u/Affectionate_Top959

I had myocarditis three months ago which caused extensive scarring. I was able to recover alot though but then I caught covid again (I keep catching bad viruses) and it's affecting my heart again. This morning in bed my heart rate went up to 150 and my heart started making all these weird beats. And I assume that adrenaline was being dumped also as I was super shaking and I was very panicky also.

It was really scary. I am going to go the hospital but I hope that it's not virus/viral Myocarditis triggering A fib because A fib sounds like something scary to have 😭.

I have already been through so much. I had Pulmonary embolism twice too.

As someone who has had pulmonary embolism twice, a clot in my heart, and myocarditis, I am well aware that I am "lucky" that I am still alive. But this has caused me to kind of be anxious all the time that something else could happen to me.

So the idea of a heart attack (because I was close to having one from the Myocarditis) scares me. I view emergencies through the lens of fear and an always switched on nervous system.

But when I have seen paramedic staff at the hospital everyone seems so chill. Is that because you are detached from the situations and have never experienced an emergency health situation for yourself personally?

Or is it rather something in your personality difference that makes you to just take emergencies in your stride and without experiencing fear or trauma?

Because I would think that seeing someone have seizures or cardiac arrest, or neurological emergency would cause trauma?

So how are you not affected and without fear?

I want to become like this also 😔.

Since the last three years I have experienced:

- pulmonary embolism for the second time. A also a clot in the right side of my heart.

- viral myocarditis (covid) in 2025 resulting the right side of my heart enlarging and nearly ending up in heart failure.

- viral myocarditis again in 2026 nearly ending up dying.

- my mum passing away in the same hospital and floor that I was staying on.

Now I have become a nervous wreck. With continual fear that I could die at any moment. Because medically the thing that is causing me to get all this has not been addressed. So I am terrified of the next winter coming around or the next covid. That it could be the end of my life.

I have even become afraid of mundane stuff like traveling in a car as a passenger.

On top, I was raised a Catholic so I get to have the non stop fear that God could end my life at any moment if I "get too comfortable".

And the teaching and hell etc.

So I don't know how to get rid of all this fear. It's almost like ocd or something now.... feeling that I must keep feeling fear and not relax in life or travel because I need to be prepared for the next emergency.

Because it has been emergency after emergency.

I know I have trauma and a messed up emotional state. However I literally don't have any money for therapy and I would prefer it to be anonymous anyway.

Is there any way I can stop living with the non stop fear?

Google said to visit cemeteries....but that would INCREASE my fear, worry and cause further focus on having to be aware that u could die.any.monent.imminently 😭

Elderly man so surgery is not an option. He had a fall from a ladder a few years ago and since then it getting intermittent numbness/freezing/nerve issues in his thigh.

MRI showed a truck load of lumber spine issues. In addition to Ankylosing Spondylitis etc.

Minimal pain. But bothered by the numbness etc.

Apart from NSAIDS, corticosteroids or steroid injections is there anything "natural" that can help such as hydrotherapy etc?

I have Myocarditis. And now my brain is being affected in conjunction with it and I am getting much pressure in my head. I am really scared. Can you please pray that God helps me and that nothing bad happens to me.

Thank you very much

Visualising and feeling us together. It used to always work but not anymore. It should be HIM manifesting/chasing me and not the other way around 😡.

Everyone seems to know how to make emotional connections and bond with people. Except for me.

Like just say I started talking with someone online. I can ask them what kind of music I like and can tell them what kind I like for example. But it's just a "conversation". I feel like I am an emotionless A.I

I don't know how to create beyond just a conversation about hobbies etc to it actually becoming an emotional connection/bond, giving good feelings, memories etc. Noone lately says they miss me. And I don't feel them feeling the next day that they want so much my company again. That they want to be with me again etc.

So all this has resulted in is "fly by night" people. People who I know today....but are gone tomorrow. Passing superficial connections.

I literally have zero long term relationships. I don't even know how.

I am the problem. I am sometimes a bit flaky, and also sometimes avoid talking to people because I put so much pressure on myself, feel I can't be good enough or "perform"...that they will get bored of me and abandon me.

I genuinely feel I am flawed. Because noone wants to be close to me 🥺.

I wish so much someone would say they missed me. I feel I am not missable.

Can anyone please tell me how to make emotional connections and be loved and memorable?

I messaged him (SP ex) casually. Because people said if we are together it's natural to message.

Well, he responded polite and very short. Like as if I was a stranger 😭.

This matters because I know his personality well. If he still had feelings for me he would have tried to keep me engaged in convo or had warmth. But literally he said a cold empty "hi". Then took a long time to reply. I felt ZERO emotion from him. Like as if he barely remembered me or I was in the past.

It wasn't even a f**** conversation! It was three lines.

I feel so rejected. Unwanted. Not good enough.

My fears that he had moved on and could reject me have been completed affirmed.

All my manifesting attempts (declare, affirm, visualise etc) just resulted in me focused too much on him (aka obsession) and this isn't health or effective.

I don't see any way to be able to get from this "he doesn't want you" place to a place now of he loves me?!!

It just seems doomed and impossible.

My feelings of HE DOESN'T WANT YOU is so visceral.

Can any one help?

Sad girl:(

I am terrified of dying because I have a heart condition (scarring from Myocarditis) and I almost had a heart attack associated with it.

I also have experienced pulmonary embolism in the past.

I am afraid of the death part as I don't know what happens, but even much more so I am terrified of the event that will cause the death.

Because it seems that pretty much all deaths - regardless of the cause - are due to cardiac arrest (heart attack) or a stroke.

The experience of this really terrifies me so much.

My mum passed away in hospital with a heart attack too.

I feel like these days I have become so boring. Like someone may be messaging me but then they start giving short answers and I feel neglected.

I am feeling a lot of pressure on myself and I no longer know how to build a natural connection ld.

I start feeling perhaps I am just flawed as a woman and don't have the ability to make a romantic connection and "cause" someone to fall in love with me.

I know how to flirt or be playful....but not how to form a bond.

People say they miss each other, but noone says they miss me:(

How did you develop a deep connection? I'm asking specifically ld. Not about meeting via a hobby.

Or should I just accept I am *not good enough*?

I am itching to message my "ex" so bad.

I would just be light hearted and playful.

It would that be a bad idea because even if I talk to him from the assumption/angle of him wanting and adoring me etc.....my true stronger feelings are that he has moved on etc.

So if he responds in a way that is just "polite" but nothing more then I will feel rejected and devastated 😭.

Also, by messaging him would I kind of be laying my cards out in the open and he will now know I still think of him?

And, considering I struggle to *genuinely* believe he still has feelings for me....if there are delays in his responding to my messages I will take it as negative/confirmation of his lack of interest.

Maybe I am having him on a pedestal? What do you think?

Should I message being random and playful?

Or should I sit on my hands and take a cold shower or something?

EDIT: Okay, since some people are PROJECTING and leaving negative comments let's make it clear that this is a MANIFESTING subreddit. If you leave dumb comments such as "if he wanted to be would" I will completely be ignoring those comments.

I will ONLY be reading empowerment comments so anyone who is looking to bring others down to be miserable with them will have to look elsewhere! You will be wasting your words because I won't be reading them 😎

I feel like I don't just need affirmations because they just feel forced. But I am not happy because I always feel like **I** am the one chasing him because it's me trying to manifest him, thinking about him too much etc.

I want to somehow be where it's HIM feeling again that he can't get enough of me. I want that to be a given rather than being in an insecure place feeling he is over me.

I feel like I don't want to just manifest messages, but rather I need to somehow make a ROMANTIC CONNECTION between us again.

Because I feel now there is no depth of feelings. Actually, I struggle to even create feelings between ANY man and myself anymore.

I see other women getting messages from men saying "don't leave me. I can't live without you" etc and I feel sad why can't that be ME?!

Men don't say this to me. I want to be the woman who inspires such devotion from men but I don't know HOW to create such a strong connection!

I feel I am flawed as a woman:(

Can someone please help me to have him back and begging?

I have a dental infection that spread into my jawbone and now I am in excruciating agony like someone was sawing my jaw bone.

I can't sleep. Antibiotics arn't helping it. I can't get an urgent appointment with the oral surgeon.

Also I have a serious heart condition and I worried the dental pain/inflammation could destabilize it.

Can someone PLEASE pray for me 🥺?

Or does it always disappear if you stop being pretty (like if your looks changed dramatically with aging or pregnancy), or if you became depressed and you were no longer the interesting person that you once were?

I find it hard to connect on a deep level with anyone. I feel like noone wants to connect deeply with me or remain in my life. I'm a woman btw. But it feels like everyone is just transitory? Like I literally have zero close and lasting friends even:(

Perhaps I am boring? Because I notice that in online group the others often form more deeper connections and dill say they miss each other but noone says they miss me:(

I feel I am not perfect enough or good enough or connected enough or something to be able to be missed.

I feel like I always have to be something more perfect with a man. Being me (which I don't even know what that is) is not good enough because no man even buys me flowers?

And I have social anx.iety too. Like even if I am playing tennis and my ball rolls to their side and they come to get it I will have this running commentary of "they will see im ugly up close. They don't want to engage with me. Should I thank them or just keep playing". Etc. And then when I say thanks they don't respond warmly....so I start feeling devastated and my mind them says "you are weird. Noone likes you" etc.

So I am putting a great deal of importance on people impression of me and making them too important or something?

People cry at sad or romantic movies. And feel touched by nice animal videos and start crying.

I can sometimes *somewhat* be touched...but I never cry.

And it's even worse that I am female.

Don't say "therapy" as I have no money for therapy and it's not subsidised much in my country.

I am really over whelmed with stress. Primarily financial stress and trying to make ends meet.

I wish I was one of the pretty women who men want to "rescue" and provide for but sadly I am not.

I feel my life is getting nowhere:(

So are there any supplements etc that truly help?

I am a mouth breather plus I have chronic rhinitis.

Trying to sleep with a ton of oxygen blowing up my nose (though barely getting in there cause of the rhinitis) from a sleep apnea machine is proving to be impossible:(

Postoji li ljubav za ružnu ženu?

Ružna sam (stvarno) i osjećam da me nijedan muškarac neće moći voljeti. Jer, bez obzira na to što imam dobro srce i volim biti „intimna” i slično... pa, kao žena prvo moraš imati vanjsku ljepotu, inače muškarce ne zanima ono ostalo. Muškarci pišu pjesme samo o lijepim ženama koje su osvojile njihova srca. Ne postoje ljubavne pjesme o ružnim ženama.

Osim toga, roditelji su mi trajno uništili samopouzdanje jer su bili tip ljudi koji „obožava” lijepe žene i stalno su pričali o njima.

Kad god sam s ocem, moram slušati neosjetljive komentare o lijepim ženama (fizička ljepota njemu je sve). Ne mogu ništa reći jer je on sada udovac i usamljen, pa ne mogu izraziti svoju povrijeđenost iz straha da to ne našteti njegovu zdravlju. Zato sve moram potiskivati, iako mi je duša iznutra slomljena.

I samo da razjasnim, stvarno sam ružna (s opuštenom kožom na lice), iako mi tijelo i nije tako loše. (U slučaju da netko pomisli kako sam jedna od onih lijepih cura koje samo misle da su ružne.)

I need it for my full hair but I am taking Warfarin 😭