Rewriting Twilight Syndrome Murder Party as it was shown in the Despair Arc Anime
I won't try to hide it or deny it. I think DR3 Despair is one of the most disappointing pieces of supplementary material ever made for a series that I have seen. The brainwashing especially is my biggest issue as it removes character agency and decreases the overall relatability of the series, but that's a rant for another day. While the tragedy and Junko were big disappointments the way TSMP and Hajime were handled were the biggest disappointments to me so I thought of how I, would rewrite it.
Let's get something straight. I'm sorry Chiaki fans but she's got to go. I was deeply shocked when I watched the anime and saw that Girl E or Sato was not part of Class 77-B. I think that based on where the murder takes place that being the music room, Girl E was always meant to be the 16th member of the class. So either Ryota or Chiaki has to go and I never liked the decision to make Chiaki real but I digress. This is an important set up piece. Sato being in the class makes her friendship with Mahiru and the other 3 girls (who weren't even shown during the TSMP part of the anime have a real connection) The first section of this revised TSMP in the anime would thus be focused on showing the 5 girls and their friendship, as well as introducing Natsumi and showing her jealousy of them.
Now onto Hajime. The biggest issue with Hajime in despair is that I don't understand why he went through with the Kamakura project. In GD we are told he went through with it because of extreme loneliness, low self esteem, and his talent worship. Yet, Chisa, Chiaki, Natsumi, and Tengan all try to cheer him up and tell him not to go through with it, then someone he met 10 minutes ago dies and he goes eh sure. This is terrible writing. Show Hajime being completely isolated, no Chiaki, no Chisa, nobody should be talking to him, his existence should barely be acknowledged by other characters in the show.
And then in comes Natsumi. She enrolls in the reserve course desperate to transfer to the main course and prove her worth against her brother, just as shown in the anime. We see her stalking Mahiru and Sato and slowly develop her plan to kill Mahiru and take her place. Then Hajime confronts her and the two start to bond with each other over their shared inadequacies. They both start to feel like their lack of talent doesn't matter. That they finally have someone who understands them, and both of them start to abandon their extreme plans to gain talent. The two then decide to even go on a date! How sweet.
Fuyuhiko finds Natsumi changing for her date and she excitedly tells him about it. She leaves and Fuyuhiko being the protective brother that he is sends Peko to watch over her and make sure everything goes alright. The date is great, the two have a lot of fun and the scene shifts to them having lunch together. During this lunch talk Hajime reveals to her the details of the kamakura project and asks her opinion on it. She gets mad at him for even considering such a drastic shortcut to get talent, something that annoys Hajime. He retorts that she was also planning to take a shortcut, by killing Mahiru. Natsumi gets mad and storms off to the bathroom. Peko's character flaw shown in GD shines through. She thinks that Fuyuhiko would have wanted her to do everything to keep this nobody from dating his sister, especially after what she just saw. So, she intervenes and threatens Hajime, who actually brushes off the threats, saying that it's not the gang's choice who Natsumi hangs out with. Peko then digs deep into him and his insecurities. She grills him and asks if he's really worthy of someone like Natsumi, someone who is destined to play a big role in their organization, and is overflowing with talent and skill. Peko ends her speech by saying that Natsumi would already be in the main class if someone like Hajime wasn't holding her back.
Natsumi returns and apologizes to Hajime for storming off. She reflects on her own intrusive thoughts and agrees with him that it was a bad idea. Hajime cuts her off and says they can't see eachother anymore. Telling her that he's holding her back, that someone like her deserves to be in the main class, and that talent really is everything. After Hajime leaves, Natsumi spots Peko, and this is the real thing that pushes her into despair. Natsumi believes that Fuyuhiko doesn't think she's good enough to make her own decisions, and only by getting into the main class will she proof her own worth. Now the events of TSMP play out as shown to us in the game but, you know actually show them instead of just doing those stupid cuts and having fuyuhiko and Peko look a little angry after finding out the news.
This should be the driving point for several characters falling into despair. Fuyuhiko believes that it's his fault Natsumi was killed, if he hadn't pushed her so hard, she wouldn't have tried to kill Mahiru. Peko is overcome with shame and guilt, knowing that her interference caused Natsumi's actions, but is unable to admit any of this to Fuyuhiko. Mahiru is grieving that she couldn't protect Sato and now the 77-B reactions after TSMP should be more despairful as they are reacting to losing a fellow classmate. Finally, Hajime signs up for the Kamakura project having lost his only lifeline, the one person who could have kept him from despair, he blames himself for everything that happens and believes that he needs to gain talent in order to be someone.
I thought of all of this in like 30 minutes while bored at work and think it's way more compelling and tragic than what we actually got. What do ya think? Do I need an ego check or do you agree this would've been a better direction for the story?