A plus ou moins 6-7 ans du décaissement, vous metteriez ca dans quel FNB?
XEQT trop ''risqué''?

TL;DR: I was planning our joint retirement, but my wife prefers to postpone her savings to enjoy the present and asked me to just take care of my own retirement planning for now. By planning only for myself, I realized I am already almost Coast FIRE. I feel uneasy about this. How do you manage this mismatch in vision as a couple?

​I'd love to hear your thoughts or experiences regarding couples' dynamics when it comes to money and retirement. ​We're slowly approaching our forties (together since our early twenties). About 10 years ago, I took charge of our finances. I have a mathematical mind and enjoy this stuff, which allowed us to structure our budget, our goals, and get out of debt. Today, I feel it gave us good discipline to live within our means. The only things left are my wife’s student loan and, obviously, the mortgage.

​I make around $90K and my wife around $35K (she's waiting for a permanent position in the healthcare system). I am also the more frugal of the two—let's say I'm relatively simple/cheap and I own it, though my wife isn't a big spender either. Our household income is around a 75/25 split, and I've always shared all my income for the couple and the family.

​The journey so far ​About 5 years ago, my employer started offering a group RRSP, so I began contributing 3% to get the employer match. That was the trigger to start saving for retirement, and I've educated myself a lot since then. I realized we had accumulated "delay" and missed out on some of the compound interest of our youth. So I started investing on my own via Wealthsimple less than 5 years ago, a bit more "aggressively." Result: we just crossed our first $110K in savings 🎉

​I did the math for the future: with a joint target of $75K per year in retirement, I was aiming for retirement at 65 (ideally 60!). In my mind, I was preparing all of this for both of us globally, so she wouldn't have to worry about it. She works just as hard as I do, so I don't see why she should be penalized just because of her lower salary. ​The friction point

​We had a discussion recently, and she told me clearly that she's not interested in thinking about retirement for now. She appreciates what I do, but she prefers that I "figure it out" on my side and she'll look into it later, around 40-45. She will have access to the RREGOP [public sector pension plan / Québec Pension Plan equivalent] (which is great), but since she started at 35 and wants to work part-time (around 25 hours a week), her pension should be around $15K.

​I understand her stance and I can't (nor do I want to) force her to save. She clearly prefers to enjoy the present a bit more and "save less as a couple to spend more."

​The unexpected discovery: ​Recently, I played with a financial calculator in "if I only look after my own retirement" mode. I realized I am already practically Coast FIRE: if I simply keep contributing my 3% through my group RRSP until retirement, I literally don't need to inject another single dollar. I could in principle retire at 60 without any problem. ​It's nice to discover, but I'm still uneasy...

​My questions: ​I had good intentions of building financial freedom for both of us, but she seems to prefer a lifestyle where she pushes it off to later. I have to accept it, but I find it weird to think I could be "ready" and financially free, while she will probably have to work until 65 or more given her desired lifestyle.

​How do you manage this? Are there people here where only one spouse aims for financial independence/early retirement while the other is in standard/late work-and-retirement mode? How do you navigate this mismatch in your couple's vision?

​I feel like I'm in a grey zone where my "excess" savings put me in a super comfortable position, but I struggle with the couple dynamics that come with it.

​Note 1: Don't worry, the family doesn't lack anything, we treat ourselves often, go on trips, and she buys what she wants. Of course, for big expenses or major projects, we talk it over as a team!

​Note 2: Yes, yes, I used AI, I was feeling lazy, long live upcoming vacations haha)

​Edit: For the Coast FIRE portion, those were the broad strokes regarding my share of yearly expenses. Yes, I am frugal. ​But yes, at $110K + my RRSP contribution + employer portion, at a 5% return (net of inflation), I reach $700K at 65. If I factor in $25K from QPP [Québec Pension Plan] and OAS [Old Age Security], there's only $10K to $15K net left to cover my lifestyle.

​So even drawing down $20K gross, at $700K the math checks out, right?

TLDR: Je planifiais notre retraite de couple, mais ma femme préfère reporter son épargne pour profiter et me demande de m'occuper seulement de ma planif retraite pour l'instant. En ne planifiant que pour moi, je réalise que je suis déjà presque en mode coasting pour l'épargne**. J'ai un malaise dans ce cas. Comment gérez-vous ce décalage de vision en couple ?**

J'aimerais avoir vos avis ou vos expériences sur une dynamique de couple liée à l'argent et à la retraite.

On approche tranquillement de la quarantaine (en couple depuis le début de notre vingtaine). Il y a une dizaine d'années, j'ai pris nos finances en main. J'ai l'esprit mathématique et j'aime ça, ce qui nous a permis de structurer notre budget, nos objectifs et de libérer nos dettes. Je considère aujourd'hui que ça nous a donné une bonne discipline pour vivre selon nos moyens. Il ne reste plus que le prêt étudiant de ma femme et, évidemment, l'hypothèque.

Je fais environ 90K$et ma femme environ 35K$ (elle est en attente d'un poste officiel dans le réseau de la santé). Je suis aussi le plus économe des deux, disons que je suis relativement simpliste/radin et je l'assume, sans que ma femme ne soit une grande dépensière non plus. Notre revenu familial tourne autour d'un ratio 75/25, et j'ai toujours partagé tous mes revenus pour le couple et la famille.

Le parcours jusqu'ici

Il y a environ 5 ans, mon employeur a commencé à offrir un REER collectif, alors j'ai commencé à mettre 3% pour avoir le match de l'employeur. Ç'a été le déclic pour commencer à épargner pour la retraite, et je me suis beaucoup éduqué depuis ce temps. J'ai réalisé qu'on avait accumulé du "retard" et manqué une partie des intérêts composés de notre jeunesse. J'ai donc commencé à investir par moi-même via Wealthsimple il y a moins de 5 ans, un peu plus ''massivement''. Résultat, on vient de franchir notre premier 110K$ d'économies 🎉

J'ai fait mes calculs pour la suite : avec un objectif conjoint de 75K$ par an à la retraite, je visais un départ à 65 ans (idéalement 60 !). Dans ma tête, je préparais tout ça pour nous deux, de façon globale, pour qu'elle n'ait pas à s'en faire avec ça. Elle travaille aussi fort que moi, donc je ne vois pas pourquoi elle serait pénalisée juste à cause de son plus petit salaire.

Le point de friction

On a eu une discussion récemment, et elle m'a dit clairement que ça ne l'intéressait pas de penser à la retraite pour l'instant. Elle apprécie ce que je fais, mais elle préfère que je "m'arrange" de mon côté et elle verra plus tard, vers 40-45 ans. Elle aura accès au RREGOP (ce qui est super), mais comme elle a commencé à 35 ans et veut faire du temps partiel (environ 25h), sa rente devrait tourner autour de 15K$.

Je comprends son positionnement et je ne peux (ni ne veux) la forcer à épargner. Elle préfère visiblement profiter un peu plus du moment présent et "épargner moins en couple pour dépenser plus".

La découverte inattendue

Récemment, j'ai joué avec un calculateur financier en mode "si je m'occupe uniquement de ma propre retraite". J'ai réalisé que je suis déjà pratiquement Coast FI : si je continue simplement à cotiser mon 3% + 3% via mon REER collectif jusqu'à ma retraite, je n'ai littéralement plus besoin d'injecter un seul dollar de plus. Je pourrais possiblement me retirer même plus tôt, avec un peu d'effort.

C'est plaisant à découvrir, mais je suis quand même mal à l'aise...

Mes questionnements

J'avais une bonne intention de bâtir la liberté financière pour nous deux, mais elle semble préférer un mode de vie où elle remet ça à plus tard. Je dois l'accepter, mais je trouve ça bizarre de me dire que je pourrais être "prêt" et financièrement libre, alors qu'elle va probablement devoir travailler jusqu'à 65 ans ou plus vu son mode de vie souhaité.

Comment gérez-vous ça ? Est-ce qu'il y a des gens ici dont un seul des conjoints vise la liberté financière/retraite hâtive pendant que l'autre est en mode travail et retraite standard/tardive ? Comment naviguez-vous avec ce décalage dans les visions du couple ?

J'ai l'impression de me retrouver dans une zone grise où mon "excès" d'épargne me met dans une position super confortable, mais j'ai de la difficulté avec la dynamique de couple que ça implique.

Note1 : Ne vous inquiétez pas, la famille ne manque de rien, on se gâte souvent, on va en voyage, et elle achète ce qu'elle veut. Bien sûr, pour les grosses dépenses ou projets majeurs, on s'en parle en équipe !)

Note 2: Oui oui j'ai utilisé l'IA, je feelais paresseux, vivement les vacances qui approches haha)

Edit: Pour la portion coastfire, c'étais les grandes lignes par rapport a ma portion de dépenses par année. Oui je suis frugale.

Mais oui a 110K + ma cotisation REER + portion employeur, a un rendement de 5% ( net dinflation), j'arrive a 700K à 65 ans. Si je considère le 25K de RRQ ET PSV, il reste 10 a 15K net à couvrir pour mon train de vie.

Donc meme en décaissant 20K brute, a 700K les maths sont bonnes, non?

​My wife and I have 3 kids. We are very different people, but I’ve always seen that as a strength—we complement each other. I am more rational and analytical, while she is more emotional and spontaneous. She also struggles a lot with anxiety. I get stressed too, of course, but I find it much easier to let things go.

​I don't know if I'm just suddenly noticing it more or if her behavior has actually shifted, but she sighs a lot.

​Sighing when she's in pain is normal, but this is happening constantly. Where it starts to get to me is that she sighs over almost everything: work, chores she dislikes, things not going according to plan... and unfortunately, I feel like a lot of it gets directed toward the kids. Again, I get frustrated too sometimes, but with her, it feels constant. I’m genuinely worried about the impact it’s having on them.

​She also sighs frequently during disagreements or whenever I do (or don't do) something that bothers her. Sometimes it’s subtle, but because it happens so often, it gets exhausting. It hurts, and to be honest, it feels insulting at times.

​My biggest concern is the kids: I feel like they’re walking on eggshells and carrying a lot of guilt, constantly worried about disappointing or bothering their mom. I think she’s somewhat aware of it because she sometimes gets angry and says, "Stop acting like you're afraid I'm going to snap, I hate that!" I understand how she feels, but it creates a vicious cycle.

​She is currently waiting for an appointment with her doctor to get evaluated for perimenopause. Could this be the root cause of this constant irritability?

​I don't hold it against her fundamentally, but whenever I’ve tried to bring it up delicately, it instantly adds fuel to the fire.

​Any advice or similar experiences?

​My wife and I have 3 kids. We are very different people, but I’ve always seen that as a strength—we complement each other. I am more rational and analytical, while she is more emotional and spontaneous. She also struggles a lot with anxiety. I get stressed too, of course, but I find it much easier to let things go.

​I don't know if I'm just suddenly noticing it more or if her behavior has actually shifted, but she sighs a lot.

​Sighing when she's in pain is normal, but this is happening constantly. Where it starts to get to me is that she sighs over almost everything: work, chores she dislikes, things not going according to plan... and unfortunately, I feel like a lot of it gets directed toward the kids. Again, I get frustrated too sometimes, but with her, it feels constant. I’m genuinely worried about the impact it’s having on them.

​She also sighs frequently during disagreements or whenever I do (or don't do) something that bothers her. Sometimes it’s subtle, but because it happens so often, it gets exhausting. It hurts, and to be honest, it feels insulting at times.

​My biggest concern is the kids: I feel like they’re walking on eggshells and carrying a lot of guilt, constantly worried about disappointing or bothering their mom. I think she’s somewhat aware of it because she sometimes gets angry and says, "Stop acting like you're afraid I'm going to snap, I hate that!" I understand how she feels, but it creates a vicious cycle.

​She is currently waiting for an appointment with her doctor to get evaluated for perimenopause. Could this be the root cause of this constant irritability?

​I don't hold it against her fundamentally, but whenever I’ve tried to bring it up delicately, it instantly adds fuel to the fire.

​Any advice or similar experiences?

Tl;dr wife always sighing. Feels its heavy on our shoulder and I worry about kids

Nous avons 3 enfants. Ma femme et moi sommes très différents, mais j'ai toujours vu ça comme une force pour nous compléter : je suis plus rationnel et analytique, alors qu'elle est plus dans l'émotion et la spontanéité. Elle est également très anxieuse. Ça m'arrive aussi d'être stressé, bien sûr, mais j'ai beaucoup plus de facilité à lâcher prise sur la plupart des choses.

​Je ne sais pas si c'est moi qui le remarque soudainement ou si son comportement a changé, mais elle soupire énormément.

​Qu'elle soupire quand elle a mal, c'est normal, mais là, c'est vraiment fréquent. Là où ça commence à me fatiguer, c'est qu'elle soupire pour à peu près tout : le travail, tout ce qu'elle aime moins faire, les imprévus... et malheureusement, je trouve que c'est souvent après les enfants. Encore une fois, ça m'arrive à moi aussi, mais j'ai l'impression que chez elle, c'est omniprésent. Je m'inquiète de l'effet que ça a sur eux.

​Elle soupire aussi beaucoup lorsqu'on a un désaccord ou si je fais (ou ne fais pas) quelque chose qui la dérange. Parfois c'est très léger, c'est juste que c'est continuel. Ça me blesse et je trouve ça insultant par moments.

​C'est pour ça que ça m'inquiète pour mes enfants : je crois qu'ils ressentent beaucoup de culpabilité, comme s'ils avaient peur de déranger ou de décevoir leur mère. Je pense qu'elle en a un peu conscience parce qu'elle se fâche parfois en disant : « Arrêtez d'avoir peur que je me fâche, j'haïs ça ! ». Je comprends ce qu'elle ressent, mais ça crée un cercle vicieux.

​Elle est présentement en attente d'un rendez-vous avec son médecin pour évaluer la périménopause. Est-ce que ça pourrait être la cause de cette irritabilité constante ?

​Je ne lui en veux pas fondamentalement, mais j'ai déjà essayé d'aborder le sujet délicatement et ça met de l'huile sur le feu en un claquement de doigts.

​Avez-vous des conseils ou des expériences similaires ?

Je suis supris de voir aucune mention de ce site web assez récent..?
Est-ce parce que c'est considérer autopromotion? (je suis pas le fondateur, no worries)

Une tonne de calculateur que je revais qui existe, toute est user friendly.
Une game changer jusqu'à maintenant pour moi, surtout pour la planificateur retraite

Bonne découverte!

Je m'aligne pour faire 82K cette année et j'ai encore ben de la place sur mon espace REER (année de rattrapage).

En ce moment, mon CELI est plein, mais une partie va être décaissée dans les prochains mois pour des travaux sur la maison.

Pour le REER, j'ai ''abaissé'' mon salaire imposable à 58K. (Grosse cotisation perso FNB et un 2% via mon employeur 🎉) .C'est pas mal le seuil où le retour d'impôt commence à dégraisser vers du 32-26% éventuellement, donc ça me semblait le meilleur sweet spot.

Le prêt auto à 1,9% me fait un clin d'œil pour le clairer. Je sais que mathématiquement ça fait peu de sens de le rembourser plus vite à ce taux-là, mais psychologiquement la paix d'esprit me travaille. En principe il se clairer d'ici l'été 2027. Reste que après coup ca va libérer plus de 400$ par mois.

Vous feriez quoi à ma place? Continuer à cotiser au REER même si retour moins intéressant.
Clairer la prêt auto juste pour l'aspect psychologique?

My wife and I have known each other for over 20 years. She is the love of my life; I love her and I love being with her. But for about ten years now, illness (fibromyalgia, chronic pain, recurring health issues) has taken up a massive space in our family life. Beyond the chronic pain, she’s had her full share of bad luck—hernias, migraines, gallbladder issues, foot problems, joint pain, etc. A real streak of "bad karma."

​In the beginning, I had infinite compassion. I wanted to carry it all, to help her, to be the strong pillar. But over the years, with the flare-ups of pain, the constant anxiety, and the countless ER visits that almost always end in frustration, I’ve become exhausted. And what kills me is that it invariably ends badly, leaving me with a total sense of helplessness.

​Recently, I realized I just can't handle it the same way anymore. When she’s in pain or anxious, instead of being full of empathy, I shut down. I become too rational, I look for solutions, or I pull back. I feel like I've built up an armor to protect myself from hurting too much or drowning alongside her. I can feel that my capacity to care and my patience are completely running on empty, and the worst part is that it makes me feel like a horrible, heartless husband.

​She senses my detachment, and it hurts her. She feels like I don't believe her suffering (even though I know for a fact that her pain is 100% real). She just wants comfort, for me to acknowledge her emotions and be heartbroken right there with her. But if I'm being honest, I just don't have the emotional energy left to feel that panic with her every single time. If I sink with her, there’s no one left to hold down the fort and take care of our daughters.

​The problem is, I feel trapped in a cage: If I tell her I'm tired, that it's heavy, and that I'm often carrying the household on my back, she immediately feels like a burden, feels guilty, and breaks down.

​If I say nothing, I play the tough guy and keep it all inside, but it comes out as unintended coldness. And as a result, I feel like everything I do isn't allowed to be heard or acknowledged.

​Our entire family dynamic now revolves around her health: checking how she feels today, if she’s tired, if she’s in pain. We're all walking on eggshells.

​I feel like a piece of shit and sometimes tell myself that I'm just not the husband she deserves.

Tl;dr I love my wife but feel burnout of her situation. Feel guilty towards her and ashame of my feelings.

My wife and I have known each other for over 20 years. She is the love of my life; I love her and I love being with her. But for about ten years now, illness (fibromyalgia, chronic pain, recurring health issues) has taken up a massive space in our family life. Beyond the chronic pain, she’s had her full share of bad luck—hernias, migraines, gallbladder issues, foot problems, joint pain, etc. A real streak of "bad karma."

​In the beginning, I had infinite compassion. I wanted to carry it all, to help her, to be the strong pillar. But over the years, with the flare-ups of pain, the constant anxiety, and the countless ER visits that almost always end in frustration, I’ve become exhausted. And what kills me is that it invariably ends badly, leaving me with a total sense of helplessness.

​Recently, I realized I just can't handle it the same way anymore. When she’s in pain or anxious, instead of being full of empathy, I shut down. I become too rational, I look for solutions, or I pull back. I feel like I've built up an armor to protect myself from hurting too much or drowning alongside her. I can feel that my capacity to care and my patience are completely running on empty, and the worst part is that it makes me feel like a horrible, heartless husband.

​She senses my detachment, and it hurts her. She feels like I don't believe her suffering (even though I know for a fact that her pain is 100% real). She just wants comfort, for me to acknowledge her emotions and be heartbroken right there with her. But if I'm being honest, I just don't have the emotional energy left to feel that panic with her every single time. If I sink with her, there’s no one left to hold down the fort and take care of our daughters.

​The problem is, I feel trapped in a cage: If I tell her I'm tired, that it's heavy, and that I'm often carrying the household on my back, she immediately feels like a burden, feels guilty, and breaks down.

​If I say nothing, I play the tough guy and keep it all inside, but it comes out as unintended coldness. And as a result, I feel like everything I do isn't allowed to be heard or acknowledged.

​Our entire family dynamic now revolves around her health: checking how she feels today, if she’s tired, if she’s in pain. We're all walking on eggshells.

​I feel like a piece of shit and sometimes tell myself that I'm just not the husband she deserves.

Tl;dr I love my wife but feel burnout of her situation. Feel guilty towards this

J'écris ça ce soir parce que j'ai besoin de sortir ce que j'ai sur le cœur. Ça va être un peu long, mais je ne sais plus trop quoi faire ni quoi penser.

​Ça fait plus de 20 ans qu'on se connaît ma femme et moi..C'est l'amour de ma vie, je l'aime et j'aime être avec elle. Mais depuis une dizaine d'années, la maladie (fibromyalgie, douleurs chroniques, soucis de santé récurrents) a pris une place gigantesque dans notre vie de famille. Au dela de douleurs chroniques elle a eu son lot, de malchance. Hernie, migraine, vésicule biliaire, problème de pieds, articulation etc. Un vrai "mauvais karma"

​Au début, j'avais une compassion infinie. Je voulais tout porter, l'aider, être le pilier fort. Mais au fil des ans, avec les crises de douleur, l'anxiété constante et les innombrables visites à l'urgence qui finissent presque toujours dans la frustration, je me suis épuisé. Et ce qui me tue, c'est que ça finit invariablement mal, dans un sentiment d'impuissance totale.

​Récemment, je me suis rendu compte que je n'y arrivais plus de la même façon. Quand elle souffre ou qu'elle angoisse, au lieu d'être plein d'empathie, je me ferme. Je deviens trop rationnel, je cherche des solutions ou je prends du recul. J'ai l'impression de m'être créé une carapace pour me protéger d'avoir trop mal ou de sombrer avec elle. Je sens que mon attention et ma patience sont à sec, et le pire, c'est que ça me fait me sentir comme un mari horrible et sans cœur.

​Elle ressent mon détachement, et ça la blesse. Elle a l'impression que je ne crois pas à sa souffrance (alors que je sais pertinemment que sa douleur est 100 % réelle). Elle voudrait juste du réconfort, que j'accueille ses émotions et que je sois bouleversé avec elle. Mais si je suis honnête, je n'ai plus l'énergie émotionnelle pour ressentir cette panique avec elle à chaque fois. Si je coule avec elle, il ne reste plus personne pour tenir la maison et s'occuper de nos filles.

​Le problème, c'est que je me sens pris dans une prison : ​Si je lui dis que je suis fatigué, que c'est lourd et que je porte souvent la maison à bout de bras, elle se sent immédiatement comme un fardeau, elle culpabilise et s'effondre.

​Si je ne dis rien, je fais le fort, je garde tout pour moi, mais ça ressort sous forme de froideur involontaire. Et ca fait en sorte que j'ai l'impression que mon travail me doit pas être entendu, souligné.

​Toute notre dynamique familiale tourne désormais autour de sa santé : savoir comment elle se sent aujourd'hui, si elle est fatiguée, si elle a mal. On marche tous un peu sur des œufs.

Je me sens comme une merdre et me dit que parfois, je suis pas le mari qu'elle mérite.

Just hit a nice milestone, but honestly, looking for some perspective.

​Work pension/matching (started 5 years ago): ~$36k

​Wealthsimple/XEQT (focused on my own since 2023): ~$65k

​Total: ~$101k

​While I know logically that hitting 6 figures is a big step, I can't help feeling a bit behind. I see so many people online hitting these numbers earlier. For those who started building momentum a bit later in their 30s, how do you reframe the "feeling late" mindset?

Note: We do have a home equity of 300K. Since it's not liquid assets

Edit: I did not mean to look envious about people's amount they have, I'm not.

I was excited to reach that 100K milestone, but seems I did not enjoy as much as I imagined. My thought was more about the psychology effect of not being able to enjoy

​We are currently planning our basement bathroom remodel and I could use some advice on picking the right shower size. The framing and rough-in plumbing are already in place. ​One major constraint: due to the toilet's location, we cannot go any wider than 32". However, we do have some flexibility on the length. ​We are currently torn between 3 options: ​1. The Compact Option: 32" x 36" (or 32" x 32") ​I'm looking at a 32x36 model where the door swings open away from the toilet. ​Based on my measurements, this leaves about 26" of clearance in front of the shower. Is that enough to fully open the door comfortably without hitting anything? If that's too tight, should we downsize to a 32x32? ​2. The Mid-Size Option: 48" with a sliding door ​If we go bigger (48" long), a sliding door becomes a great option. I figure a door sliding from left to right would provide plenty of room to step in comfortably without taking up any floor space in the bathroom. ​The downside: if we stop the shower at 48", we are left with about 1 foot (12") of empty space at the end of the wall. What could we put there to maximize the space and keep it looking clean? ​3. The Full-Wall Option: 32" x 60" ​This would have the shower take up the entire length of the wall (32x60). My wife thinks it's way too big (and she's not wrong!), but it's definitely an option worth considering to make the layout look seamless, especially given the toilet's position right next to it. ​What do you guys think? Any advice on door clearance or the best way to utilize that wall space?

J'essaie de peaufiner mes projections de retraite et je m'interroge sur le taux de rendement annuel à utiliser. Pour un investisseur autonome 100% actions, le rendement historique se situe historiquement autour de 10-11%. Je comprends que c'est une moyenne avec une forte volatilité.

J'ai été surpris de voir certains planificateurs financiers utiliser des taux très prudents (autour de 4% net d'inflation). Je me demande si ce chiffre ne sert pas à absorber leurs propres frais de gestion (1-2%), ce qui expliquerait cette différence majeure. À l'inverse, d'autres avancent du 8-9% net (rendement historique moins une faible inflation), ce qui me semble très optimiste.

De mon côté, je m'alignais pour utiliser 6-6.5% net d'inflation. Mon calcul est le suivant

8,5% à 9% (rendement espéré, plus conservateur que la moyenne historique)

Moins 2,5% à 3% (inflation)

Moins 0,2% (frais de FNB)

= ~6% net.

Ça ne me semble pas hyper conservateur, mais pas non plus démesuré pour un investisseur autonome.

Quel taux utilisez-vous pour vos projections (net d'inflation) ? Êtes-vous plutôt dans la tranche prudente (4%) ou plus proche de 6% ? Voir même plus?

I’m looking for advice or stories from people who are experiencing or have experienced a similar dynamic in their relationship.

Long story short, my wife and I operate in completely opposite ways. On my end, I am rather introverted, pragmatic, and stoic. I process a lot internally. On her end, she is very emotional, reactive, and experiences things intensely. There is no right or wrong here, it’s just our personalities, but on a day-to-day basis, it creates major clashes whenever we disagree or when one of us gets hurt.

The main issue is conflict management and receptivity.

When she criticizes me, I try my best (even though I’m not perfect and have my own reactions) to listen, see things from her perspective, and acknowledge her pain by genuinely apologizing. However, when I step out of my comfort zone to express an emotion or a need (which is rare, as I keep 95% of my stuff to myself), the receptivity just isn't the same.

It almost systematically turns into a confrontation. She immediately gets defensive, her tone turns sharp, and it often ends with a quick, dry "I'm sorry" followed by a counter-attack ("Yeah, but you did this"). She also tends to overgeneralize, saying things like, "I'm trying to be a good person, sorry for not being one," even though I know perfectly well she is a good person and I am not questioning her worth.

She often tells me that in the past, she used to assert herself more and speak her mind. I understand what she means, and I absolutely do not want her to censor herself or feel like she doesn’t have the right to speak up. Quite the opposite.

But right now, I feel like I’m the only one capable of holding space for the other's hurt in the short term. My attempts to share end up making things worse (tears, tension, anger), to the point where I feel like expressing an emotion = automatic failure. I feel like her needs and her criteria for being happy take up all the space, and mine have no room to be validated.

I love her, I know she’s a good person, but I don't know what to do anymore to break this pattern.

How do you communicate with a partner who immediately reacts with defensiveness or a counter-attack?

How can I get my rational point of view across without making her feel invalidated or attacked as a person?

I’m looking for advice or stories from people who are experiencing or have experienced a similar dynamic in their relationship.

Long story short, my wife and I operate in completely opposite ways. On my end, I am rather introverted, pragmatic, and stoic. I process a lot internally. On her end, she is very emotional, reactive, and experiences things intensely. There is no right or wrong here, it’s just our personalities, but on a day-to-day basis, it creates major clashes whenever we disagree or when one of us gets hurt.

The main issue is conflict management and receptivity.

When she criticizes me, I try my best (even though I’m not perfect and have my own reactions) to listen, see things from her perspective, and acknowledge her pain by genuinely apologizing. However, when I step out of my comfort zone to express an emotion or a need (which is rare, as I keep 95% of my stuff to myself), the receptivity just isn't the same.

It almost systematically turns into a confrontation. She immediately gets defensive, her tone turns sharp, and it often ends with a quick, dry "I'm sorry" followed by a counter-attack ("Yeah, but you did this"). She also tends to overgeneralize, saying things like, "I'm trying to be a good person, sorry for not being one," even though I know perfectly well she is a good person and I am not questioning her worth.

She often tells me that in the past, she used to assert herself more and speak her mind. I understand what she means, and I absolutely do not want her to censor herself or feel like she doesn’t have the right to speak up. Quite the opposite.

But right now, I feel like I’m the only one capable of holding space for the other's hurt in the short term. My attempts to share end up making things worse (tears, tension, anger), to the point where I feel like expressing an emotion = automatic failure. I feel like her needs and her criteria for being happy take up all the space, and mine have no room to be validated.

I love her, I know she’s a good person, but I don't know what to do anymore to break this pattern.

How do you communicate with a partner who immediately reacts with defensiveness or a counter-attack?

How can I get my rational point of view across without making her feel invalidated or attacked as a person?

I’m looking for advice or stories from people who are experiencing or have experienced a similar dynamic in their relationship.

Long story short, my wife and I operate in completely opposite ways. On my end, I am rather introverted, pragmatic, and stoic. I process a lot internally. On her end, she is very emotional, reactive, and experiences things intensely. There is no right or wrong here, it’s just our personalities, but on a day-to-day basis, it creates major clashes whenever we disagree or when one of us gets hurt.

The main issue is conflict management and receptivity.

When she criticizes me, I try my best (even though I’m not perfect and have my own reactions) to listen, see things from her perspective, and acknowledge her pain by genuinely apologizing. However, when I step out of my comfort zone to express an emotion or a need (which is rare, as I keep 95% of my stuff to myself), the receptivity just isn't the same.

It almost systematically turns into a confrontation. She immediately gets defensive, her tone turns sharp, and it often ends with a quick, dry "I'm sorry" followed by a counter-attack ("Yeah, but you did this"). She also tends to overgeneralize, saying things like, "I'm trying to be a good person, sorry for not being one," even though I know perfectly well she is a good person and I am not questioning her worth.

She often tells me that in the past, she used to assert herself more and speak her mind. I understand what she means, and I absolutely do not want her to censor herself or feel like she doesn’t have the right to speak up. Quite the opposite.

But right now, I feel like I’m the only one capable of holding space for the other's hurt in the short term. My attempts to share end up making things worse (tears, tension, anger), to the point where I feel like expressing an emotion = automatic failure. I feel like her needs and her criteria for being happy take up all the space, and mine have no room to be validated.

I love her, I know she’s a good person, but I don't know what to do anymore to break this pattern.

How do you communicate with a partner who immediately reacts with defensiveness or a counter-attack?

How can I get my rational point of view across without making her feel invalidated or attacked as a person?