u/slowfigs09

interested to know if your disorganized attachment affects your friendships? if yes then how so? did anyone here manage to have close friendships without ruining it or being suddenly detached?

I used to have everything under control but since last year I act out on my splitting. it's not as terrible as before but it is still bad, i basically act passive aggressive or cold.

I'm currently reading Tampa, im 20% in and i am not liking it very much despite usually being interested in getting an insight of predators mind but i am not sure why this is not doing it for me. i wonder if it's worth it. should I continue reading it? does it pick up?

is there a book similar to the movie ride or die? something very tragic and sad but also full of tenderness and love.

I think my dad has some kind of mental illness that makes it really hard for me to know how to deal with him and due to some reasons i can't move out.

i was once speaking with a friend and i joked about how controlling and overbearing my father is and she told me she thinks he is a narcissist. i don’t think my father is a narcissist because he’s very emotionally explosive, but i do believe he might have some kind of mental illness.

- he has a very high sense of self-importance and wants people to treat him as such and when they don’t, he throws a tantrum (which involves screaming, throwing things, lecturing us and hitting himself. this can take two or more hours and it can even last the entire night).

- but at the same time, he thinks low of himself. he sees himself as very poor, a failure, and stupid. he never acts on it, he just says it because outwardly, he acts very charming and charismatic. everyone outside of our immediate and extended family thinks he’s charming and charismatic.

- he is very controlling and wants everyone to follow what he thinks is best for them, and when they don’t, he cuts off his relationship with them. but if it’s us (our family), he throws a tantrum.

- the entire house is controlled by his moods and by trying not to make him angry. we often try to adjust to his moods and we try not to stir that anger in him. he is very quick to misunderstand us and often think us(and almost everyone in his life) are plotting against him behind his back.

- he often tells my mother how to respond to people in her life, or even texts them himself as if he were her.

- he treats my brother horribly and believes he is the root of all his issues. he often verbally abuses him (and used to physically abuse him as well).

- he believes in very superstitious things, like my brother being the reason my grandfather died (my brother was literally in my mother’s womb, but because my grandfather died when he was born, my father told my brother at age five that he was the reason).

- in relation to his superstitions, he feels envious of religious biblical figures and wishes he were one of them.

- he makes weird, inappropriate “jokes” that often drive us to anger or tears, and when he gets that reaction from us, he throws a tantrum.

- he engages in age regression play. he often pretends he is a baby with us and that my mother is his mother.

- during his tantrums, he often hits himself and breaks things. sometimes i think he does that because he doesn’t want to hit us, and other times i think he may actually enjoy self-harm. he’s diabetic, and when he’s angry with us, he sometimes refuses to take his medication or eat as a way of punishing us.

- when one of us goes out with friends (which often happens with my siblings), he throws a tantrum about how selfish they are and nitpicks random things, like how he was hungry all day hoping my brother would bring him takeaway from the outing.

- he is very self-sacrificing. even while eating, he often gives us the bigger portions, only to later complain about how hungry, sad, and tired he is. the same applies to work he overworks himself and tolerates humiliation. for as long as i can remember, we’ve had money issues, and he has always made me aware of them, aware of how overworked and sacrificing he is, and how he humiliates himself for me.

- half of his siblings are blocked by him, and the other half have cut him off.

- he’s not all bad. while i recognize this could possibly be love bombing, he does often get us what we want. and he’s better than most fathers in some ways. he tries to engage with our hobbies and understand them, even if he wants us to do things his way. sometimes, he just acts like a typical grumpy, overbearing father.

how can i stop treating someone badly because of my own feelings that have nothing to do with them? it’s ruining my life.

context: i don’t like talking about my feelings..or maybe i do, but i don’t know how to express them. i don’t even fully understand what i’m feeling; i just know that i’m feeling something. this is the opposite of my close friend, who is very vocal, emotionally aware and openly talks about her feelings almost daily.

i often feel unseen in this friendship. i feel unseen in general but that isn’t because of her. she always tries to engage with me and asks about my feelings. the problem is that i can’t open up, and i don’t think people know me the way i know them.

all of that is fine but why do i feel so resentful? i hate that i feel resentment toward her when it feels like this is my own fault.

the day before yesterday, she asked me if i feel close to her, and i said yes. she told me that she sometimes think i am not that close with her, that i feel about her how i feel about everyone( i had spoken to her about this issue before, but i never told her that i sometimes feel that way with her too.)

i thought opening up might help, but unfortunately, it only made things worse because i feel so much shame and discomfort whenever i try to express myself. i just don’t know what to do anymore.

how can i stop this resentment?

i recently watched queer, starring Drew Starkey and Daniel Craig, and i want to read a book with a similar feel. it doesn’t have to feature an age gap, but if it does, that’s a bonus. i’m looking for something centered on loneliness, with magical realism used as a metaphor for queer isolation and the desire to soul-merge with someone.

I think the closest I got to this is the safekeep so if anyone is looking for similar recs(minus the magical realism)

is there any non fiction books or essay collection like so sad today?

I would like weird girl non fiction books.

thank you in advance!