u/yourbeloathed

"but its redundant & annoying imo" waaah waaaah waaaaaahhhhh. wah wah wah. thats what you sound lilke. waah waah. ai is becoming more & more of an issue every single day & we NEEEEEED people to keep talking about how shitass it is. we NEED people to consistently point out the harm it does. we NEED to keep reminding people that using gen-ai makes you a loser.

it feels repetitive to call out ai, because people keep fucking using it, & it keeps fucking getting worse. shutting up about it just because its """redundant""" is letting ai fuckwads win. do we want that ?? no ?????? then you should agree that its perfectly fine, even a GOOD THING, to continue calling it out again & again, even if it means that anti-ai rhetoric gets mentioned in every single video

she had to go off estrogen for over a year during serious financial turmoil & i could tell it was taking a toll on her, but shes FINALLY back on it as of a week or so ago & im so so happy for her :) & shes started doing her makeup again (shes really creative with her eyeliner!! i love seeing it !!) & she goes to me for fashion advice & im so glad i get to watch & help her new life start again. bonus shout outs to my brother whos starting to dip his toes in the drag queen scene. im genderqueer myself & im so lucky & thankful to have people like them as my older siblings :)) everyone congrats my siblings like theyre five NOW!!!! (kidding ofc i probably congrats them enough as is)

& im sick & tired of acting like it doesnt !!!!

& no, im NOT defending pedophilia by making the distinction. why the fuck do people act like making that distinction is some pedo-apologia shit ???????????? hebephilia (attraction to eleven to fourteen y/os) & ephebophilia (attraction to fifteen-seventeen y/os) are ALSO deplorable. ive had experiences with hebephiles & ephebophiles, can confirm that theyre also horrible (offending ones, that is).

the word pedophile has been so insanely diluted that its actually painful to think about. a pedo is someone attracted to prepubescent children, NOT a twenty-something y/o dating an eighteen y/o. you can call something weird & bad without taking it to the absolute extreme. you can call out age gaps in relationships without taking it to the absolute extreme. you can call out ANYTHING without taking it to the absolute extreme.

weird =/ pedo. creepy =/ pedo. predatory =/ pedo. & youre taking away from the seriousness of the word by treating it as synonymous with all those other words. why is that so FUCKING HARD for you people to understand for fucks sake

maybe im just extra frustrated because ive been victimized by ACTUAL pedophiles, & now if i say that, people might just assume that im talking about old men being weird to me once i turned eighteen or something, & disregard the severity of the situation. the word has just lost so much meaning & impact & its fucking gross to me.

no i will not debate you on this topic. absolutely the fuck not lol. i dont have the energy. rant over!

i got put on it because i asked my psychiatrist if theres any antidepressant that can help with anxiety more than my last one (zoloft), & we're starting on the low dose to make sure it doesnt fuck with my body. which was a good idea because i think its fucking with my body

i havent been sleeping. i keep waking up in the middle of the night, & the constant fatigue has been KICKING my ASS. i feel exhausted for no good reason, like, always. caffeine doesnt help. im sure eating a little more could do something for me, but its a liiiiittle hard when i have genuinely zero appetite. there is NO food item i can think of that sounds appealing right now. i dont even really feel hungry. i just feel,, bored? i really dont know how to put it.

im wondering if its because its mixing poorly with my lamictal? but also my psychiatrist prescribed both at the same time, so i dont know WHY she would put me on both if they were gonna mix like this. maybe i just need more time for the medication to set in?????? maybe itll mellow out???????? i have twenty three days until my next appt, so im REALLY hoping that viibryd starts treating me better by then, because these last eight days have been iffy enough & i dont want to deal with being exhausted & never being hungry & feeling like ive been poorly sedated

edit: typo in the title :') oh my god i dont have the patience for this rn

i tried a sweet pickle for the first time, expecting it to be NORMAL, & it was so jarring to me that i now feel like all pickles have committed crimes against me. & i like pickles ! LOVE them actually !! but now i cant think about any sort of pickle without my stomach twisting a little

FUCK sweet pickles. i HAAATE those things. now i dont know when i'll be able to eat a normal dill pickle again, as ive been turned off from them all. i shouldnt take out my frustration on sweet pickles because it IS my fault that i didnt check the label on the jar before opening it, but still, why do they even exist ?????? theyre awful & i cannot imagine them being used for anything good

im SO SORRY that i dont IMMEDIATELY have mail JUST AFTER MOVING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just wanna get my ID so i can get a FUCKING job bruh. PLEEEEEAAAASEEEEE just give me a STUPID LITTLE CARD with my STUPID LITTLE FACE ON IT so i can BE A COG IN THE MACHINE ALREADY !!!!!!! FUUUUUUCKKK!!!!!!!!

i feel like this is a stupid question. is this a stupid question ?? im really really sorry if this is a stupid question, i just overthink things like this easily & id rather offend people by asking something dumb, than offend people in any other potentially more harmful way

if we end up being able to afford the trip, my brother & his partner want to bring me with to a con in october, so im thinking of potential cosplays i could do. they just finished TADC recently (you see where this is going 😭) & know that im inexperienced in cosplay, so theyre both recommending i could cosplay jax, considering she has a simple character design with a lot of room for creative interpretation.

post-transition jax has hair that looks similar to mine, especially considering ive been dying my hair black lately. itd save us a little money on bald caps & wigs if i didnt have to alter my hair, itd be easier overall to cosplay post-transition jax, as opposed to current jax. i just feel a little weird, considering im not transfemme. im not cisgender, im very much nonbinary, but still AFAB. im struggling to put into words what exactly feels off haha, but something doooeeeesss feel off about the idea of me cosplaying jax like that.

thank you in advance for any & all input !!!!!!!

edit: THANK YOU thank you thank you !!! yeah no i knew there was like a 50/50 chance i was just overthinking things, but if i didnt make sure i wasnt being weird, i wouldve lost my mind wondering about it :'3 i'll keep this post up in case anyone else finds themselves in a predicament like this lol, thanks again!!!!!!!!!

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potential tw for fictional child death? im not sure if that needs a warning LMAO, but id rather be safe than sorry.

i wouldve had this in my possession between 2012-2016

this book (& i PROMISE it was geared towards children) was about a bunch of kids dying in different ways, with illustrations. i dont remember any of the illustrations being graphic, though. no gore or drawings of the children actively dying as far as im aware.

i dont remember every way a child died, but one of them died from eating either nails or thumbtacks (or maybe safety pins? SOMETHING metal & sharp), im pretty sure another died from getting stuck in a mud pit? its really hard to remember.

the entire books tone was very obviously dark & dreary, it was geared towards children but took itself pretty seriously despite that. i dont remember if the book had a moral or a lesson at the end, but if it did, it was probably just about how you SHOULDNT do the things the kids in the book did. i wouldve been between five & eight years old when i had it, the book freaked me out but i kept coming back to it.

now im eighteen with an interest in morbid topics, & im really, REALLY hoping this wasnt all some crazy fever dream or something, because i would love to have that book on my shelf again 😭 so pleaaase please please please tell me if you recognize this, because im so so so desperate, thank you dearly in advance

yes my hair is black now. yes i do cool eye makeup sometimes. yes i am tall-ish & pale. yes i wear black clothing sometimes.

NO, i am NOT your GOTH GIRLFRIEND, or your DOMMY MOMMY, & i will NOT PRAISE OR DEGRADE YOU!!!!!!! leave me & other people who look like me that just want to mind their business, ALONE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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TW. depression talk, suicide/self harm mentioned, brief assault mention as well

i feel kind of silly posting here when im not even halfway done yet, but yk. baby steps.

im moving this month & by far the hardest part to tackle has been my bedroom. it doesnt help that im NOT excited for the move, i feel more resigned than anything else, but it has to be done. ive been through two years of very intense depressive episodes in this room. a suicide attempt & several plans to take my life took place in here, lots & lots of relapses too, so many breakdowns .. its made it rather hard to clear this space out because i keep finding things that remind me of how much ive struggled in here.

ive already found several razors, both new & used, lots of cigarette butts (arguably more shameful, i was very proud of my recovery from nicotine addiction & i hate being reminded of how far ive falled back down :( tearing up a little talking about it now haha). i found my old mental hospital notebook from last year, when i really started crashing out. i found the pair of panties that was ripped off of me when i got assaulted while living here. old dishes that i feel great shame about when bringing back out to the kitchen. just so much. & its not over yet. i feel like i need help to clean it all out, but i dont feel comfortable letting them in until im sure ive thrown out every cig butt & razor, & i dont trust that theyll all be gone until the whole room is cleared .... so im sticking with toughing this out by myself.

im taking a little break right now. i have the rest of this month to get everything out & its kind of scary. but im happy that im getting closer to seeing this cursed room be emptied. ughgfhhbd