u/Which-Piccolo-186

The Half-Life Conversion Process begins when a completely normal child is exposed to excessive amounts of the Half-Life franchise. At first, nothing seems wrong. They play Half-Life 2 for a few hours, maybe watch some G-Man memes, and go to bed. However, prolonged exposure causes the child's brain to begin replacing normal childhood thoughts with Gordon Freeman-related information. Words like “school,” “homework,” and “responsibility” gradually disappear, replaced by “crowbar,” “HEV suit,” and “rise and shine.”

After approximately 72 hours of continuous Half-Life exposure, the physical transformation begins. The child's hair mysteriously disappears, their clothes are replaced by an orange HEV suit, and they suddenly become completely incapable of speaking. Doctors attempting to communicate with the patient report that the only response they receive is an intense stare followed by the child reaching toward a nearby blunt object. At this stage, the patient is no longer legally considered a child and is classified as “Gordon Freeman.”

The final stage begins when the newly converted Dr. Freeman is given a crowbar. This is extremely dangerous. Upon touching the crowbar, the patient immediately gains an inexplicable understanding of advanced theoretical physics, firearms, explosives, alien biology, and urban guerrilla warfare. They also develop the uncontrollable urge to break every wooden crate in sight. Attempts to confiscate the crowbar are unsuccessful, because Gordon Freeman is now legally and spiritually required to possess it.

Once fully converted, Dr. Freeman will begin walking toward the nearest Combine-controlled facility without explanation. Police barricades, military checkpoints, and common sense have absolutely no effect. He will sprint through City 17 while fighting soldiers, aliens, helicopters, zombies, and approximately 900 heavily armed men, despite having received no formal military training whatsoever. Witnesses frequently report hearing absolutely nothing from him, except the sound of ammunition being loaded and the occasional violent crowbar impact.

The process concludes when Dr. Freeman reaches the Citadel. He looks up at the enormous kilometer-high superstructure, grips his crowbar, and proceeds to storm it completely by himself. Nobody knows how he gets inside. Nobody knows why he does this. Nobody knows where he learned to operate alien technology. The only known fact is that somewhere in the distance, a former child who watched too much Half-Life is now beating Combine soldiers to death with a crowbar while Gordon Freeman's medical degree somehow remains completely valid.