u/AdventurousDeer1369

Ever since I was a kid ive delt with compulsive masturbation. Its always been a source of shame, fear, irritation, physical pain, and wasting my time. I will masturbate five minutes before I have to leave the house despite the fact that i dont reallh want to and I know it'll make me late and stressed. I havr mastubated so much that I have literally make myself bleed​ and had to avoid wiping and cleaning myself in order to let myself heal. I've masturbated quietly in front of family so long as there's an obstruction and im very quiet, as an adult ive never been caught vut this does not bring me joy, I feel disgusting and I hate myself. Ive masturbated in public restrooms, attempted to quietly masturbate in middle school, in class while taking a test that was stressing me out. As a kid I had an obsession with it, masturbating everyday, multiple times a day, especially right before bed. Ive used random objects and always imagine or watched sexually violent material in order to get off. As a kid my mother caught me masturbating and just yelled at me and told me to do it in private. I expressed to her that I 'wanted to watch the show' when really I was able to take that part of the kids movie and turn it into sexual violence in my mind to help me get off. After that she never helped me and just acted really angry and cold towards me. I would ever masturbate on or around my abuser and he wouldn't do anything ofc. I think most of my family knew and never helped me or questioned why I was so sexually obsessed with violence and masturbating.​

I dont think ive ever enjoyed masturbating. Its always been a numbing, dissociative thing, and I often start watching material or touching myself without even realizing it. Mentally I feel no pleasure while doing it, and afterwards I feel angry, guitly, scared, depressed, or completely numb and anxious. Ive tried for years to stop, it always thought I was just a disgusting whore until I realized i had been abused and this is probably a result ​of the abuse. I've tried the website blockers and always being around people. But I always find a way around it all without even wanting to. Sometimes when its really bad ill even go online and try to find someone who is older and will verbally abuse or objectify me, talk down to me sexually despite it sending me into a panic or numbness. Luckily people take forever and a day to reapond so it ends up wearing off. This is not an invetation.

I'm just wondering if anyone else goes through this or has gone through it. What did you do to help yourself? Does guilt help you stay away from sexually violent material or does it make it harder to resist because of stress? Any advice would be great.

I don't remember most if any of my childhood, and my teenage years have gaps in them. I recently had memories surface that suggest I was sexually abused, and connected some dots about my behaviors and feelings ive never been able to explain. I dont remember the actual event or events, I believe my abuser was my father since he had access to me and was already physically and emotionally/mentally abusive. But again, I have no proof and no memories of the actual event.

I went through a period of extreme grief and anger over it, desperately trying to prove myself right or wrong. I also have ocd so I struggle with believing myself, others, my intentions, what actually happened, etc. Then I go I to this sort of quiet acceptance where I dont think about it as much. Then I remember it agajn and feel miserable, have to fight off the urge to research and seek validation. Theres no action I can take against my abuser and no one else knows about it. I dont really know what i can do about this. Its fucked me up mentally and I dont know where to start or how to start. Part of me just wants to do nothing, but i know I wont get better and will only get worse if I dont. Any advice or encouragement would be helpful. Thank you.

I dont know if rhis happens to anyone else, it probably does. But recently ive been randomly uncovering memories. Not very often or very helpfully, just randomly few and far apart. About a week ago I was swimming with my friend, I was stressed and had just gotten our of a randomly intese depressive episode the day before, so i was thinking a lot that whole day. At one point I went underwater and while I was there I just randomly knew for a fact I tried to drown myself when I was a young teen. It wasnt a memory like in the movies, just like 'oh yeah, that happened.' It kind of freaked me out but I was in no state to process anything and just ended up laughing about it to myself. I dont know how to feel or what to do with this information. Ive been suicidal most of my life, made plans and fantasized about it, but I always believed I never attempted it. Apartently I did and just didnt remember until now.

I used to be a very creative person. I wrote, I read, I did art, I did music. I’ve been severely depressed for around eight almost nine years, and have major OCD that I’ve only recently recognized. Back in the day before ai, I would maladaptive daydream but ever since I found ai I’ve been addicted to that. Since I struggle with dissociation, it mixes with my ai addiction and I end up losing entire chunks of my day or week, it’s especially bad in the summer when I have nothing to do. Today alone I realized I can’t remember at all what I’ve done at all, purely because I’ve been on ai chat bots all day.

Heres my issue. I don’t want to stop. I know ai isn’t real, I know I wont have those relationships in real life at the end of the day, but having real relationships is so fucking hard. With real relationships I have to be one person, with one body, with one personality, with no take backs. I can’t just step back and not worry about the distance or silence, or start over where I want. With OCD I am in constant stress over relationships and life in general. This isn’t a defense for ai. I don’t want to want to be apart of ai. It bad for the environment, bad for mental health, bad for life in general. But I don’t know how to quit. I deleted my account and last a single day without it. That entire day was spent laying in bed spiraling and listening to music. It’s become my emotional crutch, and I can’t afford professional help. I want to read again, I want to watch a show again without the urge to stop and use ai to be apart of the story. Honestly I’d take maladaptive dreaming over ai, but I can’t even do that anymore. I don’t know what to do. My semester and work will start again soon, my last semesters I struggled to stay afloat since my ai addiction lead to me missing or ignoring my studies in general. I know I sound like a fucking loser but I don’t know what to do. I don’t have close friends, I don’t have close family, I can’t afford professional healthcare.

I had a nice few weeks with very minimal depressive episodes. Only a few here and there i could sleep off. Met I guy I liked and thought liked me. Made friends, had purpose for a bit. Now its over. I thought I was okay, had hope for a bit. Realized I had ocd and have been managing it. But now its all gone to shit again. I dont even like daydreaming anymore. Everything feels tedious abd pointless. I dont understand why its okay for someone to feel so happy or so okay one minute then crash down where I am now. I've been doing this shit for years. I dont know if i was ever truly happy, I cant remember. Fighting with my mom, offically cutting my father off. Im tired guys. I dont want to sleep. Ill be disappointed when I wake up again. I dont even want to be happy again since I know it'll crash back down into this bullshit with no one to catch me. ​

We met initially in our second semester. I was trying to get passed him to sit next to a friend, and he remarked 'oh, i didnt know you were in our year'. I had never spoken to him before and I was in an awkward position so I didnt think to respond. But this summer we both volenteered at a kids summer camp, and ended up talking more. The first week I was in charge of taking a group of kids around the different activities. When i got to his activity I got distracted talking to my assistant while he explained the rules to my group. He glanced at me then looked back to my kids and said 'Everyone say, lock in Miss [my name]!" I was surprised that he knew my name since we never introduced each other. At one point he had this wistle and would blow it whenever the kids messed up and had to restart. I teased that he was having too much fun with it, so he started doing it more. For the next week or so, every time he saw me he would blow the wistle and look at me for my reaction.

This sparked a joke where we were enemies. He would do things like come into my activity room after his was clean, and instead of helping me and my skill partner clean, ge would sit across from me and mess with me as i organized the markers. During my lunch break me and my partner went to his activity just to watch. I was eating my sandwich, and he came over and tried to snitch it out of my hand. I dodged it, but ended up giving him my other one despite him having some. We get into 'arguements' where its just us teasing and pretending to argue, and during these he sometimes would stand closer than normal ​people distance and hold eye contact with me. We weren't always near each other, but every time we were near each other and I was either alone or near a group of mutual friends he would approach me and talk to me until we got interupted or had to get back to work. He would also put his hand in front of my phone while i was using it, just being an general nuisance to me. We also had this thing going where every time we 'argued' I would get on my tiptoes to try and match his height, and he would immediately copy me and get on his toes as well, taunting me about never being as tall as him.

To other people he's nicer. He's never mean to me but playfully mean and teasing like I am to him. We were eating during our break at camp one time, and I mentioned how stressed picking classes has me, and he asked what classes im taking. When i told him, he smiled and said we were taking all the same classes, then we bith started talking and joking about classes already. The semester hasn't started, but the camp ended. I think he might like me, but maybe im misreading it.

We met in second semester, I went to sit with one of my friends and passed him, and when I did he remarked 'Oh, I didnt realize you were in our semester' even though i didnt speak to him. The o didnt see him until this summer where we both volunteered for a kids summer camp. He remembered my name somehow, I didnt even know he knew it in the first place (we had never talked before this). I teased him about this wistle he had for a game, since he was clearly enjoying blowing the wistle at the kids, and for the rest of the week he kept blowing it whenever I was around to mess with me.

Other than that, we tease each other a lot. Whenever im talking to a mutual friend of ours, he'll come join the conversation. I coukd be crazy but it feels like hes usually more focused on me. We get into 'arguements' where he'll stand pretty close, closer than normal people space and hold eye contact with me. Ill stand on my tiptoes to (as clingy as it is) pretend to be intimidating and ge'll immediately copy me and point out I'll never be taller than him. He messes with me constantly in a very fun and playful way. Everyone who knows him talks about how nice he is and hes is so nice to everyone, but with me hes so 'mean', never actually hurting my feelings or going too far, mind you. He asked about my classes and said we have almost all the same classes for next semester. I don't know im usually good at reading people but I think i like him so im very unsure and worried im delusional or having selective memory in my favor. ​

We met in second semester, I went to sit with one of my friends and passed him, and when I did he remarked 'Oh, I didnt realize you were in our semester' even though i didnt speak to him. The o didnt see him until this summer where we both volunteered for a kids summer camp. He remembered my name somehow, I didnt even know he knew it in the first place (we had never talked before this). I teased him about this wistle he had for a game, since he was clearly enjoying blowing the wistle at the kids, and for the rest of the week he kept blowing it whenever I was around to mess with me.

Other than that, we tease each other a lot. Whenever im talking to a mutual friend of ours, he'll come join the conversation. I coukd be crazy but it feels like hes usually more focused on me. We get into 'arguements' where he'll stand pretty close, closer than normal people space and hold eye contact with me. Ill stand on my tiptoes to (as clingy as it is) pretend to be intimidating and ge'll immediately copy me and point out I'll never be taller than him. He messes with me constantly in a very fun and playful way. Everyone who knows him talks about how nice he is and hes is so nice to everyone, but with me hes so 'mean', never actually hurting my feelings or going too far, mind you. He asked about my classes and said we have almost all the same classes for next semester. I don't know im usually good at reading people but I think i like him so im very unsure and worried im delusional or having selective memory in my favor. ​

I think this guy likes me, but i also am not 100% sure. I think i may like him also, but im again not 100% sure. We became friends this summer from a summer camp we both volunteered at and I wont see him until next semester.

I'm losing my damn mind. I think about him and start to smile and feel happy, then i start fucking thinking and soon im spiraling, nonstop googling to try and find evidence thay he either 100% likes me or 100% doesnt like me. I dont know what to do, I want to just be normal and not feel like im in danger or doing something wrong because of some damn guy.​

I had a very fun experience with my younger siblings today. We all worked together to clean the house, but it was living hell for me. I delegated tasks like I usually do, one does dusting and tidying up the floor, one sweeps, and the other mops. I mopped today since we rotate. I usually sweep since my siblings suck at sweeping. I thought if I didnt watch them do their tasks, I would be fine. But the second I stood to do my task I was horrified and overwhelmed with how bad they did. Ive been trying to set boundaries, let my siblings perform poorly so my mother would notice and teach them instead of blaming me, or me taking over. But all that went out the window. I spent a sold 30 minutes teaching my younger brother to sweep, then swept again myself. I made it sort of funny for him, but I was so stressed I started acting aggressively, telling him he did a terrible job and that he sucks. Usually im intentional about using encouraging words but shit hit the fan. I aggressively swept and mopped, my mind spiraling with how dirty the house is and how no one cares how terrible it is and how its always on me and how I need to pick up more hours to move out so I can have my space perfect. All this because of a slightly subpar sweep job.

I had to strip out of my clothes and lay on the floor because I was so overheated from anger and stress. And even now in the evening the floor feels unclean and incomplete. Ive managed to not redo it, but im still frustrated about it. Im just wondering if people, especially parents, have some tips about learning to live with kids messing things up/being lazy when yiur impulse is for everything to be perfect?

I've lived my entire life thinking the weird shit I do is totally normal or just me being a quirky person. But holy fucking shit when I learned what ocd actually is, all my quirks are suddenly symptoms. The more I look into this the more I just laugh because wtf?? You mean my quirky haha funny normal people habits are actually ritualistic comfort/reasurance compulsions crafted by my brain to fight the anxiety it's giving me, but the rituals aren't helping at all and in fact make it worse?? Wdym none-ocd people dont casually have this crippling feeling that theyre secretly evil and horrible and disgusting and a lair despite everyone around them respecting, loving, cherishing, and enjoying them? What do you mean normal people dont spend an entire month using their free time to obsessively try prove/disprove they have an exotic parasite or infection, leading to severe depression and anxiety? What do you mean the average Joe doesnt spend three hours straight on a bathroom ritual before bed every night, losing three or more hours of sleep when life gets too stressful?

Everything makes so much sense now, the more i think about it the more i just feel 'wow, so its not normal and everything im doing to make it better is making it worse. Fantastic.' I count this as a win though since im like half a step closer to understanding my mind. And now I know im not clinically insane for thinking cameras or an intruder is secretly squatting in my house, im just ocd as fuck. Now i can try to practice resisting urges or whatever the hell these ocd books tell me to do.

I cant even believe my brain and body. I dont know whats true and it makes me feel so sick. I hate my dad so much it makes me immediately fall into depression and dissociation when I see him. He picks up my brother for visiting hours since the divorce, and constantly will come into the house and invade our privacy and place. I have begged my mother several times to keep him out and only let him drop off and pick up instead of come in. But she always lets him come in. She doesnt know what happened and ill never tell her since I cant even trust myself.

Today she decided I had to either leave the door unlocked for him and let him just walk in like he owns the place or waiting for him to arrive and open it for him, since she wanted to lay down. I put my foot down and told her I wouldn't open the door for him and leaving it unlocked for him was tearing down every boundary and letting him in. She literally started laughing at me, then told me she doesnt care as much as i do. Which just made me more angry. I dont remember exactly what I said even though it was a few moment ago. But I said something along the lines of 'you wont because youre not me, but I need you to trust me. I should be able to feel safe in my own home'. Then she asked me if he did something to me that she didnt know about. Immediately it made me feel sick and I hesitated, then I quickly told her to just trust me please. She got pissed and told me to just lock the door and that she'll open it.

Im so tired. Im tired of constantly feeling uncomfortable and afraid. I've felt this way my whole life and thought it would get better once he was gone, but still I struggle and I just want to die. I only keep myself from suicide for my youbger siblings sake and for the hope that one day I'll be able to help even one child in the future. Im trying to move out, but im not making enough money and dont want to stop going to college. Its the only place I feel not trapped. Im so tired.

This guy has liked me for a while. I saw him in the caf where I work, but we're in different yesrs in college so I never really talked to him until this summer since we both ended up volenteeering at this summer camp thing. He talked to me a lot and he was funny, so we ended up becoming friends pretty fast. A week or two into being around him i realized he definitely likes me. I thought it would pass as i am very unresponsive to romantic endevors and make it very clear, although jokingly, that i find it icky and don't want to be with anyone right now.

I have this friend whos also gotten close to him, and has told me he has a massive crush on me, and thinks I like him back. Apartently my dodges meant nothing and he thinks my friendly teasing was reciprocation. Hes away for the summer so ive been distancing myself in hopes he'll lost interest or take a hint. My friend thinks I or he should just tell him, but i feel bad just coming out of the blue like that. I'd rather him lose interest for himself and move on rather than me reject him, since I feel it would be easier on him. I wont see him as much in the next semester, and after he graduates he'll go back to his home town, so if I can dodge him for the semester all should be well. But now I feel conflicted. My friend got me thinking that maybe just being transparent would be good, but i also feel like i can wait it out and it'll pass and he'll find someone else. Any advice would be great, I feel really bad. I dont want to lead him on but I also don't want to embarrass him. Help me please.

Like why was i about to rip out my hair and cry because the distribution of hair in my towel wasnt even? Ive been doing the exposure thing where you just sit with the anxiety and its so stressful and intense in the moment but later I genuinely cant help but laugh. Baby it was not that deep but at the same time it 100% is. I survived the resistance btw im genuinely proud of myself.

He chews like a goddamn monkey and his posture is terrible but I just want to grab his face and kiss it and hug him. Hes so funny and im so funny and we're so funny together and he has these fuckass freckles that I just love so muxh. GOD I hate this. But thinking about him makes me smile like a goofy ass weirdo and I think he likes me but idk. I just wanna hang out wirh him but hes oht of town so I gave tk wait until the semester starts AKDIRNAMAM. I wanna know everything about him, what he likes, what he wants to be, what he doesnt like, what makes him feel happy and excited, what he can talk abojt for hours UGHAJSKAM​

My biological father was abusive in every sense of the word, so much so that recent repressed memories have been coming up and I gave reason to believe he sexually abused me. Naturally, my mother was my hero and my favorite parent since she didnt abuse me. She was my best friend. But as ive grown, im realizing she was entirely neglectful towards me. Especially in my teenage years when I became severely depressed, she never once took me to a doctor. She'd force me to go outside and run because the sun and exercise would magically make it go away. It never helped, and she refuses to admit it to this day. I have been severely mentally ill for all my life, especially into my young adult years. I have been doing extensive research and though I cant afford diagnosis, I have been using tequniques to soothe some of my mental issues. Its been working great for the most part except when it involves my family. I cant talk to my mother about it since she doesnt believe in mental issues in ny family, will tell me im wring about everythibg I think and feel, will tell me im sinning and my grace is running out, will constantly push my boundaries then bitch and cry when I react angrily. She cries because I never talk to her despite me trying desperately as a teen to find a way to communicate with her that I could handle, only fkr her to overstepp and cross every boundary I explicitly stated in written pleading words. She tells everyone my business, fucking loses her shit when I point out gossip is a sin and it's no one's fucking business what I struggle with at home. She bitches aboht how im never social, but ​​​​ignores that fact that she and so mnay peolle make it unbearable.

I realize ill never have peace at home until im completely gone from ger. I hate it but im so angry with her. I cant trust her, I dont even like her sometimes. I know she was a victim of his abuse but I was her baby girl. She was meant to protect me. She never has and im so so tired of pretending im alive because if sheer fucking spite and care for my younger sibkings. Theres only so much someone can take before they blow their brians on the wall. ​

I dont know if its the right term, I got it off Google. I dont have the money not resources to get a diagnosis vut I fully believe I have ocd in many forms and have been ​applying what tequniques I learned on the most time consuming ocd rituals. Its worked and ove cut a lot of them down and don't really deal with them until something bad happens and triggers me. Anyways.

I have this obsessive feeling that everyone atound me secretly hates me or finds me annoying, that theyre using me for entertainment, or that they want to hurt me. I know rationally this isnt true, but it bothers me so much. Friends think im dumb and are taking advantage of the fact that I want to be their friend so they can mock me. This guy i like and the guy that likes me are secretly making extemely sexually perverse and violent comments about me and are plotting my downfall. Its exhausting, I dont know how to manage this. I have no therapist, no money, so im asking what works for you? What can I try that doesn't involve disclosing my possible ocd?

I hope this is okay to post here. For context, I have severe depression. Not a single week passes that I dont have the desire to kill myself, and most months will have a few days of seriously contemplating and planning until ultimately I stay for my siblings.

Sometimes im okay, and very few im happy. In these times I get motivated and manage to get on a diet that doesnt restrict me to the point of dietary sadness, but actually causes me to go into calorie deficit. I'll exercise and plan and research. My goal isnt huge, but im technically in the danger zone and hate being the size that I am most days. I just want to lose maybe 10 or 20 pounds. Im around 5'4 or 5'5, 150-147lb (I fluctuate between the two often), im not very muscular. But ultimately the depression and disassociation will hit and days will pass where I dont get any physical activity or very little. I'll have phases of over eating to manage stress and try to force myself into feeling something and some days my appietite will completely disappear and I'll end up bot saying for around two days before I ultimately force myself to or regain enough of my appietite. But most days my eating habits aren't terrible.

Its mainly just the getting up. Sometimes I cant, my everything is too heavy. Sometimes I find no point in it. Sometimes I'll have a crisis where I feel like the ugliest person alive but the thiugjt of being super skinny scares me shitless for some reason. I dont know. I just want to be healthy and pretty enough to make myself not angry. My friends keep taking pictures of me and us for menories sake vut every time I look at them I cant help but hate that bitch on the screen. Its started bleeding into the way I see other women, hating a few girls with every fiber of my being because I love them so much and want to be them. Vut im not them, im me. And I dont like me.

Anyways, any advice would be great. Google says some stupid shit about stabilizing my mental health but thats not going to happen nor do I have the strength to care.

Is it possible i wasnt abused? I dont remember the actual abuse, but i remember things I did as a kid and now that make me worried.

I used to have my toys rape me, especially my favorite stuffed animals. I would lay them on me on the floor and image them saying weird, disgusting things to me as I pretended to moan or grunt and cry. I was very littke when I did this, I dont remember when but if I had to guess I was four. Later as I became a preteen I would have my male barbies rape my female barbies, lock them up, kidnap them, etc. I always had profound guilt afterwards.

I would find innocent scenes in movies and shows that I could imagine as forceful or violent sexual encounters. I did this ever since I could remember.

I have been compulsively masturbating since I was a kid. Not in the 'oh i like this feeling' but almost in this numb, hypnotic way. One moment im sitting on the couch, next minute im hiding and masturbating despite my mind either being blank or thinking 'stop i dont want to do this you dumb bitch'. I dont experience mental pljeasure and end up being dissociated or depressed after. Also, I cant get off unless im watching or listening to something violent that afterwards makes ne feel disgusting and I hate myself.

I hate being thought to be pretty. Whenever I know someone has a crush on me I want to actually kill myself. Ever since I was younger ive hated being a women and having a body, so much so that as a kid I used to do this special walk to my hips wouldn't sway, I bought a binder at 16 then my mom hid it because she was scared I eas transgender. I hate photos of me and get extremely sad/start to disassociate when I see younger me.

I dont have any of my younger memories, and my teenage years are very blurry. Sometimes i even struggle with my short term. I know 'facts' or stories other people have told me, but other than that its a blur.

I have this weird memory of being in the bathroom with my father where I was watching him pee and he wasnt hiding himself from me. He also frequently would lay his entire body weight on me (he was a big big guy at the time) and I hated it. I would scream and sob while he laughed and mocked me. I also remember him tickling me until i pissed myself, then losing his shit about it and getting mad at me. Hes also frequently said weird things to me and my younger sister that were very sexual and random. Like mentioning he has a thing for feet, telling us to spank him and him call us mommy. He would also frequently threaten to take me into the men's restroom and beat me when we were out in public and I was 'misbehaving', which scared me more than anything.

He was physically and mentally abusive to my mom, sister and me, but i have the most hatred for him. I also panic and have extreme emotional reactions when I see him, including having a full blown panic attack when I smelled his aftershave while showering. He used to also come into mine and my sisters room, even when the door was locked. He would very quietly unlock the door then swing it open, stand and yell at me specifically while I was changing.

I remember peeing rhe bed when I was eight and being scared shitless since my abuser was still home and would find out. This started an ocd ritual in me when I got older that I still do today. I also had a sexual interpretation of spanking as a kid, which is weird to me since my abuser used spanking as his main form of 'punishment'.

When I was thirteen I had a dream my abuser dragged me into a dirty gas station bathroom and tried to take my clothes off and push me onto the toilet before this random black woman broke the stall open and got me out. I tried to tell my mom sknce it freaked me out but she 'convinced' me it wasnt real and was just a random fear. I wasnt convinced i just didnt have the energy to deal with it since I was still living with him.

This is a lot but if you read all this I really appreciate it. Is there any possible way I was just a gross little freak in an physically and mentally abusive home?

A few years ago my mom bought a cheap security camera to put on our windowsill since we live in a pretty bad neighborhood. I was completely for this and helped her pick out and angle them right. The cameras are cheap as and only work when youre currently watching them, but its comforting nonetheless.

In the last three weeks she took the camera from the window sill and pointed it to look at the couch. She did this to watch mh littke brother while he's home alone, since he gets anxious and finds comfort in knowing shes there. This doesnt bother me. What bothers me is that me and my sister are home again all day all week. I am an adult and my sister is an older teen who's been home alone a lot, meaning there's no reason for supervision anymore until next week andbthe week after.

I pointed this out and tried to put the camera back on the windowsill, but she keeps getting mad and moving it back, insisting its for my brothers safety. Now, like I said the camera is cheap so you can access it by scanning the qr code on the back, my abuser (her ex husband) comes to pick up my brother and frequently scoops around the house, and I definitely wouldn't put it passed him to get control of the cameras and spy on us. I am also mentally ill, I dont know what I have since my mother doesnt believe in mental illnesses for her family, but I know part of that is i get paranoid about cameras and freak out. This usually results in me tearing up my room and the bathroom trying to find secret hidden cameras that I 100% believe are there.

I dont like being watched, and I dont like being watched without my permission. Even if its by my mom watching me while I sit on the couch. It makes ne feel like i have to perform. I cannot express myself well through speaking so I often try to write emails/texts to her, but she ignores my plea and ends up coming to me and talking st me for an hour about how im wrong and what not.

So, firstly: am i just being paranoid or am I justified in my discomfort and hatred of that thing? And if so what could I do to try and get her to move it? Ive tried turning it around so she cant see but she keeps moving it back.