u/Affectionate_Top959

The other day I kindof just daydreamed or something of SP and to my surprise I got the first small movement in months.

For two days I could kind of felt him missing me or something. So it was easy to assume he still felt something for me.

HOWEVER, then I spiralled I guess into varying states of trying to imagine us together, it not working, then maybe obsessively thinking about him (because I confuse that with effective manifesting), giving up and just focusing on myself by doing fitness or work.

But to be honest, right now I feel kind of miserable and abandoned. I feel like lack. I.e; I can't feel him at all (if that makes sense). I am affirming, imagining, assuming....and literally NOTHING is working!

I am saying he loves me forever, adores me etc....but yet where is he?! He is not here adoring me.

I try DECLARING we are together. Just expecting he will message me because why would he not when we are in a relationship together? Yes he isn't:(

And I feel like even if he did come back I don't know if I could even sustain a relationship? Because I have kind of become depressed and boring and not vibrant. Maybe I could not even be the personality that he expects? Is that putting him on a pedestal? And does that keep him away or not?

I feel like even the advice I receive I am too stupid to even understand how to APPLY it.

Like if someone says "just change yourself" I don't know *how*.

How can I fix my problem please. It feels hopeless. I have even lost my appetite 🥺

I sit there thinking about him all day imaging him saying beautiful things to me ...but nothing happens. Not even movement.

I felt I had some tiny movement the other day when I was just kind of day dreaming, I could feel him missing me.

But now I have gone back into an identity/state of the person who is unwanted and is trying to manifest him! End result feeling frustrated and nothing is working.

I want to connect an emotional connection between us that he will feel and will move him to break down his ego/walls and reach out to me.

However, I don't know the difference between doing this in an EFFECTIVE manifesting way, vs pretty much obsessing about him all day.

Then I say f* this....it's not just healthy to fixate on him all day, I have to work and function as a human etc....so I just try to not think about him at all.

Yet still that doesn't cause any communication from him either and then I start fearing he will move on and forget me etc.

Someone please help 🥹

I feel so embarrassed.

Like for example, yesterday I went to a doctors appointment. My sister came with me. And when I was paying etc the receptionist kept directly literally looking at my SISTER saying to her it was nice to meet you guys etc. Completely ignoring me even though I was the one who had the appointment!

It wasn't about them crushing on my sister. Rather it's that because I am neurodivergent or whatever I seem not great eye contact or someone "missing" or whatever. Though I was trying to make contact but they kept addressing my sister!

This happens ALOT when I go somewhere with my sister. She will be all smily to them but when I try to do the same....they don't respond the same:(

So I left really feeling as if they think I am some intellectually dis abled person or something.

This has caused me to have no social skills, be worried about what people think about me and wanting (needing) to be liked.

It's hard to make genuine connections like this. And I just want to avoid going anywhere that involves social interactions.

Can any one help please 🥺

It was ldr and he has not seen my face which has now become ugly from sickness. Genuinely. So even when I manifest him I think that perhaps I am also subconsciously pushing it away because I fear that when he sees me he won't be attracted and will reject me.

I have not started taking it yet however the issue is that I am already in calorie deficit however due to having PCOS (which causes the body to go into fat store mode when in calorie restriction) and also I take Mirtazapine. Which is a bitch. I was never fat before Mirtazapine.

So will I even be able to lose weight? :(

I get like this weird pulling sensation in my vagina. It's hard to explain. I am getting it even when not on my menstrual period. I'm in perimenopause.

Has anyone had anything like this? And could it be early sign of developing cancer:(?

I was kind of daydreaming about him (and a bit sexually too I guess) and then I got movement out of nowhere. But then I started thinking (obsessing?) about him again and I feel like gone back into chase energy again? And now no further movement.

Like it's hard for me to distinguish between how am I supposed to assume he is crazy about me etc without putting my energy (thoughts) on him and then inevertedly energetically chasing?

Like if I am supposed to be thinking he adores me, makes so much effort for me etc.....how do I do that without thinking about him?! It seems impossible.

I am able to start Semaglutide. But I already have anhedonia....so does everyone end up feeling depressed and empty lol?

I fear his rejection

I want something bold that when I put that fragrance on I can feel like I can take on the world.

I have had some serious health set backs and I have become kind of and de.pre.ssed and dependant.

I have become afraid of stuff such as having major travel an.xiety. Like even literally in a car!

It is limiting my life so much. I am no longer the bold, independent and fear less person I used to be.

I need help to become empowered again, change my self concept so I become this way again and overcome the limitations.

Thank you

I was diagnosed with something by the hospital and Cardiologist because I was having severe chest pain.

I then yesterday went to a Respiratory specialist on the recommendation of the hospital because they thought I needed one of them also.

Essentially though, I ended up paying him $700 just to gaslight me, dismiss all my test findings as incorrect or normal (despite the reports saying otherwise). He would not even believe me when I said I had a virus which started off my symptoms. I felt stress because I had to try to argue to convince him. And stressing is bad for my heart.

I don't know if it's because he thinks I am dumb and don't know my own body and can't make basic connections lol?

But he said he will talk to my Cardiologist. Which I don't want because I worry he will "poison his mind" to no longer think my chest pain is from cardiac cause? And compromise my health and then I could end up dying....(worst case scenario).

Should I ring/email his practise and state I was very upset after the appointment, felt dismissed and not listened to and that I want to cancel my follow up appointment and

that I remove permission for him to talk to my Cardiologist?

Or could that make me seem even more like a "hysterical woman" and maybe somehow work against me?

Essentially, please tell me what do I do so he doesn't talk to my Cardiologist.

Thank you

I was diagnosed with something by the hospital and Cardiologist because I was having severe chest pain.

I then yesterday went to a Respiratory specialist on the recommendation of the hospital because they thought I needed one of them also.

Essentially though, I ended up paying him $700 just to gaslight me, dismiss all my test findings as incorrect or normal (despite the reports saying otherwise). He would not even believe me when I said I had a virus which started off my symptoms.

I don't know if it's because he thinks I am dumb and don't know my own body and can't make basic connections lol?

But he said he will talk to my Cardiologist. Which I don't want because I worry he will "poison his mind" to no longer think my chest pain is from cardiac cause? And compromise my health and then I could end up dying....(worst case scenario).

Should I:

A. ring/email his practise and state I was very upset after the appointment, felt dismissed and not listened to and that I want to cancel my follow up appointment and

that I remove permission for him to talk to my Cardiologist?

Or

B. Do nothing?

Because it could that make me seem even more like a "hysterical woman" and maybe somehow work against me?

Thanks

TLDR:

should I email the respiratory clinic and say not to call cardiologist or would that be a bad idea?

I was diagnosed with something by the hospital and Cardiologist because I was having severe chest pain.

I then yesterday went to a Respiratory specialist on the recommendation of the hospital because they thought I needed one of them also.

Essentially though, I ended up paying him $700 just to gaslight me, dismiss all my test findings as incorrect or normal (despite the reports saying otherwise). He would not even believe me when I said I had a virus which started off my symptoms.

I don't know if it's because he thinks I am dumb and don't know my own body and can't make basic connections lol?

But he said he will talk to my Cardiologist. Which I don't want because I worry he will "poison his mind" to no longer think my chest pain is from cardiac cause? And compromise my health and then I could end up dying....(worst case scenario).

Should I ring/email his practise and state I was very upset after the appointment, felt dismissed and not listened to and that I want to cancel my follow up appointment and

that I remove permission for him to talk to my Cardiologist?

Or could that make me seem even more like a "hysterical woman" and maybe somehow work against me?

Essentially, please tell me what do I do so he doesn't talk to my Cardiologist.

Thank you

Catholics say that the Cross is the way to Heaven but frankly I am sick of my "crosses".

Essentially, I have almost died multiple times. In 2021 I had pulmonary embolism (blood clots) for the first time.

In 2023 I had Pulmonary Embolism PLUS a clot in the right side of my heart. Spent 1.5 months in hospital. My mum died in the same hospital, same ward one month later.

Last year (2025) I had covid which caused Myocarditis + enlarged the right side of my heart. My feet were swelling, I felt like collapsing and nearly went into heart failure.

Now, in July I had another virus. Again ended up with Myocarditis (heart inflammation). So much chest pain. Unable to even have a shower on my own without breathlessness and feeling to collapse.

I live on edge if I will have a heart attack from the inflammation trigger.

I also have depression and trauma from all this.

----

I am dismayed about Catholics talking about "take up your cross" because while yes it may get you to heaven it means life on earth is hell!

We still live in the WORLD and frankly, this world is run by greed and not by love and people helping each other.

I have spent literally thousands of dollars paying these damn specialists and the tests.

Some have been helpful and I appreciate God for bringing them to me. But others have upset me so much like the Respiratory specialist who today milked me out of $700! To give zero medications and spent two hours "chatting" with him just dismissing all my tests as "perhaps they were all reported wrong".

I am so angry. It is this dismissive attitude that is causing women everyday to die because they/we are not being believed!

Meanwhile I am struggling to pay my bills. Should I go on OnlyFans and sell my ***** and dignity because I now have no money because I am "carrying my cross" and paying these doctors to live a nice lavish lifestyle?!

I *am* grateful to God that I am alive still. I genuinely feel God caused this.

HOWEVER, I feel struck in a neurotic place where I feel like what I want to do is against Gods will (ie; I want to manifest good health instead of relying on doctors) but then I think God will "smite" me (make me die from another illness) because I disobeyed him and I won't go to heaven obviously.

But why the damn heck should "carrying our cross" be what we HAVE to do when it reinforces the SYSTEM in the world that comprises of and further grows the gap between the haves vs the have nots!!

Iow, doctor specialists becoming richer and richer off the backs of the people with multiple or chronic illnesses..... essentially putting those people into poverty, debt, stress and depression.

So, maybe God will make another illness kill me but I feel I just have to do what I have to do and try to manifest good health. Even if I remove my cross by doing so and I go to hell.

Because I don't want to be a DAMN VICTIM on earth just to get to heaven!

What are your thoughts?

Or are there any books or YouTubes that could help?

No matter what I do I feel lost and without love of life. I can try dancing or working etc but nothing is giving me a sense of excitement and enjoying life. I feel I'm just going through the motions.

Were you able to lose weight or not?

I was not fat before taking Mirtazapine. It caused me to double my weight.

I am wondering if I start the Ozempic whether the Nitya metabolic effects will prevent being able to lose weight or not?