u/Gloomy_Coconut4459

So for quick context, by this I mean when a senior staff member offers no solution but instead in a group chat reiterates that there are a lot of tasks that group a for instance needs reviewed. I have projects of my own and could technically help, but I have realized that it does me no good to volunteer or help with these things. And no, sucking up doesn't matter either since the only way for me to become senior staff is if an existing senior staff member quits.

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I (25) am trying to figure out if it is smarter / more responsible for me to reach 1 year of total income saved in retirement first or focus on saving for a down payment. If I save for retirement I could probably reach this goal within 2 years versus a down payment for my area would take 5-8 years (based on my income level).

I have been split on where I save, because I want to purchase a home instead of rent, but realistically it would take me nearly a decade to have enough down to afford the payment on something.

Currently:

30k in retirement roth 401k and roth ira

50k in my personal brokerage acct

Essentially, I do and don't hate my job because some weeks I actually get to work as a technical writer (excluding access to SMEs), but then other weeks (more often than not) I am just doing admin type work. Not only that, I am pretty frustrated being caught in another CMS migration for many reasons outside of my control.

I am building stuff outside of work that will help me transition to a different technical writing role (eventual goal is to get out of technical writing entirely), but it will take time and I am sort of stuck doing my current job for the foreseeable future.

Does anyone have any advice on making things work long-term when I have no ownership and the path to ownership is dependent on if someone above me quits?

I enjoy the days I have where I am out scoping or writing documentation, but the rest of the days drag on and I find myself unmotivated to participate at work and am working on being ​less "angry/mad" about things that aren't something I can control. My fight/flight response is to quit as soon as possible, but I know it isn't a possibility for me until next year.​

I am super stubborn, so my real hope in posting this is that Monday through studying I will pass the exam and be able to come back here and update this post.

My first exam I took 2ish months ago and got a 50%. Tonight I took another exam after studying for a few days and got a 57%. I took the Andrew course but didn't really find any of it engaging, so now I am just doing a few other study tricks to cram as much as I can between now and Monday with a plan to take my next practice exam on Saturday.​

Because I view other people's profiles, will turning on my viewing history also show me in other peoples history if I viewed them a month ago for instance? ​

So I 25, was originally planning to reach 100k saved by my 26th birthday, but after doing some new calculations I should reach it about 4 months earlier. I include both my personal investments and retirements in this total, but I am sort of now trying to pre-plan my goals for after reaching this goal.

For instance, if I move out of my parents I would need an apartment fund and it would affect my long term savings, or if I decide to change jobs it might help, etc. So with planning those goals, I am sort of lost on how to keep boosting my investments towards an eventual 250k goal without taking my entire lifetime, but also without just sort of sitting at home 24/7 to save money / not moving out.

Current breakdown:

Current work retirement: 5k

Roth: ​24k

Other investments: 50k

I sort of feel like the Ojai doesn't have the same feel or brand of luxury, and it doesn't really make Waymo feel as worthwhile as an experience compared to a regular Uber.​

So usually all of my hookups are one time things, and even on the occasion that I geuinely connect with a guy, where​ it feels more romantic and sensual that just a hookup things don't usually happen again. About a month ago I 25m hooked up with 34m after months of him on and off messaging me to meetup. I found him extremely attractive and everything went good with the hookup even though we didn't kiss or anything, but now he reached out again wanting to meet. He also mentioned that he hasn't seen anyone else sense and prior from my asking, he would do something once or twice a week with guys.

My question is sort of gauging if there is something more there since he wants to meet again and because he reached out to me. Not only that, but we live about 35 minutes from each other and he always finds me on the app and so it becomes more obvious to me that he was looking for me specifically because otherwise I wouldn't show up at all. ​

I have been using it for 5ish months, but haven't seen any comments about it so was curious if anyone else likes it or if they switched to something better?

So for context, I [m25] have been trying dating for the first time, and after about meeting 5 different guys, I sort of have lost hope in a relationship. Some of the biggest issues of me thus far have been things that historically bothered me when I tried to date guys before (obsessed with money, snobby, or know it alls), or currently it seems most guys are immature (all older than me) and lead every messy lives. Two guys both had huge massive tvs in every room which bothered me becayse the rest of their home was completely disgusting. It sort of felt like yeah these guys are spending money and having nice possessions but they live like they dont clean after themselves at all. This is something I really didn't think would be a thing with gay guys, but now that I am seeing it across a variety of guys, I sort of am losing hope on the end of like even if a dude is attractive, I would rather stay single than live in filth or clean up when someone else doesn't care. My other issue has also been the sort of act of hooking up, where it is mostly weird body contact and sort of mutual jerking and idk a lack of romance or hotness that makes me feel like wow I love this guy. It is all stuff that just sort of makes me feel like I am lying flat in bed and things are just happening and I am trying to be nice about it. To which point, the entire time I am with these guys I am thinking about when it will end. It just seems like the guys who have their lives put together and a clean house are all very extreme type a personalities and the guys who might be ok live and lead a life of a chaos. Point being, it is a bit exhausting to date or try to date when guys either are obsessive or uninterested but "engaged," and then getting to meet them in person and realizing that between the sex, the messes or lifestyle (guys who focus so much on drinking or buying cars), that turns me off so much. Am I just picky? Or is this sort of the dating bracket I find myself in due to my apperance (bear)?

I feel like I have come full circle in realizing one of two things. That obsessions are annoying, and that I am a terrible person. For almost 4ish years I obsessed over one guy and got close to getting him on a date a few times only to then be ghosted while he is still actively online. I felt like it was crushing my entire world, but tonight I sort of did the same thing to someone else and it made me realize how annoying of a person I was to desperately try to get his attention.

For the date tonight, ​everything sort of complied in the sense of me being immature and not ready to date, but also me sort of realizing that I might not have a SO out there. Basically after arriving and finding out it was a 50 minute wait and him saying we could just sit at the bar I bailed.

Before that I sort of was less and less into him because he messaged me constantly and was focused on sex stuff and told me he couldn't pay but I could top him after which the paying part didn't bother me but even when I said I don't drink he said "you might with me" sort of deal. Besides that, he did a very quick latching on saying we were boyfriends, etc. And everything felt so overwhelming to me, but I wasn't sure how to cancel and thought that it was just something I should do to get practice with going on dates. There are other factors, like for instance it just felt super transactional and I didn't even want to go to a restaurant type place because I never go to those type of places.

Anyways, point of post is I sort of realized I am kind of horrible and shouldnt pursue dating with guys that I am not actually into, and for guys I am into I should not chase them because it probably just makes me more off-putting than ever.

So, I posted a while ago something similiar with a [M31], but it sort of led to a spiral of constant ghosting. This guy on the other hand I've hooked up with before months ago and he seems really into me. I am somewhat into him, so I decided to give it a shot.

I've never been on a date or dated anyone before, and so am a bit nervous in part because I also am vegan and don't eat at mainstream restaurants, however he suggested to. I don't really care about the eating part, but I am so excited to sort of go on a date for the first time ever.

However, I have so many conflicting emotions about this including his age (he looks way younger), sort of if I am actually wanting to date anyone, etc. Most of my thoughts are still on the perfect guy whos situated but I also figure it is worth giving this guy a shot.

Another point, he mentioned going to his place after and soending the night, but my current living situation limits my out of home time to around 2ish hours max... so he sort of knows that part of me but it is weird.

Point being, I hope it goes well for a first time thing for me.

I like to upload my daily log to one of my Claude projects to better evaluate my trends. Is there a way to export data?

I made seitan once years ago and it took me hours to make. I really want to get into making seitan again, but was curious what recipes exist that don't require a lot of effort. Sort of like small seitan pieces and just dipping sauce vibes.​

So for some context, I have never dated in my life, however most recently (this year) I've stsrted being proactive about asking guys out on dates versus waiting for someone to ask me out. I gave up dating pre-covid and thought that this time I would have more success and luck.

One guy notably really had my interest for months (and still does) but after continually ghosting me after I started asking him out, I realize that for whatever reasons he isn't actually interested in me. Valid, but then I tried tinder again, tried asking a few other guys out who seemed into me with no luck.

I saw a video that suggested like letting people chase you versus trying to chase people, and I get it to a degree, so now I am wondering if taking about a year's break from any and all gay dating/hookup apps would even things out. Sort of give me a fresh perspective and look (also change in apperance via gym) that would make this sort of path easier.

Like ideally I want to date to marry vibe, and I still can't fully get over the guy [31] who I really liked, and so to shake that feeling, complete avoidance and moving in a year will help me sort of value being alone again.

I am nearing 3 years of total work experience as a technical writer across 2 companies. I mostly get assigned tasks, but I do the work to meet with SMEs, organize and manage my project from scoping to publication and updating release notes after. (Similiar process for both roles).

For context, I am applying to jobs almost everyday, but where I stand now with my years of experience, I have no real competitive edge.

My job is making this worse, because I don't do anything pivotal, all my work is centered on tedious updates passed onto me from senior staff and no matter how much I advocate for more ownership, it doesn't happen. I get great reviews from my managers, the issue is that the company has rules in place so unless someone quits and I get promoted in their place I am stuck.​

I am actively working on a portfolio to get into API documentation, but I am finding that the boredom of my job is making me unmotivated with life in general. I have been applying to more in-person roles (thinking it might help), but also I have been trying for analyst positions as well.

Any advice on getting out of my head and doing something so that I don't completely lose my mind?