u/rothmal

My general idea for the sub is that this is going to be a place where you can post pre-purge r/EARTH25 Batman content that's not in the DCU. Form an NPR-like radio station where the hosts unknowingly interview rogues or goofy posts like [r/CapesAndBuns].

Also, I'm playing around with the idea that most of the RP will take place in East End, a gentrifying borough that has a lot of tension as rich yuppies are moving into the area, making it more expensive for the previous people. I feel like there's a lot of RP potential; could role-play as goons, hipsters, street vendors, drunk cops, etc. Maybe someone gets priced out of their apartment because of trust-fund kids moving into the area and has to resort to henching. Or someone could be pissed off because they turned Tony's Gotham Dogs into an overpriced cafe, or a D-list villain asking how to get body odor out of your suit.

It's cool if you want to post content like Star City posts, but it's primarily going to revolve around the borough and the city. A lot of this might change as the sub grows, as we get a better idea of what everyone wants this place to be.

My vision is that this place is going to be where people can build on top of other people's RP, making the place feel more alive. Maybe someone posts in [r/henchlife] how they rammed a bunch of cars trying to flee Batman, and another guy could make a post about losing his Job because he didn't have money to fix his car and had no way to get to work.

I'm also looking for people who want to be mods and am open to any suggestions.

Check it out here: r/GothamEastEnd

He probed me when I was walking home from the bar!!! The monster took me back to his spaceship and did all sorts of things to me that bring me to tears thinking about them. He's also been probing my wife; I keep finding his underwear around the house, and he's been drinking my milk!!!

I heard somewhere that he's weak to lead, so I've been putting the stuff in my milk. It must have pissed him off that he couldn't enjoy my milk after probing my wife, because he took it out on my best friend by poisoning him.

We need to stop this monster!!! I saw on the news he has some lair in the Arctic, probaly were he likes to probe his victims.

(OOC: In my head canon, r/henchlife is semi-encrypted. I think it's ridiculous that a bunch of people would openly talk about committing crimes; instead, we're all on r/VacuumCleanersClub, where it's an open secret that this is the real r/henchlife amongst goons, rogues, and a few capes. With civilians just seeing another heated debate on which vacuum is the best)

I meet up with this dude through my cousin; he's some sort of writer. Wrote a book about the history of condiments or something. He shows me this crazy looking purple pepper and gives me like 200 mini sauce bottles. Tells me to give out a few samples at my spot and see what happens. I gave out like 30 or 40 of them and went out to the club with my boys.

I come back to this massive line; fucking fiends were fighting to give me everything they had. I could have told them to pull out their silver fillings. They even had bidding wars on who was going to get the next bottle. Guys, I made more cash in 30 minutes than I made all of last year. And the best part is that the cops can't do anything about it; all I'm doing is selling hot sauce.

So who's in?

Here's mine: Disney's Punk High School! Now show me yours; I need something to distract me from my shitty wage slave job.

Edit: Fuck, I messed up the meme.

Host: We at CAB-Radio would like to address last week's live caller and the appalling remarks he made to our guest, Mr. Oswald Cobblepot. I was disgusted with your derogatory slur towards our guest, who was born with Phocomelia. That kind of hatred for the disabled will not be tolerated in our community. Now back to our program.

*Smooth Jazz Intro*

Host: On today's segment of Getting to Know Your Citizens, we interview local author Buddy Standler on his new book Herbs, Fermentation, and Jars: An anthropological look at condiments from the discovery of Soy sauce during the Han dynasty to the Worcestershire Bros. It's a pleasure to have you on our show.

Buddy Standler: Thank you, and it makes me so sad that we still live in a world with people as despicable as that caller last week. After all that man's been through and the challenges he overcame, to still be attacked for the way he was born.

Host: It was very regrettable. So tell us about this book and why the focus on condiments?

Buddy Standler: My book is about the history of the condiments different cultures have put on their food, and I feel you can tell a lot about a society with the kinds of food they eat, but what they put atop their food gives you a glimpse into their soul.

Host: And anthropology wasn't your first calling?

Buddy Standler: That's right, my major in Gotham U was applied Mechanical Engineering in Fluid Dynamics, then I went through this phase where I thought I could do stand-up; I was terrible. After that, I got drunk one night after a show and was at this hot dog stand and saw all the different kinds of toppings people were putting on their hot dogs, and something just kind of sparked in me, and since then I've been obsessed with sauces.

Host: And so many interesting accounts in the book; I loved the one about Archduke Heinrich Dijon and his scandalous affair with Frieda Frankfurter. And you brought some homemade sauces with you today.

Buddy Standler: This bottle here is made from a rare pepper that only grows deep in the Amazon forest called a Morado Abyss Fang. Warriors from the obsidian tribe would consume this as a rite of passage; its heat is so intense that it stops the brain from sending signals to the muscles and activates the amygdala, the fear center, making you hallucinate your worst nightmares.

Host: So a bit spicy.

Buddy Standler: Oh, yes. But don't worry, I brought some sauces that might be more to your liking.

*Smooth Jazz Outro*

Host: That was Buddy Standler, author of Herbs, Fermentation, and Jars. You can listen to the rest of the one-hour interview on your favorite streaming services.

Always Rollsaone knows how to write characters who are more grounded in their worlds, like they're the main character, but they're not thee Main character. Sure, they might have a little extra special sauce that sets them apart from everyone else, but unlike other progression fantasies where the MC is fighting the 10,000-year-old demon lord after training for a weekend. His MCs use their OP abilities as a trump card to get out of getting their asses kicked by some local street thugs, and just barely.

In this book, the MC gets resurrected in a new world, and through some fuck ups he manages to get himself some metal magic that makes him into a walking Gold Foundry go Brrrrrr. All he wanted to do was just be old money rich, until some street kids kick his fucking ass and he realizes that, oh fuck I need to learn how to fight or I'm going to get locked up in some dudes basment as his personal piggy bank.

The story is a little slow, but the MC is moving forward with his personal objectives. He's trying to build his own skyship so he can go on adventures, but there are so many steps from getting blueprints, hiring the right people, setting up the infrastructure, dungeon diving for rare resources, and, etc. I think we'll have the ship fully built and leaving the sky island in book three.

But that doesn't mean there's no action; there's a civil war going on in the background and skirmishes from hostile countries that personally affect the MC, but he's not directly involved. The King is not going to ask the MC to single-handedly solve a 500-year war after his village was attacked.

If you're looking for something to get into, then I recommend picking this up.

(OOC: In my head canon, r/henchlife is semi-encrypted. I think it's ridiculous that a bunch of people would openly be talking about committing crimes; instead, we're all on r/VacuumCleanersClub, with it being an open secret that this is the real r/henchlife amongst goons, rogues, and a few capes. With civilians just seeing another heated debate on which vacuum is the best)

Freak put half the Iron Vipers in the ER last night. I was playing pool with my brothers when there was a loud crash outside the clubhouse. I looked outside and saw that a HotDogMobile rammed into our Hogs. Condiment King walks menacingly into the clubhouse, looks at our President, and asks him where is his tribute?

Crud starts laughing and tells him, "I don't know how you managed to take over so much territory so fast, but while you were having a spa day in Arkham, we allied with FireFly. You fucked up coming here, Condom King!" Crud gives me the signal and nods.

I swing my pool cue at the back of his head, but next thing you know I'm slipping on some mustard, and I'm getting hit with my own pool cue, WHACK WHACK WHACK!!! Everything goes fuzzy as I look around the room and see Kechup, mustard, mayo, relish, soy sauce, and everything in the pantry flying everywhere. I hear guns jamming up with caramel, bones breaking, and some of my brothers screaming, "MY EYES!!!" as he squirts Hot Sauce in them.

Crud sounds pissed and tells him, "That strip mall karate ain't going to work on me". Our president is a meta, ever since he got exposed to some proto-Clayface juice when he worked security at a toxic waste dump when he was younger. Guy can't change size or do anything about his ugly mug, but if you stab or shoot him with small firearms, the wounds will just patch up like he's made of playdough. I've even seen him get hit by a car and walk away after a few minutes as if nothing happened. He couldn't cut it as a rogue, but for an outlaw motorcycle club, that shit is fucking overkill.

Condiment King starts spraying him with marshmallow fluff, and Crud is just laughing,"This is just going to spoil my appetite." He pulls out his knife and starts moving towards Condiment King, but each step is more sluggish than the last. Crud is struggling, "What's happening to me!?!?" Condiment says nothing and keeps spraying. Crud is looking more pale by the second as it looks like the marshmallow fluff is getting absorbed into his body.

Crud collapses to the floor and is looking like a Cronenberg Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, "Plesh...nu...mmor, eh beg...,yuuu". Condemint King asks him Who do you work for? "Con..de....mount....kieng", Crud struggles to say. He then pours chili oil on Crud, sets him on fire, and walks away.

Took us 30 minutes to extinguish the fire; the whole club smelled like we were cooking S'mores over a campfire. Crud looked like a burnt, melted marshmallow; we all thought he was a goner, but he whispered to us, "he..lll..up.....me". I got him resting in a soup pot right now and have been feeding him baby food to keep his strength up; we're taking him to a doctor that specializes in metas tomorrow, but I don't think he's ever going to be the same.

Let this be a warning to anyone who's thinking about crossing that abomination to god.

Preston Whitmore Abercrombie Cobblepot III, Brock Cambridge Wainwright Kane, and Chadwick "Chad" Messerschmitt Montgomery Elliot are now penniless after Bruce Wayne buys shares for the "Memes".

We asked the former members of the Threes Commas what they would do after such a massive loss.

Preston Whitmore Abercrombie Cobblepot III: I think we'll end up back on our feet in no time. We all have MBA's from Gotham U, and I managed to smooth things over with my uncle, or is he my cousin? Said he's got a Job lined up for me.

*Plays clip of Preston crying by the dumpster behind the Iceberg lounge, after working a double shift as their new dishwasher*

Brock Cambridge Wainwright Kane: I'm going into advertising, got this great idea for this marketing campaign that I'm going to pitch to this firm.

*Plays clip of Brock wearing a hot dog costume handing out Standler's Sauce samples in front of a grocery store*

Chadwick "Chad" Messerschmitt Montgomery Elliot: I got investors lined up for a fine dining restaurant; I'm confident we'll have at least 2 Michelin stars by next year.

*Plays clip of Chad pushing a food cart with a logo that says "Chad Chadwicks Meatsticks" and a customer throwing up in the park*

(OOC: I want to thank everyone who made this so fun, from all the outrage posts to the guy that gave them these ridiculous names. But I feel like the skit is getting a bit drawn out and wanted to wrap it up. Feel free to use these guys anyway in your RP; I just ask that you don't kill them, please.

Haven't seen any of the Iron Vipers riding their bikes around North Side, and when I ask around who I need to avoid, I'm told to beware of the King.

You think you could violate Gotham without the Court of Owls finding out. Fools! You're messing with forces beyond your comprehension! We, the Court of Owls, have been ruling Gotham for hundreds of years from the shadows, in secret!

You'll find out rather soon our plans for you; we spent quite a long time discussing them at our secret lair at Hootin' Hal's Pizzacade. Behold the Court of Owls' secret arsenal; you must be pissing your pants right now! Bet you're wishing you never messed with the Court of Owls; well, it's too late! These are no ordinary weapons; they were forged at the Gotham secret swap meet. What's that? You shat your pants, pathetic!

All you can do now is make peace with your god.

#CourtOfOwls #SecretSociety #RuleInTheShadows

They're finny and funny,

And oh so delish,

They're Joyful and Jolly.

Bert's Joker Fish! Now in Ajvar!

Bert's Canned Joker Fish™ is a subsidiary of Standler's Sauces™