ik i dont really belong here but i seriously need some advice

im 18 and my parents are in their forties and lately i feel like ive completely failed as a son

long story short, today my mum was using my phone to order something and a google photos memories notification came up, there was a video of me smoking a cigarette and drinking alcohol, it was my first time doing both and stupid me recorded it, but i have smoked and drank a few times after that too

the timing made everything worse because i already failed 2 subjects in class 12 this year and got very low marks in jee and other competitive exams, so now i have to repeat the whole year

when my result came in may my parents were completely shattered, specially my mum, she cried for 2 days straight, they knew i was going to get bad marks but they didnt expect that i would actually fail

they spent around 5 lakhs on my school and jee coaching in class 11th and 12th, my mum even left her job and is sitting at home now, and they are spending another 1 lakh on a home tutor for me this year

i feel really bad about all of this

i wasnt always like this, before covid i was actually a bright student, i used to draw, play different sports and was much more active, but after covid something changed in me and my behaviour completely changed, my parents thought i might have some mental issue and even took me to a psychiatrist when i was in class 10th, although it was only for a week

ive never really demanded anything from my parents, even if i asked for something and they said no i used to be fine with it, but the last 2 years have mostly been me staying at home, going to coaching and studying, or at least trying to study, i barely went out with friends

i kept thinking that after jee and all the competitive exams were over i would finally enjoy my life and be free

but now everything feels even worse

all my friends are getting into colleges and enjoying their lives while im sitting at home and repeating the year, im happy for them but its hard not to compare myself with them

i dont talk much to my parents anymore, im so embarrassed about everything that even wishing them on their birthdays feels weird, i dont know how to talk to them normally now

the worst part is that i know they have spent so much money and made so many sacrifices for me, and i feel like ive given them nothing in return

ive been struggling really badly mentally and have had some very scary thoughts, but every time i reach that point i still think maybe i should give it one more try

so im trying to hold on to that

i dont really know what im expecting from this post, i just want to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, how do you recover after messing up this badly, how do you stop feeling like a disappointment to your parents and how do you start rebuilding your relationship with them

any honest advice would mean a lot

TLDR: I’m 18, failed 2 subjects in Class 12 and did badly in JEE, so I’m repeating the year while my friends are going to college. My parents spent ₹5 lakh+ on my education and are spending another ₹1 lakh on a tutor, and my mom even left her job. On top of that, she recently found a video of me smoking and drinking. I feel like I’ve wasted their sacrifices, barely talk to them anymore, and don’t know how to fix things.

My dad need a car upto 10L he seems to like brezza and nexon icng (bcs of efficiency)alot but nline seems a better option than that.... But I've heard mileage is not that good

idk i jus feel stuck at home currently in gap year gonna join clg nxt year

any other recommendations

1.5 SX (O) Turbo Petrol DCT Petrol

11,908 Km

Warranty included

ADDITIONAL VEHICLE INFORMATION:

Make Month: February

Color: White

Insurance Type: Comprehensive

Registration Place: MH

Service History: Not Available

Vehicle Certified: Yes

Accidental: No

Finance: Yes

Exchange: Yes

Automatic

tata nexon (2024)

Fearless Plus S Purple 1.2 Revotron Petrol 7DCA Dual Tone

Petrol

11,566 Km

Automatic

Warranty included

Flexible car ownership with Buyback

Buying a car with Spinny ensures you drive confidently in a high quality, certified used car with complete peace of mind

ADDITIONAL VEHICLE INFORMATION:

Make Month: February

Color: Other

Insurance Type: Comprehensive

Registration Place: MH

Service History: Not Available

Vehicle Certified: Yes

Accidental: No

Finance: Yes

Exchange: Yes

idt there's much difference in power to weigh ratio of both machines

when will cbse release the form?

vau and kuashal

In 2009, Yogita Thakre, the minor daughter of a domestic worker employed at Nitin Gadkari’s residence, used to accompany her mother to work and was often left inside the house while her mother worked.

On one such day, when her mother returned to take her home, she was told by a peon that Yogita was “in a car.” When the mother rushed to the car, she alleged she found her daughter’s body with severe internal and external injuries and signs of sexual assault. She was 7 years old . She was r@ped .

Her mother further alleged that Nitin Gadkari’s PA and son were present at the spot and threatened her against approaching the police. Despite her filing a complaint, the FIR reportedly did not name those she accused. Even the number plate of that car was changed .

CID later gave a clean chit, and the Supreme Court dismissed the case as baseless. No detailed investigation. No accountability. Only power shielding power, and a grieving mother left without justice.