u/Criddle2025

I have trust issues and grew up around a lot of passive aggressive people so i've been primed to take everything personally (something i'm trying to stop doing) and when ever I get upset about people making generalisations about men I get told "It's not about you" or "If it hurts your feelings than it must apply to you". I know and understand that most don't literally mean all men and are using the word as a shorthand for society at large yet I still take offense to these statements. Are these feelings valid? What should I do about these feelings?

Hi all! It's been about a month since i've started seriously learning and thinking about feminism and i've come a long way since i've started (in part because of this subreddit)! However, I still have lots to learn. I don't feel like i've earned the label of "feminist".

A lot of the material for men feels like it's directed towards educating stereotypical toxic men or people who have gone down the alt-right pipeline, and although that is a useful thing to do for society it's not what I need. I'm looking for more intermediate material. Is their stuff directed towards men who are on the right track but still have more learning to do?

I am aware of bell hooks's work and I already have some of her books on a list of books i'm going to read and I would love to make that list bigger!

Edit:I phrased my post poorly, when I say "for men" I ment stuff about toxic masculinity and gender issues in general. I'm releasing this post might be better suited somewhere else. If so I will take if down and repost it somewhere else if need be. My apologies.🙏

A problem with MRAs that I don't see talked about a lot is that they make it more difficult to talk about abuse against men in good faith (especially in feminist circles).

In the rare event that a man (or masc presenting nb) experiences prejudice on the basis of their gender, how should they handle it? It can be something as small as a mean comment or as severe as physical or verbal abuse. What should they do in the moment?

I know this doesn't happen a lot but I believe MIGHT have happened to me and I want to know how to avoid it happening again. This isn't a theoretical I genuinely need help.

I was born in 2007, I didn't have a lot of friends growing up so I spent a lot of time online. The problem is that I would watch sometimes watch videos about politics and culture war stuff. This was in 2016 when things were getting pretty heated in the world. I was constantly hearing about stuff I simply didn't understand, so I got scared. But I at least had school to distract from it. Until covid happened. I was in 8th grade and I had nothing to do and no one to talk to, so I was online 24/7 hearing about everything bad that was happening in the world and wallowing in my own misery because I didn't have the maturity to process any of it nor the self control to simply log off and touch grass. I had white guilt and internalized misandry before I learned how to fill out a job application. I didn't get to enjoy my childhood because I was busy binge watching gender war debates. I didn't even end up smarter because of it, I only started understanding the nuance of these topics after I graduated high school. Is this common? How do I heal from this?

This isn't an anti-feminist post this about my experiences and declining mental health.

I've been posting a lot on feminist subreddits because I want to get into feminism, but it feels like everytime I try to ask something their they assume i'm acting in bad faith. I just get insulted and talked down too. It's been bringing back memories of my past trauma with my abusive sister. I want to be a good person, I want to fight for women but whenever I try to learn how to I get lumped in with the alt-right (a group I am firmly against). It feels like they hate me without even knowing me. It feels like my feelings don't matter because I'm a man.

The only spaces i've seen talk about men's issues is the manosphere, but there's no way i'm gonna turn to them for help. They just wanna sell me some course or hokey political ideology. They don't care about my feelings. They're worse than the people who hurt me!

It feels like men and women are constantly at eachothers throats all of the time. Half of the population is mad at the other. You're just not allowed to talk about anyone's issues at all. Talk about women's issues: you get labeled as woke or a man-hater. Talk about men's issues:either nobody listens or you get accused of minimizing women's problems.

It feels like all of the progress I made on my mental health has just been flushed away. I'm afraid of asking of asking questions and trying to learn because i'll get verbally beaten down just like when I was a kid. The emotional walls I built to keep myself safe are coming back up.

I know i've already made a post about this a week ago but i've regressed so much since then. This subreddit is the only place I feel truly safe in. This is the only place I can let my guard down.

I’m a diagnosed autistic, so I take everything literally. Even though I’ve gotten better at telling when people are being a hyperbolic or generalizing it still hurts my feelings. I get that because they’ve suffered a lot, but I’ve suffered too. I’ve been used as an outlet for everyone else’s negative emotions all my life but when I share my negative emotions I either get mocked or treated like I’m being unreasonable. Am I being unreasonable? Does it matter if I get my feelings hurt?

This isn’t a theoretical question. I’m autistic and have trouble telling when people are being hyperbolic or making generalizations so I mistakenly believe those critiques are targeted at me specifically and I get my feelings hurt. I know it’s unrealistic to ask people to cater their language to me specifically so I’m hoping to get better at telling the difference. I know that Misandry is a thing but it’s not as common or systemic as misogyny. You were all very helpful on my last post about telling the difference between good and bad faith so I trust that you people can help me.

I see so many questions on this sub that seem reasonable but they get hated on for engaging in bad faith. It made me nervous to post on here, but when I actually did, you were all so nice to me. How are you able to tell that I was being genuine and that other guys weren’t? I need to know I have consumed and spread so many right dog whistles because I took them at face value. Is it because I’m autistic? I was diagnosed when I was two.

I remembered a hypothetical were all men disappear and I can't stop thinking about it for some reason. The thought of randomly disappearing makes wanna cry. I'm terrified of death so the idea of just randomly not existing is making me panic. Even if it's temporary i'm still worried about how the woman in my life would react. My mom would be worried sick, she would NOT handle it well. What if she takes her own life and i'm left without my mom! And the rest of the world would be in chaos with 50% percent of the population disappearing , what if the world I come back to is in complete ruin.

I now it's not real but I can't stop thinking about it. I'm trying to distract myself from it but I can't. I'm fearing for my life even though i'm not in danger. It's been like this for nearly 24 hours! What do I do?

Edit: I've gotten some sleep and my mental state has improved. I think I now that actual reasons why this scared me so much. Lack of control and fear of being a burden. I've had suicidal thoughts before and they didn't scare me because my death would be my decision. And death is inevitable and thus predictable.

Even if I were to die in some freak accident it would still be something physically understandable, but randomly disappearing isn't. If it's a slow process I would have time to panic and fear for my life. But if it's instantaneous (and also temporary then I would just be randomly pushed forward in time we're everything is different because half of the global population disappeared! I would go from just going about my day to being thrusted into a post apocalyptic scenario.

And the aftermath. Either the woman in my life would be horribly traumatized all because of their love for ME, or even scarier their actually better off. What if everything turns out fine and they actually enjoy a world without men. Then when I come back I have to grapple with the fact that all of my female loved ones were better off without me.

Although thinking about this scenario still hurts, now that I know were the source of the pain is REALLY coming from it should be easier to stop or at least manage.

My friend(Mtf 17) wants me(M19) to buy her estrogen from HeraHRT because she hasn't told her dad yet and she's not sure how he'll react. She wants me to use bitcoin to pay for it and ship it to her house. My families financial state really isn't that great and I do not feel comfortable with buying crypto at all. Plus i'm not really independent yet so I'd half to ask my mom. She isn't a transphobe and tries to be supportive but I don't think she gets it. Should I do this and if I shouldn't how do I tell her?

This isn't about anyone in specific, it's just that I never really put myself out there and I don't really know the rules when it comes to this stuff. Obviously you should be on a first name basis with them first but how well should we know each other? Could we get to a point were they're too close too ask out? I don't want to creep out someone i'm not really close to but I also don't want to risk a friendship i've had for years.

Old Art

New Art

Unmasked Design

Inspiration

Walter "Metalhead" Doe is a technological genius who used to have big dreams of becoming an engineer. But after the mafia front he (unknowingly) worked for firebombed his family's house and framed him to keep him quiet, he's been reduced to robbing banks and selling illegal firearms. As you can expect he is deeply unsatisfied with his life, and wishes to do something more meaningful. He is incredibly resentful of the police for arresting him he didn't commit and the crime families who pushed him down this path. These feelings are mostly internal however as he's not a very expressive person. He has quite a dry and morbid sense of humor. He does have a sense of honor though, he'll never go after someone's family (not even his worst enemies), he would never hurt children and will not sell his weapons to governments, minors or the mafia (although that last one is more for personal reasons). Despite his mopey disposition and strict honor code he has become quite the infamous supervillain in the midwestern United States. He is widely known for his ingenuity as he is constantly outsmarting the police and superheroes alike.

I feel like I have to justify all of my thoughts and feelings even when they go against my values. It's just so hard being in the wrong. It feels humiliating even though it shouldn't. I know it's stupid and I should just accept it when i'm wrong but that's not as easy as it sounds! I feel like everyone thinks i'm wrong about everything and I just feel like I need to prove myself right. One of my most cherished childhood memories was in 7th grade when I told my mom I was still on spring break and school hadn't started yet, she didn't believe me. That happiness I felt when we got to school and the building was closed was so satisfying. I was right and she was wrong. I feel like i've been chasing that high ever since.

My last post for context.

I swear I wasn't trying to be! I was gonna support her either way, I just didn't know if they were actually trans or not! But the comments have cause me to reevaluate things. Was it wrong to question my friend? Was I being transphobic without releasing? I'm still young and still learning, I can try and be better!