u/Pleasant-Hyena9030

Kind of listened to Joe Rogan before he was outrightly right wing— like I’d watch his Louis Theroux interview when I was 17 in 2017 and obsessed with Weird Weekends

I used to listen to Chapo Trap House (probably spelt it wrong) but they’d kind of make autistic people the butt of the joke and I’d wonder ‘am I just too sensitive, like part of that annoying left they wanna move on from’
Haven’t felt that kind of second guessing and wondering if I need to change something about me when listening to BHB and the Cool Zone Media stuff I’ve since found through it

There were some sorta Chappo Trap House adjacent podcasts like Cum Town and Red Scare that I was really alienated by. (I know Red Scare went fash. I don’t know what Cum Town’s deal is really. Could be that I’m a gen Z woman from Britain, so not their audience)

Used to listen to H3 when they did Frenemies……………

I’d listen a lot of whatever was on BBC Sounds, being mindful that it will be wishy washy on issues that’ll be frustrating for someone on the left like me and has both side-ed transphobia in some programmes I didn’t even expect it to like Jon Ronson’s Things Fell Apart episode on Florida’s don’t say gay bill and The Coming Storm that had one of the cohost seem to go down a TERF pipeline (probably shouldn’t be that surprising, I just wouldn’t always pay attention). There are some okay things, the BBC and other British outlets like The Observer is a big institution where some genuine journalists do their job. People on BBC Sounds at least feel they have to talk about autistic people in a professional way so it never felt outright offensive, but also felt distant and like radio documentaries rather than podcasts a lot of the time. (Except Bad People, that show was good but got cut for some reason)

Saying maybe because I just cannot make myself say they will happen even if that’s the truth

This is so unbearable. I’m hoping that I least get ozempic on my dying days. Or better yet, morphine

I just feel like my experience is not the same as so many people’s and like I’m not enough. I’m autistic, which probably changes my relationship with gender and sexuality. I desisted from transitioning, didn’t take hormones or anything, but it’s strange to think about a chapter of my life where I wanted it so bad and I partly chickened out cos I’m afraid but then again, I now don’t even seem super dysphoric.

I worry about hurting women if I date them admittedly after (although I have not much experience in general, I’m a 26 year old virgin) bad dates with men including someone I was friends with. I feel like I also just lack what people describe as the human experience, I wasn’t really obsessed with boy bands like it’s presumed every girl growing up is. Penises are gross to me, vaginas are not, but know I’ve had crushes on guys. Not employed rn which also makes me undatable. Sensitive to rejection which is part of why I barely put myself out there. Also worry about being certain negative experiences sapphic women have had when in relationships with bi women— like them not taking it seriously and stuff

Feel like with being someone who’s technically a detransitioner and what my sexuality is, my existence is just unpolitically correct and I can’t find a community with it

Aldous Huxley wrote Brave New World, which is marketed as a dystopia (maybe today at least) partly because it’s a sci fi that imagines a future involving maybe the end game of eugenics where people don’t even reproduce, it’s all highly controlled in a lab and they induce foetal alcohol spectrum disorder in percentage of the population to create an underclass. There’s other things that happen that could’ve been what Huxley was panicking about more like orgies, porn and drugs maybe (or possibly also just women being in the workplace, the women all seem to be portrayed as dim, none of them are members of the most intelligent caste). Perhaps it was not so much of a dystopia to him, I know he experimented with drugs and maybe he enjoyed writing about the orgies. It does seem confusing (maybe from my modern perspective) that someone who wrote about human beings being treated like they’re in an assembly line and Lord being replaced with Ford, that is always interpreted as a satire by people studying literature, was a proponent of eugenics.

I don’t know how to keep going. It’s just making me cry

It’s so annoying because we KNEW. Summit after summit was all umming and ahhing about money

And they’re building a fucking data centre in my city

Idk if maybe there could be some tech to mitigate some of this. Maybe not. It seems that the rich just want us to die. And I hate it and I can’t accept it. But I am losing my will to live because I just hate being born into a world that is ending