOL

I was stuck and felt awful for a full week . But kept forcing myself to eat . And guess what ? Now I got my appetite back and it's much better. I am so glad .

How long does it take you guys ?

For ref I was born and raised in Italy. Ever since I remember I encountered all kinds of people . But among them I really appreciated people who didn't straight up judge but came with questions . They're much much better trust me( some are my friends too). I used to really take my time and explain whatever I could but at the end of the day ... I mean 25 years in this country I am so done . I am visibly Muslim (hijabi) ... people would never come to me if I was a man or a non hijabi. Or people would never ask these questions to any other person . Even a minority they wouldn't . It's as if they just want to prove their point , hoping I say something wrong . Even a word ! So they can finally confirm what the news says about us .

I still do appreciate people who ask and are curious but honestly give me a break . Sometimes (being an introverted), lemme enjoy my quiet time and myself . Just let me be !!!

The irony is when I ask back some questions they can barely answer one tiny thing and expect me to narrate the whole Quran right there and then . And they come back with I am atheist .

I once at work responded in a funny way that I wear the hijab because I want to . The woman ( she was in her 40s) got so offended that she told me "you cant answer like that " 😂. But people Why not ? Hahahaha

For ref I was born and raised in Italy. Ever since I remember I encountered all kinds of people . But among them I really appreciated people who didn't straight up judge but came with questions . They're much much better trust me( some are my friends too). I used to really take my time and explain whatever I could but at the end of the day ... I mean 25 years in this country I am so done . I am visibly Muslim (hijabi) ... people would never come to me if I was a man or a non hijabi. Or people would never ask these questions to any other person . Even a minority they wouldn't . It's as if they just want to prove their point , hoping I say something wrong . Even a word ! So they can finally confirm what the news says about us .

I still do appreciate people who ask and are curious but honestly give me a break . Sometimes (being an introverted), lemme enjoy my quiet time and myself . Just let me be !!!

The irony is when I ask back some questions they can barely answer one tiny thing and expect me to narrate the whole Quran right there and then . And they come back with I am atheist .

I once at work responded in a funny way that I wear the hijab because I want to . The woman ( she was in her 40s) got so offended that she told me "you cant answer like that " 😂. But people Why not ? Hahahaha

I’ve been underweight my whole life, hovering around 48 to 49 kilograms (23F), and I finally decided to make a change. I started exercising and focusing on my nutrition, and I’ve successfully reached the 53 to 54 kilogram range. I feel so much stronger and healthier now.

My initial goal was 58 kilograms, but lately, I’ve been feeling really tired and fed up. I feel bloated all the time, and I constantly have to force myself to eat just to maintain my weight, which led to me dropping back to 53.

I’m at a crossroads now and I’m not sure what to do—should I take a break and maintain for a while, or push through and keep gaining? Any advice would be appreciated.

I was underweight for my whole life. When I put effort I started with a meal or snack every 2 or 3 hours, I got my appetite back . To the point where I very EASILY got to healthy bmi. I was happy and thought the hard part is gone. But suddenly I don't get any appetite during the day . Like ever . And its so frustrating and sad ! Forcing myself is not the way I want it to be. What even happened out of nowhere I don't know!

At home I always wore what was comfortable like a pijama set etc ... basically anything with half sleeves.

Outside I would never and I also practice the hijab. It was all okay until my niece came (she's 5 months) and while taking care of her or picking her up my cleavage showed accidentally . Because accidents do happen. As women we know at that instant . And it's been so awkward and weird . I feel weird in my own home UGHHH!!!

I also feel as a father if that happens just ignore or watch somewhere else is it that hard? Am I overthinking this. I've become super conscious now in my own home !

​I’ve noticed that my only motivation to take care of myself comes from a desperate need for external validation. In December, there is a huge family wedding coming up, and my entire focus right now is wanting to look "perfect" for it. Because of this, I've been doing everything possible to transform my body—I was severely underweight, so I’ve been eating better , gaining weight, and working out consistently to tone up.

​On paper, these sound like healthy habits. But my motivation is entirely wrong. I only seem to care about my well-being when it comes to how other people perceive me ..

​The moment nobody is around, the mask drops. When I am completely by myself, I barely eat, I lose all motivation, and I just feel incredibly depressed. It’s like I don’t value myself enough to stay healthy for me—I only do it to perform for a crowd.

​I AM TERRIFiED ... once the wedding is over will I ve underweight again and stop eating ughhh,

ALSOOO : the moment you are disturbed by a complain and pleased by a praise you are still a slave . I see myself in this quotes Am I just performing for people , then what about me?

My sister told me I look big and I should stop gaining weight or gain max 2 kg !

I've been underweight my whole life but seriously started eating when I reached the bottom . 42 kg (i am 23F and 162 cm tall). I decided to reach at least 60 or 58 by december . I am now 54 btw. I plan on doing lots of workouts ,building muscle and a have a flat stomach .

That doesn't happen in a day . There's 0.5/ 1 kg muscle you can gain in a month and that comment destroyed me .

I got my appetite finally back , gaining weight has become so easy after years of struggle , I am finally healthy and she knows all this . Yet she made that comment ! I want to be big with arm muscle and bootie ! Excuse me ! People always comment and are never ever satisfied even when I was super thin something thet admired but when family does it , it still hurts...

I am gaining weight successfully and I also am eating all my calories . It's Just that when I see it all (at once / in a plate) my mind goes crazy and my appetite goes away. I do eat half and half so my mind doesn't play these tricks. Idk why I feel this way ? I was underweight so maybe ...

I had to eat a tons of snacks every 2 hours to finally eat because I was alwyas starving and barely eating. I got my appetite back. Now I think I can do bigger meals and make my life easier but I can't

I've gained a lot and I had a very hard time in the past . I had some reflux and couldnt keep up with the calories most of the times . Now that it's solved and got my appetite back I don't want to exxagerate. I still want to gain some weight but I don't know if I am overdoing by listening to when I feel hungry and eating every time?

Okay so I am on my weight gain journey and I started following this girl on Instagram. She often talks about how amazing she feels that after being super skinny her whole life she's finally a healthy BMI. Some people now call her fat but she's just sto satisfied with her body that nothing matters ANYMORE .She eats well and feels good. And that's my goal. I would like to know more about peoples experiences.

For me I gained like 10 kg because i lost as much when I was ill.. gained then extra 5 kg which got me to 55kg . I love like love seeing some belly fat , the arm muscles after my workout everything. Most importantly I love the feeling of being hungry . There was a time i would eat to survive . It's nice seeing how my body reacts now that I finally am eating as I should.

He's very hot these days and It eventually melts and keeps the bed cold .... Idk if it's good because he never sleeps on It lol . So idk.

I tried putting a wet scarf in the freezer but same thing. He hates It and never slept on It ... What do guys do in this heat?