u/_great_Gonzo

(24M) I was never able to take life easy, because i was always receiving a hell of pressure from everybody. My dad was always criticizing and reprehending me for everything, so i grew up as an insecure wretch. And of course he still criticizes me for being an insecure wretch and don't being "man enough".

My head is a torture chamber and to every place i go, be it work environment or school, i carry this heavy burden, and trying to be good doesn't help shit. I'll get criticized anyway. When i get criticized, i feel like shit, bc i'm really trying to do the right things.

Some people say "just let it go", but i tried to do that, and it wasn't good hahaha things got really messed up. When i did that i end up flunking at two subjects at college. So i don't think it is just that.

Some people get things easily and they don't even care abou what they're getting. I slightly envy them. That's why i came to ask, how can we let go the idea of being perfect? When you grow up being criticized by your father like that, it is hard to believe in yourself again.

(24H) Eu sou um cara bem NPC nas minhas vestimentas msm. Sepre fui low profile e o próprio processo de ter que ficar escolhendo as roupas ,estudando o que vestir , já me dá vontade de tirar um cochilo de meia hora kkkk uso basicamente as mesmas cores por conta disso. Pra ocasiões formais, uso uma calça jeans e uma camiseta/camisa social na cor verde ou marrom, que são as cores que eu gosto. Pra fazer exercícios só uso shorts e uma camiseta qualquer, já que vou desgastar msm.

Eu sei ,extremamente básico kkkk e queria mudar isso, afinal me sinto sem personalidade e sem sal dessa forma. Gostaria de umas dicas pra incrementar. Afinal é um erro ignorar o papel que a vestimenta tem na sua vida, a forma como vc se expressa. Não tem nada que eu goste tanto a ponto de incorporar na minha vestimenta e mostrar pro mundo, como os metaleiros e os grunges que imitam os estilos de seus artistas. Eu gosto muito de literatura clássica, mas não é por isso que vou sair por aí usando cartola, paletó e bengala , iguais os personagens dos livros kkkkk quando eu era adolescente, usava camisetas geek. Hj já não dá, daria um puta visual de perdedor. Pelo menos esse senso eu tenho.

Enfim, gostaria de umas dicas pra encontrar meu estilo e ser fiel a ele, de sites que possamos comparar, etc.

(24M) I always had this problem on being called dumb, and when i was younger i sucked at playing chess with my friends. I have a hard time visualizing the moves of the enemy. They always won, mostly due because i couldn't plan properly. Then they called me dumb, stupid, monkey... . Im my defense, i only played once every blue moon, so i've never studied chess in fact, i was just randomly playing. I don't if they had studied chess or were just naturally good/intelligent.

I don't think i'm dumb, tbh. But i lack practical skills. I'm excellent on more theoretical subjects, but i suck at math and numbers, for example. I take an extra time to understand the process.

(24M) I always had this problem on being called dumb, and when i was younger i sucked at playing chess with my friends. I have a hard time visualizing the moves of the enemy. They always won, mostly due because i couldn't plan properly. Then they called me dumb, stupid, monkey... . Im my defense, i only played once every blue moon, so i've never studied chess in fact, i was just randomly playing. I don't if they had studied chess or were just naturally good/intelligent.

I don't think i'm dumb, tbh. But i lack practical skills. I'm excellent on more theoretical subjects, but i suck at math and numbers, for example. I take an extra time to understand the process.

Most of the times when i try to joke or be witty, people think i'm talking seriously.I admit it may be my fault, because of my tone of voice. My voice is low pitched, so it seems kinda serious naturally. I'll give some examples:

Once me and some colleagues were joking about the several Eucalyptus plantations of our countries. One of them said his city never had any. I joked " It is perhaps bc they don't like Wrigley's". He then started those" well, actually not, it is because..." kind of lectures. It is joke, hooplehead.

Or when my friend were said that her cat was meowing way to much to her lately, and she couldn't understand why. I said " so i think you need to teach it how to write". She looked to me like i was crazy, and said "No, it is jot possible! How could i? ". Really?

Seriously, for me it is tiresome and frustrating to explain it was a joke. It seems like people have no sense of humor anymore. Like i said, perhaps it is the way i'm saying. I usually say normally, not laughing nor too serious, just normally. But i feel so dull, awkward and unfunny. I would like to know if it happened to you before.

(24H) Já tive muitos amigos que faziam bullying comigo no ensino médio. Achei que isso iria mudar quando eu virasse adulto, mas não mudou. A geração Z parece que não superou a adolescência nesse ponto, e todo mundo continua o mesmo babaca que era no ensino médio. Minha chefe no trabalho disse que eu precisava ser mais sociável, mas quando eu tentava socializar com meus colegas era muito zoado, simplesmente por ser diferente. Resumo: sangrei na frente dos tubarões.

Nessas ocasiões, pra não causar treta, eu simplesmente evitava eles. Fala "bom dia" "boa tarde" " bom fim de semana". Quando me chamavam pra algum happy hour, não ia. Provavelmente foi isso que me fez ser demitido kkkkkk

O lance é que fiquei muito decepcionado e fiquei machucado. Isso não teria acontecido se eu não fosse tivesse imposto limites logo de cara. Por ocasiões como essa que acaba me fechando e me tornando um cara amargo. As vezes que eu me impus saí como vilão da história. Eu nunca aprendi a ser babaca, e pra mim isso não é exatamente o certo, msm que eu odeie a pessoa com tds as forças. Queria aprender umas dicas de dar um chega pra lá em pessoas folgadas e babacas, como as que eu enfrentei, sem ser mal educado ou causar uma cena.

(24M) This is one the things i hate the most about myself. A lot of friend groups in entered on my teenage years were composed by bullies, and i was always the target for being "different " from them. Same in the workplace. I was called autistic, freak, monkey, a lot of stuff in a joking way, but it really offended me. Nowadays, i have ZERO tolerance for that.

I hate i became a person that cannot take jokes, and fear becoming a bitter man.

Whenever someone calls me some of that bad words, i get into a Rambo- like CPTSD, and i just abandon the person. I still got traumatised when someone laugh like a hyena at something i do.

Like, at work, when i was saying to a coworker that i dropped out computer science course bc i discovered i'm not good at math and logics, she laughed hard and said : " Oh i see, these are areas you need to think fast, you are kinda slow, you wouldn't adapt". I got angry at her and stopped talking. Seriously, who do you think you are?

My therapist said i get easily offended because i'm on the victim mindset, and that i might be overreacting the interactions, that didn't mean to harm me. Example, i cannot take friendships where people roast each other. I'm sorry ,but for me it is immature when i don't like and the other person keep doing this, since i'm not a teenager anymore.

(24M) Funny story there. On January i begin to work on a retail drugstore. It wasn't my first choice,but i wanted to work. I didn't know what was there.

Long story short, a terrible job and environment overall. The customer service was tough, but it was the easy part hahaha a bitter manager that loved micromanaging; slow computers that never worked properly; lots of functions and needed to do it all fast, including doing the cleaning. Then, to worsen it all , appeared a horrid sewer smell at our kitchen. I didn't know where it came from, if it was from the drain or the sink. But the stink only increased, day by day. We didn't have any cleaning products, since the manager said he couldn't buy anything new and to do what we could. We tried to simply wash the kitchen and the drain with water, but the stink just increased. We also didn't have nothing to cover the drain. I wasn't the only one complaining. Everyone who entered the kitchen would scream "OMG what stink!". The kitchen we had the meals.

All this mess was tiring me, i just wanted to get the hell out of the place, but i was just 1 month in. I thought i should be a man and face it. Then, some days after, i arrived and felt that horrid swamp stench before arriving at the balcony. The place got a medieval perfume. Then, to worse all that, a colleague had eaten fried fish at the kitchen, and since the place was totally closed, with no windows or ventilation, the place was stinking 10x more! The smell of fish mixed with the sewer smell and formed a Super Sayajin.

I couldn't take it anymore. At my lunch time, i write my quitting letter. With effort, i could stand our bitter and controlling manager, the spoiled customers. But i just cannot face the stink. That's why civilization created perfume, deodorant, cleaning products. It was a dumb decision, i wont deny, since i had not aligned, and i keep unemployed. But it was not worth the effort to work right at a place that clearly didn't respect the employees.

I"ve found a bunch of people who did that through my life, since high school. They were just like the Trolls on the Internet. Always wanting to cause nuisance on others that did nothing to them. Even being a teenager, and knowing we were all stupid, i could see they were not doing that just out of stupidity or just kidding. I might my overreacting, but a lot of them seemed to enjoy causing pain. Studying in a particular school, there would be a lot of spoiled and psycopath rich kids.

Like, a short boy that was all the time causing troubles, like kicking others, slapping people's but, throwing pencils and erasers on others; when he was confronted physically, he would start to cry, moan and would tell the teacher he was being bullied. He also enjoyed to spread rumors about others. I discovered another day he became a preacher.

(24M) I yearn to get better at socializing. I don't think i have poor social skills but i need to get better, bc i overthink too much while in group settings and i'm often misunderstood when i try to joke or speak up. I was bullied lots of times, due my introversion and my way of talking, but i try to forget these negative interactions and heal myself. I always do the right things: asking questions, being engaged, don't interrupting, don't joking too much, don't being negative.

I'm always judging myself during and after social interactions. I'd said some things in the past without thinking, and people bullied and laughed at me. So i cannot be naive and sai whatever i want. It can be used against me.

A lot of people see me as weird bc of my interests and my introversion. I'm okay with it. I won't try to act like a character just to be accepted. I can't be Craig Ferguson. However, i can control myself on being more relaxed and worrying less, in order to be more charismatic.

(24M) I yearn to get better at socializing. I don't think i have poor social skills but i need to get better, bc i overthink too much while in group settings and i'm often misunderstood when i try to joke or speak up. I was bullied lots of times, due my introversion and my way of talking, but i try to forget these negative interactions and heal myself. I always do the right things: asking questions, being engaged, don't interrupting, don't joking too much, don't being negative.

I never had success with dating though, i feel there is something missing on my social skills. Be it more bold, charismatic, energetic. I'm often way too gentle.

A lot of people see me as weird bc of my interests and my introversion. I'm okay with it. I won't try to act like a character just to be accepted. I can't be Craig Ferguson. However, i can control myself on being more relaxed and worrying less, in order to be more charismatic.

(24M) I yearn to get better at socializing. I don't think i have poor social skills but i need to get better, bc i overthink too much while in group settings and i'm often misunderstood when i try to joke or speak up. I always do the right things: asking questions, being engaged, don't interrupting, don't joking too much...

A lot of people see me as weird bc of my interests and my introversion. I'm okay with it. I won't try to act like a character just to be accepted. I won't be Craig Ferguson. However, i can control myself on being more charismatic

(24H) Sou autista nível 1 e pra mim grego é mais fácil que flertes kkkkk é algo que não entendo msm, eu não consigo ler muito bem as expressões faciais nem linguagem não verbal. É algo que n vem de forma natural pra mim. Entre amigos e pessoas que conhecemos não tem dificuldade, pq a pessoa já se torna previsível, por assim dizer.

Mas para um encontro romântico é beeem diferente, e fui descobrindo isso depois de erros. Antes achava que era basicamente fazer o básico. Não ser uma porta durante a interação, conversar e dialogar de vdd, fazer algumas piadas e brincadeiras ( mas não em excesso), evitar assuntos chatos, fazer elogios, nao ser babaca. Enfim, uma interação normal de pessoas civilizadas. Com isso eu nunca tive dificuldade. O que complica é que isso nunca me deu resultado no campo dos relacionamentos kkk e talvez seja por conta dessa minha inaptidão em ler e fazer "sutilezas".

Sempre que leio essas tais "dicas de sedução", sempre com uma imagem do James Bond ou do Don Draper no fundo, fico zonzo de tão complicado, pra mim é uma idioma de outro mundo. Além de parecer furado, na minha opinião. Fico imaginando que se precisasse seguir aquilo à risca, a espécie humana tava era extinta. É muito cálculo e agnt fica se sentindo um general planejando uma batalha. Se eu fosse imitar tudo aquilo, ficaria esquisito ,artificial e cansativo. Brincadeiras à parte, gostaria de umas dicas de flertes, pra deixar de ser lerdão e não voltar a repetir os erros.

(24H) É algo que antes eu nem pensaria em fazer kkkk sempre fui muito reservado e achava que seria inconveniente. Porém o fato de ser comportado dmais faz com que eu não me arrisque e fique sozinho. À medida que fui saindo mais de casa, vi que preciso me arriscar mais e ser mais ousado. Lógico que com respeito e cautela, coisas que já tenho. O primeiro sinal de que não tá curtindo, já me mando.

Sei que muitos caras que fazem isso são mal educados e inconvenientes, e isso torna qualquer interação desagradável. Pode parecer meio creepy, mas no meu dia a dia, volta e meia vejo alguma mulher que me atrai por aí, seja numa livraria,no shopping, passeando no parque, fazendo exercício. Não é pela aparência, é pela vibe. Penso " Essa pessoa faz o meu tipo, e adoraria conhecê-la ". Mas daí eu me acovardo kkkk principalmente se a pessoa tá fazendo outra coisa.

Hj em dia é até raro as pessoas socializarem na rua. A maioria tá colada o tempo todo no celular, com cara de cu, ou de fone, e não dá ânimo de se aproximar. Por isso é tão confuso pra mim quando me aproximar(vindo de alguém que não sabe flertar e tem dificuldade com linguagem não verbal). Então vim perguntar, vcs gostam de ser abordadas fora de casa ? Como fazsr isso de um jeito que não as assuste? Desconsiderando os sujeitos creepys, é claro.

(24M) Most people out there would consider me a loser, for several reasons. For being virgin, for being unemployed for a while. That's fair, but i'm sure it is temporary and will pass. After a sequence of not so cool things happening to me( laid off by my company, rejected, quit my terrible and no perspective dead end job) it is hard to mantain the confidence. I'm trying to keep my head up. Even anxious and worried all the time, because i don't know it has been difficult to get a job on my area (graduated 2 months ago in Pharmacy).

I try to keep myself busy with my hobbies. I actually leave home for a little while to take a walk at the park , to play Pickleball, to go out with a club i just entered, to tech school. From all of the said good habits, i just don't go to the gym, because i really cannot like all the stuff of lifting weights and the environment. But a lot of my time has passed, and most of the people of my age and newer are miles ahead of me. Everything going right for them, all things succeeding. While i'm just trying to live on the present and don't think on the future...

It kills my confidence and it weigh so bad at my back.

I have some things i'm proud of myself, like reading and writing, that i love and couldn't live without. But i cannot help but feel a loser and i'm behind. How to overcome this feeling?

(24M) Tbh, a lot of things happened to me these last 6 years, after i became an adult. I was constantly worried about the future, and the pressure coming from my family and siblings. Studies, internship, work, hobbies. I took long to process the changes. So my dating life got kinda neglected, since it was far from a priority at the moment hahahaha i actually had 5 atempts . I made the moves but they went nowhere. Just to be clear, i'm not ashamed of never getting laid, but i'm frustrated about never being chosen and never being able to cuddle someone. Sometimes i got desperate thinking about how will i succeed.

I'm not an incel nor a guy that never leaves the room. I actually leave home a little( cardio at the park, going to Pickleball, tech school), and after years of being bullied by a friend group, i've finally found my pack. I'm happy than ever about this small but good progress. I'm not that socially awkward anymore. I actually have some tiny little things i'm proud of doing, like reading and writing, and if i could choose between just getting laid with a random woman i dunno or being at home doing my stuff, i would honestly choose the second hahahahaha

So i'm not that sad but i'm worried of coming across as a virgin, and letting my shame jeopardize my opportunities. I'm not that young more, but i don't wanna give up.

Of course it is normal for teenagers and young people till 20 yo , but beyond that age i think it is just awkward, immature and screams lack of imagination for me. However, 99% of the adult people i know are like that, even people on their 30s. Even being really common, i don't think it is normal. I mean, i'm not against humor, by the contrary. I' m a laughing stock and laugh even at the wind.

It is thing if you find these sexual innuendos funny, watch The Office and Superbad at your home and find it funny, no judgement at all. But is very inconvenient if you try to crack these jokes all the time when you're out, in serious or normal situations. At my workplace, people were totally clueless and would make a joke about every little thing. Example, when a friend says " i'll show you a ring i bought" and the joker says " Hmmmmm you'll show me your ring? Things are getting closer here hehehehe"

Or " I'll open that" " Hmmmm you'll open hehehehe"

Or " can i prove your milk-shake? " " Oh boys he want to suck my stuff huhuhuhu"

I mean, bro, what is your problem? Didn't you overcome your childhood/teenage years? Do you think you're Michael Scott? I used to joke like that too when i was 14, 15 yo, but i grew up....

If you want to crack jokes, you should try to be more creative. Also, people who do it excessively usually find unfunny every type of more subtle or dry humor, and when you show them Snatch, or The Dictator, they just blank stare at you and say it was boring and unfunny. But i'm just trying to relief the tension" if you're trying to relief the tension everywhere and with everyone, there is something wrong....