u/Clubpenguin8888

The blend of PvE, PvP, the risk/reward of everything, so fun

Before I met my BPD ex I was very naive, fell for people very easily, was very agreeable and happy. Now it’s really hard for me to catch feelings for anyone, I’m more closed off, distrusting (and assume the worst in what are usually innocent traits), and have lost a lot of my actual memories due how severely I was gaslit at a very destructive level. Not just memories from the relationship but I literally cannot remember some things from my childhood anymore due to the abuse.

There needs to be a case study on the amount of damage BPD/NPD relationships actually do on people

I am a decent looking guy, and a great texter, which results in hundreds of matches on dating apps, and most of the time I can get them to show up. However the date always ends up with me being friendzoned or the date ends without them answering a single text afterwards; complete ghost. I’ve dated 2-3 people in my life and have noticed previous patterns of me being codependent, people pleasing, and having a savior complex; completely putting others needs before my own.

The only people that have mostly been interested in me have been energy vampires/very toxic manipulative people (narcissist types) who take advantage of my naivety and caretaker nature. I know women in general are very perceptive and its almost like the healthy women that I want can sniff out something that I’m not seeing (as someone with Asperger’s), and then conversely the toxic ppl sniff me out and are drawn in.

I’ve asked for feedback after dates and they usually repeat the same phrase of “you’re a nice guy, but I’m not looking to date, not looking for something serious, etc” (which are obvious cop-outs because why are you out with me?)

Anyways, as a guy with aspergers is there any true way out of this trap where I can attract healthy women and live a good life with a healthy woman? that’s all I want.

Genuinely exhausting kskflskdjrjfsjkdkskxkxk I can’t take it anymore it’s so unfair

btc just went from 67000 to 65500 while mstr went from 135 to 122 and coinbase is pretty much up today. ouch

There’s so, so much overlap between the BPD schema and NPD (especially covert NPD) that it almost feels like we’re all just describing self centered, unaccountable narcissists with a touch of emotional regulation and impulsivity issues, but even narcissists share those traits. I get it, it’s cluster B, it’s abuse, and the best course is to just leave and never look back, but it is an interesting thought

They act gentle, caring, kind, loyal, and empathetic to the outside world. They act like they are the most moral and saint person that ever spawned on earth, but behind closed doors they aren’t what they purport themselves to be at all, they are mean spirited, rageful, vengeful, and full of venom in the way they speak about other people, and about you. The switchup is crazy

Have extreme self centeredness, they never ask you any questions about you or your life and then act like you are hiding things because you aren’t being “open” with them? Complete madness

Because they pose themselves as the most saint and moral person in the world, they go extreme lengths to cover up lies and misdeeds. Trickle truthing, distorting details, half truths, gaslighting to avoid a shred or ounce of accountability. They take every measure, every length, no matter how dark, to avoid shame and looking like a bad person. They are very hard to catch in a lie. Finally catching my Cluster B cheating at the end was eternally satisfying in a way I can’t explain, thank goodness I’m free

We know cluster B’s see themselves as perpetual, misunderstood “victims” of a “brutal world”. But by inducing themselves to self-made chaos, destroying their own life, future, and job prospects in the process what’s the point? what are they really trying to get out of all of this?

Was the absolute worst part of being with my cluster B. The whole relationship revolved around jealousy around my ex no matter how many times i reassured her, yet she had dozens of talking stages, and sexted up to 100-200 men before we met, and if i made even the slightest fuss about it i was “judging her for her past”. gosh so maddening to think about all over again

Is it worth it to apply for SDSU’s weber college

Before getting with my Cluster B, I was in a relationship with no anxiety, no chaos, someone who supported and helped me accomplish my greatest dreams. The Cluster B had nothing to offer except chaos, drama, prolonged manipulation, couldn’t take care of herself, couldn’t cook and never helped me in any fathomable way that my other relationship did. Literally offered nothing, not even sex, even that was manipulated and held from me. Just stress, chaos, and a nervous system bleeding anxiety.

Yet somehow I felt so much more for them than I did in my previous relationship, stayed through mountains of bullshit, lies, and manipulation that I never, ever would have kept on going for with anyone else. It’s such a strange paradox and I wonder how they reel people in so damn heavily.

Have you ever noticed a dynamic with your cluster B:

You raise an issue, they take it as an attack, you spend a lot of mental and physical energy calming them down and at the end of the circular argument, you soothed them without any solution or fix to the original problem/issue you were upset about

Like you couldn’t tell why or put your finger on it, but after hanging out with them you felt extremely drained/sapped of mental and physical energy. But also felt like you can’t live without them.

is that I gave up all my time, energy, and life into regulating their emotions, just to still get cheated on. A complete lack of remorse, a complete lack of object constancy, and the worst part is that cluster B’s can literally trick their mind into thinking they’re justified in what they do and erase memories of situations that don’t fit their narrative as a saintly, misunderstood victim while they move onto the next person. it’s the most sick, angering part of everything.

I was manipulated, lied to, reality was completely distorted and twisted into pretzels until I didn’t even know what was going on anymore and I fell for all of it. All I did was show my cluster B love, patience, and respect and I was brutally punished for it. Very damaging stuff