u/crashboxer1678

My husband and I (31M/31NB) are throwing a housewarming party that was my idea. It’s the night before, I’m freaking out about whether I have enough stuff/food/alcohol, and it’s been giving me anxiety for weeks that the party won’t be good enough. Now that it’s humid and raining in my area, the forecast for tomorrow isn’t looking any better and I don’t know if the 20 people I invited are even going to come.

I started planning this party 2 months ago, and I told my husband that despite the hard work, I wanted to have a fun time with my close friends and show them our lovely new home. But now I keep obsessing over the cracks in the drywall being obvious, or our stuff and our lives being boring to our guests, or the posters in the basement not matching each other, or that I won’t have enough food (or inversely, too much food and won’t be able to get rid of it all).

I spent $200-$250 on decor and food ingredients, and $120 on alcohol. I wanted our house to look cozy and lived in, and for 20 people to have more than enough to eat. I just have the obsessive and reoccurring thought that nothing I do will be good enough, that no one will show up because of the rain and/or that I’m too boring and my friends will leave. My husband says that tomorrow is going to go just fine, but I can’t relax or enjoy anything.

Edit: The party went off without a hitch! Everyone loved our food and we all played games and listened to music. It didn’t even rain! I’m so glad I didn’t have a reason to be nervous, and thank you all for helping calm my fears.

My husband and I (31M/31NB) are throwing a housewarming party that was my idea. It’s the night before, I’m freaking out about whether I have enough stuff/food/alcohol, and it’s been giving me anxiety for weeks that the party won’t be good enough. Now that it’s humid and raining in my area, the forecast for tomorrow isn’t looking any better and I don’t know if the 20 people I invited are even going to come.

I started planning this party 2 months ago, and I told my husband that despite the hard work, I wanted to have a fun time with my close friends and show them our lovely new home. But now I keep obsessing over the cracks in the drywall being obvious, or our stuff and our lives being boring to our guests, or the posters in the basement not matching each other, or that I won’t have enough food (or inversely, too much food and won’t be able to get rid of it all).

I spent $200-$250 on decor and food ingredients, and $120 on alcohol. I wanted our house to look cozy and lived in, and for 20 people to have more than enough to eat. I just have the obsessive and reoccurring thought that nothing I do will be good enough, that no one will show up because of the rain and/or that I’m too boring and my friends will leave. My husband says that tomorrow is going to go just fine, but I can’t relax or enjoy anything.

I got married last July 4th weekend and went on an immediate apology tour in the months afterwards. I was having a bipolar episode and not acting like myself, but that’s no excuse for how I treated my friends and family. Now I’m obsessing over the fact that I’ll live with this regretful behavior/memory for the rest of my life. (I’ve watched the wedding videos over and over to study the faces of my bridal party, any signs of depression or distress.)

In short I:

- criticized and micromanaged the choice of fabric my bridesmaids wore, became obsessed with them matching exactly, got the wrong lining for sewn outfits and stated no less than 10 times that “we all need to look good” (whatever that means)

- caused my sister in law to scream in my face that I needed to “shut the fuck up” before our traditional ceremony, because I was complaining that I couldn’t pick up trash near my feet

- yelled at my mother in law over the phone within earshot of our best man/her metaphorical son

- got upset when my bridesmaids who live out of state couldn’t come in-state for a bachelorette party, and commented that I wished I was celebrated more as a bride (+ got jealous when my husband went off on a bachelor party weekend to Busch Gardens)

- ranted to my dad that he was getting in the way of the cameras as he stood in front taking cell phone pictures

- ranted loudly that the music at the traditional reception was way too loud and hurting my ears

- blew off the reception with my husband for 30 minutes without telling anyone where we went (most people understandably left)

- freaked out as my MOH sister sped, driving to our eventual bachelorette activity. I was panicking because she was going too fast and I wanted to go home. The venue was expensive ($400-$600 axe throwing) and we couldn’t cancel. It led to an argument with her.

- caused one of my bridesmaids to storm out of a Starbucks when she recounted how stressed and sad I was making everyone

- held onto this obsessive rumination for a year and stopped myself from enjoying a year of marriage, making my husband weary in the process.

Part of me feels like if I punish myself enough, I can forgive myself. I wrote and sent out thank you gifts and apology letters to everyone I affected, but it still haunts me and I can’t sleep at night.

I lost a friend. A former bridesmaid who quit, and I’ll never be able to apologize to her because I’m blocked from Reddit to LinkedIn. I wish I could turn back time and cancel the wedding (my husband asked if we should cancel and take me to the hospital the night before, and I said absolutely not from everyone coming in).

I (31NB) woke up and held my husband because I was shaking. Last night I had such a vivid dream and now I feel so depressed.

I was in my mom’s house, and she was yelling at me to get ready for school. I said I didn’t want to go, and she slapped me hard across the face. I left my bedroom and went to the kitchen.

I said I wanted to spend time with my friends and not her, and she grabbed my ear and twisted it hard, yelling at me.

She asked me to pass her something and for whatever reason, I threw it to her over the kitchen island. She charged at me, hitting me over and over on my body with her bare hands.

All of this was just a shock when I woke up. I felt ill, I feel so depressed and it’s hard to get up this morning. I think the worst part of it all is that I feel like I deserved her abuse (both in the dream and IRL) because I was stupid and pissed her off. It’s all my fault.

(I woke up and remembered when I was 5, I was late to school and she was driving me. She asked me to direct her to my school and I was only 5, I didn’t know. She said I had 10 seconds to give her directions or there would be hell to pay. I was crying and I just didn’t know. She reached back and pinched and scratched at one of my legs, drawing blood. She was yelling, she was scary, she was unsafe.)

I don’t feel safe now. This makes me feel so bereft.

I (31NB) have blocked Mom (61F) as of 2 weeks ago, but I’m on the fence because I’m the only person she’ll allow near her. She is a physician, and she drives me nuts. We’re in the States.

She’s not in her right mind (untreated PPD manifesting into religious paranoia) and she makes terrible financial decisions - currently has -$350 in her checking account that she uses for bills. Her house (and its maintenance) is too big and expensive for just her and 2 cats. She had to borrow thousands of dollars from friends and family to stay afloat whenever the end of the pay period comes around, because she usually overdrafts.

\* I would occasionally go and check on the cats and her AC/HVAC system is broken; it’s 88-90 degrees F in the house. Home warranty company says it will cost $5k for a new one, which she doesn’t have.

\* She was behind on her electric bill last year, and they shut off her power in September. So from September to early December of last year, she didn’t have power. (my sister and I paid the past due balance of $3,000 to have it restored, when my sister is a med student who doesn’t have much money.) Her basement flooded, as it’s prone to do, and the entire place was covered in mold. My husband and I had to pay $14,000 of our own money to pay the remediation company, owned by a family friend.

\* She was a transplant patient in 2013 and has taken anti-rejection medication since. One month in 2023 she decided not to based on “faith healing” (“Jesus took my sickness on the cross, Jesus didn’t have transplant meds and neither do I”) and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. The medical team tried to convince her to take her medication, but she said that she didn’t want to “claim the medication as hers”. Medical team kept asking me and my younger sister if she would take her meds if we let them discharge her. I wasn’t convinced, and my sister had to drive down from medical school just to berate Mom in the hospital into listening.

\* anytime that my sister and I have any physical sickness, she will claim that we don’t have it, and not listen to our needs when we say that we don’t feel well. She herself refuses to go to her physician for a check up, and hasn’t been in over a year. Her physician is our family friend, and I convinced him to do a house call on her because she refuses to come in.

\* she got in trouble at work for using faith healing on her patients instead of doing her job.

\* recently, I suffered a pregnancy loss. It was my first pregnancy, and she denied that it was happening. She said that I have to state out loud that it’s not happening so that it won’t happen. Everyone else in my life has given me sympathy and understanding, and she’s just giving me denial.

After this last event, I decided to block her. She went over to my mother-in-law’s house, looking for me, and she was surprised that I hadn’t talked to her in a week. She called my husband, who told her that I was feeling overwhelmed and needed some space.

She’s the kind of person who will call several times a day to check up on me, and while I don’t disagree with the idea of a mother checking up on their child, she just does it to an unhelpful degree.

I admit, ghosting her probably caused a panic attack and I didn’t want to do that. I can apologize for that, but I really really don’t want her in my life right now.

That being said, she needs a check up. She has occasional coughs and headaches and just tries to pray them away and pretend there’s no problem. I convinced our family friend to make that house call, and I think he wanted me to go with him to her house. I don’t know if I should, I don’t want to, but I don’t see another way to get this done if I don’t.

I (31NB) have blocked Mom (61F) and I’m on the fence because I’m the only person she’ll allow near her. She is a physician, and she drives me nuts. We’re in the States.

She’s not in her right mind (untreated PPD manifesting into religious paranoia) and she makes terrible financial decisions - currently has -$350 in her checking account that she uses for bills. Her house (and its maintenance) is too big and expensive for just her and 2 cats. She had to borrow thousands of dollars from friends and family to stay afloat whenever the end of the pay period comes around, because she usually overdrafts.

* I would occasionally go and check on the cats and her AC/HVAC system is broken; it’s 88-90 degrees F in the house. Home warranty company says it will cost $5k for a new one, which she doesn’t have.

* She was behind on her electric bill last year, and they shut off her power in September. So from September to early December of last year, she didn’t have power. (my sister and I paid the past due balance of $3,000 to have it restored, when my sister is a med student who doesn’t have much money.) Her basement flooded, as it’s prone to do, and the entire place was covered in mold. My husband and I had to pay $14,000 of our own money to pay the remediation company, owned by a family friend.

* She was a transplant patient in 2013 and has taken anti-rejection medication since. One month in 2023 she decided not to based on “faith healing” (“Jesus took my sickness on the cross, Jesus didn’t have transplant meds and neither do I”) and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. The medical team tried to convince her to take her medication, but she said that she didn’t want to “claim the medication as hers”. Medical team kept asking me and my younger sister if she would take her meds if we let them discharge her. I wasn’t convinced, and my sister had to drive down from medical school just to berate Mom in the hospital into listening.

* anytime that my sister and I have any physical sickness, she will claim that we don’t have it, and not listen to our needs when we say that we don’t feel well. She herself refuses to go to her physician for a check up, and hasn’t been in over a year. Her physician is our family friend, and I convinced him to do a house call on her because she refuses to come in.

* she got in trouble at work for using faith healing on her patients instead of doing her job.

* recently, I suffered a pregnancy loss. It was my first pregnancy, and she denied that it was happening. She said that I have to state out loud that it’s not happening so that it won’t happen. Everyone else in my life has given me sympathy and understanding, and she’s just giving me denial.

After this last event, I decided to block her. She went over to my mother-in-law’s house, looking for me, and she was surprised that I hadn’t talked to her in a week. She called my husband, who told her that I was feeling overwhelmed and needed some space.

She’s the kind of person who will call several times a day to check up on me, and while I don’t disagree with the idea of a mother checking up on their child, she just does it to an unhelpful degree.

I admit, ghosting her probably caused a panic attack and I didn’t want to do that. I can apologize for that, but I really really don’t want her in my life right now.

That being said, she needs a check up. She has occasional coughs and headaches and just tries to pray them away and pretend there’s no problem. I convinced our family friend to make that house call, and I think he wanted me to go with him to her house. I don’t know if I should, I don’t want to, but I don’t see another way to get this done if I don’t.

I (31NB, Maryland) just found out I was pregnant yesterday. According to my cycle tracker, I’m four weeks along. And this was confirmed at urgent care by a blood test. This is my first pregnancy, and I’m feeling tense and emotional at the news.

On one hand, I want to take advantage of the opportunity, because I thought that I can’t have kids due to the cocktail of psychiatric medications I am on. I thought my weight would be a factor (188 at 5’4”). But knowing that I can get pregnant and my body is working just fine, I feel emboldened. I feel encouraged that I can actually continue this family. Mostly, I just grieve the opportunity and the loss of life (even though I’m pro-choice). Our child could’ve gone on to be one of the greatest people imaginable, and I’m going to start spiraling into depressed thoughts of what could’ve been.

On the other, I don’t have everything set up. My husband (31M) is so supportive of whatever I decide to do, but he’s scared. He’s scared of layoffs at his government job. I don’t know how this affects my work as an asbestos/lead/mold inspector, whether I can do anything at all or I’m just a seat filler in the office for nine months. We don’t know how expensive having a child is. We literally just signed the deed to our new house two months ago. This is our first time living on our own, and we just want more time to be together and learn about our lives together.

I feel so conflicted, and really sad. I’m mostly tired (going to work at 4 AM, driving a two hour commute, eating sparingly to avoid morning sickness) and I can’t cope with anything right now. Fortunately, my mother-in-law has offered to take me to any appointments I need, and she 100% supports our decision, whatever we decide to do. The first person we told outside of us was my sister, who is a med student. I know she has reservations about abortion given her religion, but she can be impartial when it comes to medical things.

I’m grieving what could’ve been. I’m going to sob at the eight week sonogram if I hear its little heartbeat. If I decide to go through with it, I’ll be grieving the time alone with my husband that I would have spent growing together as people. I told my husband that it’s picking the lesser of two evils, and both choices involve regret. But I know I don’t have all my ducks in a row. I’m not ready, he’s not ready, we are not ready.

Just any support would be nice. Thank you for this community and helping me not feel alone.

Happy Pride, everyone. 🏳️‍🌈

I came out this morning, and I’m super excited/nervous, because my gender identity and bisexuality are new for me to express outwardly.

In general, I feel like my accepting loved ones will welcome the change in pronouns, but I want to make the idea easier for people to understand. How do I go about this best? Thank you so much.

I (31NB) got married last July 4th weekend but this still bothers me.

I got engaged July 2024 and spent a year wedding planning. First thing I planned out were my bridesmaids, AKA my sister and my best friends. I asked my bridesmaids in a cute handmade card way and they all said yes.

This bridesmaid in particular (“A”) was one of the first to agree. She lives in a different state and I never asked her or the others to do extensive travel. A was also the only Muslim woman in my bridal party, and I told her whatever accommodations she wanted, I would make sure of (I.e. a halal menu for her and other guests, a designed hijab to match her formal dress, etc.)

One notable thing about our festivities was that my culture holds a traditional wedding and an American one later. I asked the girls if they would be comfortable having traditional outfits sewn, but I asked that they pay for it. If they couldn’t, my fiancé and I would have paid. Same with the formal style of dresses for the American wedding. The girls had no problem with this, and were confused that I was paying for their hair and makeup, for instance. None of them said they had any problem with clothes being sewn. A is actually from my culture so she knew what the clothing would be like.

A asked if she could have the material for the clothing sent to her so she could have her own outfit sewn here in the States. This was in February, about 5 months before the wedding. (The fabric and sewn dresses were stuck in limbo due to tariffs, but that was another headache altogether.)

While we wait for the fabric, in early March A texts me and says she wants to talk. I say of course, and she tells me on the phone that she wants to step down from the wedding because of her mental health. She also feels slightly nervous about being in a Christian wedding (I’m not Christian but my mom is), no matter how many changes I wanted to make to incorporate her. I’m stressed and really sad about the decision (“she’s my best friend, I wanted to do this together, she already bought the fabric, now the bridal party is uneven…”) but I don’t mention this. I tell her I’m not mad, I’m just glad she was able to tell me the truth and that I want her to be happy. So, she’s a guest.

Fast forward to the week of the wedding, and I think this is where I messed up? A texts me and says that she’s driving down for the wedding, but she’s bringing a plus one that she never told me about because she wants company for the 5 hour drive. I worked for weeks on the seating chart by myself, and I didn’t have a place to put her sudden plus one, so I told her this via text. I told her I was frustrated and didn’t want her plus one to sit with people she doesn’t know, so if one of my guests didn’t show up, she could go there. I clearly wasn’t happy, so my friend said “it’s not that serious, she doesn’t have to come”. I said ok, I thought that was that.

Then, 2 days before the wedding, A texts me again and says she’s not coming to the wedding at all. She Zelle’s me $500 and sends a loving text, but at this point, I’m hurt.

We have both weddings, I have a mental health episode, I text her checking on her before I go to the hospital, and no response.

I get out of the hospital, no response.

I text her again 2 months later to check on her, no response. I’ve also been blocked on Facebook and Instagram.

I try one last time this February to text her and see what’s up, no response.

So, at this point I don’t know what I’ve done and this clearly can’t be fixed. I’m at a loss.

TLDR: Bridesmaid bought cloth for her traditional wedding outfit, stepped down, tried to bring a plus one and I got mildly upset, decided not to come to the wedding and has ghosted me since last July. What did I do wrong?

Edit: I had known A since grad school in 2018. I was there when she divorced her violent husband and helped support her/keep her safe. We had a great friendship that was strained by distance, true, but she loved my IG post honoring her as one of the bridesmaids for Valentine’s Day.

Edit 2: When I got engaged, I asked all my bridesmaids in a very sentimental way: I made handmade laminated cards for each of them that included when we first became friends, a favorite memory I had of our friendship, and a note asking if they’d stand beside me at the wedding. They all said yes. As bridesmaids gifts, I made crocheted handbags, learned how to sew the lining inside, and bought hairbrushes, mini tumblers and lotions with their name on it. Her bag was the last one I was working on.