u/ResidentAlienator

Not gonna lie, been going through a really tough time recently. I just can't bring myself to care about how I look when I'm around the house. For years, most of our neighbors barely spent any time in their backyard. Lately, though, they've been spending a lot of time outside. I don't wear a bra when I'm at home or in my backyard because my boobs are large and they get sore after an entire day of wearing a bra. I wear what I call "house clothes" which are super shabby and run down. I honestly just look like crap right now too because I've been sleeping poorly and crying a ton.

All of this was kind of fine my neighbors started hanging out in their backyards a bunch. There have been a few times in the last few weeks when I've come out and different people who live in the house behind me have been randomly filming in my general direction. What they're filming makes absolutely no sense. I just saw one of them filming and they quickly moved away from me when they saw that I saw them. I know that the obvious issue is to wear better clothes and maybe a bra, but I still look like crap regardless and don't like being filmed. I just don't really know what to do about this and it's just adding to an already stressful time.

Edit: No funds to build a bigger fence, but even if I did, they have a split level house and the stairs that lead to their backyard (which someone was filming from once) are so high above my yard that I'd need to build like a 20 foot fence.

I started achieving big things when I was a kid. Won multiple national championships before I was 18, full athletic scholarship to one of the best universities in the world, got a grant to live abroad to do my dissertation research, and got a PhD. I know I've always been a bit of a dreamer but, realistically, I've dreamed big and achieved those dreams. But slowly, along the way, I realized that some of these dreams were nightmares I just wasn't willing to see. I got sick due to all of the stress and for the past 7 years I've been trying so hard to figure out both how to support myself and get better. I was making some headway with both until I ended up processing some trauma from my childhood. It was very unexpected and the grief hit me like a freight train. I'm doing better, but one of the things I've realized I'm having trouble doing is dreaming about my future. I'm not sure if it was my coping mechanism of choice before I sufficiently dealt with trauma, but I know it was giving me a lot of hope. Now, I just feel like it's time to face reality and the fact that the things I've been dreaming of for years are either completely unrealistic due to my health issues or are probably just not a good fit for who I am now as a person.

I feel like I'm starting over at almost 40. I spent my whole adult life thinking once I achieved what I needed to that my social life would work itself out. I know I also used to chase excitement in lieu of creating connections, but I also think some of my best connections WERE the excitement I was craving, I just have trouble finding those types of people. I now know I should have been putting effort into maintaining old relationships that were important to me and into creating new relationships. On top of all of this, I don't feel like I'm living in a place that's a good fit for my personality, but I have no idea where else I'd want to live. I feel like in the process of trying to achieve my dreams I've been running away from dealing with not living a meaningful life. Due to my health issues, I still can't support myself so moving isn't an option, but I feel so stuck. Any advice? I know part of this is me freaking out about turning 40 and just having a kind of shit social life/network.

I started achieving big things when I was a kid. Won multiple national championships before I was 18, full athletic scholarship to one of the best universities in the world, got a grant to live abroad to do my dissertation research, and got a PhD. I know I've always been a bit of a dreamer but, realistically, I've dreamed big and achieved those dreams. But slowly, along the way, I realized that some of these dreams were nightmares I just wasn't willing to see. I got sick due to all of the stress and for the past 7 years I've been trying so hard to figure out both how to support myself and get better. I was making some headway with both until I ended up processing some trauma from my childhood. It was very unexpected and the grief hit me like a freight train. I'm doing better, but one of the things I've realized I'm having trouble doing is dreaming about my future. I'm not sure if it was my coping mechanism of choice before I sufficiently dealt with trauma, but I know it was giving me a lot of hope. Now, I just feel like it's time to face reality and the fact that the things I've been dreaming of for years are either completely unrealistic due to my health issues or are probably just not a good fit for who I am now as a person.

I feel like I'm starting over at almost 40. I spent my whole adult life thinking once I achieved what I needed to that my social life would work itself out. I now know I should have been putting effort into maintaining old relationships that were important to me and into creating new relationships. On top of all of this, I don't feel like I'm living in a place that's a good fit for my personality, but I have no idea where else I'd want to live. I feel like in the process of trying to achieve my dreams I've been running away from dealing with not living a meaningful life. Due to my health issues, I still can't support myself so moving isn't an option, but I feel so stuck. Any advice? I know part of this is me freaking out about turning 40 and just having a kind of shit social life/network.

I don't use physical exfoliants on my face. I've read that they're not good for your face so I use Paula's Choice salicylic acid. I'm a complete newbie, but think I want to use St. Tropez Self Tan Purity Bronzing Water Face Mist just because it seems easier than anything else I've found. Regardless of what you all use, though, I'm wondering how you exfoliate your face specifically.

I have chronic fatigue and realize I've used it to self isolate. I know I have limits, but I want to start expanding what I can do. So what are some fun, exciting thing you do despite having a low income?

I've been very good about wearing sunscreen on my face lately, but generally don't on the rest of my body if I'm not going to be outside a bunch. As such, my face and neck are very pale. I really only want to put self-tanner on my face and neck, but I'm worried about how to apply it to the rest of the top of my body, especially considering the fact that I sometimes wear v-neck dresses. How am I supposed to blend this out so that it doesn't look so weird on my chest?

I was incredibly successful when I was younger. I was a national caliber athlete, got an athletic scholarship to one of the best schools in the country, and now have a PhD. I know I had talent and I did work hard, but a lot of my success was due to my parents setting everything up for me to succeed. If it had been up to me, I'd have probably been good at all of these things, but not great. Now, I've developed a bunch of chronic illnesses, likely due to repressing all of my emotions, and I feel like I can't do anything. Ever since I finally admitted to my therapist, and myself, the trauma I experienced in childhood I have these intense feelings like I have no idea how to build a decent life and never will. I just feel like such a fucking loser with nobody who actually cares about them now that they can't function as an adult. I miss being taken care of, but also my emotions are still on such a rollercoaster now that I don't even think I can put the effort into creating relationships that I feel so badly I need. I feel an immense regret for not keeping in contact with people that cared about me and now I feel like I don't have enough in common with them to develop any kind of meaningful relationship.

I'm not sure if this is the right sub, so I'll take recommendations for other places. Long story short, I've been a bit unhappy with my body shape lately. I've started working out again and doing exercises to widen my hips, but I know there's only so much that can help. The thing is, I think I've been accidentally shaping my body due to clothing choices. I am somewhat tall and have a long torso. That's meant that pants and shorts never fit quite well. At some point, no matter what the cut of the pant was, they started sliding down to where low rise jeans hit me. Add to that the fact that I was wearing bikini underwear that was too small for me and I have a very flat FUPA region. The problem with that is that I have a fair amount out fat round my mid section and sometimes I bloat when I eat (due to health issues I'm addressing but that will take time), so it often looks like I'm pregnant. I think the sides of my underwear have also created bulges in my hip area that I don't like. I'm wondering if it's possible to redistribute any of the fat from my abdomen down to my FUPA or my hips. I know there are corset things that do something like this, but I'm wondering if what I'm envisioning is unrealistic. Thoughts?

I feel like my hair has gotten so oily lately. I cannot afford a soft water shower head or home system and I travel enough to places that have hard water that I need a shampoo that works even with hard water. I'm honestly ok if I use a system, like put something on my hair before showering, but I tried putting cornstarch on my hair right before showering to soak up the oil but that didn't work well enough. I have to shower at night due to a chronic illness and by the next day, my hair is already starting to get oily. Dry shampoo just doesn't work well enough for it to be my go to solution all of the time. Has anybody found something that works?

I realize I can't be exactly that happy version, but I was working towards that, was doing fairly well there for a while, and then finally started processing the trauma from my childhood. It's been so, so much harder than I thought it would be. The thing was, I thought my parents were actually pretty supportive. My father was an alcoholic and pretty volatile, but enjoyable at times (I think he was bipolar) did a ton for me to succeed. I always thought my mother was pretty supportive too. I never felt pressure to succeed, at least I didn't think I did, I was just doing what I was "supposed" to do. I did like them, not gonna lie, in a very true way. I never really wanted to achieve because I felt like I needed the achievement, I just really, really, liked pushing myself too see what I could do. I ended up being a national caliber athlete and getting an athletic scholarship to one of the best universities in the world. In high school and college, I was really happy. Then grad school came and the stress started getting to me until I got so sick I could barely function. I found a trauma therapist a couple years ago and things were going remarkably well until a series of events caused me to finally admit my father's abuse. In that process, I very unexpectedly realized that it was my mother's behavior that caused me to not understand how to process difficult emotions, which I think was the source of all my troubles. I was always told to be the strong one for what seems like no good reason because she was perfectly fine giving emotional support to my younger sister. Until I started processing these emotions, I was actually finally starting to integrate my younger, happy curious, self, with the "angry" version of myself that I developed in grad school (which was the whole reason I started this therapy). My therapist is beyond amazing, but we only have so much time each session and I can't afford anything more. I feel like I got this glimpse of who I wanted to be as an adult. Someone fun and funny, but supportive and connected. For two months now I've been in a free fall, barely able to access any joy. Certainly not able to access that happy childhood self that was suppressing her emotions. It almost feels like it's not safe to be her. Can anybody else relate? Is this just something I have to go through to figure out how to be happy again?

I really want to try to get my TMJD figured out, but I do not have any money to see a dentist and PT has worked only marginally. I have how asymmetrical my face is and I'm trying to figure out what to target based on what is likely to be the cause. Should I be focusing more on the right side of my face? I've just started doing gua sha again and been doing exercises where I shift my jaw (aligning my two front teeth and opening/closing slowly), which have helped mildly. Any other ideas?

Everything I keep finding now is boho or retro flower designs, neither of which are really my taste. Most of the stuff I've found on Amazon that I've liked is synthetic and I'm trying to move away from that. I'd say I'm looking for casual to slightly nicer, like something you might wear out to a regular night out at a dive bar but could maybe dress up a little with the right jacket and shoes. I have a ton of monochromatic/black dresses, looking for something with a fun, but not too busy, design.

Located in the US, size XL/XXL, and price point would preferably be under $50, but would go up to $100 for the perfect dress.

I used to use deodorant to deal with chub rub, but I'd really like to get some shorts. I like a more breathable material but the cotton stuff that I find either looks thin or is a blend. Any recommendations?

I've been realizing that I just don't feel like I fit in with a lot of my friends. I've had some friendships fade over the past five years, some of which were lifelong friendships, after I finally realized some of them were jealous of what I had achieved. When I was an athlete, I knew there were other teammates who were like this, but didn't not realize this was happening with people I'd considered friends until fairly recently. I have a degree from an elite college and a PhD, but don't work in academia so am not really around academics a whole lot anymore. Plus, I had some bad experiences with academics making judgmental, passive aggressive, comments because of my undergrad degree. I have some amazing friends who truly see me for me, but they don't live where I do anymore. I have one major in person friend group now that consists of people that I feel like I make nervous because I'm a lot and one of them seems really, really, uncomfortable around me, which makes me uncomfortable in turn. I feel like I make friends with a lot of introverts and while I get along with a lot of them individually, once I join a group with them, I tend to feel a bit uncomfortable. So, any tricks for where I might find people like me?

I've been recently experiencing limerence for the first time in my life when I finally started processing my childhood trauma. It's been really hard and I feel like I can't stop thinking about anything else. I've been waffling between thinking this is an obsession and this is the only way for me to safely process my trauma since my LO was one of the few "safe" adults I had in my life. I have a great trauma therapist, but I also have chronic fatigue and don't work. The limerence has gotten better but it consumes my thoughts. Before this, I was really hopeful about my future, kept daydreaming about a lot of things that I hoped would happen. This thought pattern was a bit new to me as I used to think a lot about the past and what I wish I could change. Now, I can't even daydream about anything without bringing it back to my LO. I have so many hours in the day when I used to like to let my mind wander because I have chronic fatigue and can't work much. It was nice and relaxing, but now those hours have expanded. I can't seem to stop thinking about him no matter what I do. Even when I try to think about the things I was thinking about before, it's like there's a block in my brain. What can I do?

I'm seeing a therapist about this, but we have so much to unpack for the next several weeks that I'm not sure we'll be able to dive into this. She had me take an attachment style assessment and I came out slightly dominant in avoidant attachment. The thing is, I don't think I have an issue getting close with people once a friendship develops, but I'm a bit particular about the people I'm comfortable with and so I find it hard to reach out to new people. I've tried doing more events over the past year and just haven't met anybody who has become a friend. I feel like I just don't understand how to be social enough to even start to get to know someone, although once I find my "people" I'm usually fine. Any advice? Is it just a numbers game where I have to keep putting myself out there until I find some people I connect with?

I've been looking at Al-Anon, but I'm not sure it feels healing enough for me. My father was an alcoholic but he's dead. I know my mom enabled him, and still won't admit his abuse. I've been working with an amazing therapist for a couple years to deal with some of the fall out of my parents not caring for me in the way I needed, which has been working, but it took me until recently to admit how much my father's abuse affected me and to even realize that my mother enabled him. I feel like I'm finally beginning to heal, but going to Al-Anon might pull me back into the trauma because I'm not experiencing my father's abuse anymore. I feel like ACA seems more healing, which is what I need. I also, however, have trouble connecting with people and I'd like to meet more people who've had experiences like me, but ACA doesn't have any meetings in my area.

I've recently found out that due to both my father's alcoholism and my mother's insistence that I be "strong" that I developed an avoidant attachment style. I honestly did not realize how this affected me until now. I just really regret that I didn't value some of the relationships that I wish I would have. Some I feel I can re-develop, some I don't think I can and that makes me really, really sad. That being said, I also feel like a lot of the friends I made and men I dated were just the people I found. While there are a few friends I feel like I could have stayed in touch with, there is literally one man I have met in the last two decades who I think I might not have dated because of fear, although I think I might have just not been attracted to him. Otherwise, I don't meet men. I was a very good athlete in an aggressive sport, so I know that I intimidated some boys, and I have a degree from an impressive university, plus a PhD, so I'm just not sure if I intimidate men now too. I just literally have not met anybody I've been interested in who is interested in me. I also don't feel like I meet many women to be friends with either. Every so often I meet someone I want to be friends with, but nobody I seem to connect with ever seems to want to stay friends with me. I know in the past I've been bad about connecting with people and valuing good friendships, but the rare times that I meet friends, I just don't seem to be able to make them move to friendships. It feels like this problem is outside of me, but is it?

I know that this a family disease and my mother definitely enabled my father, frankly she still does. I've been in trauma therapy for a couple years and it took me almost that long to start processing the emotions I had been repressing. It's frankly been a really rough couple of months, but I finally feel like I'm beginning to move on. I'm worried that being in a group of people who are currently dealing with alcoholic loved ones is going to pull me back into the really dark place I've finally started getting out of. My therapist has been doing an amazing job and I want to connect with other people going through the same stuff, I'm just worried about the potential fall out.

I (39F) was reading about laser hair removal and didn't know it can cause peach fuzz to grow back darker. The dark hair on my face is fairly patchy, so it's surrounded by peach fuzz. I was leaning towards laser hair removal for the quick results, but not I'm really concerned