u/crashboxer1678

I (31NB, Maryland) just found out I was pregnant yesterday. According to my cycle tracker, I’m four weeks along. And this was confirmed at urgent care by a blood test. This is my first pregnancy, and I’m feeling tense and emotional at the news.

On one hand, I want to take advantage of the opportunity, because I thought that I can’t have kids due to the cocktail of psychiatric medications I am on. I thought my weight would be a factor (188 at 5’4”). But knowing that I can get pregnant and my body is working just fine, I feel emboldened. I feel encouraged that I can actually continue this family. Mostly, I just grieve the opportunity and the loss of life (even though I’m pro-choice). Our child could’ve gone on to be one of the greatest people imaginable, and I’m going to start spiraling into depressed thoughts of what could’ve been.

On the other, I don’t have everything set up. My husband (31M) is so supportive of whatever I decide to do, but he’s scared. He’s scared of layoffs at his government job. I don’t know how this affects my work as an asbestos/lead/mold inspector, whether I can do anything at all or I’m just a seat filler in the office for nine months. We don’t know how expensive having a child is. We literally just signed the deed to our new house two months ago. This is our first time living on our own, and we just want more time to be together and learn about our lives together.

I feel so conflicted, and really sad. I’m mostly tired (going to work at 4 AM, driving a two hour commute, eating sparingly to avoid morning sickness) and I can’t cope with anything right now. Fortunately, my mother-in-law has offered to take me to any appointments I need, and she 100% supports our decision, whatever we decide to do. The first person we told outside of us was my sister, who is a med student. I know she has reservations about abortion given her religion, but she can be impartial when it comes to medical things.

I’m grieving what could’ve been. I’m going to sob at the eight week sonogram if I hear its little heartbeat. If I decide to go through with it, I’ll be grieving the time alone with my husband that I would have spent growing together as people. I told my husband that it’s picking the lesser of two evils, and both choices involve regret. But I know I don’t have all my ducks in a row. I’m not ready, he’s not ready, we are not ready.

Just any support would be nice. Thank you for this community and helping me not feel alone.

Happy Pride, everyone. 🏳️‍🌈

I came out this morning, and I’m super excited/nervous, because my gender identity and bisexuality are new for me to express outwardly.

In general, I feel like my accepting loved ones will welcome the change in pronouns, but I want to make the idea easier for people to understand. How do I go about this best? Thank you so much.

I (31NB) got married last July 4th weekend but this still bothers me.

I got engaged July 2024 and spent a year wedding planning. First thing I planned out were my bridesmaids, AKA my sister and my best friends. I asked my bridesmaids in a cute handmade card way and they all said yes.

This bridesmaid in particular (“A”) was one of the first to agree. She lives in a different state and I never asked her or the others to do extensive travel. A was also the only Muslim woman in my bridal party, and I told her whatever accommodations she wanted, I would make sure of (I.e. a halal menu for her and other guests, a designed hijab to match her formal dress, etc.)

One notable thing about our festivities was that my culture holds a traditional wedding and an American one later. I asked the girls if they would be comfortable having traditional outfits sewn, but I asked that they pay for it. If they couldn’t, my fiancé and I would have paid. Same with the formal style of dresses for the American wedding. The girls had no problem with this, and were confused that I was paying for their hair and makeup, for instance. None of them said they had any problem with clothes being sewn. A is actually from my culture so she knew what the clothing would be like.

A asked if she could have the material for the clothing sent to her so she could have her own outfit sewn here in the States. This was in February, about 5 months before the wedding. (The fabric and sewn dresses were stuck in limbo due to tariffs, but that was another headache altogether.)

While we wait for the fabric, in early March A texts me and says she wants to talk. I say of course, and she tells me on the phone that she wants to step down from the wedding because of her mental health. She also feels slightly nervous about being in a Christian wedding (I’m not Christian but my mom is), no matter how many changes I wanted to make to incorporate her. I’m stressed and really sad about the decision (“she’s my best friend, I wanted to do this together, she already bought the fabric, now the bridal party is uneven…”) but I don’t mention this. I tell her I’m not mad, I’m just glad she was able to tell me the truth and that I want her to be happy. So, she’s a guest.

Fast forward to the week of the wedding, and I think this is where I messed up? A texts me and says that she’s driving down for the wedding, but she’s bringing a plus one that she never told me about because she wants company for the 5 hour drive. I worked for weeks on the seating chart by myself, and I didn’t have a place to put her sudden plus one, so I told her this via text. I told her I was frustrated and didn’t want her plus one to sit with people she doesn’t know, so if one of my guests didn’t show up, she could go there. I clearly wasn’t happy, so my friend said “it’s not that serious, she doesn’t have to come”. I said ok, I thought that was that.

Then, 2 days before the wedding, A texts me again and says she’s not coming to the wedding at all. She Zelle’s me $500 and sends a loving text, but at this point, I’m hurt.

We have both weddings, I have a mental health episode, I text her checking on her before I go to the hospital, and no response.

I get out of the hospital, no response.

I text her again 2 months later to check on her, no response. I’ve also been blocked on Facebook and Instagram.

I try one last time this February to text her and see what’s up, no response.

So, at this point I don’t know what I’ve done and this clearly can’t be fixed. I’m at a loss.

TLDR: Bridesmaid bought cloth for her traditional wedding outfit, stepped down, tried to bring a plus one and I got mildly upset, decided not to come to the wedding and has ghosted me since last July. What did I do wrong?

Edit: I had known A since grad school in 2018. I was there when she divorced her violent husband and helped support her/keep her safe. We had a great friendship that was strained by distance, true, but she loved my IG post honoring her as one of the bridesmaids for Valentine’s Day.

Edit 2: When I got engaged, I asked all my bridesmaids in a very sentimental way: I made handmade laminated cards for each of them that included when we first became friends, a favorite memory I had of our friendship, and a note asking if they’d stand beside me at the wedding. They all said yes. As bridesmaids gifts, I made crocheted handbags, learned how to sew the lining inside, and bought hairbrushes, mini tumblers and lotions with their name on it. Her bag was the last one I was working on.

I (31F) married my lovely husband (30M) over July 4th weekend last year and it was set to be a perfect day. Great weather forecast, got all the food exactly how we wanted it, nice decor, custom mini Lego sets as wedding favors, such a lovely affair. The only problem was me, the bride.

I have had BP since 2022. My psychiatrist treating me at the time was out of office during the July 4th holiday, and that was unfortunate because my medication doses had been fluctuating with no way to reach her. From the stress of finishing up wedding planning and not feeling celebrated throughout the planning process, I felt so low and exhausted.

But that’s no excuse for Wedding Week. My culture has a traditional wedding and an American wedding on different days. We had 72 hours of weddings and I wasn’t my normal, quiet, shy self. I had done my best not to be a bridezilla throughout the year of planning, but in the end, I was.

I was enjoying being the bride because I had my family and friends around, but was overwhelmed, talking fast, scaring people and losing my cool. I raised my voice, I waved my hands around animatedly when I felt exasperated, I was furious with my mom for interjecting and changing the person I walked down the aisle with during rehearsal. I called my wedding planner asking if she knew any mental health treatment options for immediate cases. I stayed up all night the night of the traditional wedding talking to ChatGPT. I didn’t take my antidepressant in the morning, made my bridesmaids late to our bachelorette activities and one of them got so annoyed that she briefly stormed off. I irritated my maid of honor (sister), I made it hard to pamper me and I just was a nightmare. The happiest day of my life felt like a nightmare, and my sister told me I have to go on an apology tour because everyone was mad at me.

(During the next three weeks of marriage, my poor husband had to endure me ranting about being on the spectrum, taking online quizzes, staying up all hours of the night and scribbling on whiteboards furiously. It was only after his best man (a licensed counselor) found out about inpatient treatment that I could go somewhere and be treated. I felt so much better after inpatient.)

When I left the hospital, I called and texted my bridal party and my planner and apologized profusely. They said don’t worry about it, but I can’t let it go.

Ever since leaving the hospital, I’ve been working on a nice way to thank them and (maybe?) try to apologize again now that I’m in a better mindset. I made individual certificates on cardstock, with gold designs and their entire names on them. My husband and I came up with personal thank you notes on the certificates, thanking the person for something specific they did during and up to the wedding, and for just being in our lives. I was planning on sending these out the week after our anniversary as a special thank you.

My husband thinks this is fine and more than enough, but I also wrote a handwritten apology letter that’s longer. Basically saying that I couldn’t gloss over the negative part of Wedding Week, briefly explaining my diagnosis, why it doesn’t excuse how I acted, how I’ll never act like that again, how sorry I am, how I’m taking steps to never act like that again, and thanking them for standing by me anyway when it was hard.

I spoiled the surprise for one of my former bridesmaids and told her about the certificate and letter idea. She said it would be better to say thank you than to apologize again. I just want to say sorry in a way that lands. Should I?

Also, how do you avoid being manic during high stress situations? I’m medicated and in counseling, but I just bought a house and the logistics of moving are getting stressful. Don’t want to get overwhelmed.

TLDR: I was a bridezilla during my two weddings, and I apologized after getting treatment. For the one year anniversary, I made thank you certificates and apology letters for my bridal party and I don’t know if I should give them out, find another way to apologize without making the certificates seem shallow, or just scrap the idea altogether. I want to do something nice and so that I can finally forgive myself by being truer to who I am.

Edit: apparently I was worse than I thought.

My one bridesmaid stormed out of Starbucks because I was emotionally overwhelming her and we got into an argument (“do you know what you’re doing to all of us?” “I know, I know, I’m sorry”. “Do you know?”) and when I called my other bridesmaids over to help calm me down, she took it as everyone ganging up on her and barked at them to stay away then stormed out and tried to leave Bachelorette time. My sister was the one who convinced her to stay. I felt awkward around her the rest of the day but she seemed to move on the way normal people do and we had a “great” time.

My sister-in-law screamed at me to “shut the fuck up” right before the traditional ceremony started. I froze and started shaking. I don’t remember if I was saying anything inflammatory beforehand, but I must have if it got to that point.

The night before the wedding I texted both the bridesmaid and my SIL. I think I was trying to say “I felt triggered these past couple of days. I’m sorry I overwhelmed both of you to the point of being so mad at me and disregulating both of you. I don’t know what’s going on with me.” What I actually said:

“Also the July 4th message doesn't highlight what you did wrong it's you giving us excuses about who you are and what we did wrong and what you didn't like. It was all about you. So that won't help. If (Sister’s name) remembers then you could probably trust it.”

I was talking to my sister the other day and she said that the person I hurt the worst was Bridesmaid. So I asked Bridesmaid and SIL what I said because I genuinely didn’t remember and got the response above. All I’ve wanted to do was apologize, but I can’t in a way that won’t retraumatize Bridesmaid. Now my bridesmaid is keeping her distance and I’ve officially made things worse. I panic when people leave my life and I think I just lost her as a friend forever by relitigating this. I just don’t know what to do.