u/Possible-Elk-919

So am I homo or not? 🥀 I like to fantasize about a hypothetical situation where I'm straight and had a girlfriend but I don't really feel attracted to girls irl that way :< However, I don't entirely hate the idea of having a girlfriend either. like I have dated girls online but it's never been a serious relationship

I really want one but I'm trans so my options are already very limited... 2 months ago I got out of relationship with my ex bf online bc I found out he was just using me for clout and stuff and he didn't actually love me which really hurt bc I found out from his friends that he'd shit talked about me and call me transphobic slurs. Anyway, I don't think I'm capable of finding any boy who will love me ENTIRELY as I am. Also I fucking hate that the reason most men won't date me is because I'm a trans man. I told my ex crush I liked him a year ago and he liked me too until... I told him I'm trans and suddenly he freaked out and said he was just joking and it really fucking hurt when he said he's not "gay like that." YEAH FUCK I'M NEVER FINDING TRUE LOVE. I'm destined to end up all alone

Yesterday was my 17th birthday and she took me out for shopping and let me buy whatever I WANTED (which is rare) I did get a shirt she liked tho. However, almost EVERYTHING I got was from the BOY'S SECTION AAIDJSJWKWLAMW I'm gon cry 😭 I never thought I she'd let me do that although she did seem a little pissed when I got almost everything from the boy's section and nothing too girly T-T Maybe that's why she got me a flower embroidery shirt from the girl's section, but I like it :) YIPPEE I'M SO HAPPY. I think she's trying to be more understanding and I'm glad to see her put in at least a little effort

I fucking hate it why can't she buy me a binder instead?? but I can't fucking tell her bc she's transphobic asf and we are going out in a few days and she insists I must wear something breathable. I had to pretend to try it on and shit I feel so incredibly dysphoric... They ain't even sports ones, they are regular meant to lift your fucking chest I told her to buy me a smalelr size or sport ones at least but she never fucking listens to me and got the wrong idea instead. I feel dysphoric as fuck now it's already hell having to girlmode all the time and not having any support fuck my fucking life

I wanna be y'all's friend :> I'm just a normal gay teen weirdo thing also apparently i'm unc now bc i turn 17 next week 🥀

I don't know if I even want kids but it sucks that since I'm a trans guy and don't have a male body anatomy, I can't produce sperm bc I don't have testicles and I can't reproduce like a cis man and it hurts so much... I know there's ways to have kids as a trans guy but I don't want to get pregnant, just the thought disgusts me so much and makes me so dysphoric knowing I can reproduce like a woman, but not like a man when I am a man. I don't even want kids but the fact that I can't produce sperm and reproduce like a cis man gives me immense dysphoria idk if anyone can relate? What should I do about this it makes me so dysphoric and depressed

I'm not on hrt and I don’t even take any birth control; idk how my body just skipped 2 months. Wohoo! I guess it's kinda nice. but idk if it's permanently gone or it's due to some hormonal imbalance/health issues. I've been feeling unusually tired lately and I'm afraid it's gonna return soon and it gives me so much anxiety. I haven't told my parents and I don't plan to consult a doctor either bc I'm scared they'll prescribe me something with estrogen in it and it will be back T-T If It returns, I'm defo finding a way to get on birth control

New laws made it illegal to get any trans surgeries or hrt in my country even if you're an adult. Should I just diy top surgery atp? (I know it's very dangerous and almost zero success rate) Idek how that works I just want these hell sacks goneee forever. It makes me feel so disgusted and dysphoric all the time :(

My brilliant plan is to ask my parents for it on my birthday next month so they can't be too mad at me (at least for 1 day hopefully) I will show them a reference pic of a girl with a pixie/bob haircut saying that's what I want so hopefully they won't react too negatively, but then I'll show my hairdresser the masculine short haircut I really want. IT CAN'T BE REVERSED AFTER I GET IT MUHAHAHA and I can just say the hairdresser accidentally cut it too short. I'm such a genius oh my gahh. I'll update y'all if it works in exactly 16 days :)