u/zepruska

Context: I have GAD and MDD. Anxiety had been particularly bad since April 2025 and depression since October 2025. Was improperly tapered off an SSRI I was taking (had been on it for 12 years, was told to taper off over the course of a week!) which sent me into a revolving door of psychiatric medications.

Shortly after an emotional "crash" (nonstop ugly crying and a feeling of derealization) in March, I began developing light sensitivity. At first this was triggered only by looking at screens or things that move rapidly. It was shortly after I increased the dose of the SSRI I was on at the time, Lexapro, so my psychiatrist said let's go back down and get you into see an ophthalmologist.

So I saw an ophthalmologist. Then another. Then another. Beyond checking my eyes for glaucoma and dry eye, none of them could give me an answer. I do not wear glasses and never needed them. Meanwhile, my eye strain was progressing, and it became difficult to drive without feeling some sort of pain. I invested in a heated eye mask and eye drops, but neither made much of a difference.

I switched to Trintellix. Started doing Spravato for MDD. They helped my cognitive symptoms of depression a tad but not much else. My vision really began to bother me; now my eyes are more or less hurting me all the time. My psychiatrist said serotonin can affect your vision so let's try to wean you off the Trintellix and use Rexulti as a bridge.

Results: not good. Not only are my eyes still hurting, but I occasionally have trouble seeing in the dark now. I also feel extremely sluggish, fatigued, and low; obviously could all be symptoms of depression, but I am just getting the feeling that something is "wrong." I don't know how else to describe it, but I'm suffering.

I have an awful time sleeping without trazodone and literally cannot nap. I got a sleep study done and aside from a REM latency of 11 minutes, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I suspect this is also related to my depression.

The ONLY thing that brings any sort of relief is clonazepam, 0.5-1 mg. It temporarily takes the eye strain away. A neurologist I saw said this isn't very helpful because we don't know which aspects of the clonazepam (anti-anxiety, muscle relaxant, anti-convulsant) are working. I am acutely aware of the dangers of taking benzodiazepines for a prolonged period of time and I'm terrified that I'm going to get addicted, but my psychiatrist said if this is what's working for me then keep doing it as a bridge.

My problem is I don't know where this bridge is going. I've been in an IOP program for 5 weeks and they're all lovely people but I can't focus on the material or my peers very well because of my cognitive symptoms. I've had depression before but it did not feel like this. It just feels like something is wrong neurologically. I have a neuro-ophthalmologist appointment but that's not until October. Right now my symptoms are just feeding into my mental health in one big nasty loop.

Any suggestions, advice, or good vibes would be GREATLY appreciated...thank you.

P.S. had an MRI in June, it came back clean. I recently had a QEEG that will inform TMS treatment.

We're getting closer, folks!

I feel like it's a big cruel joke that an illness usually associated with fatigue and sluggishness can also cause insomnia. I've tried so many different meds but still, almost every day, I'm up at 5:30-6:00 and can't get back to sleep. This is beyond frustrating.

And I know how important sleep is for mental health. I just...can't get the sleep that I know I need. What a vicious cycle this is. 😰

Hey y'all,

After about a year and a half of elevated anxiety that medication was no longer controlling and about eight months of depression, countless SSRI and SNRI trials, an IOP program, and even Spravato, I have turned to TMS for some relief. My first session is tomorrow and while I'm optimistic based on the clinic and its reviews, I know basically nothing about the procedure, other than that it takes a bunch of sessions to notice a difference in symptoms, which, for what it's worth, I'm fine with.

Is there anything major I should know before I begin? And does anyone have some success stories they can share? I'm kind of losing hope that I'll ever get back to where I was mentally and while I don't want to have unrealistic expectations, I've got a lot hinging on this treatment.

Thank you all and be well.

P.S. my main symptoms are brain fog, anhedonia, random breakdowns, and insomnia.

Tried augmenting my Lexapro with Wellbutrin a few years ago. All I got was increased anxiety and insomnia. I quit after about a week.

Now, a few years and countless drug trials later, I'm thinking of giving this another shot. Depression has sunk in and while I do still have GAD, I feel like they're tag-teaming me and no SSRI is enough to cover all those bases.

I have read some stories that Wellbutrin actually helps with anxiety, but you need to give it time to settle. And start at a low dose. Has this happened to anyone else, where it makes anxiety worse at first but then ends up evening out and helps both anxiety and depression? Or would Auvelity be a better choice for me?

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but I'm currently stuck in this nasty loop of depression worsening my sleep and insomnia worsening my depression (with an unhealthy underpinning of anxiety for good measure) and trazodone is no longer doing what it's supposed to. So I'm looking into mirtazapine.

This is one drug I've wanted to avoid, but given that I've tried several medications from different classes (trazodone, hydroxyzine, Lunesta, Dayvigo, clonazepam, and melatonin) and none of them have really worked how I want (except the clonazepam, which is obviously a no-go for nightly sleep), I'm wondering if mirtazapine might be worth a shot. Especially as I'm currently getting tag-teamed hard by this depression/insomnia loop.

There are two things giving me pause: the potential for weight gain and the reviews saying mirtazapine gives brain fog. I'm already having pretty significant cognitive symptoms and the weight gain is something I'd like to avoid...however, I don't think I can afford not at least trying it. For those of you who have experience with this drug, what do you think?

So I've had anxiety basically my entire life and have gone through a particularly nasty spell over the past year and a half. I've tried about a gazillion different antidepressants but most have given me more side effects than relief.

I'm beginning to wonder how much of my anxiety is comorbid with undiagnosed ADHD, and that my approach to treatment has been all wrong. I've never tried a stimulant, I figured that's the last thing I need, but I've seen anecdotal reports that meds like Vyvanse can actually improve one's anxiety, along with ADHD symptoms. Has this happened to anyone on this sub? How exactly would that work, anyway?

See title. My provider said due to insurance changes they now need to check my blood pressure about 45 minutes into each session. I understand why this is necessary but it's very annoying as it's typically at the "peak" of my high. Can anyone else commiserate?

So I've been on Rexulti for three weeks. I started on 0.5 mg and was then increased to 1 mg, which I've been on for two weeks. Overall I'm tolerating the medication very well (at least in comparison to the numerous SSRI/SNRIs I've been on in the past year-plus), and for the most part it seems to be helping with my treatment-resistant depression. I'm breaking down far less often and I'm not having any of the nasty side effects that seem to be common with antipsychotics.

However, over the past few days, I've noticed myself "slipping" into depression again, mainly with worsening brain fog, anhedonia, and spatial awareness. I'm guessing when I bring this up to my psychiatrist they will tell me that it's time to go up to 1.5 mg. I wouldn't be totally opposed to this, but if temporary "blips" like this are common within the first few weeks of a new dose, I think I'd rather stay on 1 mg for a little while longer to see if things get better again. What do y'all think?

P.S. my psychiatrist told me to take Rexulti in the evening because it can be sedating, but I honestly have not noticed that. Would taking it in the morning be better?

New album just dropped last Friday. Really good stuff, if a bit brief in some places.

https://manmountain.bandcamp.com/album/threads-of-another-life

I'm not much of a critic so this is probably going to seem more like a jumbled stream of consciousness than an actual review, but given that Rush is my favorite band and I just love talking about them, I wanted to share my thoughts on the two Chicago shows I went to (7/16 and 7/22).

Short version: That was f*cking awesome.

Long version: My expectations were high after seeing video from their first couple stops on the tour, but the guys and gal still exceeded them. My mind was honestly blown both times. I couldn't believe how good they sounded, Anika in particular. What a powerhouse! Her kit sounded FANTASTIC (snare and toms in particular) and I thought the mix in general was very good. I don't love the acoustics at the UC so kudos to the sound crew on getting everything just right.

But yeah, Anika is incredible. Not only is she an amazing player (as if there was any doubt), she obviously has great chemistry with the rest of the guys. It always looks like she's having fun but she's just so humble at the same time. A perfect fit for the band personality-wise. I also think it's clear how her presence has lit a fire under Ged's and Alex's asses! Everyone looked like they were enjoying themselves and as an audience member it's easy to feed off of that.

Geddy, obviously enough has been said about his vocals, and I don't want to sound hyperbolic here. He is old as dirt and his voice is what it is. But everyone who has said he sounds better on this tour than he did on R40 is absolutely 100% correct. He obviously thought ahead in changing some of the vocal melodies to make things easier on himself, and the decade of rest couldn't have hurt, either. In any case, he didn't seem to be struggling nearly as much as when I saw them on R40 and Clockwork Angels tours, there's noticeably less "yelping" and he just sounded a lot more comfortable, even on the highest notes.

Alex. My man. There were a couple flubs here and there (he admitted to missing a lot of notes in 2112), but geez, the guy can still shred. His performances on Limelight and The Garden, two of my favorite Rush songs, literally brought tears to my eye. Truly one of the greatest guitarists of his generation.

Concerning the setlist(s), I don't want to spoil anything so I'm going to avoid naming certain albums/songs. I was a little disappointed that they completely left out a certain '80s album (it happens to be in my top 3 Rush albums) but other than that I was pleased by the variety of eras they covered. I'd rate it an 8.5/10.

Finally, I wanted to mention the stage production. Granted, I'm a bit "newer" than a lot of people here, so I can't compare what I saw last week to, say, the Power Windows tour. But of the Rush shows I've seen, this tour has by far the best production. The stage looks cool without being too crowded, the lights and lasers are on point, and the visuals are, for the most part, terrific. It's immersive and engaging - not like a band of Rush's caliber needs many bells and whistles, but I appreciated the presentation nonetheless.

Overall, I'm so, so thankful they decided to get back out there and tour again. They're still playing great and they're having a blast doing it. I know I'm not alone in saying I thought it was over in 2015. I'm so glad I was wrong!

Thanks for reading, blah blah blah! 😄

One of their most emotional songs, right down to the title. The way the strings take over throughout the crescendo...it brings me to tears.

https://archive.org/details/freefloatingmusic021

The first track is my favorite!

So this horse has already been beaten to death several times over, especially during the last few tours, but I feel compelled to post about it after an absolutely KILLER show on Thursday.

Throughout the show I thought to myself "hmm, Geddy doesn't seem to be having a very hard time" but we all know things can sound different when we're there in person, so I went back the following day to check the crappy cell phone videos I took.

Damn. He really DID sound good. I don't think anyone should have any sort of expectations at this point (he's 72, for crying out loud), but right now Ged is singing about as well as anyone could hope for someone of his age and mileage.

I credit this to a few things:

1. Rest. Yeah, he's old, but he had a decade off before this tour. Rush has been touring VERY heavily for basically their entire careers (save for the late '90s hiatus) so Ged has never had this much time to rest his vocal chords.
2. Vocal coaching. Someone might need to correct me on this because I'm not entirely sure who he's been working with (or if he's been working with anyone) but give that person a raise, please.
3. More intentional vocal melodies. He hasn't been singing certain songs "correctly" for a long time (my favorite song, Limelight, comes to mind immediately), but on this tour it seems like he began with a very intentional approach at singing the older material a particular way. There's not nearly as much "yelping" going from low notes to high notes and he just seems much more comfortable in places where he would probably struggle had he been singing the songs normally.

Now, here's what I want to emphasize. On the Time Machine and Clockwork Angels tours, he started off very strong vocally, then kind of fell apart on the second leg of each tour (and please don't tell me he had a cold on the Time Machine tour...) R40 was bad all around, not denying that. But my point is that we've seen this several times: Ged's voice sounds great after a little bit of rest and then peters out as the tour length and challenging material take their toll. So I'm interested to see if, over a decade later, he can keep up the momentum he currently has.

All in all, I'm very pleased by what I heard on Thursday. I hope most of the rest of you feel the same. :)

What are everyone's thoughts on this live album? In my opinion...

Pros:

• Good mix among the instruments, probably better than the live albums that followed it
• Great vocals, definitely better than the live albums that followed it (and preceded it!)
• I like the camera work/editing (if we're talking about the video)
• Malignant Narcissism

Cons:

• Slower tempo on some of the older songs sounds kind of weird
• Setlist is a little plodding (too many songs from S&A, and nothing from Power Windows, Presto, or Counterparts)
• Not enough crowd noise in many places

What do y'all think?

https://adancingbeggar.bandcamp.com/album/what-we-left-behind

https://archive.org/details/freefloatingmusic024