u/LateDxOldLady

​My friend "E" asked if I wanted to join a local running club with her this weekend. ​I’m just not into running, so I told her no thanks, but hope you have a great time. E got all serious and was like well are you sure? Why not? Is it because you think you can't do it? We can totally pace it out or talk through whatever's holding you back. ​I told her nothing is holding me back, it's just that running isn't for me.

​She kept going on about how she feels like I'm closing myself off without even trying and was like just let me help you work through it so you can see if you like it.

​I was getting super frustrated because it felt like my answers meant nothing. So I snapped a little and said you asked me to join you for your run club, and I said no thanks. I even told you running just isn'tfor me. I don't need you to fix my "no" or coach me through it, please just accept my answer.

​She went quiet and the whole vibe changed. Later she texted me saying I was defensive and shut her down when she was just trying to help. ​Now I'm kind of second guessing if I went too hard. A couple friends think I was way too blunt and that I should've just let her talk. I still stand by the fact that no means no, but I hate that this turned into a whole big thing.

​AITA for how I shut it down?

​**TLDR:** Friend invited me to her run club, I politely said no, and she started trying to coach me out of my decision like it was a problem to fix. I lost my patience and told her to stop trying to fix my answer. Now she's hurt and our friends think I was way too blunt.

I am turning off all notifications. I won't be taking your bait. Do better.

Bride and groom apparently did not hire any kind of catering service, and apparently were relying on certain friends and family to do everything for them.

Something that has still not been explained happened with their volunteer catering group the day of the wedding, so the groom's aunt recruited other family to help. I am talking the complete setup in Virginia summer heat and humidity. Chairs, tables, decor... everything.

The groom's parents had flown in from 2800 miles away, and they ended up helping to cater the event where they ought to have been simply guests in attendance. And usually in a honored way. They are the groom's parents for heaven's sake.

The next morning at the hotel brunch, neither bride nor groom thanked the impromptu catering crew. No acknowledgment. No appreciation. No "this happened because you all made sure it did." NOTHING.

And none of the catering crew spoke up either.

​An adult is entirely responsible for their own conduct, choices, and how they treat others. People who default to blaming parents often fall into the trap of viewing adult children as mere products of their upbringing rather than independent individuals accountable for their own actions.

Blaming the parents for the way the bride and groom treated them is some fucked up shit. If the parents are that horrible, why the fuck did they invite them at all?

Examples (SPOILERS INCOMING):

Not already knowing that the men on Circe's island get transformed into pigs. Or being shocked that Orpheus turns around. Or not knowing whether Elizabeth ends up with Wickham or Darcy.

(Side note... I don’t think we needed 4 minutes of Cronenburg body horror, Mr. Nolan.)

You are taking a stand about something and they leave you to flounder out there alone, but then pull you aside and privately tell you they agree 🤬

ETA: OMG. NOBODY asserted that you need to support anything. The point is that it is shitty to support a person privately if you won't support them when others are around. You agree Aunt Donna is a drunk, abusive bitch, but you keep inviting her. That kind of shit.

Similarly shitty is the opposite when they treat you like shit, but pretend to be a great person when other people are around.

HIT DOGS HOLLER

I can and will assume that if you have a problem with this being a problem you are someone who does this to your friends.

What is going on?? We have a list of like 6 things they want us to do for her, so I asked for a good time to come in to pick up the meds and ask questions. Reception asked "What kind of questions?"

What kind of questions???? The kind where I find out how to get my cat to take all of these meds and how long she will be on them and how long before they want to test things again to see how she is doing... ALL of the questions.

Should I be concerned that this vet office didn't seem to understand why I am full of questions?

Nobody may comment on your OPs or reply to your comments on any other content if they do not pass your three questions. How will you auto-screen?

I think I would use a basic arithmetic problem, a basic question about science, and maybe something about returning shopping carts.

The hyperactivity, for me, is almost entirely internal. My brain literally never shuts up. I can't sleep without things to help stop my brain from talking at me. That's how hyperactive it is inside. 

If someone yaps at me non-stop instead of actually conversing, I will lose interest quickly. Focusing while being talked at is literally exhausting. It's not boredom. It's an assault on my nervous system.

I do not expect people to entertain me or be engaging. Most people are shite conversationalists. It's that I refuse to pretend I am engaged or perform engagement when they are not engaging me in what is supposed to be a dynamic *exchange*, not a lecture or a turn taking exercise.

You know those people who haven't given you the time of day in years, but they appear when they want your emotional labor? Why should anybody give them the time of day???

Example...

Last year, I got an email from someone who fell off my planet over a decade ago. I don't chase or throw lines. 🤷 Anyway, the email was about the passing of someone I last knew FORTY years ago. So neither of these people were part of my life. But now I am supposed to care? They never asked me a thing or sought to connect with me in decades, but now I am supposed to care about the death of one and the grief of the other? No. I care that this guy thought he still had access to me. WTF?

following the drama on a neighborhood forum. Someone asked going rate for babysitting. She added details that it would be 5 hours a day, 5 days a week. That is not babysittung. That is a part time nanny. Several people have tried to point this out to her

Even if she pays her kid, in most places, a 14 year old cannot legally work 25 hours a week. And how is being responsible for a 9 year old "just like any household chore"?

Parentification of kids has been studied. It is not healthy for them. It is not healthy for their relationships with their siblings.

I guess I am frustrated feeling sorry for her kids.

Edit: Even if the 14-year-old is just sitting in their room doing homework, they aren't actually off duty. They can't leave the house, they can't go hang out with friends, and they have to maintain a baseline level of hypervigilance. They are tethered to the house as an adult placeholder. Being forced to be a "just in case" human guard dog for 25 hours a week is still taking away that teenager's life.

So sick and tired of people I don't know anymore, and who definitely don't know me anymore, assuming access to me just because something traumatic happened.

Their nostalgia is not my nostalgia. I am sick and tired of the entitlement and assumptions.

They assume the radio silence on my end was merely oversight.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

I said for the anti-vaxxers. Children are not included in that sentiment. Of course I have empathy for their children. Jeezus.

How old were they? What happened?

Our son seemed surprised to learn that his independent autonomous adult choices came with natural adult consequences.

A (former) friend's husband does not like table games. He and his wife repeatedly informed people that he doesn't like table games. Neither of them has planned or hosted a damned thing. He just tags along with her and talks about himself.

What IS that????

Have any of you ever had anybody tell you that you should smile? It feels like only women have to deal with that unsolicited input, but I am curious if any men have dealt with it.