u/coko_rime

so recently ive noticed almost everytime i have sex i get Bad cold symptoms. like real bad congestion, coughing, migraines, ear pain, and muscle pain. idk what exactly causes this but it gets real annoying. this has became more of a thing for me after developing dysautonomia (docs still don't know if its pots or vvs), before developing it ive never dealt with this. idk if anyone else deals with this and could have advice for it.

so recently ive noticed almost everytime i have sex i get Bad cold symptoms. like real bad congestion, coughing, migraines, ear pain, and muscle pain. idk what exactly causes this but it gets real annoying. this has became more of a thing for me after developing dysautonomia (docs still don't know if its pots or vvs), before developing it ive never dealt with this. idk if anyone else deals with this and could have advice for it.

so recently ive noticed almost everytime i have sex i get Bad cold symptoms. like real bad congestion, coughing, migraines, ear pain, and muscle pain. idk what exactly causes this but it gets real annoying. this has became more of a thing for me after developing dysautonomia (docs still don't know if its pots or vvs), before developing it ive never dealt with this. idk if anyone else deals with this and could have advice for it.

ive been friends with this guy, who ill call a, for over a year (almost two years) and recently he hasn't been responding to my texts but i didnt think anything of it cuz they were just dumb memes and cat pictures but then i saw he blocked me on Instagram. i tried reaching out but he hasn't responded or looked at them. i asked his friend who im also friends with (ill call him b) and he doesn't know cuz. a doesn't tell him anything about me or my friendships despite them being close. by that time i was deeply upset and profusely crying and shaking. i even relapsed into old self inflicting habits. b told me to just move on and not expect an explanation. he agreed with me that it wasn't fair or right but i should just move on.

i just dont understand why he did this. our last convos were normal. i recently moved out of a abusive home and got my own apartment. we talked about hanging out. he agreed to go to ikea with me if i ever decided to. my glasses broke and i asked where he got his cuz i need new ones and he has nice ones. and he gave me recommendations. it was normal. i don't understand why he blocked me all of the sudden and ghosted me. idk if my number is blocked. messages are left on delivered but his phone goes straight to voicemail. it hurts a lot. it gives me flashbacks to being repeatedly abandoned by friends in school. i have Bad friendship trauma and spent Years of my adulthood avoiding people cuz i didnt know who to trust. until i met them and decided to get the courage to break from my shell and meet new people. i finally found people to trust and this happens. it hurts so much i don't get it. b mentioned that maybe it was all one sided but that doesn't make sense to me. our convos were normal idk what i couldve done or said to make him ghost me and block me without communicating. i always communicated with him about my boundaries and feelings idk why he couldn't do the same. why pretend to be my friend instead of communicating and then cutting me off in such a cruel way?? and why is this type of friendship treatment so common for autistic individuals (especially women)???

ive been friends with this guy, who ill call a, for over a year (almost two years) and recently he hasn't been responding to my texts but i didnt think anything of it cuz they were just dumb memes and cat pictures but then i saw he blocked me on Instagram. i tried reaching out but he hasn't responded or looked at them. i asked his friend who im also friends with (ill call him b) and he doesn't know cuz. a doesn't tell him anything about me or my friendships despite them being close. by that time i was deeply upset and profusely crying and shaking. i even relapsed into old self inflicting habits. b told me to just move on and not expect an explanation. he agreed with me that it wasn't fair or right but i should just move on.

i just dont understand why he did this. our last convos were normal. i recently moved out of a abusive home and got my own apartment. we talked about hanging out. he agreed to go to ikea with me if i ever decided to. my glasses broke and i asked where he got his cuz i need new ones and he has nice ones. and he gave me recommendations. it was normal. i don't understand why he blocked me all of the sudden and ghosted me. idk if my number is blocked. messages are left on delivered but his phone goes straight to voicemail. it hurts a lot. it gives me flashbacks to being repeatedly abandoned by friends in school. i have Bad friendship trauma and spent Years of my adulthood avoiding people cuz i didnt know who to trust. until i met them and decided to get the courage to break from my shell and meet new people. i finally found people to trust and this happens. it hurts so much i don't get it. b mentioned that maybe it was all one sided but that doesn't make sense to me. our convos were normal idk what i couldve done or said to make him ghost me and block me without communicating. i always communicated with him about my boundaries and feelings idk why he couldn't do the same. why pretend to be my friend instead of communicating and then cutting me off in such a cruel way?? and why is this type of friendship treatment so common for autistic individuals (especially women)???

this sounds weird and idk if any extroverts experience this. im a extrovert and i love talking to people my social battery and motivation thrives off of connecting with people. but it weirdly also tires me out and makes me physically unable to do anything else without laying in bed all day. especially after work where all i do is talk to customers and ask the same questions over and over for 8 hours. sadly laying in bed doesn't even recharge me unless someone is with me. i am chronically ill so it may be that. im not diagnosed yet but docs think i could have pots, but for rn im diagnosed with dysautonomia/vasovagal synocope. and i just deal with chronic fatigue in general. i wasn't like this before developing this a few years ago. but even with that i feel like a fake extrovert, i wonder if other extroverts here deal with this?

I got a email with a order confirmation using my name and email but the address, phone number, and card wasn't mine. The order tracking number is valid on Lowe's site but I can't view it by logging in using my email, it's not under "my orders". I called the official Lowe's number and they found the order with all the information from the email. They reported it to their fraud department and told me to file for identity theft (which I did).

Idk if this is a scam, even though the official Lowe's customer service number was able to confirm the order details and report it. I read online that the email address that sent it to me is a scam but after calling it ended up being a legit order and email? It's also confusing how I can't view it using my email to log in but it's still there if I track it through their tracker using the order number and my email. The whole thing is confusing to me. Idk why someone would only use my name and email for this.

im a sales agent at a airport car rental, i started training on june 4th and started using the system on june 12th. today two managers talked to me about my performance and mentioned demoting me cuz im not selling many loss damage waivers. i can easily upsell other products but i struggle with the ldw. at orientation i was told theres no quotas so we don't need to meet any sales goals. but ig there are quotas, i just didnt know they existed until my managers first mentioned demoting me last week. but i have coworkers, even fellow trainees, who dont meet these goals and they dont get these warnings. the managers say its cuz i check out so many customers but dont sell enough. i try to slow down on the customers but its hard when ive only had fast paced jobs. they tell me to hold long convos with them and i do but its most just dont want to. i have a good pitch, a few coworkers use it and can sell with it. but somehow i still struggle. they can hold convos easily. but i cant even when i try my hardest. i only recently found a pitch that ive be able to sell with within the last week. and ive been improving since but my percentages still fluctuates. but managers still dont like that. its still not enough for them.

also, i dont get why the manager and hr representative at orientation said theres no goals we need to meet but now im being demoted for not meeting goals i was told didnt exist. i talked to a couple coworkers about it and they say they cant demote me for that. especially when most workers dont meet those goals. one coworker been there for seven years and said he rarely meets them. i was crying so much today and had to leave early cuz of it. a coworker who been there for 30+ years noticed me crying and was concerned. i told her about my situation and even she was confused. she said she'll try to do something about it. which is comforting and nice but i doubt she could.

i cant help but think its my autism. people at work dont know about it. but nts dont need to, they can just sense it. we give off uncanny valley vibes that makes them treat us differently. i try to hold convos with customers and stay engaged but most don't reciprocate it. theyll only give short responses. i ask where theyre headed, what plans they have, etc but they just respond with "im visiting, im going to (blank), just hanging out with friends/family". i try talking to them more and take my time but theyre just not interested enough. and as a result i end up checking them out quicker than other workers (even if it's only by a extra 5-10). but if a coworker chimes in or they help them out theyre suddenly willing to talk more. im extroverted and love talking but im also socially awkward and come off as "weird" to nts. i think it makes some managers act different around me too. i notice tone and vibe shifts when theyre talking to coworkers vs me. and i can just tell they view me differently.

im so upset. ive never been demoted at a job. and im trying to save up to escape my abusive family. i plan to talk to hr about this. i dont want to be demoted. in the position theyre giving me ill be outside all day helping customers and driving the cars around the lot. even in bad weather. they still make commissions but not as much as sales agents. they say its a better fit cuz im fast and could help reduce car delays and long lines. and because its good learning experience. they say if i improve enough overtime i could get my sales agent job back but i think they just said those things to make me feel better. not that they actually mean it. i still shouldn't be demoted so soon. the training period is at this job 90 days and ive only been here for 29 days. other trainees that been there a bit longer than me or the same time as me and struggle the same or even more than me and yet they can keep their job. its not fair.

im a sales agent at a airport car rental, i started training on june 4th and started using the system on june 12th. today two managers talked to me about my performance and mentioned demoting me cuz im not selling many loss damage waivers. i can easily upsell other products but i struggle with the ldw. at orientation i was told theres no quotas so we don't need to meet any sales goals. but ig there are quotas, i just didnt know they existed until my managers first mentioned demoting me last week. but i have coworkers, even fellow trainees, who dont meet these goals and they dont get these warnings. the managers say its cuz i check out so many customers but dont sell enough. i try to slow down on the customers but its hard when ive only had fast paced jobs. they tell me to hold long convos with them and i do but its most just dont want to. i have a good pitch, a few coworkers use it and can sell with it. but somehow i still struggle. they can hold convos easily. but i cant even when i try my hardest. i only recently found a pitch that ive be able to sell with within the last week. and ive been improving since but my percentages still fluctuates. but managers still dont like that. its still not enough for them.

also, i dont get why the manager and hr representative at orientation said theres no goals we need to meet but now im being demoted for not meeting goals i was told didnt exist. i talked to a couple coworkers about it and they say they cant demote me for that. especially when most workers dont meet those goals. one coworker been there for seven years and said he rarely meets them. i was crying so much today and had to leave early cuz of it. a coworker who been there for 30+ years noticed me crying and was concerned. i told her about my situation and even she was confused. she said she'll try to do something about it. which is comforting and nice but i doubt she could.

i cant help but think its my autism. people at work dont know about it. but nts dont need to, they can just sense it. we give off uncanny valley vibes that makes them treat us differently. i try to hold convos with customers and stay engaged but most don't reciprocate it. theyll only give short responses. i ask where theyre headed, what plans they have, etc but they just respond with "im visiting, im going to (blank), just hanging out with friends/family". i try talking to them more and take my time but theyre just not interested enough. and as a result i end up checking them out quicker than other workers (even if it's only by a extra 5-10). but if a coworker chimes in or they help them out theyre suddenly willing to talk more. im extroverted and love talking but im also socially awkward and come off as "weird" to nts. i think it makes some managers act different around me too. i notice tone and vibe shifts when theyre talking to coworkers vs me. and i can just tell they view me differently.

im so upset. ive never been demoted at a job. and im trying to save up to escape my abusive family. i plan to talk to hr about this. i dont want to be demoted. in the position theyre giving me ill be outside all day helping customers and driving the cars around the lot. even in bad weather. they still make commissions but not as much as sales agents. they say its a better fit cuz im fast and could help reduce car delays and long lines. and because its good learning experience. they say if i improve enough overtime i could get my sales agent job back but i think they just said those things to make me feel better. not that they actually mean it. i still shouldn't be demoted so soon. the training period is at this job 90 days and ive only been here for 29 days. other trainees that been there a bit longer than me or the same time as me and struggle the same or even more than me and yet they can keep their job. its not fair.

or that my autism impacts it somehow without it being a direct reason.

i currently work as a sales agent at a airport car rental, i got hired over a month ago but only been selling and working at the sales counter since june 12th. and recently two of my managers pulled me aside to talk about my performance and mentioned moving me to one of their other roles because im not selling as much car insurance, specifically their loss damage waiver. i can easily upsell on the gas, toll pass, car seats, and even the liability insurance but the loss damage is the one i struggle with. during my group orientation i was told we don't have quotas to keep up with so we don't have to keep up with sales nor need to sell as much. but all of the sudden there is a quota now which i did not know of until they started thinking about demoting me. and the thing that gets me is that i have coworkers who dont meet the average metrics percentage. there are other trainees who don't either but they haven't gotten any demotion warnings like i have. im told by those managers that its because i go through so many people (like 5-10 extra people at max) but don't sell as many damage waivers. im desperately trying to slow down with customers but its hard when youre only used to fast paced work environments where slowing down penalizes you. so im told to just keep talking and having conversations to the customers like youre their friend and i am but its hard holding conversations with most customers. i have a good pitch, i hve coworkers that uses the same pitch as me and they can sell with it but somehow i cant. they can easily hold convos without trying but i cant hold convos when i tey my absolute hardest. i only just recently learned how to have a proper pitch and now im being demoted if i dont pick it up within the next few work days.

i cant help but think its because of my autism. management and customers dont know im autistic but sadly with neurotypicals dont need to know cuz they can subconsciously sense it. like i just give off uncanny valley to them and it makes them subconsciously treat me differently. for example, i will be talking to a customer and trying to hold a conversation but they don't want to reciprocate it. like they respond with sentences thats hard to follow up with without changing the topic. like i'll ask them what they're doing in the state, where they're headed, what they're plans are, etc and they will just respond "im visiting friends/family, im going to (insert location here), not much just hanging out with friends/family". i try to talk to them more so i can keep them at my desk for longer (so im not going through so many customers) but theyre just not interested in responding to me. meanwhile if my coworkers chimes in or if they come back and my coworkers helps them all of the sudden theyre a different person, more willing to talk, etc. hell ill chime back into the convos thinking i have a chance end then the customer changes their tone towards me where theyre not interested. like im extroverted and love to talk but sadly at the same time im socially awkward and come off as "weird" to normal people. i just can help but think my autism affects that. and i think it subconsciously makes my managers act different around me because i notice tone and vibe shifts when theyre talking to coworkers vs when theyre talking to me. not that they do it intentionally but most likely subconsciously. and i can just tell that they look at me differently by just looking at their facial expressions towards me.

my biggest thing is that why wasn't i told about these performance metrics ahead of time? why did managers at orientation say the sales agents dont have quotas and metric requirements but now im being demoted for not meeting these requirements i didnt know about. and it seems coworkers of mine dont understand it either. i was talking to my coworkers about it last week when the potential demotion was first brought up to me. they looked at me so weird saying that they cant just demote me when everybody else also struggles with keeping up with the average performance percentage, INCLUDING TRAINEES. my coworker who's been there for Seven Years said he never made the average percentage for the loss damage waiver even while in training.

i plan to talk to my location's hr representative as soon as she gets back to me. i really dont want to be demoted. the position the want to give me is a customer service position where ill be outside all day helping customers and driving the cars around the lot. and right now theres a heat wave and because of a (undiagnosed) chronic illness of mine i cant stand heat or else i get horrendous flares and fainting symptoms (docs are trying to figure out if i have pots or vvs, im not exactly diagnosed with either rn). they say its a better fit for me because im so fast i could help them not be behind on cars so much and reduce the long lines. cuz sadly we have a issue with there being delays and wait times for cars and specific car classes to where some customers have to wait around 30 minutes to even over an hour just to get their car. and they say i can still earn commissions at that role, just not as much as a sales agent does. but says it's only a $1 difference. and they say i could go back to being a sales agent if they think i'm prepared enough for it. they say it'll be good to learn more about the job. but tbh i just think theyre just trying to get more workers for that position cuz the current ones are lacking. and cuz im clearly different than everybody else im an easy main target for them. but thats just a guess. i wont have more clarification on this situation until hr gets back to me.

right now im just so emotionally distraught. im currently trying to move out of my abusive household. i still could make enough to live on my own with that position but it wont have as much benefits and i will most likely only earn enough for bills and food and nothing else. i had to ask to leave work early cuz i couldn't stop crying and didn't want customers seeing me so emotionally distraught and upset. one of the managers who gave me the news let me go and said hell give me voluntary time off for the day (so i wont be penalized for it). my coworkers noticed my mood. one of the sales agent, who have been there for 30+ years talked to me to see whats wrong. when i explained it to her she seemed so confused. later on before i left she hugged me and said she'll see what she can do. cuz she thinks what's happening to me is unfair especially that im still new. i hate that anytime i think i finally have a good job something like this happens. everytime i finally get a good paying job shit happens to where im not able to keep it and im sick of it. i just want a successful job. i thought i could make a career in the sales industry because i have so much customer service experience. hut i guess not. i was hoping to keep this job for a few years to potentially get a better sales job. im so upset. and i cant help but believe my autism has a play in this. not only with this job but previous jobs that i struggled to keep. it especially hits me hard because ive never been demoted before (hell ive never been fired).

or that my autism impacts it somehow without it being a direct reason.

i currently work as a sales agent at a airport car rental, i got hired over a month ago but only been selling and working at the sales counter since june 12th. and recently two of my managers pulled me aside to talk about my performance and mentioned moving me to one of their other roles because im not selling as much car insurance, specifically their loss damage waiver. i can easily upsell on the gas, toll pass, car seats, and even the liability insurance but the loss damage is the one i struggle with. during my group orientation i was told we don't have quotas to keep up with so we don't have to keep up with sales nor need to sell as much. but all of the sudden there is a quota now which i did not know of until they started thinking about demoting me. and the thing that gets me is that i have coworkers who dont meet the average metrics percentage. there are other trainees who don't either but they haven't gotten any demotion warnings like i have. im told by those managers that its because i go through so many people (like 5-10 extra people at max) but don't sell as many damage waivers. im desperately trying to slow down with customers but its hard when youre only used to fast paced work environments where slowing down penalizes you. so im told to just keep talking and having conversations to the customers like youre their friend and i am but its hard holding conversations with most customers. i have a good pitch, i hve coworkers that uses the same pitch as me and they can sell with it but somehow i cant. they can easily hold convos without trying but i cant hold convos when i tey my absolute hardest. i only just recently learned how to have a proper pitch and now im being demoted if i dont pick it up within the next few work days.

i cant help but think its because of my autism. management and customers dont know im autistic but sadly with neurotypicals dont need to know cuz they can subconsciously sense it. like i just give off uncanny valley to them and it makes them subconsciously treat me differently. for example, i will be talking to a customer and trying to hold a conversation but they don't want to reciprocate it. like they respond with sentences thats hard to follow up with without changing the topic. like i'll ask them what they're doing in the state, where they're headed, what they're plans are, etc and they will just respond "im visiting friends/family, im going to (insert location here), not much just hanging out with friends/family". i try to talk to them more so i can keep them at my desk for longer (so im not going through so many customers) but theyre just not interested in responding to me. meanwhile if my coworkers chimes in or if they come back and my coworkers helps them all of the sudden theyre a different person, more willing to talk, etc. hell ill chime back into the convos thinking i have a chance end then the customer changes their tone towards me where theyre not interested. like im extroverted and love to talk but sadly at the same time im socially awkward and come off as "weird" to normal people. i just can help but think my autism affects that. and i think it subconsciously makes my managers act different around me because i notice tone and vibe shifts when theyre talking to coworkers vs when theyre talking to me. not that they do it intentionally but most likely subconsciously. and i can just tell that they look at me differently by just looking at their facial expressions towards me.

my biggest thing is that why wasn't i told about these performance metrics ahead of time? why did managers at orientation say the sales agents dont have quotas and metric requirements but now im being demoted for not meeting these requirements i didnt know about. and it seems coworkers of mine dont understand it either. i was talking to my coworkers about it last week when the potential demotion was first brought up to me. they looked at me so weird saying that they cant just demote me when everybody else also struggles with keeping up with the average performance percentage, INCLUDING TRAINEES. my coworker who's been there for Seven Years said he never made the average percentage for the loss damage waiver even while in training.

i plan to talk to my location's hr representative as soon as she gets back to me. i really dont want to be demoted. the position the want to give me is a customer service position where ill be outside all day helping customers and driving the cars around the lot. and right now theres a heat wave and because of a (undiagnosed) chronic illness of mine i cant stand heat or else i get horrendous flares and fainting symptoms (docs are trying to figure out if i have pots or vvs, im not exactly diagnosed with either rn). they say its a better fit for me because im so fast i could help them not be behind on cars so much and reduce the long lines. cuz sadly we have a issue with there being delays and wait times for cars and specific car classes to where some customers have to wait around 30 minutes to even over an hour just to get their car. and they say i can still earn commissions at that role, just not as much as a sales agent does. but says it's only a $1 difference. and they say i could go back to being a sales agent if they think i'm prepared enough for it. they say it'll be good to learn more about the job. but tbh i just think theyre just trying to get more workers for that position cuz the current ones are lacking. and cuz im clearly different than everybody else im an easy main target for them. but thats just a guess. i wont have more clarification on this situation until hr gets back to me.

right now im just so emotionally distraught. im currently trying to move out of my abusive household. i still could make enough to live on my own with that position but it wont have as much benefits and i will most likely only earn enough for bills and food and nothing else. i had to ask to leave work early cuz i couldn't stop crying and didn't want customers seeing me so emotionally distraught and upset. one of the managers who gave me the news let me go and said hell give me voluntary time off for the day (so i wont be penalized for it). my coworkers noticed my mood. one of the sales agent, who have been there for 30+ years talked to me to see whats wrong. when i explained it to her she seemed so confused. later on before i left she hugged me and said she'll see what she can do. cuz she thinks what's happening to me is unfair especially that im still new. i hate that anytime i think i finally have a good job something like this happens. everytime i finally get a good paying job shit happens to where im not able to keep it and im sick of it. i just want a successful job. i thought i could make a career in the sales industry because i have so much customer service experience. hut i guess not. i was hoping to keep this job for a few years to potentially get a better sales job. im so upset. and i cant help but believe my autism has a play in this. not only with this job but previous jobs that i struggled to keep. it especially hits me hard because ive never been demoted before (hell ive never been fired).

i used to keep track of my alters but stopped years ago cuz it felt stressful. i kept splitting, alters fusing together, alters changing, discovering new alters, it was just too much. i pretty much accepted that my system is just extremely fragmented due to the severity of my dissociation and trauma. some i still recognize when fronting but a lot i do not. i used to journal them down but because of the reasons i mentioned it just felt like a lot. sometimes i kinda feel like the same person everyday, like i dont switch much anymore. i still do and can notice it especially after heavy dissociative episodes and meltdowns. but i don't recognize myself as which alter i am. sometimes i feel like i dont have a name as a alter. some do have names and some dont. and we mostly dont bother to. we all go by our birth name and prefer to be seen as just one person. which we are but mentally we're not and are a extremely fragmented system. and despite not dealing with much abuse and trauma anymore we still experience splitting during extreme stress and mental anguish. like i feel like a new alter that just gained some form of consciousness/awareness after being severely dissociated and in extreme emotional anguish the past week days. but idk. a lot of the time im so dissociated from my emotions and body that i honestly really don't know who i am anymore. idk if others with did here can relate to this. (this is Exclusively about did and targeted towards with did btw, ive been trying to post this on the did subreddit but they keep automatically deleting it for mod approval and idk why)

my depression has been horrendously worsening. my psych just put me on celexa, which i took in the past but had to go off of cuz my paych before her assumed it was interacting with my adderall and switched me to wellbutrin (it wasn't my adderall was just giving me awful moods so my current psych that replaced her put me on vyvanse). so im just in that awkward period of waiting for the meds to kick in which will take a good while. but in the meantime i need food and more specifically snack recommendations that's healthy and good for depression. my motivation to eat has been awful and i have arfid which makes it worse. i like foods and snacks that are good for you and don't take a bunch of prep. i usually love cooking and meal prepping but my depression and low moods has been making me Hate it. any recommendations and advice would be helpful.

my depression has been horrendously worsening. my psych just put me on celexa, which i took in the past but had to go off of cuz my paych before her assumed it was interacting with my adderall and switched me to wellbutrin (it wasn't my adderall was just giving me awful moods so my current psych that replaced her put me on vyvanse). so im just in that awkward period of waiting for the meds to kick in which will taake a good while. but in the meantime i need food and more specifically snack recommendations that's good for depression. my motivation to eat haas been awful and i have arfid which makes it worse. i like foods and snacks that are good for you and don't take a bunch of prep. i usually love cooking and meal prepping but my depression and moods has been making me Hate it. any recommendations and advice would be helpful.

i wonder if anyone else experiences this. i just have a chronic feeling and belief that im not cared about and loved. it doesn't help that i experienced a lot of abuse and neglect growing up. and it's a really pathetic feeling and it's all i could feel today.

yesterday was my 25th birthday. my friends werent able to go to ichiban with me. i thought one could show up but he had to work last minute. by this point ive been dealing with my depression and mental health worsening, and stressers going on in my life didn't help it. ig that just triggered smth in me and i just broke down and sobbed my eyes out the whole day. i just wanted to spend time with my friends, this was the first year in 10+ years where i couldve experienced friends hanging with me on my bday. beforehand i didnt really have any friends besides one who i wasn't able to always see. and the night before i had the realization that this is my first birthday without my dad. my dad passed away back in august of 2025. he usually would cheer me up on my birthday if i was down. but i don't have access to that anymore so it just made my meltdown worse. my mom and friends did say happy birthday to me earlier in the day before my meltdown. my siblings never did and idk if my mom ever reminded them (i really shouldn't have to remind them). not even while i was upset either. all i could do all day is just sob in my room. i felt (and still do feel) broken, hopeless, and pathetic. my family just decided to ignore me the rest of the day. my mom wouldn't even look at me. it just made it worse. i just wanted some kind of comfort. growing up my mom always did that, she never wanted to see me upset so she would just send me to my room to cry until i was done. i should be used to it but today it just made me spiral even more. i just stayed in my room and cried. and if i wasn't crying i was dissociating. i just felt so worthless and unlovable. i wanted to feel comforted and loved and didn't get that. my intrusive thoughts to not exist anymore didn't help either.

i honestly hate it cuz i wasted a day being pathetic. i called off work today cuz i feel so god awful and feel like im not well enough to work. im just left feeling incredibly sick. i understood my friends being too busy too see me cuz that's just life but my family just deciding to ignore me when they notice that im upset and crying just hurt the most. and not having my dad around, who would most definitely not let that happen on my birthday of all days, hurt. my mom will make yearly posts about my birthday, make a cake for my siblings and everything, post videos of us singing happy birthday to them, etc all that good shit. but when it comes to me it's nothing, not even a post mentioning my birthday. she stopped taking me out for my bday Years ago. and when i got the money i just started taking myself out. this outing just felt the worst.

i wonder if anyone else experiences this. i just have a chronic feeling and belief that im not cared about and loved. it doesn't help that i experienced a lot of abuse and neglect growing up. and it's a really pathetic feeling and it's all i could feel today.

yesterday was my 25th birthday. my friends werent able to go to ichiban with me. i thought one could show up but he had to work last minute. by this point ive been dealing with my depression and mental health worsening, and stressers going on in my life didn't help it. ig that just triggered smth in me and i just broke down and sobbed my eyes out the whole day. i just wanted to spend time with my friends, this was the first year in 10+ years where i couldve experienced friends hanging with me on my bday. beforehand i didnt really have any friends besides one who i wasn't able to always see. and the night before i had the realization that this is my first birthday without my dad. my dad passed away back in august of 2025. he usually would cheer me up on my birthday if i was down. but i don't have access to that anymore so it just made my meltdown worse. my mom and friends did say happy birthday to me earlier in the day before my meltdown. my siblings never did and idk if my mom ever reminded them (i really shouldn't have to remind them). not even while i was upset either. all i could do all day is just sob in my room. i felt (and still do feel) broken, hopeless, and pathetic. my family just decided to ignore me the rest of the day. my mom wouldn't even look at me. it just made it worse. i just wanted some kind of comfort. growing up my mom always did that, she never wanted to see me upset so she would just send me to my room to cry until i was done. i should be used to it but today it just made me spiral even more. i just stayed in my room and cried. and if i wasn't crying i was dissociating. i just felt so worthless and unlovable. i wanted to feel comforted and loved and didn't get that. my intrusive thoughts to not exist anymore didn't help either.

i honestly hate it cuz i wasted a day being pathetic. i called off work today cuz i feel so god awful and feel like im not well enough to work. im just left feeling incredibly sick. i understood my friends being too busy too see me cuz that's just life but my family just deciding to ignore me when they notice that im upset and crying just hurt the most. and not having my dad around, who would most definitely not let that happen on my birthday of all days, hurt. my mom will make yearly posts about my birthday, make a cake for my siblings and everything, post videos of us singing happy birthday to them, etc all that good shit. but when it comes to me it's nothing, not even a post mentioning my birthday. she stopped taking me out for my bday Years ago. and when i got the money i just started taking myself out. this outing just felt the worst.

i wonder if anyone else experiences this. i just have a chronic feeling and belief that im not cared about and loved. it doesn't help that i experienced a lot of abuse and neglect growing up. and it's a really pathetic feeling and it's all i could feel today.

today (or technically yesterday now as it's 12am for me) is my birthday. my friends werent able to go to ichiban with me. i thought one could show up but he had to work last minute. by this point ive been dealing with my depression and mental health worsening, and stressers going on in my life didn't help it. ig that just triggered smth in me and i just broke down and sobbed my eyes out the whole day. i just wanted to spend time with my friends, this was the first year in 10+ years where i couldve experienced friends hanging with me on my bday. beforehand i didnt really have any friends besides one who i wasn't able to always see. and the night before i had the realization that this is my first birthday without my dad. my dad passed away back in august of 2025. he usually would cheer me up on my birthday if i was down. but i don't have access to that anymore so it just made my meltdown worse. my mom and friends did say happy birthday to me earlier. my siblings never did and idk if my mom ever reminded them (i really shouldn't have to remind them). all i could do all day is just sob in my room. i felt (and still do feel) broken, hopeless, and pathetic. my family just decided to ignore me the rest of the day. my mom wouldn't even look at me. it just made it worse. i just wanted some kind of comfort. growing up my mom always did that, she never wanted to see me upset so she would just send me to my room to cry until i was done. i should be used to it but today it just made me spiral even more. i just stayed in my room and cried. and if i wasn't crying i was dissociating. i just felt so worthless and unlovable. i wanted to feel comforted and loved and didn't get that. my intrusive thoughts to not exist anymore didn't help either.

i honestly hate it cuz i wasted a day being pathetic and now i have to leave for work in the morning. i feel so god awful and feel like im not well enough to work. sadly cant afford it tho, i need the hours and this job doesn't offer pto or sick time. i just feel awful.

idk if anyone else feels this. i get really bad depressive moods and experience my depression symptoms worsening around 2pm until 6pm where it starts to simmer down. idk how to explain it it's just extreme dread, anxiety, and sadness. i'll feel like a terrified and scared child and i'll just want to cry.

i used to take adderall xr and it made these moods so much worse, i switched to vyvanse back in november and thankfully it doesn't worsen them but i still get them. wellbutrin helps a bit but not fully. i used to take celexa which did help these moods but it stopped cuz it interacted with my adderall (that was when i was switched to wellbutrin). idk if it would work well with my vyvanse or wellbutrin (seems like smth to ask my psych about).

i have a lot of mental health issues so i never know what exactly causes these moods in the afternoon. i have combined adhd, autism, gad, depression, c-ptsd, and did (all professionally diagnosed). i had a very horrific and violent childhood and it permanently ruined my brain. therapy helps but doesn't cure it. but at the same time idk if thats the actual cause of these moods. sometimes it feels like nothing will help or fix me. idk if anyone else gets like this in the afternoon to this extreme. i know theres the existence of a usual afternoon slump but mine just feels like that but 100000x worse. these moods can especially get worse when its close to my trauma anniversaries and feel unbearable and debilitating. i take peoples advice by drinking more water, eating well, and exercising and it does help but it doesn't eliminate these emotions. recently my depression have been so bad that i cant exercise anymore and have no motivation for anything anymore. doesn't help that im also chronically ill (hashimoto's + dysautonomia, both medicated) and deal with chronic fatigue.