u/Blk_Gld_He_8er

It’s even cooler when it looks like a RUN DMC logo, and it is the ultimate statement of class when you obscure it with an over shirt so that children and other people in public places that don’t want to see swear words don’t have to read the FUCK part.

When my pwNPD said "I'm not a punishing person like you are"

SMDH

All that denial, and all that energy spent convincing you that YOU were the problem… What changed after their diagnosis? Was there any positivity from them at all, or was it all negative and possibly even worse than prior to their diagnosis? How were they even convinced to be assessed?

I am obviously in the thick of it, judging by how many posts I’ve been making this past week. Thank you all for your stories and advice.

I am 52 years old, and my wife is 47. We’ve been married for two years with a rocky history which I will blame on the possibility of her having BPD and my being clinically “average.”

For the sake of this discussion, I will need fellow Redditors to work with this scenario… PLEASE.

My parents know her and love her. They also know what she is capable of, with her being a recovering alcoholic who has traumatized me in the throes of her addiction. She is three years sober with my support. They want me to leave.

I feel like if she can be diagnosed and understand that her myriad patterns of unhealthy behaviors are very real, and if she can accept this reality with humility and accept a path forward, I could stay with her with the full understanding of what my role needs to be, and behave accordingly, in the face of BPD, to the best of my humble ability.

My family are all wonderful people, and care for me tons, but without understanding just how legitimate my love for her is, even though I’ve expressed it emphatically, that they can’t relate to the amount of empathy I believe I actually have for someone who I know is in pain and is suffering, and did not deserve to be made this way.

Her impulsiveness MUST be curbed. It is extremely anxiety inducing.

The HIDING of “things” she does has got to stop. Honesty is everything.

I feel like I can work with the bizarre narratives and sly disrespect if she accepts that these are real things she does, and works towards healing.

Second marriage for both of us. We’ve been a couple for four and a half years, and married for 2 and a half years. I’m 52 and she’s 47. She’s gorgeous, brilliant, creative, and our politics and esoteric tastes are perfectly aligned. Our physical chemistry is off the charts. She is usually extremely affectionate, as am I.

Her alcoholic abuse in the first year of our relationship was so severe that I had to file a restraining order against her. The police arrested her because she wouldn’t leave the house, and was verbally abusive to them despite their professionalism (calling them "dickheads," etc). They took her to the hospital instead of jail because of how sick she was.

I can’t believe I ever let her come back. But god damn, is she ever charming... Her voice sounds like a beautiful melody, and her mastery of language is exceptional.

She’s three years sober from alcohol, and has severe but possibly unmedicated ADHD. I believe she’s a “dry drunk,” and uses myriad manipulation tactics, including false narratives, love bombing (every time we fight and make up she tells me I’m “perfect”), sly humiliation, and especially JADE trapping, which is the absolute worst. I feel like she understands how sensitive and logic-focused I am, and she needs to exploit it for supply.

I don’t know if it’s BPD, NPD, or both, but somethin’ ain’t right. I knew how she operated before I married her, and she convinced me that abstinence from alcohol would be all she needed. She told me she put in “the work,” but I don’t know what that actually looks like. I have seen no receipts of “work.” AA has been virtual only, and probably one open tab of a meeting in a sea of unrelated open tabs. She succeeds in dragging me down to her level when we argue so she can use it against me to claim that I’m the problem. I detest being that person. She even tells people that I’m bipolar because the anger she provokes in me, deliberately, is allegedly proof, and of course she has tried to convince me I have "anger issues" and I need therapy for them. I feel like she needs to create the eggshells she says she is walking on.

My therapist is likely to put the official PTSD stamp on my file next week due to the alcoholic abuse wife put me through before we were married. Wife claims that I don’t have PTSD because I haven't been officially diagnosed (yet), and that because of the trauma she experienced in her life (and from the restraining order I filed), I don’t know what real trauma is. If she was here right now, she’d use semantics to say I’m misrepresenting her, but yes, that is the gist.

I am fucking DONE.

In addition to the alcoholism and ADHD, she was abused by her mother emotionally and physically, and was SA’d as a kid by a church pastor’s son. Pretty sure these types of trauma often lead to BPD. The narcissistic personality traits are obvious.

I might not have an art history degree, but I know a Picasso when I see one, if you catch my drift.

Second marriage for both of us. We’ve been a couple for four and a half years, and married for 2 and a half years. I’m 52 and she’s 47. She’s gorgeous, brilliant, creative, and our politics and esoteric tastes are perfectly aligned. Our physical chemistry is off the charts. She is usually extremely affectionate, as am I.

Her alcoholic abuse in the first year of our relationship was so severe that I had to file a restraining order against her. The police arrested her because she wouldn’t leave the house, and was verbally abusive to them despite their professionalism (calling them "dickheads," etc). They took her to the hospital instead of jail because of how sick she was.

I can’t believe I ever let her come back. But god damn, is she ever charming... Her voice sounds like a beautiful melody, and her mastery of language is exceptional.

She’s three years sober from alcohol, and has severe but possibly unmedicated ADHD. I believe she’s a “dry drunk,” and uses myriad manipulation tactics, including false narratives, love bombing (every time we fight and make up she tells me I’m “perfect”), sly humiliation, and especially JADE trapping, which is the absolute worst. I feel like she understands how sensitive and logic-focused I am, and she needs to exploit it for supply.

I don’t know if it’s BPD, NPD, or both, but somethin’ ain’t right. I knew how she operated before I married her, and she convinced me that abstinence from alcohol would be all she needed. She told me she put in “the work,” but I don’t know what that actually looks like. I have seen no receipts of “work.” AA has been virtual only, and probably one open tab of a meeting in a sea of unrelated open tabs. She succeeds in dragging me down to her level when we argue so she can use it against me to claim that I’m the problem. I detest being that person. She even tells people that I’m bipolar because the anger she provokes in me, deliberately, is allegedly proof, and of course she has tried to convince me I have "anger issues" and I need therapy for them. I feel like she needs to create the eggshells she says she is walking on.

My therapist is likely to put the official PTSD stamp on my file next week due to the alcoholic abuse wife put me through before we were married. Wife claims that I don’t have PTSD because I haven't been officially diagnosed (yet), and that because of the trauma she experienced in her life (and from the restraining order I filed), I don’t know what real trauma is. If she was here right now, she’d use semantics to say I’m misrepresenting her, but yes, that is the gist.

I am fucking DONE.

In addition to the alcoholism and ADHD, she was abused by her mother emotionally and physically, and was SA’d as a kid by a church pastor’s son. Pretty sure these types of trauma often lead to BPD. The narcissistic personality traits are obvious.

I might not have an art history degree, but I know a Picasso when I see one, if you catch my drift.

It’s been happening to me for a week or two. Completely indiscriminate as to the sub.

Decent and obscure album I had once upon a time when it came out.