u/TheDeltaIsMyHome

Hi, im 19m and im about to turn 20 in a few weeks. Growing up i was always shy and scared of other people because i was heavily abused growing up from both my parents, both were addicts and would often do drugs in front of me and my sister and would often put us in dangerous situations growing up (driving while high with us, leaving us alone for days, neglecting us, beating us) and from that i never really learned what “normal” was and never learned what, when, and how to talk to people. i was always touted as the weird kid growing up because i have a strong passion for art and music and had a different style compared to my peers, leading me to be bullied alot during school to the point i would self harm nearly every day because of it and was sexually abused. Since i turned 18 ive basically lost all the little friends i made in my life, most of them just either forgetting i exist or just not texting me ever again once i stop reaching out first. And since then, ive had no one. No one texts me most days outside of my sister occasionally asking me for things. Ive tried multiple things as an adult to make friends but so far none have worked, even having a job hasnt helped as my co workers just mostly ignore me or try to avoid me. Is it even possible to live normally at this point? Am i just damned to be alone until i pass? Why am i cursed to forever be alone? Why?