u/Clubpenguin8888

1.) They ALWAYS find a way to manufacture chaos, always. They do it in the strangest ways that you wouldn’t think are humanly possible. Their life revolves around chaotic event after chaotic event after chaotic event.

2.) They manufacture problems/issues with you, usually involving you failing the relationship in someway. This could involve them saying you’re not showing them enough love, attention, care, etc but can be for anything. This is to keep you disoriented and confused and to keep you chasing their nonstop goalposts.

3.) They keep you ENGAGED. Remember those circular arguments you kept having with them? Engagement/attention is their fuel, no matter how ridiculous their arguments sound, or how lacking in basic emotional intelligence they are, as long as you are ENGAGED you are getting sucked deeper into the trauma bond without realizing it.

4.) Their favorite terms: “I don’t feel safe” “You’re doing the bare minimum” “You’re not trying to keep this relationship stable for us”. “you’re not a real man”. They say these things when WE ARE the stable and calm “fixers” who walk on eggshells, emotionally regulate them, and caretake their rage/chaos. It’s all just projection and they know what they’re doing.

5.) They deprive you of sleep. They have many stories of failed interpersonal relationships involving being the victim but none where they take any responsibility for their role in why things went sour. They are ALWAYS the victim.

6.) They ruin things you enjoy, or make you feel bad for doing them, because it takes the attention off of them

7.) They triangulate you to keep you disoriented and confused - “so and so coworker agrees with me, all my friends agree with me that you’re the problem”

9.) They are always chronically late, as a subtle power tactic “my time is important” etc etc.

10.) You’ll notice when interacting with them that something feels “off” when talking to them but you can’t quite put your finger on why. The “off” feeling feels exhilarating and exciting in a way, so victims attach quickly and hard to them.

11.) They have a very odd way of telling stories and recounting events, almost as if you feel like they’re only half telling the truth in their account of things/events and in your gut you can tell there’s something off about what they’re saying, but since you’ve been conditioned to walk on eggshells, and are naturally non-confrontational and empathetic, you don’t want to question their account of things.

You’ll notice that anything bad that they’ve done in life they can’t seem to fully recount, but the things you’ve done? Superb memory.

12.) Their language is very confusing, vague, and self absorbed.

13.) They weaponize vagueness/ambiguity. When recounting why you’re a “horrible person” they are JUST vague enough where it seems like they have a little bit of a valid point, but their complaints are usually just small, overly-catastrophized issues/mistakes that you did that every normal person goes through in normal relationships.

14.) They are full of venom/rage. They present themselves like they are the most saint, moral, and misunderstood victims, and they put up a really good front for others, but inside they are seething to the brim with pure rage, usually because they’re catastrophizing every small event that comes into their life.

They distort reality, fake injuries/illnesses, are unable to regulate their emotions and seek others to regulate themselves, assume the worst of all of your intentions, there’s extreme double standards, and when you’re with them you always feel like you’re actively doing, or have done something wrong, even in the brief moments when things are peaceful and you aren’t wrecked with anxiety by their erratic, impulsive behavior.

If you’re naturally empathetic, put others needs before your own, keep your mouth shut when things seem off to keep the peace, or have a disability where you crave dopamine (ADHD/Autism), you are a target.

Stay safe out there guys 👍 getting out is the only option, seriously.

Idk maybe I’m just having a bad day but special interests and obsessions can only distract us for so long. It’s a lonely, painful existence, and I hate the feeling of being lonely, but being around people somehow feels even worse.

Idk man, I just don’t feel like I can connect with 99% of the people in this world. Conversations just feel weirdly surface level, awkward, and there’s just no substance to any of it and I’ll just never get there and have effortless connections like NTs can.

I’m kinda realizing that when I die there’s only going to be a very small handful of people that ever cared about or even knew of me in this planet and it’s a pretty sorrowing thing to think about

You think it’s somebody else so you stop, just to realize it’s your own footsteps; top tier gaming experience

I’m an ecommerce seller whose business and investments go through hypervolatile swings. Recently, I lost a $20,000 package in the mail because it wasn’t insured, and my index fund portfolio is down well over $100,000.

I find myself barely able to sleep or eat and can’t function because I can’t stop thinking about how much money that is and how hard the average person works to earn it. I only get one life and I feel like I’m wasting it stressed out of my mind, physically and mentally depleting myself

From a Stoic perspective, how do I stop tying my emotional state to these swings? How do I accept losses without letting them control me?

God I’m so so dumb, I shipped a big box with $20k worth of valuables in it without insurance (I know, I know). It was shipped as a 32 lb package and when it arrived the box only weighed 16lb. $10,000 completely down the drain. If I file a claim will they actually investigate and charge somebody for this? Or am I just completely screwed

The blend of PvE, PvP, the risk/reward of everything, so fun

Before I met my BPD ex I was very naive, fell for people very easily, was very agreeable and happy. Now it’s really hard for me to catch feelings for anyone, I’m more closed off, distrusting (and assume the worst in what are usually innocent traits), and have lost a lot of my actual memories due how severely I was gaslit at a very destructive level. Not just memories from the relationship but I literally cannot remember some things from my childhood anymore due to the abuse.

There needs to be a case study on the amount of damage BPD/NPD relationships actually do on people

I am a decent looking guy, and a great texter, which results in hundreds of matches on dating apps, and most of the time I can get them to show up. However the date always ends up with me being friendzoned or the date ends without them answering a single text afterwards; complete ghost. I’ve dated 2-3 people in my life and have noticed previous patterns of me being codependent, people pleasing, and having a savior complex; completely putting others needs before my own.

The only people that have mostly been interested in me have been energy vampires/very toxic manipulative people (narcissist types) who take advantage of my naivety and caretaker nature. I know women in general are very perceptive and its almost like the healthy women that I want can sniff out something that I’m not seeing (as someone with Asperger’s), and then conversely the toxic ppl sniff me out and are drawn in.

I’ve asked for feedback after dates and they usually repeat the same phrase of “you’re a nice guy, but I’m not looking to date, not looking for something serious, etc” (which are obvious cop-outs because why are you out with me?)

Anyways, as a guy with aspergers is there any true way out of this trap where I can attract healthy women and live a good life with a healthy woman? that’s all I want.

Genuinely exhausting kskflskdjrjfsjkdkskxkxk I can’t take it anymore it’s so unfair

btc just went from 67000 to 65500 while mstr went from 135 to 122 and coinbase is pretty much up today. ouch

There’s so, so much overlap between the BPD schema and NPD (especially covert NPD) that it almost feels like we’re all just describing self centered, unaccountable narcissists with a touch of emotional regulation and impulsivity issues, but even narcissists share those traits. I get it, it’s cluster B, it’s abuse, and the best course is to just leave and never look back, but it is an interesting thought

They act gentle, caring, kind, loyal, and empathetic to the outside world. They act like they are the most moral and saint person that ever spawned on earth, but behind closed doors they aren’t what they purport themselves to be at all, they are mean spirited, rageful, vengeful, and full of venom in the way they speak about other people, and about you. The switchup is crazy